love of life

Gu Ming looked at this familiar yet unfamiliar person in front of him. The familiar face and expression, strange eyes and words were intertwined in his mind, and he felt that Lin Zexi was suddenly far away from him. "What did you just say?" Gu Ming asked tentatively.

"I said my body, if you want it, I can give it to you." Lin Zexi repeated.

Gu Ming jumped up from the bed all of a sudden, and loudly argued: "What nonsense are you talking about! I'm not fucking gay."

Lin Zexi still looked at him blankly and said, "This has nothing to do with being gay or not. It's just a way of pursuing pleasure. I know many people who also date men, but it doesn't affect them getting married and having children."

"Lin Zexi, I don't know who you met in the past, but I, Gu Ming, am definitely not the type you said. I am not gay, and I don't know how to associate with men. The three words homosexuality can be said to be I hate the most in my life." Gu Ming stood against the wall, pointing at Lin Zexi and said.

"I know that because of your family, you blame your father's sexuality for your mother's death," Lin Zexi said.

"Shut up, it's not your turn to intervene in my affairs." Gu Ming felt like a provocative cat, feeling every hair on his body stand on end, entering a state of preparation for battle.

Lin Zexi nodded lightly and said: "I know, you...hate homosexuality. Unfortunately, I am a homosexual through and through. I think maybe I should go. Thank you for your care during these few months, and I, too With some money, you can start a new life.”

Gu Ming frowned and asked, "Where are you going? Didn't you say you have no relatives or friends?"

"I can live very comfortably by myself. I can find a small remote place where no one knows me. If I have hands and feet, I won't starve to death."

"Are you really going?" When Gu Ming heard that he was leaving, he suddenly panicked. "Actually, as long as you don't find a male partner during work and don't show that side, I can accept it, just like before."

"Although life is like a play, it all depends on acting skills, but this layer of window paper is boring. Whether I express it or not, I am who I am, and homosexuality is homosexuality. If you hate it, you can hate it. Life is only a few decades, why bother?" It's such a tiring life." Lin Zexi said these words with a little bit of thought, and when he agreed to take this job, he just wanted to make money and get a better start in his life.He has always shown weakness, been patient, and always pretended to be stupid. After breaking through many difficulties, the employer tried so hard to keep him, why did he still give up this high-paying and leisurely job without hesitation?Why, in just one day, did he find this job that had always been a joy to him become unbearable?After all, it was a change of heart.Don't forget the original intention, his original intention is to make money, since when did it become different?

"Are you determined to leave? Is there no room for negotiation?" Seeing that the other party didn't intend to answer, Gu Ming continued, "Then what if I give you a raise? Or if you feel tired, I'll hire a housekeeper for the hygiene of the house." The company comes to clean, you just need to be responsible for cooking, how about it?"

Lin Zexi felt inexplicably sad, "Gu Ming, do you really think these can solve the problem? Do you really think these are the key to the problem?"

"Then what is the crux of the problem? Do you want me to accept that you are gay? Your partner is not me, so what if I accept it or not? I am just your employer, Lin Zexi, can you be more professional?" Gu Ming said for a while The nameless fire went straight up.

"Mr. Employer, I am very professional in the process of going to work. My personal sexual orientation does not affect my work. But your hostility towards homosexuality has hurt my personal dignity and feelings, so I choose to resign. In order not to affect you I will work for another month, Mr. Gu, please find a suitable person to take over the work with me during this month, and I will no longer provide you with services from today next month." Lin Zexi said calmly Said, the voice calmly makes people feel a little creepy.

Gu Ming stared at the person in front of him, he had a feeling of being deceived. "Lin Zexi, you make me feel so strange now. Were all the silence, shyness, and introversion before just pretending? You pretended to win my sympathy, right?"

"I'm not pretending. I'm just living a humble life as always. I'm cautious. I'm afraid of being fired by Mr. Gu. I don't want to go to the construction site to move bricks, so I cherish this job very much."

