Su Yuanjun's heart

I still remember that year when I climbed Qingfo Ridge with Shaoyi, the mandala flowers I met by chance. Those flowers could have helped her look back at her past life and find out the cause and effect of this life, but I took her away in a hurry, and then I went back to destroy it with my own hands. I don’t know if it annoyed Patriarch Bodhi and made me and Shaoyi go through so many ordeals, but I don’t think so. Patriarch Bodhi has always been merciful. It is a fairy bone, and the passion is the Buddha's heart.I waited hard for Shaoyi's 2000 years, and my feelings were as numerous as dust.

That year when Shaoyi went away to study, I went to Siyou, and knew that the golden-finned fish, the god crossing the vast sea, had long since passed away, which made me very worried. When I returned to Jinghu that day, I looked through the ancient books on formations, and finally found it. The soul crossing technique allows Shaoyi, who is already a mortal, to return to Siyou and return to the divine book, but the formation is extremely dangerous, and the caster must have practiced it for more than a thousand years, but even so, it will happen accidentally. Zhonghun Fei is annihilated, but I can't control that much, I want to ferry her back, besides, I have always been good at forming formations, and even Xuan'er often shows admiration for my formations.I will definitely succeed in this soul-crossing formation.

From then on, I used three thousand green silk as the wick, and raised a hundred golden lotuses, and waited for the right time to turn it into a hundred-step lotus bridge, so that Shaoyi could finally return to Siyou, and I fulfilled my life's wish.

Although the sky helped me, it didn't care for me. That day, the Baibu Lotus Bridge was completed at the right time, but when I set up the formation, my mind was uncertain, and I had a soul and a soul covered in the jade pendant that Shaoyi carried. The two souls and six souls really couldn't resist the backlash of that formation, I made a careless move, and my soul flew away before the formation was completed.

I thought it was time to go to the nether world, but I didn't know that a ray of consciousness was still unwilling to leave. It was Shang Siyu who gave Xiaoyu the jade I gave to Shaoyi, and the souls on it were rescued Me, it's a pity that although I regained my life, I ended up with a disabled body, blind in both eyes, and lost all my spirit. Now this body is no different from ordinary people, or even worse than ordinary ordinary people.

Xuan'er spent half his life cultivating, and healed and recuperated for me for more than a year, so that I can sleep and eat like a normal person, and finally feel better when I don't suffer from illness. These days, I am tired of Xuan'er's depression, and Xiaoyu is even more miserable. While taking care of my illness, she wanted to comfort my emotions. She knew I was in a bad mood, so she never mentioned Shaoyi in front of me.

After waking up, I started to think about Shaoyi, but I rarely speak on weekdays, Xiaoyu knows me too well, and every time at this time, she always tries her best to comfort me.That day, my heart was hurting and I was restless. In fact, I missed Shaoyi. When Xiaoyu came back from the outside, he probably saw that my face was not good, and asked me softly what was wrong. I was depressed and uncomfortable, so I ignored her .After an unknown amount of time, I heard her sigh a long time, and said in a sad tone: "Jinjin, I know you miss her. Although you don't say anything, you are never happy for a moment. You are still in your heart. You can't let her go, can you?"

I was startled, but my face was downcast, and I said in a deep voice, "What can't I let go of? There's nothing I can't let go of."

"Jinjin, you can't lie to me, I know you're unhappy."

"What's wrong with me?" I don't want to show in front of her that I still care about Shaoyi, after all, it's not clear whether I'm wishful thinking or not.

After a long time, I heard Xiaoyu sigh softly, and said in a low voice: "Actually, she didn't go to Siyou. She jumped into the boundless sea after your soul disappeared that day."

I was shocked when I heard it, and suddenly my head sank, my body trembled uncontrollably, I opened my mouth to speak, but couldn't make a sound for a long time, Xiao Yu probably noticed my abnormality, grabbed my hand, and said in an anxious tone : "Don't worry, she's fine."

