To my dear Mr. Meng

When my mother was in the third month of pregnancy, she began to become strange, to be precise, suspicious.

Since she was pregnant, she didn't worry about anything, her face was rounded, but her two eyebrows were furrowed all day long, like two dry and curled orange leaves falling in a fruit bowl.

"What's the matter, Mom?"

"Go do your homework and don't bother me."

With a wave of her hand, she flicked away the nonexistent mosquitoes.

"Go out for a walk when you have time, don't be bored at home." I said standing at the door of the master bedroom.

She was rummaging through the bedside table, when a muffled sound of "Du" startled me, the drawer was violently slammed shut, she turned around and glared: "Am I your mother or are you my mother? You still educate me !"

I had no choice but to go back to the house and not touch the mold.

At that time, she began to lose her temper frequently: she forgot to bring back the tofu she bought at the vegetable market, and I didn't make the bed... No matter how small the oil splatter is, sparks can burst out.

Especially when my dad came back at night, I was usually asleep by then, he was naturally drunk, and the sound of my mother's kicking and trampling footsteps was covered by cursing.The first few times my dad was silent, maybe because he was too drunk; the next few times my mother scolded louder and louder, and he started to fight back, and finally it became a scolding battle between you and me, and you can’t even talk about it through the door. I can hear you clearly.

The scolding was so harsh that it was simply unbearable.

Of course I don't want to ask Mr. Meng to come home again.When I complained to him at school, he had a deep understanding of this kind of thing, and he knew that he couldn't persuade me, so he didn't say empty words, just stared at me without saying a word, and when he finished speaking, he patted the back of my hand.

During the summer vacation, I made an appointment with Mr. Meng to run to the library every day, and sometimes I could meet those children in the compound.It was past three o'clock in the afternoon, and the heat hadn't receded. They discussed going to the reservoir for a swim. As soon as they went outside, the heat wave pouring over their heads almost made them stumble. A layer of flesh on the bottom of the servant's feet vowed not to give up.

We trudged down to the reservoir under the scorching sun.

Occasionally, an old man would come to fish here in the evening, but not today, probably too hot, and it’s not time yet.This reservoir has been born for some years. It is said that several people will drown every year, but there are still many people who come here.Everyone thinks that there are always a small number of people who lose their lives, and it is not their turn to make a fortune. How can this kind of disaster just fall on their own heads?God can't be that unfair.

I was afraid of water since I was a child, and I always remembered that I was submerged. When I asked my mother, my mother said that she never took me to the river, but once I slipped into a big tub while taking a bath and choked on a few mouthfuls of water. When I was less than a year old.

All the children in the courtyard knew that I was a landlubber, and when they were young, they often surrounded me in a circle and laughed at me.But we are getting older, and we know each other to save face, and we won't say such things anymore, so I found a dry and flat open space to lie down with peace of mind.

The cool breeze in the reservoir, and no mosquito harassment, is really a good place to take a nap in summer.As soon as I lay down, someone came over and kicked my calf lightly.Opening one eye, I saw Mr. Meng staring at me condescendingly and smiling.

"Sleep if you want to sleep, and go if you don't sleep." After I finished speaking, I moved to the side to make a small space.

He sat down next to me and spread out the book in his hands.

The people in the water splashed water towards us: "What are you two doing? Don't you come down?"

Their water can only be dropped on the slope, but the water splashes everywhere, and occasionally a few drops fly into my face.I pulled the book to cover my face: "Don't bother me soon."

They are also called Mr. Meng, and Mr. Meng said that he would not play with a group of bare buttocks.

Xu Miao said with a smile: "Who hasn't seen it when I was a child! Meng Qiansheng, you are really good at it, and you will stick to He Badger!"

I casually grabbed a piece of mud with grass and threw it at it: "Xu Miao, you live in the Pacific Ocean? The pipe is so wide!"

"Hey, the badger's hair is standing on end!"

Everyone laughed, and Mr. Meng laughed too.

I covered the book and pretended to be dead.

In the middle of the reservoir, there is a piece of white meat, like a group of ducks looking for food with their buttocks up. The sound of water splashes and slapstick echoes endlessly, and they are pushed to the ears one after another.I turned over again and heard Mr. Meng say, "Get up if you can't sleep."

I sat up, but refused to do what he wished: "Here is the book." Lifting his finger up, he followed my movement and picked up the book from his lap, and I immediately lay down again, and put my head on it by the way .

Mr. Meng probably expected my trick, but he obediently used it as a pillow.I just saw the cover of the book:

""lifetime"?"

Mr. Meng's voice fell from above through the book, muffled: "Have you read it?"

"No."

"Shall I read it to you?"

"Okay."

He flicked through the book, ready to start from the beginning, but I stopped him: "I'll just listen to it casually, and read it from where you see it."

Mr. Meng said good, turned back to the page just now, and read in a low voice.

"'She felt that there was a curtain between her and him, a barrier, and she realized for the first time that since two people could never understand each other from the bottom of their hearts, from the depths of their souls, they could walk side by side, sometimes Embracing, but not really being one, so each of us will always be alone in our spiritual lives.'…”

I still remember this sentence until now.I was puzzled when I was a child, but many years later, that night, when I was sitting alone in the room, these words suddenly hit my head like a tide, word by word.

When we walked from the reservoir, it was just in time for sunset, and the fire clouds rolled from the horizon to the barren slopes.The wormwood has become a wild sea of ​​gold, exuding the purple-gray astringency of grapes and the dense sour aroma of raw pomegranates.Everyone's face was covered with a layer of vermilion soft silk. Xu Miao suddenly jumped on my back from behind. I was caught off guard and yelled. Mr. Meng immediately turned his head, half of the setting sun was reflected in his eyes , brighter than the morning star in the sky.

