Spring Summer Autumn Winter

Yang Siyuan and Chen Miao broke up that day, Yang Siyuan very seriously warned Chen Miao not to listen to those gossip about Li Yu'an.He has always been a gentle person, and his seriousness that day was almost exhausted.

In fact, he could understand Chen Miao's mood. Chen Miao fell in love with Li Yu'an at first sight. Although he couldn't empathize with this kind of feeling, at least he knew that when a person likes another person, he would hope to understand the other person as much as possible.

Only, he felt very uncomfortable.

It's too personal.

Yang Siyuan could guess some of Li Yu'an's family situation by himself, but it was nothing more than an unsatisfactory plot within his cognition, so he didn't want to delve into it, and of course he didn't have to.

But after all, he grew up under protection, and he couldn't imagine how bloody things could be in this world.

It is impossible for him not to be afraid to get along with people with such a background.

He still knows how much family influences children.

No matter how pure a child's nature is, he is still a young child who has not yet discerned the ability to let people stuff messy things into his head.

In a family where the father could kill the mother in front of the children, he didn't dare to think about their usual way of getting along, but he knew that it must be no different from hell.

To survive in hell, one has to become Satan.

Li Yu'an, who is still in the process of growing up, must learn cruel survival skills.

"Then eat it raw, it won't hurt if your throat is split."

Yang Siyuan closed his eyes and remembered what he said again.It's just that the Li Yu'an that appeared in his mind at this time has completely changed. He is surrounded by bottomless darkness, he is naked and covered with bloody scars, his head is lowered, his eyelids are slightly raised, and there is nothingness in his pupils.

Yang Siyuan frowned tightly, pulled the quilt over his head.

This incident had a great impact on him, he didn't feel sleepy, and when he was thinking about how to make himself fall asleep, Qin Ziliang sent a message.

It was a picture of an oil painting.

The pixels of the mobile phone are not good, so he can't see very clearly.

As if painted by a painter with paint, the warm sunset reflects the people sitting in front.In the tall grass, Qin Ziliang sat cross-legged in the middle of the photo, with his back to the camera and his hands outstretched to embrace the sun.

"Experience the sunset on the prairie." Qin Ziliang said.

"Did you go to the grassland?" Yang Siyuan asked.

"Yes, it's not far. This was taken this afternoon, isn't it good?"

"The beauty of the photo is the one in the middle, so handsome." Thinking of the purpose of Qin Ziliang's trip, Yang Siyuan organized his words to make him happy.

"Yo, that's fine, you. You're good at what you say. You can learn from the bully, right?"

Yang Siyuan took a deep breath.Qin Ziliang just made a joke, but Yang Siyuan cursed in a low voice.

grandma's.

When it came to Li Yu'an, he didn't know how to reply for a moment.

While he was rubbing the keyboard, Qin Ziliang suddenly sent a long paragraph.

"The prairie is so big, it's really endless. Do you know Dayang, I have watched the sunrise and sunset, watched them ride horses, listened to their chanting, danced and ate meat with them, and my heart is full of the scenery every day. It’s just as open. Tell me, what’s the problem in this world? I can’t say I can forget Xiaofan right away, but I don’t think I will die or live for this matter. Do people spend half their lives in mediocrity? ?”

It was late at night, and the light from the mobile phone was incompatible with the darkness around him. Yang Siyuan squinted slightly and watched each word.

Now he really didn't know what to say.

On the one hand, he admired Qin Ziliang's ability to comprehend in nature and to let go of a relationship with no beginning and end at such an amazing speed, but on the other hand, he was worried that he could not answer his last question.

He doesn't like to think about life, he doesn't have time, and he doesn't dare.

He can't think about something that hasn't started yet.

In the end, he escaped the question and sent a sentence, "Just put it down. Go to sleep, good night."

Qin Ziliang also replied, and probably went to bed.

Yang Siyuan tossed and turned for a long time before finally being so tired that he was forced to fall asleep.

On August 2008, 8, the tenth day of the Beijing Olympic Games, Liu Xiang announced his withdrawal under the eyes of all the people.

The bloody storm that year is still often brought up and talked about, or continue to satirize, or finally reflect, but in any case they refuse to take him away from that storm, and that storm is exactly what people use in front of the screen. His hands were fanned.

