Dawn is coming

Jian Chengqi sat on the hospital bed, arched his thin back, and held the bottle of wine in his arms.He negotiated a deal with Gao Xinye, as long as he is willing to write a follow-up, he can drink.Gao Xinye showed great sincerity and did not stop Jian Chengqi from taking the first sip. "

"I don't want to write anymore... I, I'll just tell you, okay?" Song Qu still held the bottle and didn't let go, "Song Qu, Song Qu is 21 years old..."

He gasped for breath and closed his eyes wearily.As if traveling into another person's life, he struggled to speak again. He said that Song Qu went abroad when he was 21 years old.

"At that time, the European Union was still called the European Union, yes, the European Union. He should be communicating in a small place, maybe Eastern Europe, what countries are there in Eastern Europe, Eastern Europe... I don't know," Jian Chengqi had no clue, and said To drink, Gao Xinye unquestionably pressed the mouth of the bottle with his palm so that he could not lift the bottle.

"There are three Baltic countries in Eastern Europe," Gao Xinye said. "The current Latvia was called Latvia before the war."

"That's in Latvia." Knowing that Gao Xinye would not let him drink until he finished speaking, Jian Chengxi could only force himself to continue thinking.He said that Song Qu should be an exchange student there, and with a Schengen visa, he should have traveled to many other countries, which means that his family is quite wealthy, and his parents should have worked hard and worked hard. So Song Qu became a college student who could go abroad at that time.

If he commits suicide after graduation.

"But Lin Yun, um, that's his mother, and later she went to a university for the elderly." Jian Chengqi no longer "should" or "should", and some plots and settings are becoming more and more specific, which are more suitable than narratives. Take notes with a pen.

So he picked up the pen, stroke by stroke, and wrote about the 62-year-old Lin Yun who had recovered from the grief of losing his son four years later.Without the shackles of her children, she also divorced her husband who had no feelings for her.She finally got some free time and went to see all over the country. She is also studying English at the University for the Elderly, and is preparing to see the outside world in the future.

[I spend time and energy on myself, and I finally learned to love myself when I was 60 years old.Loving yourself is the best investment you can make. 】

Jian Chengxi's mood also calmed down a bit, and he drew a successful conclusion to this follow-up——

[I'm about to become the first college student in this family. 】

After writing this sentence, his eyes were bright, full of blessings.

But in the next second, all the light in his eyes fell out.After adding another sentence, he cried aloud. The strength of his hands when pouring the wine exceeded Gao Xinye's expectations, and a lot of liquid spilled on the table, blurring the sentence—【I am the only one in this family. 】

"I really can't do it anymore, what am I writing? What the hell, I..." He let go of his hand without any hesitation, and stopped looking at all the previous ones.

"Let me tell you the truth, the truth," he tightly grasped Gao Xinye's arm, like grasping a straw, like facing a priest who listened to his confession.

Jian Chengqi said, "My parents were killed by me."

"It was an accident, a car accident." Gao Xinye wiped his tears with his other hand, "It wasn't your fault, it was unexpected."

"I'm not talking about a car accident, I..." Jian Chengqi shook his head desperately, his voice was hoarse.

"I didn't want to sign that article from the beginning, because I felt that the second half was not written by me, and I didn't want to use my name. But before it was published, I, I went home." He said , "When my mother helped me pack my luggage, I saw the manuscript of that article."

"Then she showed it to my father too, and when I found out, they finished it too. They...they laughed."

"They laughed at me!" Jian Chengqi was really about to collapse, "They said it was definitely not written by me, that I couldn't write these political opinions, and asked if I copied it from somewhere, and they...they laughed at me."

"They are so busy. Every time they meet me face to face, they always say what is wrong with me and what should be changed. They never, seldom tell me, son, you are great, you are very good. They just say, You are an omega. Other omega are all studying the major chosen by their parents, and they will not go to places so far away from the capital. Why do you have to be different? You must study art history. What if you can’t find a job in the future? They don’t I feel that I can support myself by studying my favorite major. They often arrange alpha recognition for me. They also think that no one will like me, so they need to find a way. In their eyes, I always seem to be very bad. I finished the book, and they also asked me, did I give the publishing house money to publish it, they...they are my biological parents, how can there be people who don't want to be affirmed by their biological parents!"

"So I insisted on using my name, and the later pen name was also a homonym of my name. I thought at the time that the magazine had such a large circulation and the topic was serious, so they would always recognize me. They would always be willing to take care of me. Look at me and tell me, son, you are fine too. I really want, really want to hear them say such a sentence, I want to hear them say, they look forward to me, look forward to it."

"I hurt them, me! Something happened to me, and only they have been helping me find a way to find a lawyer, but if I didn't try to be brave, I must sign my name, and nothing would happen. It was me, me. It's the one who deserves to die!"

He had already been embraced by Gao Xinye, buried his face in the other's chest, and said in despair, "It's me who should have died at the age of 21."

Those were his last words before more tears burst, and he cried and cried.Jian Chengxi is such a restrained and quiet person, but that night, he vented all the emotions he had suppressed for more than 20 years, as if he had really died once.

