[bright] time

July 29, [-]:[-] am /

In the morning, as soon as I opened my eyes, my mother was already sitting by my bed, and my father was standing behind my mother.

Red eye sockets, frowning brows...I don't know what to say, just apologize.

"I'm sorry..." I didn't take good care of my body.

sorry…,

I can't stop myself from thinking about it.

I want to start thinking about following the vine with my "heart".

Although it was too late,

But at least, I want to know how to define this feeling that has been hidden in my heart.

***

July [-]th, [-]:[-]am/

I live in a private ward now.In addition to the bed and a small cabinet next to the bed, there is a personal bathroom, a single-door refrigerator, a TV, a wardrobe, a double sofa and a low table.

The doctor said that I had to be hospitalized for a while before I recovered, and arranged various tests for me.

I actually thought it would be fine to live in a general group ward, but Mr. Ogata told Mr. Ashihara that for the sake of safety and the peace of other patients, he insisted that I live in a private ward.

Regardless of the equipment in the ward, I really like the wide view outside the window of this ward.Staying in this huge white tower, all I want is a window to look at the blue sky and green trees.

Lying on the hospital bed, I looked at the sky silently, and looked at the few branches and green leaves stretching into my vision.

From the time I saw my father and mother, I couldn't say anything except "I'm sorry".

It was silent for a day.

My parents just stayed with me, didn't ask me anything, and didn't blame me.

"mom."

"Huh?" My mother was putting the daily necessities brought from home into the closet, and answered me.

"Dad...are you angry?"

"Why do you think so?" My mother looked at me in surprise.

"...Since yesterday, Dad's brows have been frowning all the time." I touched the center of my brows, and kept smiling as much as possible. I didn't want my mother to know that I actually felt guilty.

"Just like when I accidentally knocked over the hot water bottle because of naughtiness, and when I insisted on participating in the school's Go tournament. This time... as a professional chess player, I didn't take good care of my body. I must have let him down again. ?”

"It's not like that, Ryo."

Mother closed the closet, went to the bed, pulled a stool and sat down, holding my hand that was not dripped with both hands and said:

"When Dad wrinkled his forehead, it meant he was worried, not angry.

Although he is a person who is not very good at expressing his feelings, but my mother can see it.

Don't think too much about it.do you know? "

"But Dad is much more silent than usual."

"I think my father should be the same as my mother? As soon as I open my mouth, I just think about how to apologize to Ryo. But if we say it, Ryo will definitely say "that's not the case", and then criticize himself even more... , Liang is such a child. In fact, my parents have always been very sad to see Liang like this. Let's not apologize, shall we?"

I often feel that my mother's eyes are like lake water, which always makes me feel very calm.

"Liang, Mom has always wanted to tell Liang, it's okay to say something capricious to Mom occasionally, Mom welcomes it."

"...Yeah." I smiled and nodded to my mother.

Not like that, Mom.

I'm actually pretty self-willed and not at all forgiving.

Always ignore Shinto's plan and ask him to play chess with me, treat him like a Go machine,

Whenever something goes wrong, he feels that it is Shinto's fault, and he is always very strict with him.

His absence makes me feel like I've grown up a lot...but, is this really me?

I doubt it sometimes.

Especially when I know that I also have a willful side.

***

July 31, [-]pm /

Ikaku-san, Wada-kun, and Nase-san came to see me, and I am very happy.

I feel like I'm looking at everything from the perspective of Go.The people around me are almost all chess players, or else they are all people who know how to play chess.

For me, to know this person is to know his style and style of chess.This is especially true for those who communicate less.For me in the past, just knowing the side of Go is enough.

My understanding of Shinto was limited to this at first, until he said that he had regarded me as a friend.After becoming friends, I started to see him in a lot different way than when he was playing chess.And I think it is really good to have him as a friend, and I have learned how to look at people without the perspective of Go.

"I heard that gastric bleeding is caused by gastric ulcer? It's scary to vomit so much blood! Are you all right now?" Miss Nase patted her chest with a lingering fear expression.