Only then did my flustered heart calm down a bit. I secretly took a breath, but my body didn't slow down. I accidentally ground my teeth and felt very annoyed.

"Sister Xuan'er rescued her and got up. She has been ill for three months, and now she has returned to her mortal home. Don't worry, she is now living a normal life again. If you miss her, I will take you Go." Xiaoyu said in the end, her voice became smaller and smaller, obviously she didn't want to really take me there, if I nodded, she would definitely be unhappy.Forget it, now that I have become like this, how can I still see her, it will only increase my troubles.

I was silent for a while, then stood up slowly, and said, "Xiaoyu, I'm tired, please help me to sleep."

Xiao Yu gently lifted me up from the stool, and replied softly: "Okay."

She carefully wiped my face and wiped my hands and feet. Before I was ill and unable to move, she took care of me personally. Now, although I am blind and everything is inconvenient, I can always do these things myself, so I persisted. I wiped my hands and feet, and after I lay down, Xiaoyu helped me cover the quilt again. I wanted to be alone, closed my eyes, and stopped moving.

I don't know how long it took, I heard Xiaoyu go out gently, and then gently close the door, I was the only one left in the room, I didn't have to hide anymore, tears finally couldn't hold back.

Shaoyi, didn't you say that day that you would remember and hate me forever?Why jump off the boundless sea?Why don't you go back to Siyou?And why do you want to be sick?How are you doing now?Back in the mortal world, have you started to be busy again? If you can return to a normal life, if you can meet another person you like, you can forget about me, or...

My heart began to ache again, and a tearing feeling made me feel that my body began to sink, as if I had fallen into a bottomless pit. Even if I was given a life-saving rope at this time, I was powerless to grab it. I really Tired and sleepy.

I slept for a long time at that time, and when I woke up, I heard Xiaoyu crying beside me, and I felt a cold and soft hand resting on the pulse of my wrist, which was Xuan'er's hand.

"Sister, when will she wake up?" Xiaoyu asked crying.

"Her pulse is weak, but she was restless before going to bed?" Xuan'er asked.

"It's my fault. I told her about Shaoyi jumping into the sea." Xiaoyu blamed himself.

"Hey, Xuan'er, why don't you bring Shaoyi to see her? I think that although Shaoyi has returned home, she is also depressed. She numbs herself with work every day. After a long time, I'm afraid she won't be able to hold on." Yan Yu was worried. road.

My heart tightened, Shaoyi, is she unhappy?Why numb yourself?

"What does Jin Mu mean? Does she want to see Shaoyi?" Xuan'er was probably asking Xiao Yu.

"She doesn't seem to want to see her. That day she said that she was tired and wanted to sleep, but who knows that she didn't wake up after three days of sleep." Xiao Yu replied with a strong nasal voice.

Hey, how many times has this child been crying, and his voice has changed.

"Then let's take it easy. She shouldn't have big emotional fluctuations now, but it's not a good thing to be depressed for a long time. I will try my best to help her recover as soon as possible." Xuan'er said worriedly.

"Then wait first." Yan Yu said.

The three of them stopped talking for a while, and after an unknown period of time, I fell asleep again in a daze.

From then on, Xiaoyu didn't mention Shaoyi anymore, and Xuan'er drained my qi every day, and gave me a lot of precious medicinal materials, my body gradually improved, and I was able to move freely.In fact, I want to get better soon, but I am still afraid of seeing Shaoyi.

I don't know how many days have passed like this, I just feel that the time has passed too long, one day Xuan'er and Yan Yu came and said they would pick me up to another place, I had a little thought in my heart, but I didn't ask, I just agree with their decision. After all, I can't see anything now. I can't tell the difference between night and day, and it's the same everywhere.

I didn’t know how many roads I traveled that day, and it was Xuan’er who drove us. I haven’t been in a car for a long time, and I almost forgot that I used to live in this mortal world. After listening to those noisy voices, I not only didn’t feel noisy, but actually There was a sense of intimacy, and my mood immediately improved.

