my love letter is always guilty

Due to the snow and the holiday, most of the shops near the school were closed for rest, and the clothing store also had a long holiday, so during this period of time, Huang Lihua was free and practiced better cooking skills every day in a small rented house nearby, looking forward to Dong Hai's arrival, He comes over one day a month, but... never overnight, he's afraid to stay.

This kind of fear made Huang Lihua very disappointed, but...compared to the past, compared to the situation that she could not imagine in the past, her happiness is greater than her disappointment. The Dong Hai she dare not expect is now hers.

In this house, Huang Lihua's adoptive father came the most. Huang Bing came over just after the heavy snowfall. Every time he came, he would bring some news and instructions.

It's dinner time, the only dish on the table that remains unchanged is Three Cup Chicken, which is a must-cook dish for every meal.

Huang Lihua has been studying high-end stews and low-end civilian dishes every day for the past few months. This is her compulsory course.

Huang Bing opened the dining table and carefully tasted every dish. If he changed his clothes, he would be comparable to the gourmets on TV.

"Make this Tai Chi soup a few more times. It looks better and tastes better. The old lady of the Zhou family is said to be very good at eating it. You have to prepare well." Huang Bing pointed at the bowl of white and green soup with his chopsticks. Tang said.

Huang Lihua stood aside and nodded in response. After Huang Bing had tried everything, she sat down to eat together. She was very worried. Every meal like this took a lot of time from preparation to production. In addition, she had never eaten some dishes before. It's really hard to figure out what to do, except for the recipe, there is no reference at all, and Huang Bing insists that she do it no worse than the hotel, stretching out her hand, the white and tender fingers are full of knife marks, these scars are often reminded in the dead of night She, everything is to love Dong Hai, to stay by his side forever in the future, this belief gives her the ability to do anything.

Huang Bing looked up and saw her expression, and said, "I'm not embarrassing you, you have no education, no decent job, what can you bring into Zhou's house except kitchen skills." After hesitating for a while, he said: "How about this?" , I’ll enroll you in a cooking class, and you pay for it yourself.”

Huang Lihua agreed: "Okay."

After saying this, Huang Bing drank half a glass of white wine, and his face was gloomy from the moment he entered the door: "That kid went to Tianwang Building, his stepfather's company building, the Zhou family is so fucking rich, a whole building with 82 floors , that's just a little bump in the Zhou family, you must tie Dong Hai up for me, the trouble now is that I found that Dong Hai is still following that boy named Tian Dong, and the two male dogs are still trying to grow branches. Hmph, it's really eye-opening for me to live half my life."

Huang Lihua was heartbroken for a while, her pinched fingernails dug into her flesh, her docile eyes slanted half a bit of resentment, but she never showed this bit of resentment, she kept her usual cowardly expression when she hid it, she had to bear it, bear it with.

After a while, Huang Bing was already reeking of alcohol, and he started talking too much: "Speaking of which, that kid Fang Ze is really useful, thanks to you telling me that he and that kid Tian Dong used to be neighbors, otherwise, on the night of the 24th How can Dong Hai see that good show, hehe, play tricks, these two tender boys will grow up for another 20 years."

The whole high school knew about Fang Ze and Tian Dong.It's just that Huang Bing never cared about her studies and didn't know.

Huang Lihua never asked about other people's affairs. At the beginning, Dong Hai flatly rejected her and said, "I already have someone I like, and it's impossible with you."

She cried a lot that day, met Tian Dong, was seen by him, and was sympathized by him. She was actually sympathized by a homosexual. Is she so sad? She was careful not to provoke anyone at school, Even if no one thought he existed, she didn't want to be sympathized with, she hated that kind of feeling.

From childhood to adulthood, people around her either look down on her or pity her, because she is poor, not outstanding in appearance, and not outstanding in grades. Everyone looks at her with that kind of cheap pity, which is associated with a strong status. The sense of dignity, she had had enough.

Listening to his adoptive father, he found Dong Hai's university and worked here. The adoptive father investigated Dong Hai's information and found that he was pursuing Tian Dong. Knowing this fact, Huang Lihua almost suffocated. This is too absurd.

"To treat a man, especially if you want a man to marry you, you must make him bear the responsibilities he has to bear for you."