"Well, the doctor said that the bleeding has stopped. I'm sorry, I frightened you." He actually vomited blood all over the ground in the Qiyuan, causing such a commotion, and felt very sorry.

"It must be because Taya doesn't eat on time. In the past, Jindou would drag you to eat, but now that the person who can drag you is gone, are you taking it lightly?"

He Gu Jun's accusation made me a little dumbfounded.Shindo is the only one who dares to force me like that, and even I can't explain why...he is the only one who can succeed.

"For the sake of Taya-kun's body, next time we may have to take brutal measures like Shinto." Ikaku-san said this very seriously, which made me a little uneasy.

"I'll take care of myself after I'm discharged from the hospital, so I won't cause trouble for everyone."

"What's the trouble? We're both colleagues and friends. You're welcome! By the way, Taya, when will you be discharged from the hospital? I think Shinto will come to visit."

"Don't tell him I'm in the hospital!"

"why?"

"I mean..." I was so excited, just hearing that Shinto might come to visit, I couldn't help it....I don't want him to see me the way I am now, so sick and weak....

"Recently there is the Rookie Cup and Samsung Cup qualifiers... I don't want to bother him."

"I see, but...sorry. I called the ambulance and told him the first time you were in the ambulance. After all, you vomited so much blood, I thought you were going to die—uh...you know Yes."

"..." He already...knows.

"But maybe he was playing at the time? I didn't turn on the phone, so I left a message on the phone recording. I left it again after I heard that you were fine. I was afraid that the first message would scare him to death. Sorry, Taya. "

"It's okay..." Shaking his head, I know He Gu Jun is just doing what he thinks he should do, and I don't blame him.Because at that moment I also thought I was going to die.

"But if you know, there's nothing you can do, right? He's in South Korea now. With the domestic competition and the preliminaries, it's hard to find time to come back in a short time. Although he may really want to." Miss Nase looked regretful.

"Why... do I feel that he must want to come back? I have been there for a year and a half, and he hasn't come back once?" I am no longer so special, no more.

"Of course I will! That Shinto! Taya-kun is also Shinto's important rival and friend. He will definitely come! Even if I vomit blood today, he will definitely come back to see me! Shinto is so important Friend! Oh?" ​​Miss Nase glanced at Kazuya-kun,

"Ah, yes, of course! Only a week later? Hehehe!"

"Watani Yoshitaka!! Are you saying that I'm not important to Shinto at all!?"

"How important do you want it to be? It's not his girlfriend or his mother. You want to live a Hyye! And you have to risk a plane crash. I said a week is already a shame. Otherwise, how long do you think?"

"...Six days."

"Ha-ha-, then six days. Let you do it once."

"hateful!"

"Uwah──pain!!, you Qiabeibei!"

Shinto's departure made me lose my only friend and my lifelong rival.

When I said goodbye, I was really sad, so sad..., to the point where I couldn't believe it.I told myself it was because I had lost two people at the same time, two people I never had.

Then, when I gradually understood how to freeze these pains, I found that I was getting closer to Mr. Kawatani, Brother Ikaku, and Ms. Naase unconsciously.

In the past, because of Shinto's relationship, we have been in contact to some extent, but we have always been separated by a wall, so we can't really be regarded as friends.Maybe it's because of Shindo's sudden departure?This became our common denominator, so the walls thinned a little bit.

I'm starting to feel like... well, they're my friends too.

The word "friend" has a meaning and explanation in my head that I have summed up by myself, and I have also found examples.

But, when I think about it more deeply, I realize...

This seems to be very different from the definition I thought before and the examples I had never suspected.

Shindo is a friend, and Gu Jun and the others are also friends.But they are different, completely different.

Obviously the same are "friends", why are they different?

I didn't feel bad at all when I saw the scene of Mr. Hetani fighting with Ms. Naase. I also found it very interesting. I'm glad that they have such a good relationship.