But he was still alive, and it was Song Qu who died for him.When he created this character, he thought that if Song Qu didn't commit suicide, he would have to commit suicide.Of course Song Qu is not Jian Chengqi, but all the emotions that Song Qu carries belong to Jian Chengqi.Now Song Qu is really dead. He died four years ago. When he died, neither his parents nor his lover could save him.

Because he didn't want to save himself.

When Jian Chengqi killed Song Qu with a pen, he also killed himself.

"Okay, he's dead." Gao Xinye also accepted the fact, "What about Lin Yuan? Where was Lin Yuan when Song Qu died?"

"He tried to find him and save him, but it was too late. He tried, so he will not feel too guilty in the days to come, and will start a new life again."

"...Do you think he loves Song Qu so much, can he just start a new life so lightly?"

"Otherwise? He doesn't owe Song Qu, and he has no obligation to save Song Qu again and again, even if he loves him." Jian Chengqi calmed down instead, and said to Gaoxin Yexu: "You know Fedor Why don't you approve me, because he thinks my logic is unbelievable, and thinks I'm naive and stupid. He said, you are in your 20s, and you have even been in prison. How can you still believe that love can save everything? He said , Said that love can't save even one person, because there is no love that does not expect anything in return. So time, time will smooth everything out, and he will gradually forget about Song Qu. Lin Yuan's love for Song Qu will eventually come to an end One day, it will disappear."

"Then you have to give him a follow-up, you have to, you..." Gao Xinye almost gritted his teeth and said, "You have to let them have a formal farewell, right? If there is no farewell, Lin Yuan How could he truly be free? If one day, he suddenly thought of a person named Song Qu in his life, and remembered that he could almost save him, and that his living water could almost be irrigated into that ditch again, he thought of himself... ..."

Gao Xinye couldn't go on.

"Then I write that they will go to the European Union together, that is, Europe in 2023, and go to all the places Song Qu has been to. This is a farewell." Jian Chengqi is already talking to himself, " I still have to write, yes, finish the follow-up, so that they are relieved, and I am also relieved."

He quickly picked up the pen, but the tip of the pen stayed on the paper for a long time until it was broken, and he didn't write another word.

"I can't write anymore! I...my mother also wants to go to the European Union. Although the visa is very complicated, it is not impossible to get out. She told me many times that when they are not so busy, we will A family of four went to the European Union to play together. How could they really laugh at me? They knew that it was hard to find a job in this major, so they prepared a sum of money for me to study abroad. , that money was finally used to find a lawyer, to find a doorway... They were so kind to me, so good, I just remember that they never affirmed me with words, they...they can no longer see what the outside world is What's up?"

After vomiting the last sentence, Jian Chengxi fainted from exhaustion.This time he didn't dream anymore, and in the darkness of lack, he didn't even feel lonely.

But he was still breathing, alive.

No matter how much he resisted, he still opened his eyes dully three days later.He was still lying on that hospital bed, but Gao Xinye beside the bed did not rest on his stomach, but when his eyelashes began to flutter delicately, he moved closer nervously, with a hint of expectation in his expression.

This kind of anticipation can't be hidden after Jian Chengqi can get out of bed and walk, and won't spit out what he eats.I don't know how long it took, but on an ordinary morning, when Jian Chengqi woke up again, Gao Xinye handed him two hardcover books.

The book was as big as a palm, with gold letters on a red background on the cover, from top to bottom were the national emblem of the United States of America, the full name of the United States of America, and two big words——

passport.

Jian Chengqi didn't speak, nor did he open his passport.He just held it with both hands, and traced the two words back and forth with his fingertips, as if to confirm whether it was true or not.

"Why don't you open it and have a look? The visa inside is valid for 30 days." Gao Xinye said, "Visa for the European Union."

"...What do you mean?" Jian Chengqi asked blankly.

"Didn't you say before that Song Qu's mother and Lin Yuan traveled to Europe together? Since you want to write this, then let's go to the European Union together." Gao Xinye looked at him seriously, "In the last century, Europe is not the main battlefield, so even if a few historical relics are destroyed, they are basically restored. Most of the cultural relics lost in the past 100 years have also been returned to their original places. For example, the painting "Innocent" is now hidden in a private museum in Paris inside."

"You know these things better than me," Gao Xinye smiled lightly, "You can see the paintings, sculptures, and buildings you wrote before when we went to the European Union. We can go to a lot of fine arts Museums, museums, palaces and monuments, wherever you want to go, we will go there. The most important thing is..."

His voice trembled, then he cleared his cough and continued:

"On top of that, it's already April."

He looked at Jian Chengqi without blinking, his amber pupils were pure in color, which could easily make people feel cold, and only when facing Jian Chengqi would his eyes be full of sincerity.

"If we set off tomorrow and head east from Western Europe, we will arrive in Lafayette in May. The latitude of Lagoon is high, and the temperature is much lower than in southern Europe, but if it is May, the wind in the Baltic Sea will be warm."

He paused for a moment, and then spoke again, just like Jian Chengqi invited him back to the south, he said Chengqi, spring is here.

"Spring," he said, "shall we go out into the world and see spring?"