Dawn is coming

Jian Chengxi chatted with the policewoman for a while that day. He really wanted to turn the story over, so he said without hesitation, you know, that was the first time I was called a little bitch in 25 years of my life.

In Jian Chengqi's cognition, let alone little bitch, little girls are insulting words.When he was very young, he asked his mother at the dinner table what *** was. His mother put down the dishes and asked him where he saw the word.

"In the book..." Jian Chengqi seldom saw his mother look so serious, and when he got nervous, he forgot what the popular science book was called.At that time, his parents were very busy, busy with work and earning money, and they were very perfunctory in eating. They were also very hard. They could only provide better materials for the two children by sacrificing time with them. Life.For this time, they asked Jian Chengxi to live in school since elementary school, and he could only come back one day a week, but Jian Chengxi especially wanted to sit with his parents to have a good meal and talk with his parents like other children of this age.

But he seems to have found a topic that is considered unspeakable in this family.

"You'll be a beta, like everyone else," his mother had said at the time. "Betas don't need to know that."

That year, Jian Chengxi was eight years old, and he was still ignorant. He realized from his mother's attitude that everything related to sex seemed to be unseemly. In more common terms, sex is dirty. of. School education in the 23rd century is as traditional as his family in this aspect. A lot of reading endows him with a restrained and gentle temperament, subtly screening the people around him for him.He really didn't have any particularly close friends, but when he was 17 years old and suddenly had a tantrum in class, those beta classmates and teachers all protected him, accompanied him to the rescue center, and didn't let any alpha touch him.Later, when he wanted to go back to his original high school to continue his classes, the school leaders did not make things difficult for him, nor did his teachers and classmates whisper and criticize him because of the division.

To a certain extent, he is indeed lucky. Even in prison, the inmates know that he came in by writing articles, and they will pay attention to the words when talking to him. Before prison, Jiang Xiaozheng joked that he seemed to be here to recuperate.Those two or three years of isolation may not be a bad thing for him. The whole world is looking for where the author of "Recalling the Golden Age" is, whether he defected from the country or went to prison, or just like the plane 20 years ago. Disappeared, and Jian Chengxi was alone. If he was found, there is a high probability that he would still be involved in political struggles, so he was at least safe in prison. He could not write, but what book he wanted later, the prison guards basically No one will refuse.This kind of treatment is completely different from Fedor's life in prison, so every time he reads the story written by Jian Chengqi, he will be puzzled and ask him why he didn't show a strong appeal for resistance, why he never Suffering came, still docile like a sheep.

"Think about the discussion groups you've been in," Fedor said. "That's what young people should look like."

Of course he remembered being in that discussion group before, as long as it talked about the golden age, everyone was eloquent and couldn't finish it.The group of students in the group especially liked the Constitution of that era, and would read it to everyone as passionately as a classic novel.This constitution is the hope of many people, because if the order-maintaining government revokes the temporary wartime decree one day in the future, the final version of the new constitution of the United States of America will be revised on the basis of this one.

The remembrance of the past made them look forward to the future so passionately that at the last gathering, when the secret police broke in and handcuffed everyone without explanation, some bold students said outrageously that they were infringing on civil liberties.

They squatted in a row in the corner, and the police took the Constitution of the Republic, and according to what the student said, they turned to Article 2, No. 30, which stated that citizens have the freedom of speech, publication, assembly, association, procession, and demonstration.

Then the police slapped the constitution on the student's face, and taunted him, saying that he is not stupid because of reading, now it is the United States of America.

Before that day, the discussion group organized by Liu Jiaan had been watched by the secret police for three months, and the members of the group also had their eyeliners, who recorded the contents of several exchange meetings in the form of audio recordings.Jian Chengxi's voice rarely appeared, he just typed fast, so he was usually responsible for recording everyone's remarks, and then sorted them out and published them in the school newspaper.

