Fugue

A clean room.The gauze curtain at the casement is slightly fluttering inward, two or three squares of sunlight are on the ground, the walls are silent, and they are silent with the white bed frame.

When we are alive, there is always a question, what is the so-called end?Who hasn't wondered about death?At the end of ancient times, above the prehistoric, at the farthest and highest place that can be touched, what kind of scene will it be?Maybe... Maybe it's like now, Gan Luan thought, the end is nothingness.White death.

Gan Luan was separated from them by a layer of glass, and in the clump of paleness, lay a body that seemed nothing, with a white bandage around his neck, and the medicine was ticking in seconds.The body has no ups and downs, the hair is pale, the corners of the lips are nearly gone, the eyes seem to have never been opened, and the red marks at the end of the eyes are like a seal; this side is beautifully carved, but transparent.For this boy, perhaps the question should not be "live?", but "exist?"

As for himself, regarding Gan Luan himself, at this moment, he may only be alive with his sense of smell, he can smell the smell of the hospital, but that person, because of his own ignorance, can't even see him.Is he there?If he is here, why are roses never given to him?If he is not there, why is he crying?

"In the early morning, I opened my eyes and saw nothing, tangible but insubstantial, so that those who met me saw me and saw nothing (Note 1)".

When even the self denies the self, who can still think that it exists?

"Hello." Ye Li interrupted Gan Luan Weimeng's poetry in a disconcerting manner: "Aren't you going in? It's not the intensive care unit, this guy just got a few injections of drowsy medicine. He fainted and scared The dead, the results are all minor injuries."

"Gan Lan is a coward."

As long as he is afraid of death, I am afraid that he is not afraid of death.But Gan Luan is not in the mood to face Gan Lan, even though he is so quiet that he seems to be dead now.Because Gan Luan always had the illusion that he would soon lose sight of Gan Lan.

He was afraid of that instinct, that instinct would deny Gan Lan.He has been dominated for long enough since he was a child, what supported him to sit on the throne of habitual contempt for others?What taught him how to maximize his self-interest?It was the disease... Gan Xian said, he seemed to be able to vaguely remember that it was the disease... He was afraid that when he went in, he would only see an empty bedding, because Gan Lan was useless.This puppet is fully formed, and there is no possibility of it being invaded in the slightest.His face will be blurred, just like all living beings, his eyebrows are just eyebrows, without any meaning.

"No." As if meeting by chance, Gan Luan turned and left.

True or false, it has always been meaningless to "Gan Lan". The name "Gan Lan" exists for Gan Luan.After calming down, all the contextual details, cause and effect, stretched out to Gan Luan like tentacles.Someone sent a "Ganlan" to Gan Luan, this is the conclusion.If he wanted to get in touch with the truth, "Gan Lan" was an absolute shortcut. The existence of this person delayed the will, so all insiders would be controlled by Gan Luan, who gained the power of the Ye family in Yaocheng when he became an adult.What is certain is that "Gan Lan" is not his enemy for the time being, because the first instinct of this puppet is to absolutely protect Gan Luan's safety.The well-trained skills, the ruthless hand of a "dead man", and the aggressiveness and revenge without self-consciousness all reflect the gears in "Gan Lan"'s mind like a mirror.How... can they train a living person to this point?He couldn't think about it.

Everything is irretrievably going in the established direction, which seems to be the direction he wants, but he seems to have become the princess and the pea. Under the layers of mattresses, there is a pea that is so close that he can't get away. sleep well.

A well-set "Gan Lan", a set "trajectory", and a set "ending".It's like falling into a dark tunnel, he can only fall down all the way, seeing nothing, waving his hands in vain, only touching the wind piercing him, only the sound of himself falling in his ears, ahead...?Ahead, isn't it the abyss?At what point... He was horrified to find that even he himself had been incorporated into the process of a mechanical framework.

It seems that there is such an existence, whether it is an individual or a collective, the director has made him unknowingly rotate with many gears.He is one of the parts, there is no doubt about it.Is it secretly manipulated by the Ye family?Or is it like what Gan Xu said, even after death, grandpa can still control the Gan family?Did they want to put gears on him too?Gan family and Ye family, Jicheng and Yaocheng, what exactly are they maintaining? !

