deep cabinet

I think it's hard for me to clean myself up.

As you guys said, in front of DN, I often have moments where I can't explain it.

Unless—he just likes to see me being speechless(?)

I always thought that I was smooth enough, and that I was always considerate in dealing with people and the world.

Now I can see clearly that my smoothness is actually very superficial, but my daily contact with teachers and classmates is also very superficial, and I have maintained it well.Once the contact is deep, I am not so comfortable.For example, my girlfriend, I was eaten to death by her.

What's more, DN is such a straightforward person, it has become normal for me to be exposed.

And I found that there are new people who are thinking about how to expose me.

At the beginning, I received a call from the teacher of the Youth League Committee, saying that someone had made an appointment for a psychological interview.

Since I was in my senior year, I seldom have time to go to the counseling room (after all, I don’t have as much homework as my junior year, I have to go to the counseling room for self-study), but before the Youth League Committee finds a new person to replace me, I still have the obligation, So be prepared and go on time.

The person who came to consult that day was a boy. His appearance...is not important, let's call him nobody.

When he made an appointment, he said that he was troubled by sexual orientation, and he especially hoped to communicate with someone who understands him, and then the teacher of the youth league committee recommended me? ? ? (Obviously there are other soldiers in the consulting room)

At the beginning of the conversation, nobody first described his own mental journey, probably because he was so absorbed in his studies in high school that he didn’t notice his development. One day after entering college, he suddenly found himself interested in men, and then panicked blahblah

It seems that if there were more classes in college, he wouldn't bother to find out that he was gay.

Well, some people may complain that I am too unprofessional, but to be honest, nobody's description at the time was really like an endorsement.

I really like to hear how people find out that they are gay. Although it is the same, but there will be some very personal details to poke you, but nobody's description will not.

After he finished talking about himself, he started asking me.

Ask me have I ever had a crush on a boy?

Ask me have I had intimate experiences with the same sex?

Ask me if it bothers me if a guy has a crush on me.

In short, he just gave me a feeling that he didn't come to talk about himself, he came to prove that I am also gay.This makes me a little uncomfortable.

I don't remember showing any impatience at that time, if so, I apologize to nobody.

Because I reflected afterwards, many psychologists have said one thing, what you see in others is actually yourself.

I was made uncomfortable by nobody, maybe because I thought of myself and DN. When I first came into contact with DN, I also wanted to prove that he was gay, so it must have caused trouble for him.

Until one day later, I found out that nobody knew Xiao Shan.

Xiaoshan has gotten closer to my girlfriend recently, as you all know.It seems that according to the routine of the novel, he will form a cp with my girlfriend, but I am not writing a novel.

There is an objective reason for the two of them to get close. They are in the same college, they are fellow villagers, and their personalities are somewhat similar.If Xiaoshan really had an affair with my girlfriend, it was probably because he wanted to hurt me, not because I felt he was a bit gay, and he gave me such a feeling when we first met in the villa.

And my doubts about Xiaoshan reached its peak one night.

He called me suddenly and said, "I actually like you a little bit."

I was confused at the time, but I quickly recovered from the confusion, and it turned out that Xiaoshan is really gay!Unfortunately, I still have no confidence in my gay.

I said, what happened? Brother, you are a little sudden.

He felt a little ashamed, saying that didn't scare you, did it?

I said it's okay, in fact, I always knew that you had thoughts about me.

There are a few awkward seconds here.

He probably didn't expect me to understand him so well, he coughed and asked me again: "Then are you gay too?"

I said—no, bro, I have a girlfriend.

Maybe I refused too simply, and he just hung up.

The next day, I was having dinner with my girlfriend and she brought it up.

She said they were playing Big Adventure and Koyama was being punished.

That's what happened.

However, if you think about it carefully - Xiaoshan called me from my girlfriend's side.

What if I admit that I'm gay?

And that nobody he knew, was he also playing a big adventure at that time?

Very thoughtful.