Introduction to Advanced Mathematics

The living room was neatly tidied up, except that there were more than a dozen CDs piled up in disorder on the TV cabinet, which looked a bit messy.

"Sorry, I was watching the video last night. Lu Nan got a second-hand DV player when he was in the third year of junior high school. Since then, he has liked video very much. Later, we made the videos he recorded into discs, and some of them were stored in In my house, some of them were left in his house, and I didn’t organize them deliberately. After we broke up, these CDs were also separated into two places. I used to watch one or two CDs almost every night. I don’t know how many times I have watched those in my house. , A few days ago, I turned over his side again, and I haven't finished reading it until now... Well, I have nothing to do anyway, so let's watch it together?"

Ying Li didn't comment, just sat down, Ling Chuan found the one he didn't read according to the date and inserted it into the player, and Ling Chuan's face appeared on the screen after a while, and he was only a teenager in the camera , face and figure are green.

A very small cake blocked the camera lens, apparently the person holding the camera was holding it with one hand. There was only one candle stuck on top of the cake, and the fire light on it kept swaying as the cameraman moved.

"Xiao Chuan, happy 16th birthday!" With the sound of Lu Nan's voice-over, the scene-stealing cake was also placed on the table, and the slap-sized face behind the fire looked a little nervous.

"Keep your voice down, that person is at home today." The 16-year-old Ling Chuan was severely malnourished, and his naked limbs were as thin as firewood. deer or rabbit.

Lu Nan found a high place to set up the camera, so that both of them appeared on the screen.

"Come, make a wish." Lu Nan took the lead in shaking hands.

Ling Chuan also made a gesture of prayer, unlike others who thought for a long time when making a wish, but opened his eyes in almost three seconds. In this small space, everyone's actions are in a hurry, giving people a kind of joy. The illusion of passing away.

"Are you ready?"

"Ah."

"What did you promise?"

"It doesn't work to say it."

Lu Nan laughed at him: "You have those few wishes every year, even if you don't say it, I know it."

"Then you still ask." Ling Chuan robbed him.

"Blow out the candles."

Ling Chuan took a deep breath, before the full gas left his lungs, someone violently kicked open the crumbling door of the room, a gust of wind blew past, extinguished the flames, and picked up the scattered papers on the desk, splashing all over the floor.

When Ling Chuan saw this person, he felt like he had seen a ghost, his lips trembled, and he yelled "Dad".

"I knew you guys were doing tricks today. Where did you get the cake? Did you steal money from the family?"

"No!" Ling Chuan just shouted and then became dumb. Lu Nan stood up. At that time, he was already as tall as the other party, but he was still a child no matter how he looked at it.

"Uncle, today is Xiao Chuan's birthday, I bought the cake."

"Birthday?" The man obviously looked down on the brat in front of him, "He is my seed, how can I not know his birthday? What's wrong with his birthday? How can he have a birthday without me?"

The unreasonable man reached out to grab it, Ling Chuan showed reluctance, and immediately got kicked.

"Why, I can't even eat your cake after giving birth to you? Your mother died somewhere else. There is nothing at home. I have been hungry for a whole day. Do you still have the face to eat here alone?"

Ling Chuan whispered aggrievedly: "It was bought by Lu Nan for me."

"Do you still dare to talk back?" This time he simply kicked Ling Chuan out. The room was already narrow, and Ling Chuan bumped into the wall, shaking the camera with him.Unsatisfied, the man went up to mend his feet, Lu Nan tried his best to stop him, everything in the room fell down, and finally even the camera fell to the ground with a bang, but it didn't break, and he was still working diligently.The screen was rotated ninety degrees, no one, just their messy conversation.

"Uncle! Take the cake, don't hit Xiao Chuan!"

"It's your turn to take care of our family's affairs? Get out of the way, don't think you and I won't dare to do it!"

"Don't hit me, I was wrong, don't hit me."

"It's been a waste of raising you for more than ten years. It's better to have a dog."

The man had vented enough and left cursing, leaving only Ling Chuan sobbing and Lu Nan comforting him in a low voice.

"Don't cry, Xiao Chuan, don't cry."

After comforting for a long time, he suddenly remembered about the camera: "Oh, DV!"

A person quickly appeared in the camera, picked up the tilted camera and inspected it, and heaved a sigh of relief: "It's okay, it's not broken."

He pointed the camera at Ling Chuan: "Come on, don't cry, look here, you won't be on camera when you cry."

Ling Chuan was still crying: "Cake..."