He was actually the most dissociative one in that group. Without Liu Jiaan's invitation, Jian Chengqi, who wrote about two people who couldn't get along in their relationship, would not have been able to get in touch with these energetic people.In that group, there were the best students in the capital at that time, who were ambitious to criticize the current problems, and there were also second-generation students like Zhang Cheng. Their views always came from another angle, or class.At first they also had reservations, and they did not hide their disdain for ordinary students.

But seeking common ground while reserving differences in a calm manner will move people, and once the gate is opened, it cannot be closed.Young people are the most energetic and, as the verdict says, "make mistakes".

The representative of this mistake that everyone needs to be warned about is Jian Chengqi. When the articles in the school newspaper and the manuscript of "Reminiscing the Golden Age" are presented as evidence, those words are all said by Jian Chengqi. That article It's even more obvious that he wrote it.

He was also the most severely sentenced among the group of students.

But if you listen carefully to the dozens of hours of recordings, you will find that those young people in their early 20s didn't say anything excessive, they just got together and talked about everything from trivial matters to ancient and modern events.Jian Chengqi is always the most silent one, one is that his temperament is reserved, and the other is that he can only remember when others are talking and communicating, and has no time to interject.

But if you talk about the first few decades of the golden age, Jian Chengqi's typing hands can finally relax. The recording can't show the embarrassment on everyone's faces when they talked about those decades. Looking at each other, I felt that there was nothing to talk about. In the end, Liu Jiaan jokingly broke the silence, saying that we should call the first half of the 21st century the silent age.

And Song Qu lived in that era.

[In his eyes, 2019 has not changed much compared to 2018, and the situation is even worse.He doesn't know whether the hopeful tomorrow will be a better life or a miserable world, because today is more desperate than yesterday.

He is then tempted to commit suicide, he rejects the possibility of a worse tomorrow. 】

Jian Chengqi typed this sentence in the document, biting his lips habitually, looking at the small horizontal bar that danced behind the two words "suicide".The predicament facing Song Qu in his works is not so much the pursuit of freedom, but as a sexual minority, how should he be recognized by the society, even if he can't, can his closest people accept his difference instead of letting him be recognized by the society? He discards his innate individuality.

Jian Chengxi wrote this part of the draft in a small coffee shop. He likes to sit in the corner of any shop, typing on the keyboard from morning to night. For others, imagine the story behind their facial expressions.He also thinks of himself, of his parents naming him Cheng Qi, hoping that he can walk the path that most people have walked, and live a smooth and stable life.If they were also Song Qu's parents, they would certainly not be able to accept that their son was gay. Their son was different, and fear was different in that era.

But Lin Yuan can accept Song Qu's difference.

He still goes to the studio to help every day, and he can see that little student named Lin Yuan every day.His face was always full of smiles, and once he pressed half of his face against the glass door, stuck out his tongue and made a face at Jian Chengqi, making him laugh too.He is only five years old and knows how to take care of people. When his twin brother's sleeve fell off when he was painting, he would put down the tools in his hand and help his brother fix it before continuing to draw.Every time Jian Chengqi sees Xiao Linyuan like this, his heart will warm.He thought that if there was such a Lin Yuan beside Song Qu, who was sincere, warm and innocent, he might be infected too. Even if the current environment is depressing, he would have hope for the future.

And beautiful hope and love will always give people the courage to live.

He then wrote about the college life of Song Qu and Lin Yuan, a world that can force people to commit suicide, and also allow two teenagers to reap love.They looked at each other through the eyes of the crowd, they consciously caught the chopsticks in each other's plate after eating together, they blew each other's breath after being blinded by the sand, they secretly held hands in public class, and they kissed at the bottom of the deep pool... That's what he's good at. He just writes about two people falling in love.

But as he writes, he also falls into self-doubt.Fedor’s words still linger in his ears. He knows that if he tells him this story, he will like the metaphorical suicide at the beginning, and the bloody nature of young people who would rather be broken than whole. But when the follow-up turns into a love story, he will definitely scoff and say that this is not the development he expected.

