Fugue

People cry because of stories.Weep because of the tears that the characters shed, and feel sad for the misery of others. Although those tortuous stories are just empty talk and a fiction, the tears that fall because of this are so real.The people on the screen shed false tears, but the people outside the screen gave their true feelings for it.No matter how emotional the fiction is, it is all delusion; and the audience who should not be sincere is the saddest.An outsider who uses emotion, imitates the scars over and over again until he is deeper than them.

"Could it be...cough cough cough...you too..." Gan Luan raised his head slowly, his face was not in pain, but a kind of sadness: "Do you want to...cough cough cough cough... like me?" He reluctantly got up and walked in front of Gan Lan. Gan Lan didn't hide, and Gan Luan supported his shoulders: "You don't look like you, you don't look like you." Gan Lan raised her head and grabbed Gan Luan's sleeve: "Are you saying What? Brother."

He coughed a few more times, and buried his head on Gan Lan's shoulder. Although he was a bit short, he could cover his mouth in this posture, so he could suppress the exaggerated cough, but he couldn't hold it back completely—two people, because Gan Lan Luan's grip was vibrating at the same frequency, as if his cough was transmitted to him as well.They are the same.

"You are different." The heavy breathing came to Gan Lan's ear, but there was a distance, like a beast restrained and reserved: "Your heart should have flesh and blood, because I want you to live."

"I'm alive and well..." Gan Lan's hand drew a few circles in the air, and finally put it next to her ear: "Yes, it's a little itchy."

Only at this moment, this piece of golden yellow becomes the panorama of him and his world.The sky is close, the surface is warm, and they are the only ones here.The sky, the earth, and the surroundings seemed to have formed a layer of mist, mixed with the bright yellow, like fragile quicksand, and they fell into it.Their conversation is soaked in withered yellow, which is the breath of falling.The scent of tea, leaves, and distant sweet-scented osmanthus spread out layer by layer, and in the middle of the fine sand, he and he were about to sink.

"Don't be indifferent..." The discomfort in his voice seemed to ease a little. Gan Luan raised his head and looked at Gan Lan's with deep eyes. Also, don't be an indifferent person like me."

"...What is indifference?" The question was serious, maybe Gan Lan really didn't understand.

Can you be innocent if you don’t understand?The words that Wen Xingyi counted in detail still lingered in his ears, like a knocking hammer, which made Gan Luan's eardrums gurgle and his conscience was tormented.It doesn't matter.It's just that he still has, deeper...not reconciled.It's like foreseeing the future in the color of gray and the shape of fog, the end has not yet come, but it is the end.

——His eyes are like a person who has no fixed place. I look at him and feel that he may suddenly travel far away at any moment.One second we were talking, the next second he was gone.That's what it feels like.So, every day before going to bed, I would think about him carefully, from head to toe, his habits, his appearance, his living existence beside me.I thought about his existence, confirmed his existence.This is what ends my day.

—and then waking up.I will think again, his existence.Eventually it would occur to me that he might not be around anymore.So much so that when I went out, I thought he wasn't there.Every morning, the first thing I do is miss him.

——If he came to school today, it would be like losing it and finding it again.It should be said that every time I see him, I feel like I lost it and found it again.

——That's why I like him.What I like is not 'distant', but 'his distant', without him.Without his presence, there is no liking.

This lost and found person, Gan Lan.He was born like a newborn, but he bears the instinct of sin, so he always leaves evidence of crime with the most innocent face.His sin is false, his existence is nothingness, and he will travel far!

"When you only thought it was a game, did you ever think about what you stepped on?"

Gan Lan: "I have no intention of stepping on it."

"Yeah, you don't mean to step on it, and you don't care about anyone. They—"

"Yes, they are all from the window, brother."

"You let yourself stay in the window, you let the people outside the window hurt you, you turn a blind eye, you only think of yourself as a commodity, this is your indifference. No one is a commodity, you live, Gan Lan. Everything I do, It's all to make you wake up from the window dream. I won't talk about it so much... But no matter what you think of yourself, now you are trampling on the sincerity of others, this thing makes me think you... very bad. "He didn't expect Gan Lan to fully understand, but he had to teach him over and over again, which seemed to be his duty, and even...meaning.