Yang Siyuan, like everyone else, was looking forward to that match.

It was just a trick of fate, he just missed it.

When he woke up in the morning, Chen Limei was arguing with someone on the phone.

It's just that this time is different from the past, there is no high decibels, no swear words, she expresses her opinions mechanically as if she has been deprived of emotions.Yang Siyuan could hear the extreme despair, with three points of resentment and seven points of sadness sandwiched between them.

"How could I marry you." These were the last words Chen Limei said before hanging up the phone.Like a question, but really in a declarative tone.Yang Siyuan seemed to have heard this sentence when he was still in his stomach.

She hung up the phone, went out without eating, and even ignored her son who was leaning against the door frame.

Who would have thought that this was the mother who was sitting by the bed watching over her child not long ago?

Probably only Yang Siyuan can imagine.He was used to this moodiness.

He touched his nose and dragged his half-awakened body to wash up.

It was a cloudy day, it seemed to be raining a little early in the morning, and the road was a little wet.The sun seemed to be trying to get out of the clouds with all its strength, and the light came out, which was beautiful Tyndall.

Yang Siyuan put his hands in his pockets, squinted his eyes and looked up, his steps were obviously careless.

He had no appetite, so he ate two buns and drank a bowl of porridge.

Rarely, there was no one in the shop earlier, so he insisted on sitting there until the sky cleared, and the shop owner asked him over and over again if he wanted to add something, but he just shook his head and drank the porridge in small sips.

He moved very slowly, as if waiting for someone.

Probably because he didn't wait, he finally finished his porridge and went to the park on foot.

After the rare rainy weather, the people who are exercising in the park have not finished walking, and most of them are elderly couples walking together.

Yang Siyuan casually passed by them, listening to the trivia of life they said.It is a dialect, a sense of life and intimacy.

Yang Siyuan sat on the rocky beach in a daze.

Chen Limei never spoke in dialect.She was married from another city. She has strong language skills and learned the local dialect within a few years, but she never spoke it.

"Ugly, earthy, smells like sewage." When Yang Siyuan asked her when she was a child, she would answer like this.

He threw a small stone casually, causing ripples on the surface of the water.

The sun was high, and the stone was already hot. He was just sitting, and he was already sweating a little.

Time for lunch, he thought mechanically.

After entering the fried noodle shop, he habitually looked around, but did not find Chen Miao.

Got freaked out?That's good, you can give up early.Li Yu'an and Chen Miao are still different people after all.

He sat down and looked at Li Yuan who was busy.

This time he didn't wait for Li Yu'an to come to order, he grabbed a waiter at random, ordered noodles at random, ate casually, and then slumped on the chair motionless as if he had been drained of strength.

"Are you tired?" Li Yu'an asked him while walking on the road.

"No, I didn't have much breakfast." Yang Siyuan answered casually.

Li Yu'an faintly felt that Yang Siyuan was very depressed today, and thought that his father had come back to fight again.

He touched Yang Siyuan in a trance, pointed to the narrow shade and said softly, "Go inside, it's too hot over there."

Yang Siyuan froze for a moment, then obediently walked over.One person joined in, and Li Yuan, who was in the shade, was squeezed to walk against the wall.

He didn't ride his bicycle today, and it was nearly two o'clock when the two of them arrived home.

He tried his best to cheer up and listen to Li Yu'an's lecture, but he couldn't keep his head clear no matter what. It wasn't until Li Yu'an began to tremble when he spoke that he vaguely caught his voice.

"So, if you substitute this...this into...um...you can..."

Yang Siyuan, who was emptying out, heard something was wrong, and finally turned to look at Li Yu'an.

Only now did he realize that he hadn't looked at Li Yu'an very seriously all day.

At this time, Li Yu'an's face was as pale as paper, with a thin layer of sweat on his forehead, his brows were knit together, his eyes were tightly closed, and his eyelashes were shaking uncontrollably.He bit his pale lip, Yang Siyuan even suspected that his mouth would bleed from the bite.

Seeing Li Yu'an, who was used to being calm and calm, suddenly Yang Siyuan was at a loss.

"You, what's the matter with you?" He panicked and leaned over to ask.He didn't notice that his voice was trembling more than Li Yu'an's.

Li Yu'an couldn't speak, and suddenly fell off the chair, slowly curled up in the corner, with his arms tightly clamped between his thighs and stomach.