But soon, he was thrown down by the little fat man from Pan's family. The two rolled over the slope, crushing a piece of golden grass, and the others clapped their hands and laughed, you carry me, I push you, chasing and rushing into Xiaguang deep.

When I got home, it was already dark.Pushing open the door, the lights were on in the silent living room, and the silent light illuminated the two people on the sofa.My dad was sitting on the corner of the three sofas, smoking, and the ashtray in hand was full of cigarette butts, like a small mass grave.

My mother was sitting on the single sofa that was only half illuminated by the light. When the door opened, she stood up abruptly, walked quickly to the sink, turned on the faucet, and coughed loudly.

My mother has mild chronic pharyngitis, but she hasn't had it again for many years. I don't know when coughing became her way of hiding her sadness.The louder the coughing, the sadder I knew she was.

But in a family, there is no need to express your sadness. Sometimes a husband and wife are like life and death enemies who meet on a narrow road.

As for when I saw her trick, I can't say, I just know it.Standing at the door, only her chin could be seen. She quickly wiped her face with her hands, as if wiping off some dirt on her face.

After changing the slippers, my dad remained motionless as if he hadn't seen me.My mother turned off the tap, walked back to the living room, and brushed her hair:

"Where did you go crazy again? Have you eaten yet?"

I shook my head.

"There are dried noodles in the kitchen, order some yourself."

I nodded.

The cigarette in my dad's hand was finished and he was pressed hard into the ashtray, as if someone's head was pressed, and the ash that flew up was gray brains.He stood up, shook his clothes, and the soot was floating in the air—my mother knocked me away like a flying bird, and rushed forward in two or three steps, like a whirlwind that split me in half:

"Where are you going? Where are you going? He Guotao, please find out for me, this is your home!"

"Don't make trouble for no reason!"

My dad pointed at her fiercely, his finger shaped like a bayonet that could kill anyone.He glanced at me quickly, then turned and opened the door.

My mother suddenly let out a cry that was almost beastly, and rushed forward, using both hands and feet, scratching and biting, kicking and hitting, and suddenly pushed my father to a stagger and hit the wall.He immediately pushed her back, she rushed forward again, he could only grab her hand in embarrassment, his eyes burst out:

"You lunatic!"

"If you dare to leave today, I will die for you!"

At this time, my mother had already forgotten that she was a pregnant woman, and she was so powerful that she dragged my father into the house; my father held the sofa with one hand and struggled desperately.The greasy yellow light fell on the distorted faces, like two mad beetles.

I stood where I was, and the place on my body that was knocked away by my mother was still aching. This funny scene made my temples twitch wildly, and I didn't know what to do.

My father finally broke free from the restraint, the back of his hand was red, as if he had just been taken out of boiling water; my mother thumped back two steps, and before she could stand still, she rushed towards him persistently.This time my dad was on guard, dodged it, and slapped her sharply with his backhand.

I feel like a sponge that has been squeezed suddenly, and the sound is squeezed out from the pores in all directions, barely converging.

"dad!"

My mother fell on the armrest of the sofa, and as soon as I stretched out my hand, he had already fled through the door like a gust of wind.

My brain was completely blank for a moment. My mother was still in the posture of being beaten just now, covering half of her face, and fell on the sofa. Only then did I regain my senses and reached out to pull her.

"Mom, you—"

When I touched it just now, she bounced like an electric shock, and shook off my hand: "Get out! Get out of here!"

Accompanied by her scolding, there was a bang, and the ashtray was knocked over and smashed to pieces. My hand felt a sharp pain, and for several seconds, half of my arm felt numb.Glass shards and soot were all over the ground, making a mess. She buried her face in her hands, and wept loudly, regardless of the ugliness.

That cry would bite, I didn't dare to stay where I was, turned and ran into the kitchen.

With the light of the kitchen, I realized that the back of my right hand was purple, with two long wounds running through it.The thin one was scratched by the corner of the ashtray, and the thick one was probably caught by my mother accidentally with her fingernails. The skin was scraped off, and the pink tender flesh oozes rusty blood, slowly gathering together. , slide it onto your wrist.

After washing my hands with water, the bleeding stopped gradually, and I took out the pot to boil the noodles.

After the noodles were cooked and eaten, and the bowl was washed, I stared at the water in the bowl to drain drop by drop before going out.

The woman in the living room looks like my mother and doesn't look like it.As soon as I got back to the living room, she stood up and walked into the bedroom. The bedroom door slammed loudly.

I'm really not smart enough to figure out why they fought.

It wasn't until half a month later, when I took out a watch from my dad's suit pocket, that I belatedly realized that he had another woman outside.

I still remember that watch now, it was small and exquisite, and one can imagine how slender and exquisite the wrist wearing it was.I put it back as it was, and pressed it deep into my pocket, wishing there was a black hole in it.

I told my dad that I didn't find his wallet.While drinking tea and reading the newspaper on the balcony, he called me stupid, took out five yuan from his body, and handed it over.My mother was hanging clothes beside him, humming a song.

I opened the door, and they all said behind me to come back early and pay attention to safety on the road.

Maybe that night was all a hallucination.I put my hands in my pockets and thought.

It's a pity that my dad only came back for two days, and then began to come and go without a trace.

My mother didn't care about it, she rubbed her stomach and talked to herself every day, and gave a loving low smile from time to time.

"You should look more like me than your brother again."

"When you are born, mom will find a teacher for you to learn something. You can't just study. How about learning music? Mom wanted to learn piano before, but unfortunately she didn't have the conditions. You are lucky..."

Five nights later, my dad was away as usual.In the middle of the night, I was awakened by a terrible scream.

It's my mother's voice.

She had a miscarriage.