Institute diary

Before the sun appeared in the white sky in the morning, I accidentally found a dead tree beside the iron machine.

The leaves are all withered.

I sighed, controlled my mood, and opened the door of ward 071.

Sure enough, Xu Qi was still nestled under the quilt.He hasn't gotten out of bed for a long time.He's a little too sick right now.

"Why do you have nothing to do every day? You always come to me." Xu Qi poked his head out from under the quilt, and showed me a face that was so thin that it was almost fleshless.

"It's my business to see you, can you stay on the bed all the time?" I sat on the bed and dragged him up, kissed his face, and let him breathe by the way.

It's just that the face is a little swollen.

"Fu Yan, I want to ask you something."

"You said."

"When will you retire from the research institute? Then we can go shopping or play together..." Xu Qi buried her in my arms and rubbed my neck.

I thought about it, and patted his head, "Then I have to give instructions from above. But don't worry too much, it should be soon."

"Yeah~ But it's boring to stay here all the time~"

I pinched his face and smiled, "I'll let you have something to do every day after recovering from illness."

The meaning of what he said was unclear, but Xu Qi was very happy to hear it.

"Haha, Fu Yan, I heard you've been busy with Liu Xu's kid recently, right?"

"what happened?"

"It's just a strange feeling. With your personality, you actually went to fuck a child?" Xu Qi poked my chest with a smile on his face, "I don't know how you fucked——"

"No, it's just treating him. He has a little mental illness." I gently pressed his restless hand.

"Mental illness?"

"Well, I just prefer to go crazy, and now I like to kill small animals. It should be that the condition is gradually getting worse. However, it will be good if the treatment is successful."

Xu Qi frowned, looking at my face with amber eyes, "Fu Yan, you really haven't changed." He showed a disappointed expression.

"Ok?"

"Do you know why, I have been avoiding your mind before?"

What is he saying?

Xu Qi actually removed...the scars from before?

I was really a little surprised, I didn't expect Xu Qi to talk about that at this time, and it was such an unbearable past.

"What's wrong with you recently? Blind..."

"Listen to me, Fu Yan." He interrupted me rudely, "I'm not with you, not because I don't want to, but because we've always been different."

That's right, it's different.

"In the past few months in the institute, I have been observing here, and I have observed you even more. I found that I am really different from you. Although you have encountered things that made you collapse before, you...

"Fu Yan, you never take other lives seriously, you only care about the ones you like."

Yes, that's why I love you so much, just to love you non-stop.

"You never think about those patients. They are anxious and suffering every day in order to live. Have you ever cared about them? You definitely haven't.

"You just think they're selfish and dirty."

I looked at him without retorting.He was not wrong at all.

I am indeed such a person.

"Fu Yan, you have lived in the most unacceptable way I can, but because you like you, you can't leave."

***

What should I say?

I love Xu Qi, but I never said a word about the word "love" to him.I admit that I am a little abnormal, but these are not important compared with him.

I can give Xu Qi all the happiness in this boring and filthy world, divide the happiness into the equivalent of his life, and lie to him every day——as long as he doesn’t scream from illness, everything will be fine.

I decided to live a good life because of Xu Qi, so of course I have to love him fiercely.