"Your stomach hurts?" Yang Siyuan guessed from his movements.

Li Yu'an snorted sullenly, and nodded with difficulty.

"Wait, wait! I have medicine at home!"

Yang Siyuan ran to the opposite bedroom, was stunned for a second by the mess in the room, cursed and ran to the bedside to search.

Antihypertensive drugs, slimming tea, sleeping pills... He searched for a long time before finally getting a bottle of famotidine.

"Ah!" The start was unstable, he was wiped by the clothes on the ground, and his knee hit the tile with a "boom", a dull pain hit him.He didn't have time to care about this, he gritted his teeth and ran back with a limp.

"I'll give you this... Just take one piece... Me, my mother used to eat this for stomach pains, this is no, it's not bitter..." He was talking nonsense while pouring medicine and water for him.

Li Yu'an was probably exhausted from the pain, not struggling as violently as before, and looked at Yang Siyuan with tired eyes.

While unconscious, he saw Yang Siyuan's face full of anxiety.

So this is... a worried expression?

He slowly withdrew one hand, took the small tablet, put it in his mouth, took the water, and drank it in one gulp.

His stomach was still churning, as if a blender was working diligently. He just felt that this was not a stomachache, but that his internal organs were all entangled.The effect of the medicine hadn't started yet, but he had no strength to cry out the pain.

"What's the matter with you? Did you eat too much?" After a while, Yang Siyuan asked softly when he saw that Li Yu'an's face finally got better.He thought of the empty breakfast shop and the busy fried noodle shop in the morning, and added another sentence: "Did you not have breakfast? What about lunch? Have you eaten?"

Li Yu'an half-opened his eyes, leaned all his weight on the table, and said weakly: "No. It's too late."

"No food?" Yang Siyuan confirmed again.

Li Yu'an nodded heavily.

It was the first time he saw such a weak Li Yu'an, and he finally came to his senses from being at a loss, and it turned into a slightly nasty worry to say the least.

"You... When did you start? Why didn't you say it earlier?" As soon as the words came out, he wanted to slap himself.

When did it start?He hadn't eaten for a long time, and he was probably already feeling sick in the fried noodle shop.And he was trapped in an inexplicable and extremely low mood, so he didn't pay attention to Li Yu'an at all.Maybe he had already started to have a dull pain at that time, but what about him?He even took Li Yu'an to walk half of the county back on foot against the high temperature.

And Li Yu'an, who had always been taciturn and refused to delay easily, how could he bring it up before the pain became unbearable?

Yang Siyuan pursed his lips, his heart was full of blame for himself.

"I don't care, I've never felt such pain before." Li Yu'an said lightly.

Yang Siyuan suddenly felt empty in his heart.

Does that mean he used to be in pain too?It's just not so serious, did he just endure it?

He looked down at Li Yu'an's hands, because he had no strength, and now he was only holding them.

He couldn't see his nails, but he remembered the vertical lines on them.

He didn't know if that statement was right or not, but he was sure it was right now.

"You...are you going to the hospital? Or should I take you home? You don't want to go back by yourself, it's easy to get into trouble." After thinking for a long time, Yang Siyuan said.

Li Yu'an's eyes lost focus, and Yang Siyuan seemed to see the corners of his mouth twitching, like a wry smile.

He said, "Go... home."

Yang Siyuan rode very slowly. He felt that Li Yu'an was trying his best to support his body, so he turned his head from time to time and said, "Just lean on my back."

At first Li Yu'an was disobedient no matter what, and when he rode on the bumpy gravel road, he finally lost all his strength and fell on Yang Siyuan's back.

The afternoon sun was not willing to hide behind the clouds, and shot down the dazzling light like revenge.

With seven turns and eight turns, Yang Siyuan finally rode into that small alley according to his memory.

There was a harsh brake sound, and Li Yuan, who was leaning on his back, was almost shaken by the sudden brake.

He woke up with a start, opened his eyes to look, but found that he hadn't reached the door of the house yet.

He asked in a muffled voice, "What's wrong?"

Yang Siyuan didn't turn his head, didn't speak, and his movements didn't change, he just stared ahead blankly.

Surprised, Li Yu'an stretched out his head to take a look.