Clenching his throat tightly to prevent the cough from overflowing, Gan Luan escaped from the hospital... Blind doubts are useless, what is that existence, his purpose, and the result he wants?

He thought, thought for a long time, and kept thinking that the eyelids could not be opened, the darkness was shrouded in ambiguity, the darkness was boundless, it seemed to be close at hand, and it seemed to be the end of the world.The answer is clearly audible, only one person.There is only that one person, maybe he can also bring himself, they stand securely at one end of the balance, Bian You, Gan Xiao, Gan Xian, etc. at the other end, these people collectively lose, either escaped, died, or were extremely passive .

Opening your eyes means waking up.There are shadows in the world, and there is nothing around him, like clouds and fog; his body is muddy and crooked, and his steps are like madness and dancing:

Is it real that wakes me up, or is it just another dream?

How to be sure?very simple.Gan Luan stood up and found himself slumped on a cold bench in the hospital. The soreness seemed to flow into his body along the blood vessels. He felt very cold. When he stood up, it was as if he was in a freezer. There were no other colors, black, gray and white whispering.He said: don't make noise.He walked towards the glass in front of him, and there was a smooth phantom on that piece of glass. As he moved, he swayed left and right, his calf seemed to be stuck in the sand, and he pulled it out step by step, and the shadow in the glass was funny like a tumbler.There is a secret, he has a secret.He is afraid of tumblers.A person who will not fall is like a body that will not die, eternal reincarnation, eternal struggle, eternal wandering, forever—he thought he had run a long way, but found that he was still at the beginning—eternity is terrible, tumbler, two Ferris wheel, rain wet them... hamsters.He is a hamster.

Is this my truth?

He walked forward in a disorderly manner, his palm pressed against the glass, he thought, my hand is colder than the glass, does this mean that I am still asleep?

No, there is no such reason.The phantom on the glass was replaced by a clump of paleness. There was a teenager sleeping in it, with a bandage wrapped around his neck, and peach petals hanging from the corners of his eyes... Who is this?Why is this person still crying when he is clearly asleep?

Among the clumps of paleness, he saw a bunch of orange-red wrapped in light-colored kraft paper, with two beige ribbons tied at the end, dragging very long, winding around the bed.The paper-wrapped roses are placed on the cabinet, facing the head of the bed, embracing and clustering each other, in a well-proportioned way, full of blossoms, layered and rich.Cheerful, fresh, delicate and lovely.That's what I left behind, he thought. Pat Austin... "You were made for me".

The truth is this: if this world does not have my color, then this is not my reality.

So it's easy to infer that there are two things that are real: my orange, and "born for me".This is my truth and I can't change it.

He's awake, he's sure.

He pressed his forehead against the glass, his eyes were blank: I forgive you.

He left anyway, holding the bouquet of tea-scented roses, and gently encircling the mouth of the bunch with two fingers, wanting to give up but still clinging, unable to drop it.The beige silk ribbon dragged the floor, and the wrinkled paper clothes were shaking. He walked forward in a daze, the flowers and leaves trembled and withered, and the orange red was broken and scattered on the ground. Road, dissipate enthusiasm along the way...

If only I could forgive you.I must forgive you.

Gan Lan was discharged from the hospital soon, but the relationship between the two has not yet been "discharged".There is always a chill in the hospital, because the hospital is a place where you must be calm.Gan Luan began to be a solitary person who turned a blind eye, while Gan Lan, he was a fish in the fish tank early in the morning, wagging his tail freely at the bottom of the water, never jumping out of the water to please his master.Five days passed peacefully and extremely silently, and a realization illuminated Gan Luan's heart like lightning: That's it!

I see.It's me who keeps walking towards him, so when I stop, the distance is always there.I have always maintained my one-way loyalty; it is shameful, hateful, and suicidal.What is the face of Ji Cheng's ruthless No.1?It is better to commit suicide!

Thinking of this, he upgraded from a solitary person to a solitary refrigerator, and the cold air was bitter.As a result, when Gan Lan saw his face, she felt aggrieved and turned into a ghost and dispersed like a cold.

