To die

Ten years ago, high school.

"Old Zhao, that student in your class can do it, won the first place again?"

Holding the teacup, Zhao Chunhua said with a smile, "It's so-so. I didn't perform well this time, and I'm only [-] points away from the second place."

The head teacher of the class next door shook his head "tsk tsk tsk" and said, "I'm afraid that this small county can produce Tsinghua University and Peking University."

"Take the composition and print it for the students in our class."

The Chinese teacher smiled and said, "You can't always be number one in your class."

Zhao Chunhua bent over, took out a copy from a pile of test papers, and handed it over with a smile on his face: "Take it, take it, my favorite student..."

The Chinese teacher flicked the test paper and turned to the composition side: "Hey! 'Set up a heart for the world, a life for the people, a legacy for the past, and peace for all generations'!"

……

One month later, the eve of the college entrance examination.

"Really?"

Zhao Chunhua asked: "This decision has been made, but it cannot be changed."

Lin Yan nodded: "Well, I won't change it."

Zhao Chunhua heaved a long sigh: "At first, I thought that our school would finally pass the Qingbei exam."

Lin Yan smiled faintly: "But I want to be a lawyer, and the law department in Qingbei is not the strongest in the country."

Zhao Chunhua looked at him carefully: "Being a lawyer?... Well, this industry is very hard, right?"

Lin Yan didn't speak, Zhao Chunhua said: "I thought you would want to be a teacher of the Chinese department or something, teach a book in a university, be leisurely, and engage in literature... The teachers in our grade all think you are very talented in literature. "

"Teacher, I want to be a lawyer."

Zhao Chunhua looked up at the students he had taught for three years.The teachers who have taken Lin Yan classes think that he is very quiet and not very talkative, but his articles are well written.

Only Zhao Chunhua knew that Lin Guyan was a bit stubborn.

When he was not divided into subjects in the first year of high school, Lin Yan often wrote poems silently in chemistry class, or did English reading.

The chemistry teacher found out and felt very angry. It’s okay for other students to do this. You are the first in the grade, and you don’t listen to the lectures in class like this, which is very disrespectful to the teacher.

The teacher took Lin Yan's English reading away and asked him to listen to the class carefully.

However, Lin Yan ostensibly stopped using homework from other courses, and instead drew a villain with a pencil next to the redox reaction balance formula.

Zhao Chunhua still remembers the scene when the chemistry teacher took Lin Yan's textbook and slapped his teacup shaking: "Look! Your favorite student! First in grade! Draw bastards in my class!!"

Zhao Chunhua looked at Lin Yan standing in front of him, and felt that Lin Yan would not change his mind if he continued.

He let out a long sigh: "Lin Guyan, you are younger than most of your classmates. I suggest you discuss it with your family members to avoid regretting it later."

Lin Yan responded, and after the results came out, he still didn't go to Qingbei.

"Because I want to live happily."

Six years ago, on the eve of college graduation.

Lin Yan had passed the judicial examination, and his grades in the postgraduate entrance examination were very good. He was bored and found a firm for an internship.

A man in overalls stood at the door, knocked, and asked very awkwardly, "Um... is Lawyer Zhang there? My child was beaten by a school teacher. The doctor said that the eyeball needs to be removed now."

It happened that only Lin Yan was on duty that day, and the other lawyers had the May Day holiday to go back to rest.

He asked the man's phone number and name, registered for him, and said he would tell Lawyer Zhang when he came back.

But Lawyer Zhang only asked about the general situation, and before Lin Yan could finish speaking, he waved his hand and said, "Let him go find someone else. I don't have time for such a small case."

A few days later, the man came again, Lin Yan didn't have the heart to tell him the truth, but asked hesitantly, "If you don't mind, you can take me to have a look."

Two months later, the tutor contacted Lin Yan and asked him to report in the past, but Lin Yan dropped out of school and became a lawyer directly.

Three years ago, Lin Yan was already famous in the industry.

A woman with a big belly came to the door and begged Lin Yan crying, "Lawyer Lin, my husband has been sued, and he was wronged..."

Lin Yan took his case, and not long after, he found out that he had fallen into a trap.

Lu Hanqian invited him to the hotel to "talk", and asked the secretary to tell Lin Yan the hotel number.

Lin Yan went there unprepared, and then a series of nightmares began.

At the moment, Paris, France.

"Add ice!"

Lu Hanqian stood in the kitchen, struggling with the juicer: "Lin Yan, your juice is ready! Add ice or milk cap!"

Lin Yan was nestled on the sofa wearing earphones, and the TV was very lively, but he was looking at his mobile phone, flipping through email messages without saying a word.

Lu Hanqian yelled for a long time but didn't respond, so he walked out with a piece of fruit in one hand, and moved closer to Lin Yan:

"Fuck, are you playing Sokoban?"

