winter morning sun green grass

[-]. Lonely, lonely

I stayed up all night and finally finished the manuscript of this column

It was already four o'clock in the morning when I sent it to the publishing house

Just waiting for a passing reply to wrap up the quarter

That's the only connection I have with the outside world

Write a column, write a novel, occasionally write a blog post, follow your heart

Earn manuscript fees for a living

The writing is clear and the words are decisive

Write a profound dialogue between people and their hearts

Analyze the depths of human nature

always a bit dark

But sales are good

enough to live without worry

maybe deep down

there is always a dark side

Graduation so far

It's been four years since I've lived like this

Same as me since I was 6

I have lived alone in this world for 28 years

People are not always as strong as they think

If I've been alone all this time and haven't been broken

Maybe I don't know what loneliness is

loneliness is a habit

Be calm about everything

Loneliness is a destructive monster

it makes people fearful, restless and impulsive

Desperate to satisfy inner desires

Come to be comforted, warm and happy

countless nights

countless moments

I'm driven by this desire

Restless

pick up the phone every time

I want to crazily vent my heart's suppressed eagerness for many years

Looking at the phone screen on the table on the wall

Those innocent and inviolable smiling faces full of sunshine

Those gentle and comfortable smiles with the corners of the mouth raised to a perfect arc

Those sheets are in my countless lonely days

Consoling, warm and happy with my smiling face time and time again

I know the price of impulsiveness is huge

What will be lost will not only be the warm memories of the four years of college

And the motivation to continue to live alone after graduation

More importantly, I am not willing to part with such a beautiful smiling face after all.

tainted by my own dirty thoughts

The low self-esteem, forbearance and poor expression that have been formed over the years do not allow