Gan Lan thought about it: "It's bad..."

"Do you like her?" he asked.

Gan Lan discerned his expression: "I don't like it."

The man's answer was so blunt that Gan Luan couldn't even put on a suitable expression.He could only say: "Then you explain this to her clearly. Then—"

"why?"

"Because I don't allow it." His voice gradually raised: "I don't allow you to be like this."

Gan Luan turned back and forth a few times, like a violent lion, then rushed over and shook Gan Lan's shoulders, gritted his teeth and said, "Such a bad person. Don't let anyone down, don't let anyone down. You can't be like me. Yes, hurting others is not allowed!"

"You can't occupy too much in other people's hearts, so you can't let others..." At this point, Gan Luan regretted it again, grabbed his hair into a shape that even "Sha Ma Te" envied, ran away, and turned his back on Gan Lan, Say: "No, please forget the last sentence."

Gan Lan: "Brother..."

Gan Luan turned around and pointed his index finger upwards: "Look, the tree is very tall. We walked around under the tree once, twice, and three times. During this time, we saw a few fallen leaves and occasionally stepped on a few spots of light. Maybe it was windy, maybe it wasn't. The wind, and then, this matter is as monotonous as time has never passed. Even if you walk under the tree for 100 years, you still can’t see the scenery at the top of the tree.”

Gan Lan understood what he meant, and said stubbornly, "I'm willing to circle around the tree for 100 years."

"That's after you see the scenery on the top of the tree!" Gan Luan was angry with himself for not being firm and even more angry with Gan Lan for being too stubborn. In a match between the two, he would always lose.He stopped looking at Gan Lan, turned his back to the swing and went deep into the woods: "A lot of things can only be known after climbing up. After you have seen the whole world, if you still miss this ordinary tree, you come back again. Go around in circles, go around for 100 years, and I don't care about you."

"Where are you going, brother?"

"Hide."

"what?"

Gan Luan turned around, walked backwards, took out her mobile phone and dialed Gan Lan's number: "From now on, you are not allowed to call anyone a daughter-in-law unless you like each other. Go and call Wen Xingyi over, apologize and make it clear that you don't like her." .Because she really likes you, so you must make this matter clear." He stood still: "Be a real person, don't be ambiguous." Then, the thick leaves covered his back.

There are osmanthus trees hidden behind the ginkgo forest, and the further you go in, the more intense the fragrance is, which is the season when sweet-scented osmanthus dominates the sense of smell.The road is getting thinner and thinner, the paved ginkgo leaves, and the large pink evening primroses are everywhere.Strolling past the flowers, it will soon come to an end.At the end is an old crimson brick wall, with a hand-built flower stand leaning on the wall, which looks not very strong and has a special charm.There are various kinds of plants and trees displayed on the flower racks, some of which are asleep and some of which are in full bloom.There were several tree root-shaped seats scattered around the flower stand, he chose one, and sat quietly waiting for the sound from the earphones.

"Wen Xingyi...your name sounds nice." Gan Lan's voice was very soft, "I can't call you daughter-in-law anymore, from now on I will call you... Xingyi, okay?"

Gan Luan in the corner was thinking: Is this name really nice?

Wen Xingyi's voice could not detect any emotion: "I told your brother that we are in puppy love."

"Ah? No, right?" His speech speed increased: "I'm sorry, isn't this a game?"

"Well... that's what you think." Wen Xingyi stroked his chin and turned his gaze away: "It turns out that Gan Lan is such a bad person, so I'm disillusioned."

"Bad. Wow, you also said that I'm bad." Gan Lan wanted to reach out and grab something, but she didn't. She just clasped her hands together: "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

"As for me, I know." Wen Xingyi smiled twice at the tree on the side: "You are just too stupid. So, I used it thoroughly."