Lu Hanqian couldn't believe it: "Lin Yan, you are so boring."

Lin Yan was proficient in operations, and he didn't even look at him: "Don't disturb me."

As expected, Lu Hanqian was silent, but soon he came to his senses, and said very sadly: "No, then why does Lin Yan ignore me when you play Sokoban?"

Lin Yan remained silent.

In fact, since Lu Hanqian got closer and closer to him, Lu Hanqian also gradually discovered that Lin Yan's character was a bit introverted.

He will often feel depressed for no reason, and stay alone without talking, as if he has something on his mind, but he doesn't tell him.

Lu Hanqian thought it was because he did something badly that he couldn't gain Lin Yan's trust and was not allowed to enter his world, but Lin Yan was actually used to it.

He has always been alone, whether he just started a lawsuit with the rich and powerful, or was put under house arrest by Lu Hanqian's side to endure his intermittent neurosis, he has always walked this journey by himself.

He will not ask for help, nor will he show weakness, but just walks forward alone.

Since leaving Beijing, he has never accepted a lawsuit again.

But there are still many letters from strangers in the mailbox. They are all confused and sad, and want to defend their rights, but they don't know how to start.

Lin Yan read every letter, but didn't respond to any of them.

Recently, a French woman was subjected to domestic violence after her marriage to a Chinese husband. She wanted to sue her partner, but she could not find a suitable Chinese lawyer.

When she heard that Lin Yan could speak French and had a high reputation in the industry, she sent an email to Lin Yan asking for help.

"Aren't you happy?"

Lu Hanqian looked at Lin Yan, studied it for a while, and finally realized: "Is there something wrong?"

Lin Yan frowned, turned off his phone, closed his eyes and said, "There is an email for consulting the case."

"...Are you hired as an attorney?"

Lu Hanqian asked: "Okay, if you want to pick it up, you can pick it up. You perform everywhere like this every day, and if you get tired of it, you can do something else. Anyway, it's not like you don't know how to do it."

"I can't do it."

However, Lin Yan closed his eyes and said calmly, "I can only play the piano. Apart from this, I can't do anything now."

When he said this, the self-loathing emotion that Lu Hanqian had seen before and was a little familiar, but he didn't notice it at the time appeared on his face.

Although it was very vague, Lu Hanqian still found out.

"What can't be done?"

Lu Hanqian asked: "Isn't your lawyer certificate still there? What the hell is Lin Wushuang, Lin Guyan, there will be some cases that you can't handle, you can take it if you want, I will support you—" He wanted to comfort Lin Yan, but Lin Guyan Yan suddenly raised his voice and interrupted him: "I said I can't do it!"

His expression seemed a little embarrassed, and he was a little suffocated: "...Don't talk about it, I can no longer be a lawyer."

Lu Hanqian looked at him, Lin Yan's chest rose and fell slightly, and he looked down at the floor without saying a word.

After a while he stood up and said in a low voice, "Sorry, I'm not in a good mood."

Then he went back to the room alone.

Lu Hanqian stood where he was, looking at his back completely confused.

In the evening, Lu Hanqian took a shower and went to bed, while accompanying Lin Yan, while reading emails on the computer.

Lin Yan didn't play with his mobile phone today, so he just changed into his pajamas and huddled under the quilt.

With his back to Lu Hanqian, he curled up slightly, Lu Hanqian couldn't see his expression clearly.

But the sound of Lu Hanqian typing on the keyboard to reply to the email fell into Lin Yan's ears, and he quietly opened his eyes and listened without speaking.

It wasn't until Lu Hanqian turned off the computer and was about to turn off the lights and go to sleep that Lin Yan suddenly asked very softly, "Lu Hanqian, am I particularly useless now?"

"..."

Lu Hanqian paused, and then immediately said: "How come? Lin Yan, what are you thinking."

However, Lin Yan quietly looked at the emptiness and darkness ahead, as if he had already firmly believed in this point of view.

Lu Hanqian thought that he would chat with him, or say something, but after holding his breath for a long time, Lin Yan never spoke again.

Lin Yan couldn't tell Lu Hanqian about this feeling, nor could he experience it.

If a talented person is forced to be ordinary, a person who is willing to help the world is exiled to the frontier, and has no ambitions to rise to the clouds but can only play the piano and paint, that kind of unwillingness and resentment is like being buried under a tree for a hundred years. If you take just one sip of the old wine, it will burn your internal organs and tremble with grief and indignation.

Lu Hanqian didn't know that Lin Yan had been suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder since he came out of the isolation room, and he hadn't healed after a year.

He can't get emotional, and he can't go to court.

Although the speculative ability is still there, the response is much slower.

Lawyer Lin, who used to be unparalleled in court and eloquent, stutters and even loses his voice when he loses control of his emotions.

And this was a devastating blow to Lin Yan.