Red door

Luo Ye's mother was very haggard. She was a well-maintained lady, but now her eyes were sunken and her eyes were black. Luo Ye didn't know how to comfort her, but said: "Mom, I love you."

Her face was tense, and she burst into tears after hearing this sentence: "Don't learn that foreign dialect, why can't I hear this sentence, and you are not allowed to say it."

He said again: "It's a crime, what crime did I do..."

If there are shadows in both lungs, the operation cannot be performed. No matter how much she asks the doctor, the doctor can only say things like ensuring the quality of life of the patient and prolonging the life span.She had been a decent and elegant lady when she was in college, but now the nurses avoided her when they saw her.I still can't accept the future where white-haired people give away black-haired people. It's hard to fall asleep every day, and my dreams are bad omens, and I collapsed badly.

Luo Ye coughed and said, "Mom, I resign myself to my fate."

"What kind of life do you accept! You live well! When I go to the patient association, some people will recover without surgery. You should treat them well, and don't say any nonsense about accepting your fate or not."

As she spoke, she choked and couldn't say anything.

Before Sharon's friends came to visit him, he had written his suicide note, but he was not sure about some things.Sharon's friends had a good chat with him because he was kind and good-natured, but this time Qi Feng didn't come and went to the ophthalmologist to see his eyes. He cried too much and hurt his eyes.But in the face of life and death, no one can say anything else, Luo Ye smiled and said: "The ancients have talked about life and death, but today people have nothing to say."

Everyone fell silent, he patted his face for fear, and said: "It's time to hit, I said it's unlucky, but it's always going to die. It's really a pleasure to meet you. Apart from writing articles, I'd rather What I like is to make friends. Meeting you is really a joy in life. Don’t be restrained, just like in a salon, talking and laughing, how interesting.”

But the ward is not a salon after all. They chatted one after another, but they couldn't get around Luo Ye's illness. They were careful, always afraid that they would say unlucky words to fill in bad luck. Normally, these people can just say it directly. Whoever slept with someone's wife, (in the book) the donkey was taken away by the village hooligans when the woman died, and so on, and the blind old lady cried while hugging the bald old dog.Now a young author has only just begun to be elbowed by a respected senior beside him.

Luo Ye felt bored after listening to it for a while, and felt regretful when he thought of the beginning of that young author. A sentence - 'It is the dog that dies'.And in "Anna Karenina", Anna said, "God forgive me".

What would you say before you die?He thought about it with interest for a long time, but he was really short of words on this issue. Even the ancients had already said all the meanings he thought of, but the five-character poems and seven-character poems were too long and not colloquial, so they were not suitable for speaking before death. , Too ingenious and contrived.

He has no religious beliefs, and after thinking about it, he thinks maybe only a "fuck" is appropriate.

The sun was shining brightly on this day, like a sun in his dream. He was sitting on a bench at the train station. He was very weak and skinny. Half a catty.

Although it is not the peak season of passenger traffic, people come and go in a hurry, and all of them are in a hurry. The old man seeing off his relatives can only see his gray hair in the arms of his tall son.

Luo Ye smoked cigarettes one by one, his throat seemed to be on fire, and someone in his chest seemed to be hammering down with a hammer, but he couldn't stop, he needed nicotine so much to calm his head down.

His hands were shaking, and he could feel his chest bleeding, but the pain was secondary to what was going on in his head.

Qi Feng in the taxi saw him and asked the driver to stop the car.Qi Feng turned over the railing, trotted over to him, and scolded: "Live ancestor! What do you look like? Are you still smoking? Do you want to live?"

"I don't know," Luo Ye asked, "How did you find me?"

Speaking of which, Qi Feng's face turned ugly, and he said, "What else can I do? Ask a friend in the bureau to adjust the surveillance, otherwise I won't be able to find you."

He stubbed out the cigarette and said, "He Yuan said that I can live until May 87, 5."

He said again: "I'm not reconciled, I'm wondering if I can change my fate if I lie on the rails now."

"You call suicide a change of fate?" Qi Feng felt a headache when he heard that, "Can't you think of something better? Living up to May 87, 5 is a bit more spineless than lying on a train."

"No," Luo Ye looked at him, the fierce disease had deprived him of most of his beauty, and his face was not very good-looking, "I am afraid of death, I can't deprive myself of life, I bought a ticket, but... ..."

