To my dear Mr. Meng

Mr. Meng left on the plane that night.

I sat on the phone for an hour, and finally called my mother.

The process of her swearing can be called "speaking freely". I thought I would hang up the phone in anger, but I didn't. Compared with the heavy air in an empty room, this kind of liveliness and anger that belongs to a living person is much more amiable. Too much.

My mother clamped my arms to board the plane, the sky outside was getting brighter little by little, and the wind was full of coolness, which is always the case with sunrise in summer.I was relieved by the sense of steadfastness that I had thrown myself into the net, and I felt a short-lived joy that I had not seen for a long time.

My mother never gave me my mobile phone, but I guess Mr. Meng never called either.

As soon as the door of the house was opened, the cold air rushed in. As soon as I stepped in with one foot, I saw my dad sitting upright in the seat he used to sit. There was a dull blue color on his face.

"I'm back," he said.

My mother responded twice indiscriminately, threw things on the sofa, and walked into the kitchen.After a while, the sound of the water dispenser gurgling came from inside, like a big thirsty beast hiding its head.

My dad stared at me like two nails holding a stuffed animal in place.I was uncomfortable, and turned to look at the round-bellied vases full of champagne roses diagonally behind him.

I have had some unreasonable fear of him since I was a child.And because he doesn't discipline me very much, this fear is even more mysterious.Just like people with deep-sea phobia will not go to the beach, let alone see what is hidden under the sea, so am I.When I was a child, the beatings I received basically came from my mother, and my father scolded me occasionally, and every time I stepped on the most deadly painful foot with precision, I never missed it.

It turned out that I also cried "I'm afraid my father will scold me" by playing tricks. While wiping my tears for me, my mother said, "Your father's words are all angry, do you take it seriously? You are a man, why are you so cruel?" It’s smaller than the tip of a needle. No matter what he says, it’s over if you can’t hear it. Oh, why are you still crying, you were changed by Lin Daiyu?”

But I'm pretty sure he meant it.I have a personality like him. My mother said that our father and son are boring gourds, but in fact it is far more than that.We are all vicious in our bones, no matter how we hide it, the smell still oozes out from our skin.

"You are very powerful. After studying for several years, you have figured out all kinds of tricks for me."

I didn't speak, and secretly loosened my tense muscles little by little, trying to make myself look as calm as possible.

"Where's Meng Qiansheng?"

"do not know."

He snorted lightly, feeling a little pale: "See how his dad handles him."

"Where did you go that day?" My mother strode out from the kitchen, "Your son is so powerful that he dared to jump when the car stopped at a traffic light. Gone."

My dad breathed out softly through his nose: "I just said he has the ability, look at his usual appearance."

A gust of wind blew the snow-white drawn muslin curtains back to the corner of the wall, and the sunlight fell on the floor, making golden lumps.

"When did you start living with Meng Qiansheng?" My mother asked.

My dad sneered and said, "I told you a long time ago that he's fine and moved out, so there must be something wrong. You didn't listen, and you even said that the dormitory conditions are poor, and other people can live in the dormitory, but your son can't. He is so precious? Just help, I see how you want to help him!"

I didn't say a word, my mother was furious: "Are you deaf? Do you know what you are doing! Do you still think it is honorable and amazing? Is it disgusting? This is called perversion. You will be arrested a few years earlier. Go in and go to jail! You are still here with this expression on me, I really don’t know why you are raised, a dog is more sensible than you! I have been this ghost since I was a child, and you don’t make a sound when you say it, just like a dead person... ..."

My dad interrupted her: "Are you still studying or not? If you don't want to go to school, don't go to it. Don't waste my money."

I turned to him and said coldly: "What does it have to do with school? Find out, you are the ones who want to arrest me. Don't fail to hand in the thesis and fail to graduate. It will be my fault again."

He suddenly grabbed the teacup in front of him and threw it towards me. I tensed up, subconsciously wanting to hide, but I held it back. The cup exploded under my feet, and my trouser legs were immediately covered with water stains.

A wave of joy of victory hit my heart, as if the glass didn't hit me because of my thoughts, I couldn't help but lighten my tone: "Why didn't you hit it right? Everyone will be relieved if you hit me to death."

Across the coffee table, I could see him trembling with anger: "You're not a fucking thing!" Then he got up suddenly, "Still reading! What do you like to do, get out of here as soon as possible!"