"Huh?" Gan Lan also looked at the tree, and the ginkgo was reflected in his eyes, spreading out a golden jungle. "What's the meaning?"

"You don't care much about other things except your brother, do you?"

Gan Lan didn't make a sound.Gan Luan changed a tree stump, took off the earphones and put them back on again.

"I just took advantage of your absent-mindedness, step by step, hinted, guided, subtly influenced, and exhausted my mind to finally lead you here—to make you get used to our game unknowingly. It's a pity, it's a pity, this plan It was cut off today."

"Why, I don't understand at all?"

"So you are stupid." Wen Xingyi was not ready to explain, "At first, I was just jealous. I had never met your brother, but I was jealous of him because of you. It's all your fault, you acted too obsessively, I The more I watched it, the more interesting it became, and I fell in love without knowing it. What kind of feeling is that... When I realized that I was envious of the way you stared into the distance. I can't go back. I am every day and every night Thinking 'you or your brother, it would be nice if one of you didn't exist'. Then I wouldn't fall into this weird trap. And take a step back, if I just liked you, your brother would still be my enemy , because you have an older brother, you won't like anyone. Am I right?"

"You're right." Gan Lan said.But Gan Lan said so.

That's right?How can this be right?

"Because I have a brother, I don't want anything. If my brother doesn't exist, then I'm dead too."

You are hopeless... Gan Luan thought, you still want to drag me down.Either kill you, or be killed by you.That's how we end up.He probably figured it out, just at this moment.The rich scent of sweet-scented osmanthus makes people feel ups and downs, and floats along with that scent.Evening primroses turbulent with the wind muddied his eyes, and his eyes were immersed in the jungle.The eyes are so deep.

Where is the most merciful in the world?in the eyes of the dying.

But he wants him to live.

The love of acting and the hurt of watching a play, who is real and who is false?As for the actor, he is in the drama after all, he is a drama, and he is also a person in the drama. Who can say that he is not real?Besides, the viewer, he is the most emotional, so how can he be called a fake idiot?

Not being clear or ambiguous, neither true nor false, neither dead nor alive, is an injustice.

What a deformity.Is it a sin, is it a sin, just like the original sin that can't be washed away in a lifetime.

Later Wen Xingyi left.Before that, the entire campus of students and teachers had left.In the evening, Gan Lan walked in the direction Wen Xingyi was leaving, while Gan Luan looked at his back.The street lamps are yellowish, casting a faint shadow.It's not night yet, and the lights are turned on frequently.Stepping on the crackling sound, Gan Luan walked towards Gan Lan.As long as Wen Xingyi cried, Gan Lan stayed with her quietly, and of course Gan Luan did too.

Hearing footsteps, Gan Lan turned around and walked towards Gan Luan. Gan Luan sat on the swing, and Gan Lan stopped three steps away from him. Although there was more than one swing, Gan Lan almost stood there. afternoon.The sky blurred the distant view, and also made Gan Lan's face dim. His expression was gray and thoughtful.

Gan Luan asked him, "What were you thinking when she was crying?"

"She made me feel like I should be sad too."

The iron chain on the swing made a few noises: "So, have you softened your heart?"

"I don't understand."

Gan Luan said, "Come here."

Gan Lan looked very defensive: "I won't come here."

Normally, Gan Lan is as clingy as a dog, but now she is not allowed to comb her hair against her back!This is simply awe-inspiring.The more so, the more I want to compete.The tendons in these two people are about the same elasticity, one said you come over, the other said I don't, and they played more than a dozen balls back and forth, and they didn't get tired of it.Gan Luan folded his hands and shook the swing: "Okay, if you don't come here, then go, go!" It was like driving a cow.The other one is a stubborn bull: "I won't go! I want to take root here!"

The iron chain rattled, and Gan Luan said, "If you don't go, I'll go!" His butt was so sticky, he became addicted to swinging on the swing.

Gan Lan replied, "Anyway, I will go wherever you go."