He took out a crumpled pink bus ticket from his pocket and raised his eyebrows: "I can't bear it, I've thought about it a lot... When our body dies, we really don't exist. It's a lie. I can't bear to lose my knowledge, my memory, my love."

Qi Feng frowned: "Then keep it! Keep it until the day you die!"

Luo Ye put the cigarette holder in his mouth and sucked it, only to realize that the fire had been extinguished by himself, he removed the cigarette holder, put the tobacco in his mouth and chewed, "I had a dream before, I dreamed that I was a young actor, I’m not famous, the kind that makes a living, I told He Yuan, and He Yuan said, only the autobiography I wrote after retirement can be famous.”

"In terms of writing, you are indeed very talented..." Qi Feng didn't know what else to say, he could only state the facts dryly: "I like your novels very much, I have always been."

Luo Ye smiled and said, "I feel the same way myself, do you know how I feel when I write?"

"What do you feel?"

"It feels like... the limbs stretch out and grow infinitely, but not on land, but in the water, or in the warm sea, grow gills, and breathe freely like a fish. When I pick up the pen, it is Weighty, not..." He couldn't continue, coughing continuously, "My consciousness will burn out along with this broken body, but no matter when, I want to write, no matter what .”

"Let's go back and write when we get back. The single room in the hospital is very quiet and suitable for you to write. Set up a mirror. When it rains, He Yuan will come. It's a perfect environment for writing." Thumb wiped away the tears and said: "A living muse, you really belong to me."

Luo Ye suddenly smiled: "Write me a biography, I can only trust you, I hope... I can have a happy ending with He Yuan in your article."

"Is that still called a biography? I'll just write that you two will live forever," Qi Feng said more and more sadly, "Your readers can scold me to death."

He chewed the tobacco in his mouth, said indifferently: "I want to ask you one more thing, you can refuse."

"Do you still consider me a brother?"

"Okay, good brother," Luo Ye said helplessly, "I want to entrust the anti-domestic violence charity organization to you, as well as my inheritance, help me take care of my parents, and Heyuan, who has been waiting for you for a hundred years, Hand over my anti-domestic violence organization to He Yuan, He Yuan should not be his full name, but he was born in the hospital where I stayed, and his birthday was May 87, 5."

Mental hospital

"I don't believe that schizophrenia can heal on its own. He has been imagining that there is another person in his mind and has delusions. How could all the evaluations show normal for a month?" The attending doctor knocked on the table: "How do you do things, How is this possible, you see, except for "Do you think the marriage system should exist" here, his answers are almost standard answers, how is this possible? Has anyone shown him the information?"

The intern said: "After scanning the brain, the ventricles are larger than normal."

The attending doctor threw the questionnaire in his face: "Is your medical school for nothing? When can the size of the brain ventricle be used to judge whether a patient has schizophrenia? Look at the medicine he takes every day. Now the size of the brain ventricle is the same as anti-schizophrenia. Psychotropic drug effect or psychosis is inconclusive!"

He Yuan sat on the window sill to open the blinds, the sun illuminated his eyes, his hands trembled, but he knew it was time to leave here, he had to leave here.

The intern stood beside him awkwardly: "Where can you go? You are sick, and you can't leave here until your illness is suppressed."

He Yuan smiled impatiently, and he said: "The psychological measurement table you gave me is... regular. Although I don't agree with some theories, thank God I am not a sincere person. My lying skills are very good. High, bypassing the obfuscation option is very easy."

He turned his head with joy of love on his face: "I know that psychological questionnaires always have options to detect whether the person being tested is lying, but your scale may be a bit old, and the way of asking questions is not the same. Not smart.

And I'm also very glad that you have no reason to say that I'm a psychopath, maybe I used to be, but now I'm 'cured'.This damn drug makes my hands tremble constantly, I can only wish that when I get home I will be given a new drug, at least it won't make my hands shake so badly. "

"You are lying, your lies will definitely be found out..."

"I like your frankness. I always think that frankness is a virtue." He stood up, folded the quilt in an orderly manner, kissed the unopened "Our Silence", and said, "I invite you to Have a meal in the cafeteria? This is probably the last time I will eat in this cafeteria."

He said again: "Probably my mother will not be able to sit still anymore. She has always had a little objection to letting me live here."