My mother was also very angry, and said sharply: "You can even say such words, are we still your parents? You wish we would die of anger soon, don't you? Xiao Mei told me that I still don't believe it, you are capable It's so big, the whole school is talking about your shit, and you are very proud of being laughed at? I think you are full and meddling in other people's business all day long. That girl is closer than your mother, right? , because of her, your parents don’t care about it, you don’t need your degree, and the teachers and leaders are offended, I see how you can graduate with this mess!”

I heard that my aunt's daughter, Xiao Mei, had a boyfriend from Zhengzhou University as soon as she entered university, but I never thought she would know.I endured and endured, the words rolled back and forth on my tongue, and finally blurted out: "What does Xiao Mei know, that she thinks she is great after dating a boyfriend from Zhengzhou University? Who told you that I can't graduate, What do you know about my senior sister? You are always just scolding yourself, I broke the law in a fucking relationship? What happened to homosexuality, who is in the way when I am gay? "

"You still have the face to say it, you still say it!" The veins on her neck bulged, "Then why don't you kill someone?"

"Whatever you say, I'm gay, and I can't change it in this life."

I remembered that there was an old mobile phone in the bedroom, and I was going to get it. My mother jumped up from the sofa, blocked the door, realized that she had made a mistake, and immediately caught up with me: "Who allowed you to go? Did I let you go, ah ?" Reaching out to grab me, I took a few steps up the stairs, rushed into the bedroom, and locked the door behind my back.She slapped loudly outside the door, every time it was like knocking on my roof, I had a terrible headache, so I simply lay down on the bed, and vaguely heard my dad say: "What do you care about him? You can die or live as you please Give him face and pay him back."

"He Yujun!" My mother's voice came in from outside the door, "Don't even think about looking for Meng Qiansheng, it's no wonder his father didn't beat him to death. Just wait and see!"

I opened the drawer to look for my phone, but it didn't work.

Mr. Meng's phone has been turned off. I thought about it, but I still didn't dare to send a text message easily.I was lying on the bed covered with a quilt, and I didn’t know how I fell asleep. When I woke up, it was already dusk, the phone was still in my hand, and the sweat in my hand was as hot as a heart.

Still can't get through.

Staring at the ceiling in a daze, I suddenly realized that this was the best sleep I've had in recent times, and I didn't even dream.

I turned over and looked out from the window sill. In the dim light, everything was only a gentle outline. The hot wind seemed to blow from under the cat's belly, and it contained the faint fragrance of flowers that could not be named.I caught a glimpse of my own shadow cast on the window lattice, pale gray, almost invisible.

It was just such a blink of an eye, the body was swollen with fatigue, and there was only skin left.

Why am I so frustrated?

When night was approaching, a sparrow landed on the treetops in the distance with the last twilight in its mouth.I saw it chirping lazily, its short beak stretched out under its wings and rubbed, its mind was as empty as a drained pond, no Meng Qiansheng, no degree, no personal information and messy things flying all over the sky under the post about Qu Nan and me Guess the comments.

The location of this window sill is very good, if only tonight is left in my life, it is not bad to live like this.

Before I opened the door, I didn't even think about why my parents never knocked on my door.

The door was locked from the outside.

My first reaction was that it was hilarious, if it hadn't happened to me I would have laughed out loud.

The door at home can indeed be locked with a key from the outside, but it's never been used, and I don't even know where the key is.

I was locked up overnight in the house.

In fact, I was locked in my room for the next few days.My mother will deliver the meal and water to the door and tell me to get out to eat, but I promise her to make it better and not to contact Meng Qiansheng again. She is going to introduce me to a few suitable girls and never mention it again. Crazy talk about homosexuality, "I have to be normal."

I was so angry that I laughed and said it was impossible.

She slammed her fist on the door of the room: "Then you still have to eat ass, just forget it if you starve to death!"

I said, "That's fine."

Then there was the sound of her footsteps going downstairs.

My mother really didn't come to beat the door again, but I couldn't stand it by the next day.From time to time, the heartbeat speeds up, as if the blood vessels in the whole head are tightened, followed by a tightening in the stomach, and when it is really facing the toilet in the small bathroom, the throat seems to be tied tightly by wire , Nothing can be poured out; the head is down for a long time, and the eyes are a little black.

Maybe I really have been used to living a good life since I was a child, and I have never been hungry.

I also barely slept the next two nights—no sleep at all.I started to have a headache and have endless nightmares, and it was only an hour or so after waking up, sometimes less than that.After waking up, I was more tired than before I fell asleep. To fall asleep again, I had to continue psychological hypnosis and take a longer time. After that, there were nightmares, headaches, and headaches made it more difficult to fall asleep.

I sat up from the bed, my eyes went dark, as if I had been hit by a sap in the back of my head, at that moment I really felt that I was going to die.