The camera turned to the ground, and the cake fell to the ground, losing its original appearance.

"I can't eat it," Lu Nan said in a regretful voice, "Hey, wait a minute."

He put down the DV, walked over, and carefully took off the top strawberry, which was still stained with white cream.

"Xiao Chuan, the strawberries are not bad, they are still edible."

He happily fed the strawberry to Ling Chuan's mouth, and the other party swallowed it, tasting it carefully.

"Is it tasty?"

Ling Chuan nodded with tears in his eyes.

"Don't cry." Lu Nan found that his fingertips were still stained with cream, so he licked it himself, then found Ling Chuan's lips and pressed them.

The two adolescent boys were so nervous to do this kind of thing, their eyes and mouths were tightly closed, and they only touched each other for a few seconds before they separated.

"I share my courage with you."

Ling Chuan finally smiled through his tears.

The picture freezes on Ling Chuan's red-eyed smiling face. After watching it, Ying Li feels the soreness and pain in his heart lingering. Looking at Ling Chuan in a blink of an eye, his mood remains calm.

The recording ended and the room became quiet. Ling Chuan listened for a moment and asked Ying Li, "Did you hear anything?"

"It seems to be there," Yingli confirmed again, "It came from the bedroom."

The two rushed to the next door. The person sleeping on the bed didn't even change his posture, but he was sobbing and his face was already covered with tears.

"What's going on here?" Ling Chuan walked closer to check, and found that even the pillow towel was soaked with tears.

Ying Li shook his head solemnly, indicating that he didn't understand either.

Ling Chuan wiped away his tears with a towel: "What a terrible dream this is."

They watched for a while, and Lu Nan's condition seemed to be better, he stopped crying, and the two returned to the living room.

"What to drink?" Ling Chuan rummaged through the refrigerator.

"no need."

Ling Chuan finally took out two bottles of cans, gave Ying Li the soda water, and opened a beer for himself.

"You're hurt and you can't drink."

"A little injury, it's okay." Ling Chuan ignored his words, "Can I ask you something?"

"what?"

"Since you are a psychiatrist, can you give me a psychological consultation."

Yingli was silent for a moment, but refused: "No."

"Why?" Ling Chuan didn't understand.

"With my current professionalism, I can't treat you objectively as a patient."

"I still don't understand."

"Want to hear the truth?"

"think."

Yingli also opened the can and took a sip before saying: "Because I am hostile to you, and prejudice will affect my judgment. If you need psychological counseling, I can introduce you to my colleagues."

Ling Chuan digested this sentence for half a minute: "I never offended you when I was in high school."

"No."

"I never had any grudges against you in junior high school."

"No."

"primary school……"

"I was transferred from other provinces in the sixth grade of elementary school. We didn't know each other at that time." Yingli interrupted him.

"Well, since we were still...friends until the college entrance examination, does that count?"

"Forget it, I had a good relationship with you and Lu Nan at that time."

"Then why have you become hostile to me after not seeing you for so many years?"

"Because I have been doing psychological counseling for Lu Nan for three years. On the one hand, we are a doctor-patient relationship. As a doctor, I rationally treat every word he said. But on the other hand, I also knew him from junior high school to now. My friend, as a friend, I can't ignore every symptom that makes him suffer, and the source will be attributed to you."

Ling Chuan was rendered speechless by what he said.

"If it were you, seeing with your own eyes that your friend from childhood to adulthood suffered from depression and insomnia for three full years, would you feel repulsive towards this person?"

Ling Chuan had to admit: "Yes."

"An excellent doctor should not confuse work with personal emotions. Unfortunately, I am not good enough. Maybe one day I will become more professional, but I am sorry that I cannot completely separate these two identities for the time being."

Ling Chuan lowered his head: "It's understandable."

After being silent for a while, he asked again: "Then what if I just chat with you as an old classmate? The kind that doesn't need to give any professional advice."

Yingli agreed this time: "Yes."

"Where do we start?" Ling Chuan looked at the ceiling, "How did you feel when you saw that video just now?"

"Compassion, poignancy, and anger."

"That's right, you, an outsider, think so, but as the person involved, I watched the whole thing almost numbly. Is this scientific?"

He took a sip of his wine: "I felt it before. After watching the video these days, it became more and more obvious. I seem to have forgotten something in the past. This kind of forgetting is not like amnesia. When I watched the video , I know very clearly that this is what happened to me, and I also know what will happen next, but if no one mentions it, I will never think of it at all. Those who are still indifferent.”