Jian Chengxi cared a lot about whether others expected it, so he called Gao Xinye.Before that, he wrote too much, and the time passed into the story.Only after that phone call did he realize that they had only been separated for a few days, not the dozens of days and months in the story.The environment at Gaoxinye was very quiet. After hearing Jian Chengqi's doubts, he just smiled and asked, "Then do you think Fedor can write such a 'little love, a little love'?"

Jian Chengqi hesitated and said, "He doesn't know how to write 'Xiaoqingxiaoai', the intention is too limited."

Gao Xinye insisted on asking: "Can he write it?"

"...Probably not." Jian Chengqi was sure, "He won't."

"That's right, he can't write like that, and neither can anyone else, only Jian Chengqi can. That's not a limitation, even if it is, it's your unique limitation," Gao Xinye said, "The unique is worthy of liking. "

"Then are you looking forward to this story?" Jian Chengqi asked very unconfidently, as if Gao Xinye's answer was "no" and he made some suggestions, he would also change according to those suggestions.

"Of course I'm looking forward to it, but..." He seemed to change his hand to hold the phone, so his voice paused, "but the pen is in your hand. It's not a question of whether others expect it or not, it's a question of how you want to write."

"Write what you want," he said, "don't even care if I expect it or not, just write what you most want to write."

Jian Chengqi was moved and speechless for a long time, and finally he was about to speak when he heard someone calling him "Colonel Gao" on the other end of the phone.

"Are you busy?" Jian Chengqi heard the sound of the equipment working, and asked, "Are you in the hospital?"

"...No." Gao Xinye hesitated briefly, "In a scientific research institute."

"then I will not bother you?"

"Okay," Gao Xinye said with a chuckle, "Then I won't disturb your cheating and writing novels."

"You...!" Jian Chengqi blushed, and didn't know what to say to refute, so he was a little shy and didn't want to talk.I don't know if it's an auditory hallucination, Jian Chengqi's ears got a gasp of air-conditioning, but before he could find out, Gao Xinye hung up the phone directly.He sat in the corner of the coffee shop, watched the screen turn on and off, and wanted to dial it back, but was afraid that Gao Xinye was really busy and he would disturb him.

He then continued to write until the sky outside the window became overcast, with a predictable downpour, and he was ready to return to the residence.

He first went to the restroom of the mall, and when Jian Chengqi entered, the cubicles were basically empty.He just entered the innermost one. When he opened the door again, he was about to take out his mobile phone, and he didn't pay attention to the surrounding environment at all. Therefore, after being pushed into the compartment by external force, his first reaction was not to make a sound, but to look up. who.

The man's peaked cap was pressed down very low, but even if he turned into ashes, Jian Chengxi could still recognize him.He took a deep breath, pushed the man away to go out, the man grabbed his wrist, put his index finger on his lips with the other hand, hoping that Jian Chengxi would not speak.

"Listen to me first!" Liu Jiaan's voice was very low, but the urgency in his tone remained unchanged.His posture was also very low, with his knees slightly bent, as if Jian Chengqi could hear him finish his sentence, and he would be fine even if he knelt down.

"You come to this address tonight," he slipped a note to Jian Chengqi, "I'll take you to a safe place."

"What do you mean?" Jian Chengqi didn't understand, so he didn't answer the note, "I'm safe now."

"Don't be afraid, Cheng Qi, I know why you treated me so badly in the hospital. It's because of the Alpha, right? He... Zhang Cheng said he knew the Alpha, who used to be from the National Security Bureau, and specialized in special missions," Liu Jiaan lowered his voice again, "I've figured it out in the past few days. When you go out of the bathroom door, look to the left. There is an Alpha wearing a gray round collar holding a shopping bag. When you turn the corner or get on the bus, look back. You'll find them following you all the time."

"Always!" Liu Jia'an emphasized, "there is another one who wears glasses, and both are Alpha, but they both use pheromone camouflage agents, which are changed every day."

"Then how do you know?" Jian Chengqi remained calm and asked, "If you hadn't followed me all the time, would you have discovered this?"

