I hate Xueba

After sleeping for almost a day, Chu Yuci slowly opened his eyes, looked at the vast expanse of whiteness all around, and thought that he had come to heaven. "Are you awake?" "Uh...why are you here? This is..." Isn't he dead? "Nonsense, if I'm not here, who else is here? I sent you to the hospital!" Qian Sijin thought that Chu Yuci committed suicide and even lowered his IQ, right? "Hospital? Didn't I... die?" "Cut, I'm sorry, you didn't die. Fortunately, I found it in time and saved your life. In other words, I have helped you twice in two consecutive days." , how should you thank me?" Qian Sijin originally thought he would hear the other party say thank you, but in the end..."Why...you...save me, wouldn't it be better to let me die, anyway, I don't want to live anymore "For Chu Yuci, living in this world is meaningless. If you don't love your family, you don't dare to fight back when you are bullied, and you don't dare to confess to someone you like. It's so useless, it's better to die up.

"You...you, it's my fault that feelings saved you, okay, you didn't die this time, then next time, please find a place where it's not easy to be found and die, I will never save you You. Really, you still blame me for saving you. It’s really kindness that doesn’t pay off.” “Didn’t you...have always looked at me unhappy, why did you suddenly...help me.” Chu Yuci never thought that in his life, he would The variable Qian Sijin appeared, "You just... just treat it as my brain is broken and the convulsions are fine! Then what, are you hungry? I'll go buy something to eat." "Forget it if you starve to death." "Okay, feelings You can't live with the word death today, you wait, I'll go buy food, and I picked up your life, you can die if you want, but not now, I will find you when I come back I can't think about what I did, and I can't forgive you."

Qian Sijin has never seen a person so obsessed with death. It seems that there is really nothing in this world that makes him nostalgic. Also, his family is dead, and life is really boring, but Qian Sijin feels that if he It's Chu Yuci, and he must live a good life. After all, this world is still very beautiful, except...study.

After buying food, Chu Yuci lay on the bed and looked out of the window quietly, his eyes were blank, "I bought porridge, and I don't know what flavor you like, so I bought the same taste as mine, preserved egg Lean meat porridge." Qian Sijin shook the hospital bed, opened the lid of the porridge, scooped up a spoonful of porridge, blew it and fed it to Chu Yuci's mouth, "I... do it myself." Chu Yuci was not used to it Others fed him, "Why do you do it by yourself now, let me feed you." Chu Yuci looked at his hands, one was infusion, and the other was injured. It was really inconvenient, so he had to let Qian Sijin fed himself.

Chu Yuci and Qian Sijin had never thought of this kind of relationship before, and now it is still a bit like a dream, "Do you...have depression?" Qian Sijin didn't want to ask this question at first, but he still couldn't restrain himself Curious in his heart, "How...how did you know?" Chu Yuci had never mentioned this kind of thing to anyone, how did Qian Sijin know? "Today... I saw the medicine you took when I went to your house to help you clean. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to read it." You know, what is this?" "I..." "Qian Sijin, do you know that you are really annoying, I originally wanted to spend my senior year here quietly, but all this , all broke because of you, and the last bit of pride I had was all gone because of you." Chu Yuci tried hard to restrain the grievance and the urge to cry in his heart, pretending that he didn't care about anything and said, " What about you, you don’t hate it at all? Do you know that what I hate the most is that you always like to pretend to be noble, thinking that you have good academic performance and are great. What I hate the most are you so-called academic masters. "Since you hate me, why do you want to save me? If I die, don't you need to see my hateful face? Anyway... there is nothing in this world worth my nostalgia. You saved me once, not necessarily I can save it for the second time." "Yes, I will save you only if I am out of my mind, don't worry, next time you are going to die, even if I see it, I will not save you, cut." Qian Sijin tidied up The desk left angrily, leaving Chu Yuci alone in the ward.

It was the first time Qian Sijin felt so aggrieved that he was blamed for doing good deeds after so much difficulty. If you interfere, you will chop off your own hands, whoever makes your hands itchy is nosy.

After staying in the hospital for a few days, Chu Yuci felt that there was nothing wrong and left the hospital. After all, he didn’t want to owe Qian Sijin. He heard from the nurse that Qian Sijin paid for his operation fee and hospitalization fee. The relationship is not good, the more owed, the more unclear.

After returning to school, Chu Yuci still repeated the previous things every day, and Qian Sijin didn't find fault with him anymore, but the two still maintained the relationship of strangers before, and ignored each other.It's just that compared to before, the two of them now have one more thing on their minds.