Gan Luan asked Ye Jing to arrange a tutor for Gan Lan. At first, he thought he would be a college student or something, but Mr. Ye took great pride and invited a professor from Ji University.The other party contacted Gan Lan directly, and made an appointment for three classes a week, and the class time was basically from [-] pm to [-] pm.The tutor's name is Ye Yuan. As for this professor from his own school, Gan Luan, a truant activist, has no impression of this person at all.And Ye Jing said that this person just happened to have the surname Ye, and had nothing to do with the Yaocheng family.

"It doesn't matter much?"

"You took his class... I know you don't remember, but we investigated, and it turned out that this person is somewhat distantly related to our side, but there is no real connection. That's it."

So Gan Luan continued to be his solitary refrigerator with an indifferent expression.Gan Lan seems to have several personalities. During the day and night, he and others have different faces, just like the big bush of roses on the balcony. very affectionate.

The tutoring place has always been at the "Typhoon Site" on the third floor. At the two side-by-side tables, Gan Lan remains the same, and Gan Luan has been replaced by Ye Yuan.Why is it so desolate to tell this fact...?Probably because Gan Luan was always next door at that time.Walking through the numerous bookshelves, like a ghost wandering in the depths of an old library, there is a musty smell that no one cares about.It's just a musty smell, not resentment.What could be happier in this world than a free-floating ghost?No!Ghost is the happiest, so there is no resentment.

Although he chose his class, Gan Luan had no impression of Ye Yuan from head to toe.This person has short hair, single eyelids but deep eyes, and other facial features... can only be said to be unmistakable, it belongs to the kind of face that Gan Luan can't remember.Unexpectedly young, but can't see the style... because he always comes in a white coat, like a doctor who came to give Gan Lan a psychological consultation, and he doesn't have a teaching temperament.In terms of politeness, Gan Luan (as a parent and a student) should greet this professor, although he is the most impatient to do this kind of thing; but the malice of the world is that when you hate something, then you have to go When doing that, it's tried and tested.So be a saint of universal love, love the whole world, love them all, accept it all, and no more malice.

Unfortunately, for three times in a row, whenever Gan Luan realized that there was one more person in the family, those two were already in hot tuition, as if Gan Luan was deliberately ignored.Heh, where is the face of Ji Chengruthless No.1?Gradually, it turned into Gan Luan ignoring them directly.If you want to turn on the air conditioner, then the side where the typhoon passes must be refrigerated, and the side of the ghost library must be heated and heated.An eyesore, too much an eyesore.Why did that ordinary human with a blurred face surpass the results of his hard work in just a few tutoring sessions?Is the person squinting and writing while laughing nervously still Gan Lan?Is it a monkey with epilepsy?Why did he speak earnestly and earnestly? He went through all kinds of hardships and hardships, only to get that dead monkey’s noble and glamorous: "I am a monster. Kill me." Why can this vague white coat turn a lunatic into a mentally handicapped man who can only smirk ? ——He didn't seem to realize that being mentally handicapped wasn't much better than being crazy.All he knew was that he was!Difference!Don't!treat!Meet!up!

Sometimes, Gan Lan writes the test paper alone at the table, while Ye Yuan lies on the sofa and closes his eyes to calm his nerves.Gan Lan would fold the finished test paper into a paper plane and throw it towards Ye Yuan. She often missed her head, or flew straight to the ground and fell halfway, or twirled a few times like a broken leaf and fell to the ground.It wasn't until Ye Yuan was covered with paper airplanes that he lazily opened his eyes, picked up one, unfolded it, and invited Gan Lan to explain.This kind of tacit understanding is comparable to that of a father and son who have been separated for many years. Ji Chengruthless No. 1 was stunned by the harmonious atmosphere that he could not understand...

……

Hehe, the dish that should be cut for love, I am still your "brother" who has been lost for many years, why don't I see you make a paper airplane for me!

This white-eyed wolf should kill him and not commit suicide!