Xiaoyu seemed to feel that I was in a good mood, and his tone of voice became happy.

I heard from Xiaoyu that we lived in a villa, but it wasn’t the Bodhi Garden back then, and I didn’t ask what the name of the place was. Although I was curious, I didn’t want to ask. In the past two years, although my body has recovered, But after all, it is no longer what it used to be. I don't even know whether I am beautiful or ugly now. If I turn into a strange look, then I should not see her.

That day Xiao Yu said that the leaves of the ginkgo tree outside were all yellow and fell all over the ground, and they were very beautiful. I heard her tone and seemed to want to take a look.In the past two years, she spent all her time on me. I feel deeply guilty towards her, and I want her to be happier after all.

"Ginkgo tree, it should be very beautiful?" I asked.

"Yes, look at this photo, it is really beautiful." Xiaoyu replied.

"Then let's go and see. Although I can't see it, I can feel it when I step on the leaves that fall on the ground."

"Jinjin, do you want to go?" Xiaoyu obviously didn't expect me to say that, and asked in disbelief.

"Well, take me with you, and Xiaoxue will also take you with you."

Xiaoyu was obviously very happy, and immediately helped me add clothes and shoes, and took me out.

We didn't walk very far, about half an hour. Xiaoyu was afraid that I would be tired, so she led me to sit on a chair in the park. She told me the scenery here all the way. In fact, the few roads I just passed, Hearing her name, I already knew that this was the city where Shaoyi lived, and my heart couldn't help but feel a little uneasy.

After resting for a while, Xiaoyu asked me if I was thirsty. I nodded, but she hesitated for a while, and finally said: "Don't move here. I bought water and will be right back. It will only take a few minutes. Don't mess around." Run." She treated me like a child, afraid that I would get lost.

"Go, I'll wait for you here, Xiaoxue is with me." I comforted her.

Unexpectedly, not long after Xiaoyu left, Xiaoxue suddenly groaned in a low voice, and wanted to pull me up. I thought this is a park, and there would be no danger. Xiaoxue is a very smart spirit dog. You want to take me to find Xiaoyu.

I had no choice but to pick up the crutches and follow it. After walking for a while, Xiaoxue suddenly broke free from me and ran away. I couldn't see, so I had to walk a few steps forward. took it.

Unexpectedly, I accidentally fell down and was about to get up when I suddenly heard a person walking towards me, who seemed to be walking in a hurry. I thought it was Xiao Yu, but she was silent for a long time, and I reached out to touch her. At this time, a drop of water fell on the back of my hand. Could it be raining?

"Jinjin..." A familiar yet unfamiliar voice called out softly. Judging from her tone, she seemed to be crying.

My heart suddenly choked, and I almost fell to the ground again. The voice was Shaoyi, and her familiar smell, so clear, it was really her, my heart suddenly jumped wildly, and a feeling of suffocation was coming I was enveloped, and I wanted to answer her, but I couldn't open my mouth.

At this time Xiaoyu appeared, she said it was raining, she helped me up from the ground, exerted a lot of strength, my whole body could not stand still, so I could only lean on her arms.

I'm afraid I look ugly, I don't know how to speak, I asked Xiaoyu who she is.

I heard her cry. Even if she was sad in the past, at most she just shed tears silently, but at this moment, the cry she tried to suppress made me feel even more painful. I don't have the ability to love her, I can't care for her, even a hug, I can't give it now, I can't be her burden.Shaoyi, this is probably my fate, I am not qualified to be loved by you.

I grabbed Xiaoyu's hand in a panic, trying to escape, I was afraid that I would not be able to hold on, the moment I turned around, I heard Shaoyi's cry: "Jinjin, let's not miss it again, okay? I love you you!"

That I love you is the most touching and sad thing I have ever heard. I made the most difficult decision in my life and used all my strength to say the words that hurt her and me.