"Hey, classmate Yuci, are you okay?" Chu Yuci was eating in the cafeteria at noon, Zhang Zihao suddenly patted Chu Yuci's shoulder very familiarly, so scared that he almost sprayed the meal he just ate Come out, "Uh...it's okay." "I heard from Sijin that you were hospitalized a few days ago, what's the matter?" "It's nothing, I just didn't feel well, and I'm fine now." "By the way, I haven't introduced myself to you yet. My name is Zhang Zihao, and I am Sijin's childhood friend, can I make friends with you?" "Uh..." Chu Yuci was not used to meeting such familiar people for the first time, "Your boy I don’t know what you are doing, and I don’t look in the mirror, I am a top student, I am very busy, I don’t have time to make friends with you, let’s go!” Qian Sijin held the dish in one hand, and hooked Zhang Zihao’s shoulder with the other to prepare He walked to the other side, and he couldn't bear to sit and eat with Chu Yuci.

"Okay, it's not a bad thing to make more friends..." Chu Yuci slapped Qian Sijin in the face, Qian Sijin gave him a hard look, and he pretended not to see, "Really? Let's open WeChat!" "Uh... um." "Chu Yuci scanned Zhang Zihao's WeChat QR code, uh... I am... the handsome man?" Chu Yuci looked at Zhang Zihao's nickname, a little At a loss, Qian Sijin just took a bite of the meal and burst out laughing when he heard the name, "Pfft, haha, hahaha, Zhang Zihao, are you laughing at me to death? How dare you choose such a narcissistic name? Didn’t you call me a krypton gold boss before? Why do you choose such two names? Hahaha.” “Laughing, I’m selling myself, how can I attract the beauties around me if I don’t choose a good name? !" Listening to the conversation between Zhang Zihao and Qian Sijin, Chu Yuci also wanted to laugh, after all, it was the first time he saw someone with such a second name.

After eating, Chu Yuci originally wanted to go back to the classroom to read, "Hey, Chu Yuci, I have something to tell you." Qian Sijin followed behind, "I have nothing to say to you." "Follow me If you have nothing to say, you can talk to Zihao, right?" "At least he won't make trouble like you." "I'll make trouble for no reason? Okay, then I'll make trouble for no reason." Qian Sijin grabbed Chu Yuci and went to the school pavilion No matter how Chu Yuci struggled, "Qian Sijin, why are you crazy, let me go, it hurts." It took a long time for Qian Sijin to let go of Chu Yuci. It was Chu Yuci's injured hand just now, "Hey, are you okay?" "Slap." Chu Yuci suddenly slapped Qian Sijin, "You hit me? Are you crazy?" He is so big, and he has never been slapped before, so he almost couldn't help but stepped forward to give Chu Yuci a punch, "I want to wake you up, Qian Sijin, don't you suddenly go crazy, okay? I really can't stand you like this." "You think I am happy? I just want to apologize to you." "Apologize, just say it well. If you have something to say, why do you always have to do it? Do you know that you are like this? Is it really annoying?" The most unacceptable thing Chu Yuci has always been is that Qian Sijin always likes to strike at the slightest disagreement, he is really fed up with it.

"Hehe, do you? Do you think that no one hates you? Chu Yuci, do you think that you are very noble, you are a good student, and you are brave enough to do what is right? Do you still think that you can save the world?" "Save the world? Oh, I can't even save myself. How can I save the world? I never thought I was so noble. Qian Sijin, I envy you. You have a mayor father who can do everything Regardless, because no matter what happens, someone will wipe your ass clean, but I am different from you. I have no family, and I have no money. I usually work part-time to earn rent and daily expenses in addition to school hours. Studying is my only way out, so if it is possible in the future, I beg you, don’t torture me anymore, can you?” “Chu Yuci, are you fucking sick? To torture you, and, you are a fucking coward, you don't know how to fight back when you are bullied, you deserve to be bullied."