Seeing brother Yijiao blushing and telling me what movie he went to see with his girlfriend last weekend, and when he recommended me to watch it, I didn't feel depressed, and I was very happy that he was so happy.

But I just feel unhappy because Shinto rides Ms. Fujisaki back.

At the time I thought I was just shocked, just the inevitable emotional reaction to having a friend snatched from me.

Then why don't I have the same emotional reaction to Gu Jun and Yi Jiao?

"Taya-kun, don't worry about them, this kind of punching and kicking scene often happens.

Back to the original topic! ...uh...ah!

You don't have to worry about Shindo's game, I heard from the staff room before I came today,

On the [-]th, he won the last match of the rookie cup, and he was sure to win the rookie king of all Korean chess players under the age of [-].

In the two preliminaries on the [-]th, the opponent surrendered with amazing momentum and speed. If he wins the match tomorrow, he will be seen again in the Samsung Cup. "

"Ikaku-san seems to be looking forward to seeing Shindo's performance?"

"Of course, we are opponents and more friends. It is actually a kind of relief to see friends who are far away far away. However, I really want to play against the current Shindo. I will send you an email next time. Invite him!"

I just smile.

There is no way to look at Shinto far away in such a calm and optimistic way like Brother Yijiao or He Gu Jun.Occasionally chatting, occasionally playing online Go, even if we haven't seen each other for several years, friends are still friends.

This kind of statement... I actually don't understand it at all.

Brother Yijiao, Mr. Kazuya, and Ms. Naase asked me to recuperate well before leaving. They will try their best to fill in the vacancies for me during the hospitalization, and tell me not to worry.

They are all very easy to get along with, people I wish I could be friends with,

And Shinto is….

***

August [-]st, nine o'clock in the morning /

In the morning, when Ms. Maeda brought me medicine, she slipped her tongue and said that she seemed to be wiping her tears after seeing her mother on the phone...

My mother is a very strong person, I seldom see her shed tears, why...

"Mom, what's wrong?"

"Huh?" My mother returned to the ward and asked me with a smile while arranging the white platycodon flowers in the vase.

"Mom's eye sockets are red..."

"Ah? This?" Mother touched her face,

"Don't worry! This is crying with joy. This is the first time Mom has experienced this. Ah, no, it was the first time when Dad proposed to Mom. My memory is wrong, Xiao Liang, I can't tell Dad!"

"..." Today's mother is very strange.However, I know that my mother is not comforting me, she seems to be really okay.

"Liang, do you know? Dad himself said yesterday that he will undergo a full body health checkup! The dad who hates hospitals the most. Maybe it's because Liang has done so many checkups in the past few days but he can't help him, so he feels unbearable?"

"Dad, he...? But Mom, are you crying because of this incident?"

"Hehe, of course not. Does Mommy cry so much? Oh, what Mom wants to say is that Dad thinks a lot about Liang, just like Liang thinks about Dad. But Liang, Mom wants you to think more about yourself It’s fine for mom and dad to think about it.”

"..."

"No matter what happens in the future, as long as Liang thinks clearly and makes sure that he will not regret it. Mom will definitely respect Liang's decision."

After Akiko finished speaking, she closed the closet,

"Complete! Mom is going to help Dad make an appointment for a health checkup, and he must also find a doctor in the heart surgery department. Please take this opportunity to help Dad prepare a more detailed course of treatment so that he can make full use of this month's vacation."

"...Mom?" Why did the mother say that?

My mother came over and patted my hand, as if to stop me from continuing to ask,

"Anyway, it's important to take care of your body first!"

Today, I don't really understand what the mother said.Just keep my mother's teachings in my heart as before.

I think, I will understand, even if I don't know how long it will take.

***

August [-]nd, [-]pm/

"Oh, Taya-kun. I came to visit you! I brought you some delicious food!"

It was Kurata-san who entered the ward.

"Hi, Mr. Kurata. I'm sorry to bother you to come to visit."