The organs that had just quelled the war suddenly began to move again, and this time the dominant one was the heart.He only felt that his heart missed a beat, as if he could never wait for the next beat.

A few steps ahead is his house, and at the door of his house, there are three people standing.

A dark-skinned woman and two burly men.

The woman was wearing a flamboyant and tacky dress, with her hips crossed and her eyes staring.The man was shirtless, puffing on cigarettes, and swearing nasty words.

Yang Siyuan couldn't react, but Li Yuan had already helped him out of the car.

"Young man, is this Li Chengwen's house?" Seeing Li Yu'an approaching, the woman calmed down and asked with a smile, pointing to the rusty door.

"Yeah." Li Yu'an nodded, and before the woman could speak again, he continued, "I'm his son. We don't have any adults in our family anymore, so please tell me if you have anything to do."

The woman froze in place as if she hadn't reacted.

And the man over there yelled directly: "No more beatings?! Then who is going to pay for the medical expenses of our fifth child?!"

Li Yu'an tried his best to straighten his body, but because of the pain he still had to hunched over, his posture was indescribably awkward.

Yang Siyuan has come to his senses at this time, but he doesn't know whether he should step forward to help him.

"You are Uncle Yuan's relatives, right? I couldn't find you before..." Li Yu'an was halfway through speaking, when a colic hit him, and he supported the wall.

Seeing this, Yang Siyuan didn't care about anything else, he just threw the car against the wall and went to help him.

"It's okay, I'll pay for the medical expenses. It's just that it will take longer...but the compensation will be finished." Yang Siyuan heard Li Yu'an say.

The sun was shining brightly, but only a small half of the narrow alley was illuminated, and Li Yu'an happened to be hidden in the darkness of the half.

Yang Siyuan didn't remember what they said later.

He just vaguely remembered that those three people asked Li Yuan to contact other relatives, but Li Yuan kept saying that he was the only one in the family and he would pay for all the money.

The puppy barked in the yard through the door, his voice full of panic.Seeing that the master ignored him, he groaned and scratched at the painted wooden door.

Li Yuan lay sideways on the bed, turned his back to Yang Siyuan, and said, "There is ham sausage on the table, go and feed the dog, don't let him bark."

Yang Siyuan stood by the table, stunned for a long time before going out.

"It won't eat." Yang Siyuan came in and said after the feeding failed.

"Then let him call." Li Yu'an's weak voice came.

A bird stopped outside the small window on the north side and sang twice into the house.Yang Siyuan looked up, the window was covered with dust, the light coming in was all gray, and the room was rendered lifeless.

And Li Yu'an curled up motionless, he didn't even know if he was going to sleep or recovering his strength.

The conversation outside the gate made Yang Siyuan even more confused.

He suddenly felt that he didn't know Li Yu'an at all, not at all.

What he thought he had guessed turned out to be a superficial analysis of Li Yuan's surface.

And what kind of life he lived, he had no idea.

Thinking of this, Yang Siyuan felt indescribably sad.He stood by the window, not daring to sit down.

"You..." He opened his mouth to ask, but stopped halfway.

"Another day." Li Yu'an said suddenly, Yang Siyuan was stunned, a little puzzled.

"Another day, what do you want to know... I'll tell you." Li Yu'an's voice gradually weakened, breathing heavily.

"I……"

It's okay with me, I didn't deliberately ask, if you feel uncomfortable, don't say it.

He wanted to explain too much, but he was interrupted by Li Yuan after he started.

"Go back." Li Yu'an said coldly.

Yang Siyuan could hear from his tone that this was destined to be the end of today's topic.

He put down the small packet of medicine he took out from home and left silently.

The iron door rang twice as it opened and closed. Li Yu'an moved his legs, shrank into a ball, and hugged his head tightly.

There were so many twists and turns in this day, Yang Siyuan returned home like a walking corpse and fell on the bed.

As soon as he turned on the phone, Qin Ziliang sent a few more photos, but he didn't want to look at them any more, and just replied casually.

Check the news again, and you will see the people who have already exploded blame the former hero who "give up to win glory for the country" with gnashing of teeth.

He dropped the phone casually and rested his arm on his forehead, as if the cloud that had been accumulating moisture for many days finally broke out, exhaustion and anxiety came crashing down, breaking his seemingly tough nerves, and awakening him to be forced to hide in a corner another self.