"I'm here, so come here!" It's only three steps away, how about respecting the "elders"!If it wasn't for his strong physique, Gan Luan would have been so angry that he vomited three liters of blood.

It was already dark, and Gan Lan and his last stubborn reinforcement turned into a rock and died on the spot.Gan Luan was tired of shaking, and was about to get up, but the movement was too fast, and the swing board hurt his legs, so he had to take a step forward, which meant he was going to lose—he quickly said: "Now I'm taking a step forward, you also come here One step." Gan Lan moved over slowly, Gan Luan took advantage of his unpreparedness, grabbed someone and dragged him to the swing.As for Gan Luan, Gan Lan is not only a skinny guy, but also a short guy. He has experience in holding babies several times, and he is very good at pinching seven inches. A good hand, the situation of being evenly matched took a turn for the worse, and the sky changed in an instant. Gan Luan picked up Gan Lan like a chicken and put it on the swing frame.Originally it was just for fun, but after Gan Luan let go, Gan Lan immediately rolled off the swing, covered her ears and clenched tightly, the swing frame made a few lonely and crisp sounds, and Gan Lan crouched on the ground like a little boy who had suffered a nemesis. The monster, lifeless, sullen and dry.

Now Gan Luan's rhythm was completely messed up: "Gan Lan? You..." He grabbed Gan Lan's cold hand: "...Are you afraid?"

"I didn't, I didn't." While speaking, Gan Lan had rushed behind Gan Luan, her hands still clenched tightly.This kid was so hot, like a soft-faced steamed bun just out of the cage, with thick butter on it, the greasy milk fragrance was hot against Gan Luan, Gan Luan said uncomfortably: "So you bravely hid from me behind?"

"I give up, I give up." Gan Lan dragged him back: "Go home, Mr. Gan."

Counting Gan Lan's appellation to Gan Luan, we can divide it into four forms: I usually prefer to call him brother, and occasionally I just say "brother" or "my brother"; when I am serious, or I am intoxicated by his When I set up the second story, I would call Gan Luan directly by name; when I was very involved in the play, I would call him "you human beings" directly, which was very sick; in the end, when I was very weak and had no confidence, I would call Mrs. Gan, with a tone of voice. Flattering, smiling and harmless to humans and animals, just short of having a holy light on his head.For example now.

Gan Luan stretched out his hand expressionlessly, and shook the swing a few times. There was a faint and crisp sound of "crash clatter", which was very clear on the edge of the empty campus. Feeling weak, he hugged Gan Luan's thigh and didn't dare to let go, and even snorted twice suspiciously.Hey... Gan Luan smoothed the corner of his mouth: "Aren't you?" He dragged his thigh and the pendant on his thigh, and moved towards the swing. Shaking the swing, making a song, and shaking out the rhythm: "Aren't you?"..."Clatter"..."You don't?"..."Clatter" Gan Lan also trembled with the rhythm, not for joy, but he Said he was "not" afraid, so he didn't know why.Later, Gan Luan felt his thigh loosen, and when he looked again, the pendant had run away with long legs, and he couldn't even catch up.After arriving home, Gan Lan was still sulking, she opened her teeth and claws at the orange roses on the balcony, and vowed to eat the group of Gan Luan's love flowers alive.I don't care about asking for dinner.

Cowhide Candy has learned to lose his temper and ignore people—Gan Luan only thinks it's new, it seems that it is good to send this baby out, and he will get angry, isn't that good?I was relieved for a moment, like seeing my grandson toddling, so kind.Who was the one who was so angry that he was coughing up blood in the afternoon?do not know.