"Don't say that! I'm the head of the group for a day, and I'm the head of the group for life. I should come to see you! I also brought the Aomori apples from my hometown! Are you happy? "An apple a day can drive the virus to Korea!" After eating These guarantee that you will be healed in no time! No more lying here!"

Mr. Kurata raised the bag in his hand and said proudly.

"Oh, thank you, Kurata-san. But... I can't eat hard things right now. Kurata-san brought it here, I'm really sorry."

"Huh? So serious? It's already the sixth day!"

"Um, sorry..."

"What are you apologizing for? Really. It seems that the Chess Institute has really fucked you too much. In the era of double arrows, at least two people shared the same workload, but now you are alone."

Kurata-san scratched his hair and began to read irritably,

"I knew I shouldn't have signed for that kid at the beginning. My intention was to send him to be a spy! Can't this kid, Jinto, see that the Korean Chess Academy is using him to realize their trick of defeating the enemy with the enemy? How angry I'm dead. What about the weak top five generals of the Korean Chess Academy? Shindo's integration is too much!"

Mr. Kurata said that the five weak generals were used by Korean chess players in the LG Cup to call Gao Yongxia, Yin Sangbin, Hong Xiuying, Song Seunghee, ... and Jinto five people.It is said that they strengthen each other and regard each other as the most worthy opponents to defeat. They are young chess players who have high hopes from the Korean Chess Academy.

"If he really won the top three in the World Championship as a Korean chess player, then the hat of a traitor will really be deducted. Can he get back!?"

There are two opposing opinions at Nippon Kiin about the formal signing of Shindo with the Korean Kiin.

One side is against it.Mainly Grandmasters and members of the council, saying Shindo is a traitor;

The other side is basically in favor.Of course I want Shinto to come back. I just respect Shinto’s choice. These people are young chess players or people who know Shinto. They feel that as long as Shinto’s Go continues to improve, it’s not a big problem where he is. .

"Taya-kun, don't react so coldly! Don't you think you're a bit of a stranger now that you're following Shinto? I used to say "Shinto is my lifelong opponent" or "I'm looking forward to seeing Shinto too." "Growth of the Vine", why are you ignoring it?"

The only person who can be my opponent in life is Shindo Hikaru.I still think so, it hasn't changed at all.

What changed was Shinto.No, I know he hasn't changed,

It's just that his definition of "opponent" is different from mine.He treats everyone who sits on the opposite side of the chessboard equally, and everyone who plays chess is his opponent.

Maybe it's like what he said before, I'm very stubborn, right?

For me, there is only one real opponent, and that person is Shinto.

In the venue of the LG competition, I don’t know how many times I shouted in my heart, “I should be the opponent of Shinto”.

When I was waiting in the hall before entering the stadium, when the opponents were drawn by lottery, when the games were over and they were disbanded, and finally... when I saw Shin Mina by chance, I still cried out like this in my heart.

That’s how it is, because I’m used to thinking about everything in Go,

That's why I didn't realize my insistence on "the opponent can only be Shinto",

I have already surpassed the limitations of the chessboard... Even if it is not due to the game, I still hope that the person reflected in my pupils will always be Shinto; I also hope that the person who can be reflected in his pupils will always be me.

For one year and seven months, the opponent was not Shinto's chess,

I found the answer that Shinto had always asked me to think about...

"He's got new friends there, new partners, a new... life, if he thinks that's better." Will he still listen to me?Say my answer, the answer I thought of with my heart.

"He has friends and partners here too! You might as well be a woman! He's almost twenty, if he can't think about it and marry a Korean woman at a young age and become a Korean citizen, then that's okay?

How can Xiu Celiu go to South Korea to develop?Really!

oh! ?Yes!Wouldn't it be enough to marry a Korean woman back and let her become a Japanese citizen?

Decided!Now Shinto has no excuses!