But Ye Jing was still adding fuel to the flames on the phone: "What? Did you go to the wrong person?... White coat, that's right, didn't he say that he is the number one hero in Ji Da's iron helmet? I'm still afraid of Gan Lan clashed with him... It's okay, it's okay, it's not bad, it seems that they have the same personality..." Gan Luan hung up the phone, found a dusty mobile phone, and called the monitor: "Hey monitor, did I repeat the grade?" Huh? Oh... still pending? Why?" Because the higher-ups are willing to make big things smaller, but there is a professor named Ye Yuan who must fail his subject and make him repeat a grade, so it has been pending...

Someone in Ji University dared to fail his subject... Gan Luan couldn't help but look out the window, the sun is still there, isn't it?exist.

"He's going to fail my department, why don't you fire him?" Gan Luan changed his phone again: "And let him come to my house to pour vegetables? What's the intention?"

"Don't say that, our old man is still alive, he appreciates Professor Ye, but Professor Ye is a flower of Gaoling..."

"This is what you said 'it doesn't matter much'? Huh?" If Gan Luan had Ye Jing and a knife beside him, then the knife should be carved on Ye Jing's face at this moment: "Hello Kitty is here for a visit" Bar.

"So you use my family's food?" Gan Luan felt that his brain was about to boil: "Do you know that Professor Ye beats me in the face every day?!"

"Never mind your family and ours, we are all one... Ha. Professor Ye is also our distant relative, why did he slap you in the face?" Gan Luan hung up the phone again.

The next day, something even worse happened.The typhoon field actually closed the shutters, and changed from a panoramic movie to a partition wall to listen to the movie. The movie was still unclear, the user experience was extremely poor, and the musty smell of ghosts became heavier, destroying the world level.

The first time Gan Luan knocked on the door and entered, his expression was like a sculpture, his limbs were stiff, as if plaster had slipped from his face to his limbs and was hardening.But there is someone who is more serious than him, Gan Lan is like a cassette player: "Brother...Brother?"

This happened to lead Gan Luan to discover a law. When Gan Lan was particularly nervous, she seemed to subconsciously call him "brother"... Is this also a gear?

Professor Kaolin Zhihuaye asked: "What's the matter?"

Gan Luan thought for a while, "It's okay." Then he grabbed Gan Lan's left arm and stared down.

"Ye Jing asked me to see how well your wound is healing." Through the bandage.

Gan Lan: "Huh?"

"Why, do you have an opinion?" He looked at Gan Lan from top to bottom, like a giant looking at an ant.

In this way, Gan Lan quickly shook her head out of the shadow, Gan Luan was afraid that he would have a concussion, so she could only say: "Stop."

Looking at Gan Lan's eyes again, those wet drooping eyes seemed to have hope, a glimmer of light was about to disappear and reappeared, lingering and swaying in the interlinked sight of the two, making people sink.What to do.

How is it good?

In the evening, Gan Luan secretly checked Gan Lan's study progress, and then called Ye Jing: "Let that, Professor Ye not come." Ye Jing: "Why, what happened?"

"No." Gan Luan said, "I have almost learned it, there is no need to continue." This progress is almost catching up with when he joined the class back then, and if he continues, Gan Lan will be in the same class with him... How many brains did you have?It looks like a mentally retarded person, but after learning it, it becomes a fighter jet, flying fast, and can fire the cannon, no wonder the flower of Gaoling didn't wear an iron helmet, and she was still smiling.Will telling the old man of the Ye family make him jealous?Let Yeri do the talking. "I want him to study in the High School Attached to Ji University. If he continues to study, he can go directly to Ji University." Ye Jing asked, "What have you learned?" Gan Luan replied, "Senior year. So, let's leave it to Professor Ye." goodbye."

#Note 1: Excerpted from "Bad Blood", author Rimbaud, translator Wang Daoqian. "Bad Blood" is one of Rimbaud's poems "A Season in Hell".

#Next chapter preview:

They sat facing each other, in the compartment where the bookshelves stood up. There was rain outside the window, and the water droplets dimmed the casement, rolling down or merging gradually, a scene of wet fog and confused people at both ends.No one can see clearly in the fog, unless...

stick together.