At first, the dwarf danced wildly at the flowers, stretched out his hands and bounced back, wanting to pinch or not, and then he lay down directly, lying on the side of the flower bed, looking sideways at the stars.As a result, none of the fat flowers lost weight.Lying on the armchair, Gan Luan, who was gnawing on a lollipop, saw through the glass window such a series of comic strips.Regarding the matter of disobeying Gan Luan, Gan Lan will always stay in the stage of threatening.It is this kind of coward who hides a bunch of secrets, and guards him carefully day and night to prevent him from leaking water, just like a startled little animal. Once his huge body gets close, this little thing will pretend to be dead.To die without complaint or regret is to be hated.It's obvious that one paw can dunk him into the ground, but it can't, because everything will be destroyed...Since ancient times, the uncle has monopolized the secret, Gan Luan and Gan Lan, like a mad lion against a mad rabbit, a red-eyed mad rabbit Pretending to be dead with the treasure of a big lion in his arms, his body was tightly covered. No matter how many times the lion roared, how many times he circled around, and how many times his head exploded because of his anger, he couldn't do anything about it.How presumptuous!Gan Luan was so angry that he was about to die.

Relying on his good teeth, Gan Luan chewed up the lollipop, he pushed open the balcony door, leaning heavily against the edge of the door.Gan Lan lay on the ground with her head propped on her side, leaving a smooth back for Gan Luan, as stable as a sculpture, very noble, glamorous and deaf.Gan Luan really wanted to ask directly, "Why are you afraid of swings?", but it was conceivable that the rabbit would explode. After all, it was the first time he got angry on his own, so he had to expose this matter first, and adopted a devious tactic: Ask others—why are you so angry? What a problem! ——A question from Gan Luan's desperate self-question.

"Why do you have to be sad—I mean what happened in the afternoon." He walked over and glanced at Gan's sculpture with his chin: "Is it regret? Conscience found out? Suddenly awakened and let down true love? After talking about not liking it, I found out I like it?" Said He touched his neck.

Gan Sculpture cherishes words like gold: "No."

Gan Luan let himself go a little further, otherwise his feet would not be able to resist stepping on this stinky fart sculpture.He thought: Then you can make it hard on your own, it's none of my business.Gan Sculpture spoke again: "I don't like it. I don't know... I shouldn't know what liking is. I don't know. I will know when I like it. I know I don't know, which proves that I still don't like it. "

Gan Luan leaned against the wall: "Do you know what you're talking about?"

Gan Lan lay flat and covered her face with her arms: "I know."

But I don't know!Gan Luan said coldly: "It's good that you know." What else could he say.

Gan Lan turned her face over and aired her back: "I obviously don't know, but it seems like I know when I see her crying." With his fingertips upright, he painted incomprehensible patterns on the floor.Gan Luan took out a handful of candies from his trouser pocket, and when he opened his palms, the crisp cellophane shone like a handful of gems in the dim night.He tossed the shiny candies one by one to Gan Lan, specially targeting the neck slit.Gan Lan let him throw it like a dead fish, shrinking her neck when it touched the itchy spot, and occasionally touched one and hid it under her stomach, but Gan Luan didn't answer, and he remained silent, so the last one was left, Gan Luan Peel off the candy wrapper.

A burst of sourness... citric acid.The soreness made Gan Luan's cheeks wrinkle up.Gan Lan continued:

"I should be like her... I think of me... For a while, it should be... How should I put it, it's like reading a book and seeing someone abandoned in the book, and then he fell ill and was weak, Lying in the damp basement with my cheek against the icy ground, when I saw this, the coldness seemed to spread to my face, and then I realized that I was in a similar situation to that person, and I was also in the same situation. Trapped in a damp place, so I should feel the same coldness as that person."

"That's why I should be sad too. If I say it, I can explain it. But I don't understand it, I just don't understand why I have to explain it that way."

"It's like a person who suddenly cried because he was sad. He knew he was sad, but he couldn't find a valid reason to make him sad."

"What he is sad about is something that doesn't exist."

"Sometimes when we weep over drama, we end up crying fake tears. Because what makes you sad is not real."

"None exists. Does not exist from the source, so all rivers flow through emptiness, and my sorrows and joys are only imaginary projections."

#Next chapter preview:

"Wen Xingyi cried because he lost someone he liked, and you felt that you should have been so sad. You said you didn't understand, and there was no reason for this. But in my opinion, it's obvious. Gan Lan, this matter It's obvious."