deep cabinet

"DN's Reflection" continues from record56

I was called by A to work overtime at the company that day.He seemed to have everything planned.

We worked late at the office and made out, and then we got ready to go to the hotel.

As a result, while waiting for the elevator, I met the leader of the company. As soon as this guy heard that there was a lecture, he immediately forgot about the previous plan.

He cut patterns so fast I couldn't keep up.I just feel suffocated kidney pain.

He sometimes takes his work too seriously.

After listening to the lecture, drinking with the leader is also very hard.

I was taken back to my uncle's house at night when I was drunk, and I continued the plan that I hadn't executed before. (I???)

He was barely conscious at the time.

Under my guidance, movements are possible, but complicated ones cannot be done.

I just let him move his hands. (hold your hand?)

Because it was the first time, I was very excited, so I tried my best not to touch his hands, but it sprayed all over his shoes, so I quickly wiped it off. (Why did I suddenly remember the dream I had during the winter vacation)

I think the book is right, physical touch can really enhance the relationship. (what book???)

The days that followed were wonderful, happy and at ease, and I didn’t feel tired of working overtime with him, and went out to play together when I had time.

But in retrospect, my understanding of the status of the two was relatively one-sided.He may not be on my level.After all, he didn't remember anything about that night.

Later, while my uncle and aunt were out, I let him stay overnight, planning to go further.

As a result, the physical contact that night backfired.

Because I failed, I couldn't get in no matter how I tried.

At that time, I was not overly entangled, and I felt that this kind of thing would definitely work if I tried it a few times.

But looking back now, our feelings must have been out of sync again.He may take this matter more seriously. (I don't)

Especially the next morning when we were in bed, we were bumped into each other by our uncle and aunt.

No one was mentally prepared, and it must have been handled well enough.

Combined with the frustration of the night before, I think it all shook A a little bit, and maybe made him feel that we were not doing the right thing.

This is something I only figured out now. I was careless at the time, and I couldn't see the change in A's mind at all.

Until he returned to school after the internship first, and proposed to break up with me.

I also behaved in a daze, and even got angry with him, thinking how could he just let it go so easily.

He told me that it would end sooner or later, and that sooner rather than later, I also mocked him, saying that he really likes to do everything one step earlier, even breaking up.

Probably at that time, I just blindly thought that I was more involved than him.

In breaking up, A performed much better than me.

He also tried to maintain a friendly relationship with me, but I acted like a jerk and didn't accept his favor.

It's just that the kindle was broken, so I yelled at him too.He compensated me, but I don't want it.It's like finding fault on purpose.

On the one hand, I miss him unreasonably.On the road, I mistook others for him several times.

Finally got out of control on the court once.

While he was passing by, throw the ball and hit him.

And he didn't get angry, and he played together, and I was a little happy.But when he was dribbling, he deliberately played him, bullying him that he was not good at kicking.It was satisfying to finally annoy him and roll together.

I was so naive at the time, but fortunately he didn't take it to heart, and soon he needed someone to accompany him in the operation, and the first thing he thought of was me.

I was very happy to be asked for help by him.But objectively speaking, I don't think he has reached the point where surgery is necessary.Or it's because of his habit of doing everything in advance.

He had a rough recovery after surgery.That fellow doctor is not reliable.

On the good side, I think A has let go of some psychological burden through this operation.He used to be shy about his back, but after this operation, he can face up to his back. (I???)

During the period when the rental house was recovering, he had to take pictures of his back every day to show the doctor. He was coping with it at first, but then he gradually let go.

I kind of miss the time in the rental house.

Kind of like actually living life.

He can also cook, and he is very confident in his cooking skills, saying that his younger brother loves his dishes the most.

But objectively speaking, the way he cooks is better than the taste of what he cooks.Later, I asked his brother, and he said that he didn't like A's dishes very much, he just thought it was good to eat some. (I???)

Not long after his recovery, it will be New Year's Day.

It is obvious that there is not much time left together.

Getting along has become peaceful, and we often study together and run together.It is self-evident that there will be no reunion.

But after all, I feel that I have no confidence in competing with time.

Whenever it comes to time, he will show a little scrupulousness.Also deliberately avoid talking about the future.

I would have thought more then.

I wondered if I was too ill-considered in proposing a relationship with a time limit.

But I haven't been able to have a good talk with A.

Although we are together every day, it seems that our minds are developing in different directions.I think he's already planning how to wrap it up properly.

My ticket was booked long ago, and I hesitated whether to postpone it for a few days.

In the end, I decided not to procrastinate, and went back to my hometown after the exam.

As a result, just after the exam, A suddenly proposed to go to a rental house, and he said he would try again.

I was actually worried about whether he would fully recover in the future. After all, it was only about a month since the operation, but seeing how hopeful he was, I didn't want to discourage him, so I postponed the ticket for one day. (I???)

This time, we finally succeeded.

It is not an exaggeration to describe it as conquering.

A said that the whole process was extremely painful, but there was a point in time when the feeling was particularly clear and profound, which might be cool or not, and it was the first time I had that feeling.

I didn't understand at the time what this feeling meant.

When I got on the train back to my hometown, when A angrily caught up with me and kissed me, I realized it.

I am all too familiar with this kind of anger, just like the anger I had when he broke up with me.

It turned out that this physical breakthrough also gave him a breakthrough in dealing with emotions.The book was right. (What book? How can there be a book!)

So I was so happy at the time.

I know that A is deliberately letting everyone in the car know that I am gay, but what does it matter?

I didn't switch cars either.