pig like age

Her father's words, to this day, remind me that they are like a nightmare.Every time I dream back in the middle of the night, I will think of it, every word seems to poke my spine, and it seems to bring out the weakest and most helpless part of my soul hidden in the depths, and expose it to the public.

Too cruel.

At that time, I really couldn't deal with it.

Escape may be the only option.

I don't want to write about that unbearable period of time. For me, doing so is also a kind of cruelty.Even now, I, who have experienced many hardships, can't help but have lingering fears and resist instinctively when I bring that state of mind and scene into it.

I had to find a way to get rid of the depression in my heart, otherwise I would definitely be driven crazy by all kinds of negative thoughts.So during that time, I started to write a diary on a website, as many as 156 articles, almost all of which were written during that time period.It is better for me to extract a few, which can also be used as my narrative.

I went back to call Mais at night, and she explained to me that I would be discharged from the hospital tomorrow.I blessed her.

She asked me what's wrong?I am silent.

She said: If you don't tell me, who else can you tell?

I said I don't want to talk about it now, but I'll talk about it when I want to.

Thinking about my current state, it is what the Buddha said: great compassion without tears, great enlightenment without words, and great laughter without sound.But the Buddha did not say: great love is merciless.

Today my mother held my hand, looked at me, and said that something is wrong with me recently, I have lost weight, and my whole body is hollow.

Is emptiness a description of a person?I wonder.

My mother sighed, and suddenly mentioned that she also had a crush on someone before marrying my father, which surprised me!

It is said that mother and daughter are connected, she should know that my catastrophe is related to feelings.

I asked her why she wasn't with that person?

My mother shook her head and stopped talking.

Perhaps, there is a widow buried in everyone's heart.

It's been two days since I found an excuse not to call her, and I just made up a text message, and she believed it.

She is really the purest person I have ever seen. Once she trusts someone, she will never doubt what the other person says or does.

But if I really miss her, when I think about her, there will be endless and never-ending despair.Once that feeling spread, tears would flow down unknowingly, and my throat would choke and choke, which was extremely uncomfortable.

Mais asked me: What do you like about her, is it because she is pretty?But when you liked her, you never saw what she looked like.

I said: I just heard her voice, and I fell in love with it.

Mais: So you are voice-activated.It is hard to find such an infatuated voice control like you in the world.

I thought about it and said: I like the feeling in my heart when I talk to her.

what does it feel likeshe asked.

Heartfelt feeling.I said.

Ji Shuyu was dressed in black, with a jade-like complexion.

Her aura became more and more calm, so that those debt collectors who were about to move at the funeral did not dare to act rashly.

What's more, Yao Ye sent a few bodyguards to follow her.No matter how you look at it, it looks like a gangster movie.Yao Ye was the last one to arrive, wearing sunglasses and without makeup.

The two of them looked at each other from a distance, maybe it was my illusion, I felt that my sister's tense nerves suddenly relaxed.

My intuition told me that there must have been some kind of intersection between the two of them somewhere I couldn't see, during the time I wasn't involved.

But right now, I can't take care of myself.

That was the second time I attended a funeral. In later memories, that scene was composed of many seemingly sad but indifferent expressions.

Except my sister.

My sister's piercing sadness was more like a kind of remorse.As she said, she hasn't had time to be filial to this person.

But I always feel that people go away like lights go out, and the living people are greedy for the kindness and warmth that is within reach.My sister should be no exception, she will cheer up.

Is it because death makes people sad, or because sadness kills people?

A person from the bank came to the house today and said that he was entrusted to sign a contract with us.Indeed, as Father Jian said, all the conditions are very favorable.

My parents didn't know the details behind it, and their faces were full of hope.It's just a matter of playing the crown and celebrating.

I kicked that guy out.Regardless of my parents' inquiries, I locked myself in the room and shed tears of humiliation.

In the afternoon, the creditor's representative came.My sister didn't let us participate and talked with him in the study.