"Yes, I'm a coward. I dare not fight back when I'm bullied. I want to commit suicide but I don't have the courage. Do you think this is the first time I want to die? I've thought about suicide before, but I don't even have the courage to commit suicide. I fell in love with my only good friend, but I didn't have the courage to tell him, I didn't dare to let him know that I like boys, and I didn't dare to let him know that I have depression, but so what, I have depression Who is it? Why do I like men and who is in the way? Why should I be regarded as sick and abnormal? Why should I bear all this alone? Why should my parents die at birth, Why can I only be looked down upon by others? Yes, my birth is unknown, but who has asked my opinion, who has asked me if I want to be born, and my birth is not something I can decide on my own. I also want to be born in a happy family, with my parents caring and loving, my parents coaxing me when I am wronged, and my parents taking care of me when I am bullied, but I don’t have any of these, even dreaming about them It is a luxury for me, what did I do wrong to be treated like this? My life in this world is a joke, a tragedy." Chu Yuci erupted uncontrollably for the first time. No matter how depressed, no matter how unhappy, you will always hide your bad mood, and always comfort yourself in your heart that everything will pass, but this time you really can't go on, not only being known that you like men, but also Knowing that he has depression, he feels that he is a joke.

Unable to hold on anymore, Chu Yuci slowly squatted down, holding his head, tears falling uncontrollably, "What the hell did I do wrong, why can't I get happiness, why?" Chu Yuci said in a low voice, seeing Chu Yuci like this, Qian Sijin suddenly felt very uncomfortable in his heart, the previous image of Chu Yuci in his heart as aloof and timid suddenly disappeared, leaving only the lonely and helpless He, it turned out that he had been suffering so much all this time, bearing so much in silence, Qian Sijin suddenly felt that he was too inhuman before, and he had done so many despicable things to others.

Qian Sijin hugged Chu Yuci uncontrollably, and he didn't know how to comfort others, so he could only hug him, feeling Chu Yuci trembling, and comforted him, "You didn't do anything wrong, it's this People in the world don't understand you, don't worry, you will get the happiness you want." "Qian Sijin, do you think I'm ridiculous, do you also think that my life is a tragedy. If... I don't How wonderful it would be to be born, I’m really tired, I just want to live my life well.” “How could your life be a tragedy, as long as you think about it, one day a tragedy can become a comedy, this kind of thing depends on yourself ""Yes." "Chu Yuci, let's... get along well in the future, I promise I will never bully you again, and whoever bullies you in the future, I will help you bully back." "Are you pitying me? I I don’t need other people’s pity, and I don’t need anyone’s sympathy.” “I don’t sympathize with you, I’m the most sympathetic person, you just think I want to make more friends?” Sure enough, the book is right, Depressed people like to be sensitive and suspicious. "I..." "It's fine if you don't want to, anyway, I don't lack you as a friend." "I didn't say I didn't want to." Chu Yuci got up and wiped his tears, "Really? Then I will protect you from now on. ""You are so downcast that you want to steal my money, and you are still covering me!" Chu Yuci suddenly remembered that Qian Sijin had beaten him in this place before and then robbed him of his money, "Uh...haha, what is this?" , I’m sorry, there was really nothing I could do at that time, my parents took my bank card, and there was no money in my phone, and my parents didn’t allow me to borrow money from Zihao, so... I promise, when I have money I will pay you double. By the way, if you have time, you can help me study!" "Why?" Didn't this guy refuse to learn before, why does he suddenly want to study now? "Study hard, pass the exam, maybe I will pay you back, don't care, it's settled, just... let's start after school today, go to your house. Then what, I'll go back to the classroom first. "After saying that, Qian Sijin left on his own, regardless of what Chu Yuci wanted to say. "I haven't agreed yet, why did I... leave?" At this time, Chu Yuci hadn't imagined that with the easing of his relationship with Qian Sijin, his world would also change, and he had never imagined , Two people who don't like each other will gradually become the most important existence in each other's heart.

After school, Qian Sijin followed Chu Yuci back home, regardless of whether Chu Yuci agreed or disagreed, "You don't have a TV or computer here, don't you usually feel bored?" "Study." "Cut, damn it Xueba." "You won't understand." "Yes, I don't understand, if I can understand the world of Xueba, I won't be called a scumbag." "I don't have drinks at home, only cold water, you can Is it?" "Whatever, drinking water is good." Qian Sijin couldn't restrain his inner curiosity, and flipped through the books Chu Yuci put on the desk, "Psychology? What are you reading about? Treating depression?" "Not all, depression can't be cured by reading books, I want to be a psychiatrist." "That's right, I have great ambitions, but...do you have to cure yourself first?" "I... "Sorry, I didn't mean it." Qian Sijin suddenly felt that what he said was a little hurtful again. Hey, why is it so tiring to get along with a sensitive person? Take it as a joke. "It's okay, what you said is not unreasonable." "By the way, I know an uncle who is a psychiatrist. Looking for an opportunity to help you consult?" Is it a mock exam, I will take you there after the exam." "Yes."