It was the evening of the third day, and the sound of cars in the yard woke me up.I touched the window and saw an off-road vehicle parked right under my window.My dad usually drives another car, this one is only used for short business trips and outings, probably driven by his secretary for him.

I held my breath, through the thick door, I vaguely heard my mother downstairs opening the door, and then there was a voice.

All the Hong Kong movies I watched in theaters when I was a child came up to me at this time, emboldening me.I put the passbook that I had saved the New Year's money in the drawer, changed my clothes, found a pair of new shoes that I hadn't worn in the closet, and jumped out of the window.

I don't know if it will crush the car-this idea only has time to pop into my mind, and then it disappears in a blink of an eye.

go fuck it.

I should be thankful that this off-road vehicle is indeed tall enough, and it only rubbed off two pieces of oil skin on me.I didn't even dare to look into the house, so I ran away and called Xu Miao on the way, asking him to visit Meng Qiansheng's house and wait for me at the train station with a few hundred dollars.Of course I didn't forget to ask him to buy something to eat.

That was probably the craziest thing that happened in my unremarkable life.

Xu Miao was riding a dilapidated bicycle with most of its paint peeled off, and parked on the side of the street outside the crowded train station. He was carrying a large plastic bag full of instant noodles, bread, biscuits, and mineral water. There was still a cigarette dangling from his mouth, and when he saw me, he shook his head and asked me if I had gone to pick up trash, his face was as ugly as wiping a tablecloth, and he said that Meng Qiansheng's father said that Meng Qiansheng was not at home, so he asked me what happened.

I vaguely said that I had a quarrel with my family, and he shook the cigarette ash and laughed, saying how old you are, Badger, your mother is very strict with you.What are you arguing about?

Xu Miao quit her job in sales and was starting a business with a friend. In addition, he and Feng Yanling's wedding was approaching, so he even had a face full of circles.I faltered and hawed for a long time, my mind was so empty that I couldn't even make up an excuse, he was even happier, why did he say, feudal parents interfere with free love?

These words were like a hammer, which made me nod my head unbearably. I woke up suddenly, turned around and walked to the ticket hall.

Hey, Mr. He's cycad tree is blooming?He caught up, smiling so much that his gums were showing, congratulations, who are the younger siblings?

Meng Qiansheng's name was crushed between his teeth, but it didn't leak out.

Are you running away?Xu Miao put his arms around my shoulders, all right, you're so romantic.

I asked him for a cigarette, and after running all the way and taking the car all the way, I felt my head was about to split, and said, I am very tired.

not afraid.Xu Miao slapped her chest loudly, brother will always be your backing.

The last bus was two hours later, and Xu Miao and I ate a bowl of noodles in a noodle restaurant. Xu Miao said that you finally looked like a fucking human, just now you looked like you just jumped out of the dirt.

Xu Miao pried my mouth a few times to ask for gossip, but he didn't pry it open, so he gave up and pulled me to imagine the future married life with Feng Yanling, so beautiful that his mouth almost grinned to the ear.

I've never been so jealous of him. I'm so jealous that my internal organs are sore.

Before I left, I walked away with his cigarette and said that I would return the money to him when I got out of the car. He scratched the back of his head, laughed and said no.

I waved to him, and he was quickly overwhelmed by the colorful crowd.

There is only a seat ticket, there is no air-conditioning in the car, it is hot like a steamer, the windows are all up, the smell of sweat, body odor, and food, cut the human senses into pieces like biscuit crumbs, and feel everything , can't tell anything.The noisy human voice ran over the back of my head like thunder, and I leaned against the window, smoking one cigarette after another.

In the distance, only the night is like a tide, and a crescent moon passes away suddenly.

The heart became a leather bag, and inexplicable emotions were poured into it like the wind, and it grew bigger and bigger, and finally almost burst.

I only have the bankbook with thousands of dollars, but I feel that I have everything.

I think of those knights in martial arts novels who go to meet their beloved girls. I don’t know if they are also like this. There is an inch of childish arrogance in their chests that makes me laugh. The heat makes their hands and hearts tremble slightly. Light the same.

Regardless of the wind and frost swords, I am willing to fight for him.

The author says:

The day is getting worse.There should be an emotional crisis within the two protagonists, so be forewarned.In addition, as I said before, please don't use binary opposition to simply judge whether a character is right or wrong. The world we see is the world in He Yujun's eyes, which is the externalization of his subjective world, not the absolutely objective perspective of God.There is no moral role model in this story, ordinary people have flaws and make mistakes.