"Since I missed it, it means that there is no destiny. Why force it, girl, thank you... Thank you for your kindness. I am useless now, how can I be worthy of you? I hope to find another lover, I wish you happiness!"

She really doesn't believe that I've forgotten her, she's as smart as she is, even if the heart is full of grief, she can catch the truth in the subtleties, not to mention that I'm not pretending to be smart.

But the most unbearable thing for me is that she cried. If I hadn’t seen her sad face, I’m afraid I couldn’t hold it anymore. I told her again that I had forgotten the past, and asked her to take good care of herself. I can’t stay here any longer. When I went down, I felt weak all over.

Xiaoyu supported me all the way to leave, and took me into a car. I stopped talking all the way, but my body kept sweating. As soon as I stepped into the house, my throat felt sweet, and I couldn't hold it any longer. He spit out some blood, and in an instant, his mind was empty, his body was exhausted, and he fell down.

I had a very long dream, dreaming that I was dead, and Shaoyi was crying hysterically on my body, crying very sadly, I had never seen her so sad.

Shaoyi, what should I do so that you don't feel sad, even if I gave up my life, I couldn't get you out of reincarnation, and couldn't get you to be happy, what should I do.

When I woke up the next day, I felt tingling in the acupoints all over my body. It turned out that Xuan Er was doing acupuncture for me. Seeing me wake up, she said: "Xiao Yu, Jin Mu needs some nutrition, go buy some sweet and sour Let her eat some fruit."

Xiao Yu always listened to Xuan'er's words the most, and immediately got up and went out.

In fact, I know that Xuan'er has something to say to me.

"Jin Mu, are you feeling better? What's wrong?" Xuan'er asked softly.

"Much better." I replied.

"Well, yesterday you vomited out the congestion in your heart, which helped you, but you are still very weak now, I will make some tonic for you later."

"Thank you, Xuan'er."

She sighed softly, warm as spring water, caressing my heart, I feel comfortable all over.

"Jin Mu, your eyes may be saved, but no one can help you, you can only rely on yourself."

"Myself?" I asked, puzzled.

"Well, a clear mind is a clear eye, everything can be decided according to one's heart, don't make things difficult for yourself, okay?" Xuan'er stopped.

She pulled out acupuncture for me, and helped me massage for a long time. I only felt that my body seemed to have regained its vitality, so I asked her to help me walk in the hall.

I was walking back and forth, Yanyu was guiding me, after a while, Xuan'er brought me a soup and told me to drink it, I just finished drinking, then I heard Xiaoxue's running bell sound, probably Xiaoyu came back, Only someone she knew very well could Xiaoxue make such a happy voice.

Who knew it wasn't Xiaoyu, Yanyu said it was a neighbor, I was puzzled, Xuan'er Yanyu has never been in contact with outsiders, how could he invite a neighbor to the house.I asked politely what she called her.

"My surname is Qin." A familiar voice replied.

My heart tightened, my surname is Qin, yes, my Shaoyi in this mortal world is the daughter of the Qin family and the president of the Qin Group, I was both happy and surprised, unexpectedly, she came today.I didn't want to recognize her, so she approached me as a neighbor. She has always been so thoughtful, so that's fine, give each other some time, let's be neighbors first.

I remembered that I fell ill yesterday and didn't have time to change clothes and take a bath. I was afraid that I would look ugly. At this time, Xiaoyu just came back and hurriedly asked Xiaoyu to take me to take a bath. Later I realized that this incident actually hurt Shaoyi. She said She didn't even help me take a bath, and I went back to her. She was very determined, and she had to bathe and change me every day. I couldn't resist, so I had to accept it with shame.

The author has something to say:

When I wrote this chapter, I wrote it very quickly, and there was a feeling that it came out immediately. This is probably the day when the suffering will end, and the moon will see the moon when the clouds bloom.

Different from the feelings I wrote about Xuanyue and Yanyu at the time, I feel reluctant to part with them, but I love Shaoyi and Jinmu, and I can't help feeling sorry for them.what about you?