Loyal servant

He knew that I lived in the Central Plains before, but he didn't want to ask me more.In order for the tribe to accept me, he told everyone that I was his child.

However, after listening to his story, my memory is still hazy and I still can't believe it all.

"My child, 'Yolidanmu' is my sister's name. She said that if her child is a boy in the future, he will be called Yeli; if it is a girl, he will be called Fanta." The leader said.

His words were firm: "Besides, you still have a token belonging to Sister!",

I turned my head away from him, "Anyway, it all came too suddenly to me. I, I can't accept..."

He pinched my jaw with his hand, turned my face to the side, stared straight at my shrinking pupils with sharp eyes, and said slowly: "You have the blood of Qiang warriors..." He narrowed his eyes , looked at my face carefully, "You are sister's child."

"You belong to the grassland and belong to the Qiang nationality. From the moment you were born, you have formed an inseparable bond with the blood wolf."

"Fate is not something you can choose, child."

"Assume your bloodline."

"I don't want to push you...but look forward to your return." That retro-reminiscent intensity was on his face again.

I think of her.

I imagined that my mother was wearing a Qiang skirt, standing on the other side of the grassland with her back to me, and the soft wind was blowing her long hair and the hem of her clothes.When I was young, I ran towards her excitedly. She turned her head and knelt down to hug me. I buried my head in her arms, and we melted together in the warm sunlight.

As it is, I cannot escape it.At this moment, I discovered that I had always been attached to my mother and the unconditional warmth she gave me.

This is her hometown, where she grew up and had the best time.

Will she also be nostalgic for her hometown?Did she feel sad every time she sang home songs for me?Was I, who is related to her by blood, once a shackle she couldn't get rid of?

Was everything wrong from the beginning?

I suddenly understood why you pressed me every step of the way in the final battle on the border. You may know my life experience better than me, and also understand my weakness and wavering.

My injury is more than half healed.

Life on the prairie was unexpectedly easy, without the need to practice hard under the scorching sun, study tactics, and stay away from bloody battlefields.

I follow "Abba" to manage the camp every day.Sometimes Fanta pestered me to play her games, sometimes herding and hunting like an ordinary Qiang man, sometimes just looking at the blue sky and white clouds, like an ordinary Qiang youth.

The totem of the wolf is made on every ornament, and the strong man walks slowly in the vast grassland, driving groups of snow-white cattle and sheep.The women sat together to weave blankets or cook a large piece of beef. Fanta and the lamb snuggled together to keep warm and sleep soundly, and they were taken out by Abba in the middle of the night.

Nations that are going through war seem to value the ephemeral peace that exists more.In the watery night sky, the stars are always too bright.I don't know who hummed that Qiang ditty that everyone is familiar with.

This is a completely unfamiliar picture, and it is also my life now.

It turns out that hidden under the bloody mask of war, the enemies I once hated are no different from the civilians I guarded. They are equally gentle and have a simple smile.

It turns out that they, like my compatriots, also have parents and relatives, and love their homeland deeply.From the very beginning, this has been an unreasonable war.

Because of the leader's instructions, I spent most of the day hunting with my peers.Riding a horse gallops through the forest, taking the life of the prey with a not-so-sophisticated bow.We brought back a full load of game, and our people cheered us.

After an unintentional demonstration of swordsmanship and riding and shooting, the young people in the clan gradually looked at me, the "young master" who was airborne.The Qiang people worship the "blood wolf" and worship the strong.

I like their simple principles of doing things.

After conquering the outstanding young people who came to challenge me, I have faintly become the core of young people in the clan.Everything is within the scope of the leader's plan. I have to say that "Abba" is a very powerful leader.

Wearing the Qiang costume, I walked to the secluded grassland, the sun poured down from the top of my head, and shimmered down the drooping hem of the clothes.

I found Fanta on the grass. She was sitting in the grass, and the autumn grass covered half of her body.The girl half hugged the pony and combed its hair with her fingers.

"Brother Nori! You found me." She raised her face and smiled at me.

"I'm not your brother."

She froze for a moment, seemed a little hurt, but immediately smiled indifferently, "Yoli will definitely remember, you are our family!"

"The leader is looking for you, it's not safe here, go back." I ignored her words and threw the cloak I brought over her head, covering her entire upper body.

"If you want, you can call me brother..." I turned around and whispered.

Fanta didn't hear me, she didn't respond.I breathed a sigh of relief, not knowing why I said that.

Fanta is the adopted daughter of the leader, and I am the nephew who suddenly appeared. The two people are so indifferent. There is no reason for us to get closer.

Over the past 20 years, I have judged right from wrong as a member of Daliang, received training, and continued the family's loyalty, love and hatred.

Now, I return to my mother clan.Reverse my life, for my mother, for my wrong prejudices, and to make up for my sins.I'm not sad, I'm the one who has lost it all.

Sometimes I am immersed in the ease of forgetting the past, and sometimes I suddenly feel strange and have doubts about everything that is too natural.

Is the past in memory just false?

Born in the grasslands, grew up with partners who have the same face.Learn to ride a horse, learn to play the piano, and believe in the great blood wolf.

Should this be me?

Could this fiery love be deceiving?

----

Once again I came to the river alone at night and looked towards the east.In fact, I can't see too far away. The towering and continuous mountains block my sight. I whisper to the passing wind, and the wind sends my love.

I thought of you again.

I'm guilty.I have bowed to you three times and kowtowed nine times, and I have sworn my loyalty with my life.You bestowed upon me all the glory and honor, bestowed upon me the will, and entrusted me with the heavy responsibility of defending the border and defending the country.

And now, I live among your enemies, I live happily with my former enemies, and I do not contradict their curses on you and the country you represent.

Although I know that all this is a trick of fate, so ridiculous.But I couldn't suppress the torment of betrayal.Because to be honest in my heart, I didn’t stay here only because of my responsibility and blood relationship, but I really fell in love with the people and scenery here, and I was no longer loyal.

I am cowardly, and I am bound by blood and family.When I swore an oath to you with a sword five years ago, I thought my loyalty was flawless, but in fact, I am not as tough as I imagined.

Perhaps in that war, at the moment when I personally gave orders contrary to yours, perhaps before that, something changed between us.

I closed my eyes and covered my chest, silently licking the overflowing bitterness.Noble Son of Heaven, can I return to your side, kneel down at the steps, and accept your sentence?

Impossible... I am no longer your most loyal servant.

I am truly a descendant of the Qiang people, but it is impossible for me to be your enemy.I can't choose to put aside everything in the past and stand on the opposite side of you.For me, this is the golden Buddha statue who personally destroys the temple of my heart.

The towering mountains in front of me and the patches of grass blocked my sight.I gripped the stone carving hanging on my chest tightly and made up my mind——

It's time to change everything.