This is the most important sentence Huang Bing taught her. At first she found it difficult because it was difficult for Dong Hai to take responsibility for her. Until she was reminded by Huang Bing, she had a guess that Dong Hai would be on New Year's Eve. Ye Ye confessed to Tian Dong on a day similar to Valentine's Day, and on this day, if Tian Dong could give him a big blow, a rift would open up in Dong Hai's world, and this rift would be her chance.

It's a gamble.

So Huang Lihua thought of Fang Ze...

Everything went well and she got Dong Hai.

But... not enough, Dong Hai is just a shell to her, not enough, far from enough...

"Damn!" regained his senses, Huang Bing drank too much, he stood up, looked at the house, and kicked the old furniture: "I will take all this rubbish and burn it in the future. Don't live like this kind of shit again."

Huang Bing's appearance is a little scary, exactly the same as when he was drunk and beating people. Huang Lihua is a little scared. She has been beaten for no reason in this situation for the past 18 years. Now...she wants to protect herself. No one can do it except Dong Hai Beat her.

Busily clearing the dining table, Huang Lihua went back to the kitchen and took out a piece of white medicine from an old tin can, dissolved it in sugar water, and gave it to Huang Bing to drink.

After drinking the glass of water, Huang Bing quickly calmed down and slept on the cracked floor in the living room.

————————————————————————

On New Year's Eve, Dong Hai saw Tian Dong and Fang Ze embracing again, and suddenly realized that he had always been ostracized. He didn't even have a place with Tian Dong. That was Dong Hai's heartbreaking moment. Night.

Feelings are often overwhelmed by waiting and anticipation.

When he was drunk that day, Dong Hai had sex with Huang Lihua in a strange way, but he couldn't control that shameful desire.

He drank too much, and even lost consciousness, which was ridiculous, and he could still do that kind of thing with a woman in that situation.

He still likes women!Physically!

This proves that he doesn't love Tian Dong, let alone Tian Dong. In this love letter love, he is the real clown. Talking about love...is not qualified.

There is always a gap between reality and ideal, Dong Hai had no choice but to bow his head to the reality and admit it: "I fucking admit defeat!"

Therefore, he found a hidden angle in this weird place to spy on Tian Dong's life.

The snow fell continuously until the night darkened. Dong Hai sat here for some time. The dormitory where the binoculars looked at had few people, and it was difficult for him to see Tian Dong's figure.

The restaurant changed to the mode of slow rocking at night, and the band began to play and sing, with a sad tune.

"You actually came to Dad's place?" Zhou Sisi suddenly appeared opposite, wearing a gray and white mink coat, no makeup, and a wild look.

"Does Dad know? It's a good thing that you are willing to come to his company's building!" She smiled, and after seeing the telescope at the corner of the table, her smile faded away, and she followed her gaze, a little shocked.

"You really fell in love with him? Don't get the situation wrong, he's a man." Zhou Sisi couldn't believe it after all: "Just for fun, but write a few love letters with him for me, it's serious." , you are too exaggerated!"

Cold and inseparable, after a long time, Dong Hai turned his head from the window and looked at his strange sister.

She spent a lot of money and went to a film and television school. She said that only those circles had what she wanted. She admired Leslie Cheung, but hated homosexuality. This sister, he couldn't understand more and more, like an arrogant and unreasonable stranger.

"Why did you do that?" Dong Hai asked.

"You mean why I exposed Tian Dong in the first place?" Zhou Sisi was stunned, and didn't think there was anything to tease, she said: "It just feels disgusting."

Dong Hai raised his eyebrows, and for almost an instant, the surrounding air was colder than the snowflakes outside: "He's disgusting? What about you, aren't you disgusting? Zhou Sisi."

This address is unfamiliar, and it is also the first time that Dong Hai calls her by Zhou Sisi's name. The former brother-sister relationship has really been pulled away.

Zhou Sisi didn't care at all, and held the mobile phone between her fingers, with an indifferent expression: "It's nothing, I just don't like it."

"Zhou Sisi, if you don't like it, it will make me hate you forever, and I will never have you as my sister again!" Dong Hai took a cold breath and said, "You and Zhou Tianwang are indeed father and daughter. The similarity!"

Zhou Sisi chuckled lightly: "Oh, brother, don't shirk your responsibilities. Whether you like someone or not, you know in your heart that no one can fucking control you. Blame me? Why blame me? Even if I don't do that, Tian Dong will Like you? Don't be naive!!"