"What about now? Don't cherish it now? Want to run away after earning some money?"

"People's desires are always expanding. From meeting the needs of survival at the beginning, when survival is no longer a problem, they will want something else. I admit that I am greedy, but it is my freedom to leave or stay."

"What's the other thing? You want to find a man when you're full? So you were actually blaming me just now? Blame me for interrupting your good business with Xu Zhe. If that's the case, Does it mean that as long as you find someone to fuck you, you can continue to stay?" Gu Ming only felt the anger in his heart rushing against his chest, and he couldn't find a way to release it, so he could only turn it into vicious words in his mouth.

Lin Zexi was not irritated as he expected, with an intriguing smile on the corner of his mouth, and jokingly said: "If you are willing to fight in person, I may consider your sincerity."

This smile instantly made Gu Ming lose his mind, he never thought that he would feel temptation from a thin man.The impulse running through his whole body rushed to his head in an instant, and he felt a loud bang, the blood was quickly drawn from the heart, and the dry heart was beating violently, as if longing for something.Gu Ming stood up from the chair all of a sudden, turned his back to him, pretended to reach out to grab the cigarette case Lin Zexi threw on the bed and put it in his pocket, walked towards the door in a bit of embarrassment, and pressed the doorknob twice Only then did he finally open the door, and slammed it shut with a bang uncontrollably.

Lin Zexi sat on the chair blankly, glanced at the closed door, the loud sound of closing the door gradually faded in the room, and the silence was a bit terrifying.He took a deep breath through his nose, but exhaled lightly when he was suffocating. At that moment, he felt the blood vessels in his head beating. He didn't know when he enjoyed this feeling. It gave him a more real sense of being alive than the beating of his heart.

He took out the photo, opened the balcony door, and began to observe his heart by looking at the photo with the lights in the house and the moonlight outside the window.This photo has been in his wallet since six years ago. When he was in prison, all his belongings were handed in. During the five years in prison, he had no chance to look at it.In prison, when he was desperate countless times, this photo came to his mind repeatedly. It reminded himself repeatedly that all his sacrifices were worthwhile, as long as the people in the photo survived.As time went on, it came to his mind less and less, and he grew stronger, or more indifferent, and no longer needed these illusory comforts to sustain him.In his final year, he almost forgot it was there.Until he was released from prison, he just checked it quickly to make sure it was still in the interlayer intact, and he never moved it.

He walked slowly to the balcony, and casually held the photo between the index and middle fingers of his right hand, watching it sway in the evening wind.As long as he let go, it will be buried in the bottom of the water with the wind.His hands couldn't help trembling, and then he closed his fingers and clenched them tightly into fists. The already crumpled photo became even more worn out.He opened the wallet, smoothed out the photo twice, and put it back in place.He sighed softly, picked up the intercom phone on the table, asked the front desk to bring in two packs of cigarettes and a lighter, and sat alone on the balcony all night.

Gu Ming escaped from the room in embarrassment and hurried downstairs.I came to the bar on the first floor alone, found a corner to sit down, and drank a bottle of beer in one breath. The cold liquid penetrated my whole body from my throat, and my restless mood gradually calmed down.He lit a cigarette, took two deep breaths, and vigorously flicked the ash into the ashtray on the table.He panicked, the familiar yet unfamiliar feeling just now was desire.It's not the kind of pure desire to vent, but the suffocating desire that once appeared in the dream, like draining the blood from the heart.Yes, that's what it feels like to drain the blood from your heart.As he racked his brains to finally come up with the adjective, he felt his body arousing uncontrollably again.He stubbed out the cigarette butt in his hand, picked up the cold beer on the table and took another big gulp.At this moment, the alcohol gradually took effect in his body, instead of calming him down, he became even more agitated.He took out his phone and turned it on, ready to swipe the webpage to divert his attention.As soon as I turned it on, I received more than ten call reminders.He couldn't wait to open the text message, and Yu Xiaoxiao, Xu Zhe, Wei Qing, and a teammate from the basketball team all called him several times.At this time, WeChat also started to pop up message prompts. The people who called just now, the class group, and the women who often pestered him all sent him messages. After scrolling down, the page scrolled for several pages before I saw Lin Zexi's profile picture, that tattered leaf.Gu Ming's hand paused, he quit WeChat, threw his phone on the table and continued drinking.