"I was forced to break up with the person I love the most. My mother is terminally ill and my father is not as good as an animal. I thought my life should be hopeless, but the fact is that in the past three years, I have lived peacefully every day. Not sad, not painful, even the day my mother passed away, I didn't feel the slightest sadness."

Ling Chuan opened another can of beer, Ying Li, who is a doctor, couldn't stand it anymore.

"Stop drinking."

"It's just a chat, not a psychological consultation. There's no need to listen to the doctor."

Ying Li frowned.

Ling Chuan continued to drink, and continued to say: "Being able to be with Lu Nan again, I am very happy every day, very happy, happy like a fool, never feel angry, sad, or fear. I face my father I am no longer afraid, and I am not angry when I see Lu Nan giving him money. The most outrageous thing is," Ling Chuan licked his lower lip, "I see Lu Nan beating and hurting people because of me, and I even know that he is troubled by mental illness. For many years, I didn’t feel anything at all.”

"Even my neighbors said I was cold-hearted. I didn't cry when my mother left, and I couldn't cry when my father left. Now I doubt myself, if Lu Nan died in front of me, would I shed a tear."

He put his hands on his heart: "There is no one in this world who treats me better than Lu Nan, but after learning that he is sick, there is no ups and downs here, do you think I am a scumbag?"

"Yes."

"Is there a disease called personality loss, the patient has no compassion and empathy, from the perspective of ordinary friends, do you think I am?"

"I think it's just that you've been separated for a long time and you don't have any feelings for him anymore."

"You mean you don't feel it?"

"You don't love him anymore."

Ling Chuan was stunned.

"Love and jealousy are twins. Let me ask you, if I like Lu Nan, are you jealous?"

"Do you like Lu Nan?"

"I'm just assuming."

Ling Chuan seriously thought about that possibility, without any fluctuation in his heart.

His reaction was already the answer, Yingli glanced at his watch and stood up.

"It's too late, I'm going back first, if there is anything wrong with Lu Nan, call me."

"Oh." Ling Chuan stood up in a daze, he was still confused by Yingli's answer, "I'll take you downstairs."

It was only when the evening wind blew that he realized that he drank a little too much. The effect of alcohol and the sequelae of his head made him a little confused.

"I told you not to drink so much when you were injured."

Ling Chuan grinned and smirked: "Hey."

"Handsome guy, do you want to buy something?" A strangely dressed woman appeared out of nowhere and sold Yingli what she was holding. It was a blue bottle that glowed in the dark.

"unnecessary."

Ying Li refused straight away, but Ling Chuan was attracted to him: "The bottle looks so familiar...what is it for?"

"This is a wishing bottle. As long as people who really love each other make a wish on it, the wish will come true."

"Don't listen to her nonsense," Ying Li ruthlessly exposed her, "It's just an ordinary bottle with a little fluorescent chemical agent. Besides, there is no such thing as a wishing bottle in this world. Use it to deceive people. It's about the same as a female junior high school student."

Ling Chuan smiled and pushed him away: "Don't listen to him, he is a doctor, and scientists don't understand romance. I think this bottle is very beautiful, how much is it? Give me one."

The woman looked at him carefully for a moment: "I'm sorry, you don't sell."

Ling Chuan's smile still hasn't dissipated: "Why?"

"Because you are already a contractor."

Ling Chuan didn't understand at all, and wanted to ask in detail, a gust of wind blew by, Ling Chuan shivered, most of the wine sobered up, and when he looked again, the person had disappeared without a trace.

"Did you see it?" Ling Chuan asked, tugging at Ying Li's sleeve.

Yingli was impatient: "What?"

"There was a woman here just now."

"Of course, you're not sleepwalking."

"She disappeared!"

"She's going that way." Yingli pointed in a direction.

Ling Chuan turned his head immediately, but saw nothing.

"It's gone a long time ago. She is wearing a black cloak, and she is walking towards a place without lights. You can't see it when you turn around. This kind of witch's trick can only deceive people like you."

"……Oh."

"Hurry up, Lu Nan is alone." Ying Li urged him.

Ling Chuan remembered that Lu Nan was alone at home, so he hurriedly said goodbye to him, but he didn't know what Yingli's tranquilizer was made of, and Lu Nan was still asleep after returning home.

"Yingli said I don't love you anymore." Ling Chuan scratched his face, "How is this possible?"

He lay down next to Lu Nan, sleepiness fell quickly, and fell asleep almost without any struggle.

He didn't see that the moment he fell asleep, another tear slipped from the corner of Lu Nan's eyes and fell into nothingness.