"Can it be the same? I'm worried about you, otherwise how could I find out that you are being watched by that alpha!" Liu Jiaan took a small step forward and said urgently, "It must be that Alpha, he must have sent someone to monitor you all the time ah!"

Jian Chengqi's shoulders trembled slightly.

Three years in prison have made him particularly sensitive to certain words, and he will feel creepy when he hears them. "Surveillance" is one of them.After he was released from prison, his personal freedom was restricted for half a month, and he was watched by the secret police when he went in and out. He was not released from house arrest until Fedor arrived.But Fedor didn’t tell him what he wanted. It wasn’t until they had more and more disagreements on the theme of creation that Fedor told him that without another person’s entrustment, he would never be in a writer with such a small structure. Take so much time and effort.

"Are you really Jian Chengqi who was imprisoned because of "Reminiscence of the Golden Age"?" Fedor asked, "Why did you have the heart to look forward to the future by reminiscing the past three years ago, and what you want to write now is just... …love?"

"Because I didn't write that article!" Those were the last words Jian Chengqi said to his idol, and then he left the capital that night and went to East Fifth District.He left like he couldn't accept criticism and guidance, and his words sounded like he was in a hurry.

But Jian Chengxi didn't lie. Everyone around him, all the education he received, and all the books he read made meekness and self-restraint carved into his bones. He couldn't even utter dirty words. How could he learn to refuse to talk to her? lie.

He is like the name of the painting, he is the most innocent of all.

He even pointed to the place where Liu Jiaan's conscience rested and argued with him, his anger was restrained and not mixed in his tone.

"The way you care about me is to let me admit in court that the words I typed and recorded are all fabricated by myself." He asked, "This is the way you care about me? Let me take the blame for the second generation of the rich and powerful , and then you got a living secretary."

After finishing speaking, he turned his head away and did not go to see Liu Jiaan.Liu Jia'an could see the injury on the back of his neck, he is a beta, even three years ago when his gonads were intact, he couldn't smell Jian Chengqi's pheromone.

He also knew that Jian Chengxi had a good impression of him at the time, but Liu Jia'an was so beautiful back then, and there was no shortage of Jian Chengxi's admirers, so he put on an unknowingly lofty posture, and at the same time took advantage of Jian Chengxi's small fame to get in and out Some venues, such as Wenxingtang four years ago.Jian Chengqi was afraid of strangers, so he hugged his shoulders from time to time as a comfort, and he would also do other intimate gestures. At that time, someone asked Liu Jiaan alone if they were a couple. Liu Jiaan smiled and did not answer, but did not shake his head to deny it.Without what happened afterwards, Liu Jiaan might rely on his contacts to succeed in his official career, and Jian Chengqi would continue to be a small writer.Of course they won't be a couple, but at least they can still be friends.

rather than as it is now.

"The alpha you mentioned never forced me," Jian Chengqi affirmed, even if he just knew that he was being watched, he still believed in Gao Xinye.

He said, "I don't need you to worry about my life."

Liu Jiaan was speechless for a moment.

"Your brother..." Liu Jia'an's voice was dry, "Jian Li has a letter with me. I, I didn't have the face to go to prison to see you, but I kept that letter—"

"My brother won't write to me." Jian Chengqi interrupted him, "We haven't been in touch for three years."

"I didn't lie to you. The letter was from three years ago. After your parents had a car accident, he was busy taking care of your mother. He couldn't spare time to visit the prison or contact anyone else, so he gave it to me." Liu Jiaan wrote He took a step back, lowered his head, and lowered his voice, "I've kept it well, and I'm waiting to hand it over to you. If you're worried, I'll deliver the letter to your place of residence." Liu Jiaan spoke very carefully. .

Also very tempting.

"The relationship between your brothers was so good before, you must also want to see what he wrote," he asked, "right."

Jian Chengqi looked at him, his inconspicuous Adam's apple twitched, and he didn't refute.