Taya-kun, take good care of your illness!I'll go to Mr. Kuwahara's house.I'll take these apples first and give them to Mr. Sang, and I'll bring you a cantaloupe next time!go! "

This won't work, this... really won't work.

I hope Shindo can play chess in the place closest to me, grow up in the place closest to me,

But if it becomes like this...,

I would rather he not come back.

***

August [-]rd, [-]pm /

"The flowers are blooming very well. Are they changing every day?"

Ogata-san looked at the white lisianthus flowers on the bedside table and said so.

"Probably, mother said that fresh flowers will make the interior look more lively."

The platycodon flowers in the vase are blooming healthily every day. Looking at them makes me hope more and more that my body will get better soon, and I will be discharged from the hospital and go home soon.

"Ms. Akiko..."

This is the third visit by Mr. Ogata since I was admitted to the hospital.

I don't know why, but he is particularly interested in the vase today, holding it in his hand and looking at it,

"The day before yesterday, Jinto's last Samsung Cup preliminaries, that kid lost."

"...lost?"

"I heard that the opponent was Yin Shangbin, and he lost to Shisanmu."

"Thirteen...? Why...how could this be?"

I've seen Yin Shangbin's chess records many times. His strength should not be underestimated. However, according to the performance of Jinteng LG, they are absolutely on par. Why is there such a big gap in this game?

Thirteen eyes?What's wrong with you?into the rattan! ?

"Reason? To lose is to lose. No excuse is useless. An excuse that cannot be said is even more futile." Mr. Ogata sneered, shook his head and said,

"Liang, if you really want to ask why, think about the seventh match of the Masters Tournament with me in November last year. The difference in chess strength is not too big, and the comparison is the state of the day."

In last year's Masters Tournament... Mr. Ogata and I won three times each. In the seventh match... I made a quick move without thinking carefully, and Mr. Ogata caught a loophole and failed the challenge.

At that time, I wanted to make a magic move, I wanted to make the best move, so good that I could make Shinto in the photo take his eyes off Shin Miner and let him think about everything in his head I, not someone else.

That's it... I'm in a hurry.It's an excuse that...even I can't convince myself.

Since then, every day, every day, I keep lining up chess records in my head... without end....

***

August [-]th, [-]pm/

After knocking on the door, it was Gao Yongxia who came into the ward.

"Hello," he said to me in Korean after greeting his mother,

"Taya, I heard you fell ill? What is it?"

"A little stomach bleeding."

I don't know what he's here for.Are you visiting?I really don't remember being on such good terms with him.

"Oh~."

And he doesn't look like he's visiting...

"Is it Gao Yongxia Jun from Korea?" My mother asked, closing the book in her hand.

"Yes."

"How is Shindo-kun recently? Are you okay?" Mother said to Yongxia with a smile.

"……,very good."

"Yongxia-kun, can you show me the game of chess played the day before Jinto?"

"Liang, the doctor said you can't play chess."

"Ah... that's right."

"I advise you not to look at it better, I promise to piss you off. The chess game that was played nearly [-] minutes late, how good can it be? At the end of the game, Shang Bin was so angry that he flipped the table." Yongxia Jun was rude in Korean again. As he spoke, it was completely different from the beautiful Japanese sentences just now.

"be late…?"

"I don't want to talk about that idiot. Anyway, I'm done visiting, so I'm leaving first."

"Yongxia-jun, are you going back?"

"Yeah, I'm not in the mood for sightseeing."

"Go back to Korea?"

"Ah. Like an idiot, right? Back and forth in one day. Oh, fortunately, I'm only stupid once." Gao Yongxia's face was full of incomprehensible angry expressions.

"Auntie, don't bother me, I'll take my leave."

Mr. Yong Xia greeted his mother who was making tea and walked to the door.

The moment the door was closed, he turned his head and said:

"By the way, Taya. Shinto told you to take care of yourself. That's it."

With a snap, the door closed.

And that hole in my heart...

Just after Gao Yongxia conveyed that sentence, I should never be able to fill it up....