"Zhou Sisi!" Dong Hai slapped the table heavily, his indignation stopped, covering the soft music, and attracted a few eyes.

Zhou Sisi was not afraid at all: "What's the matter, Dong Hai, don't think I don't know, you don't have the guts to admit that disgusting feeling, don't push it on me, I'm wrong? What's wrong, if you really If you like him, you will wait until he is dumped before admitting it, who are you showing yourself to torture yourself? Pretending!"

Put on a show! ...

Tian Dong also said these four words to him once, and Dong Hai felt a little hard to breathe.

"Besides, isn't Tian Dong himself an idiot? He can't even tell the difference between the letters written by the two people, so he can only say that he deserves to be tricked! This kind of idiot deserves to be played by others." Zhou Sisi scolded, and then Fu sighed in admiration: "But I appreciate Tian Dong's attitude of daring to admit it. After all, few homosexuals dare to expose themselves!"

With almost no need to think, Dong Hai felt more and more uncomfortable, and his dry voice pressed into his throat and said: "It's my fault..."

"What!!!" Zhou Sisi thought he was hallucinating, but actually heard Dong Hai, whom he had seen since childhood, say a typo.

Somewhat contemptuously, Zhou Sisi shook her head, exhaled, and drank half a glass of whiskey: "Brother, you have no fate, and my role is insignificant, so your blame is useless to me."

Snapped!

In anger, the glass was thrown, and the glass shattered into pieces, dancing in the air, reflecting strange colors, and each fragment printed a bloodthirsty coldness.

Dong Hai took the things and rushed out of the restaurant with the momentum of a mountain wind and a tsunami.

In the taxi, Dong Hai dialed Huang Lihua's mobile phone, feeling agitated.

"Hello..." Huang Lihua's voice was really gentle and pitiful, like a cloud that would disperse when blown.

Dong Hai choked, but couldn't make a loud voice, and even trembled: "Huang Lihua...we...let's forget it."

When Dong Hai said this, he looked out of the window and squeezed the phone tightly. The red neon lights that were constantly pulling past became a striking color in his eyes. It was the same red color as the virgin blood left by Huang Lihua on the white bed sheet that day. .

Huang Lihua's voice came out again on the phone, still so gentle, she said willingly: "Okay, I understand, I am also prepared."

Dong Hai's heart trembled, he was actually afraid, and his hands trembled. He had never touched a pure girl like Huang Lihua, a woman who was completely opposite to his mother. Challenge a man's sense of responsibility...

His breath was also choked in his throat, and Dong Hai suddenly didn't know what to say.

After a moment of silence, Huang Lihua's soft voice came thoughtfully: "Dong Hai...the snow will stop tomorrow, and the temperature will drop when the snow stops. I remember that Tian Dong is very afraid of the cold. I bought two pairs of gloves as a gift for you and Tian. Go east!"

She was so prepared...

"I put it at the front desk of the clothing store, remember to come and pick it up."

"Where are you going?" Dong Hai came back to his senses and asked, with a jack on his heart, and he couldn't breathe more and more.

"I want to go to other provinces and visit a few more cities..." Huang Lihua tried her best to laugh out loud, but she became more confused.

Dong Hai's heart clenched together: "You...you don't need to leave Wubei City."

"I didn't mean to avoid you. I was destined to wander. I was originally an unwanted person. My dad picked me up. I don't know who my biological parents are, and I don't understand why they abandoned me. I used to complain , I got used to it after a long time, and they all said that first love will not bear fruit, I know, I got my wish, and I am quite lucky..."

Listening to Huang Lihua's gentle words, similar to farewell words, Dong Hai clearly saw his fingertips floating on Huang Lihua's pale face, and looked at the helplessness and despair, kindness and simplicity in the eyes of that weak girl...

The girl just said goodbye with a faint smile, waiting for the fate of no illness after leaving.

The tenderness of a woman is like an iron chain that locks the soul. The higher the quality of the soul, the harder it is to escape.

"Stay here..." Dong Hai let out a long sigh, and solemnly swore: "Stay here, Huang Lihua, until the day you abandon me."

Maybe the road is too far, there is no destination, maybe there will be too many entanglements, too many accidents and countless pointers on the journey of searching, we can only move forward, staggering, and there is no way out.