"You are here." A familiar voice rang in Gu Ming's ears. He was about to turn around when he saw Yu Xiaoxiao sitting next to him, "Waiter, here are five bottles of beer."

Gu Ming glanced at him, but didn't speak.At this time, the waiter brought over the beer and was about to open the bottle cap. Yu Xiaoxiao said, "Put the bottle opener here, and I will do it myself." After she finished speaking, she picked up the bottle opener, opened two bottles skillfully, put One of the bottles was placed in front of Gu Ming, and she touched the other bottle to Gu Ming's bottle, and said, "Come on, cheers." Then she drank a third of it with her head raised.

Without saying a word, Gu Ming took a big gulp of the beer in front of him.Yu Xiaoxiao saw that his expression was a little loose, so she took the initiative to move the stool to his side, "That's right, what's the big deal that you have to have trouble with alcohol? In my opinion, alcohol is a good friend of human beings. Sadness, good things, and bad things can all accompany you, regardless of mood or occasion, it is simply a panacea. The ancients said, "The only way to relieve worries is Du Kang." When drunk, everything will be gone once you wake up from sleep. Come on, keep drinking." After she finished speaking, she touched the bottle again and drank most of the remaining bottle, and Gu Ming also finished the bottle in his hand.

Yu Xiaoxiao opened two more bottles of beer and chatted with him without saying a word. Under the dim light, she stretched her hand to his thigh. Seeing that he didn't refuse, she began to tease wantonly.

Under the catalysis of alcohol, his body gradually responded, and the familiar and controllable desire made him feel at ease.He turned his head and whispered in her ear, "Have you finished drinking?"

"Huh?" She just turned her head to look at his approaching face, and before she could speak, she was dragged towards the elevator by him.

Yu Xiaoxiao took out her room card and opened the door. She was trying to plug the room card into the wall to get electricity, but Gu Ming pushed her into the room and closed the door.With the dim moonlight coming in through the window, he pushed her down on the bed and pressed her down.

"I didn't expect you to be so enthusiastic tonight. It really surprised me." She said, wrapping her left hand around his neck, and reaching in with her right hand from the neckline, stroking his collarbone.

Gu Ming's hand touched her side waist along her legs, he felt the lines of her body with his heart, and tried his best to awaken the familiar desire in her body.His initiative made her bolder, and she twisted her body, pulling his hand up to her chest, eager to show her sexiness and arouse his sexual interest.She is very confident in her bust.

The round touch in his hands made him sexually defeated. He still didn't give up, closed his eyes and recalled the scenes of his past having fun with other women.She didn't notice his strangeness at all, after unbuttoning his shirt, she reached out to undo his belt, and the moment her hand touched his, he grabbed her wrist.

"It hurts, what are you doing?" The sudden pain made her cry out.

He shook off her hand, got up and began to put on his pants.

"Gu Ming, what do you mean?" She sat up from the bed, pointed at him and questioned.

"I'm not in the mood today." He buttoned his shirt one by one.

Her face turned red and then turned pale, and she said angrily: "Gu Ming, you are playing tricks on me again and again, but you are actually not good at all, right? I touched it just now."

"It's just that I'm not interested in you." Gu Ming reached out and tugged at the collar, and tidied up the cuffs by the way.

"Gu Ming, you bastard." Yu Xiaoxiao got up and threw the pillow at him. "If you're not even interested in me, you're not a man. You're just a fucking fag just like that shit."

Gu Ming stared at her with a sullen face, and the air around her suddenly froze. She felt an inexplicable pressure, and reluctantly closed her mouth.Gu Ming glared at her one last time, turned and left.