When the creditor's representative came out, he was very polite and said goodbye to us respectfully.It wasn't like this last time.Presumably my sister gave him a solid guarantee.

Since that illness, my sister has become calm and silent.The corners of the mouth are always pursed slightly, as if there is something hard to say.

This worries me a lot.

At night, I quietly pushed open a crack in the door and heard her whispering to someone in the room.

I have a feeling that she is making some kind of deal with whom. Judging from her tone, this deal is something she is forced to do, and it is an unequal treaty.

Finally, she shouted in a low voice: Yao Ye, don't push yourself too far!

I close the door.

I had a dream at night, my sister was sold to a brothel to pay off my father's debt, I cried and called her name behind me, she kept turning her head and calling me: "Xiaochen...Xiaochen...help me..."

When I woke up, it was like I had been fished out of the water.

I know what kind of person Yao Ye is.My sister must have been full of humiliation.Just like me during the day, the same feeling.

The difference is that my sister is willing to sacrifice herself, but I am not.

It turned out that I really was a selfish person.

As if echoing my dream, the next day, I found that the smell on Ji Shuyu's body had changed.

It's not a clean and light smell, but a mixture of alcohol, cigarettes, and perfume.

I even vaguely saw a lipstick mark on her neckline.

She started going out early and coming back late, she started wearing heavy makeup, and her face became more and more cold and indifferent.

She has changed.

Only I know why she changed.

My heart clenched into a ball.

Suddenly a little jealous of her father.

Those who leave can sleep peacefully, but we need to keep our eyes open to read all the desolation and sorrow in this desolate world.

Getting tired of dealing with the goddess.

She is so smart, she is silent more and more.She knows that I don't want to talk about it. Generally, if I don't talk about it, she doesn't ask.

But that doesn't mean she doesn't want to know.

Until my lies can no longer be made up, maybe this fateful entanglement should end.

I think back to what Mais asked me, what do you like about her?

I can't choose...

Liking her is fate and robbery.

I asked her, what is your greatest pursuit?

She said: Use your talents to make our society better.

I understood: Well, with greater ability comes greater responsibility.

I think she is very confident and determined about her future.This fits perfectly with my understanding of her and the image of her in my heart.

In my heart, she has always been the person whose moral sentiment is higher than that of ordinary people and who has lofty ideals and ambitions, no, she is a god.

I said again: It's too big, how about it?

She was silent for a while, then said perfunctorily: I didn't think too much.

I smiled wryly, my goddess, when did you say such ambiguous words?

She fell into the mortal world for me, like a seven fairy who lost her clothes.

She gave up being a fairy.

But I am not Dong Yong either.

In the evening, I pestered my mother to talk about the person she liked.

As my father's own daughter, it's quite embarrassing for me to do this.But I'm just curious, and it seems that I feel that it will enlighten me, and I really want to hear someone who has been there to talk about their understanding of love.

My mother still refused to say more.

She only said that the other party chose to wrong herself in order to fulfill her.So not together.

She also said: Because of this, I will remember this person for a lifetime.

Do you remember it forever?

Also, pretty good.

As my mother described it, I went back to my room empty-handed.Lie on the bed, head empty, whole night.

Since that night, I have suffered from insomnia.

I have made a decision.

After making this decision, I fell into insomnia completely. Every day, every day... I lay in bed before ten o'clock, and then opened my eyes until dawn.

The resistance is getting weaker and weaker.It was a cold first, and then I started to have allergies, and insomnia aggravated my condition.Hyperthyroidism finally relapsed.

This time it was tougher than ever.

I didn't tell my family and prescribed the medicine according to the original prescription.

Messy pills, poured into mouth.

I was thinking crazy.

I went to find Sister Li, and I said you give me money, and I will be your girlfriend, okay?

Without even thinking about it, she said yes.

She probably thought I was joking, I looked sick.

In fact, not only was I sick, but I also felt like a prostitute.

Disgusting, disgusting!

My rapidly thinning body made my acting skills go through the roof very quickly.Finally, my parents and Ji Shuyu found out and dragged me to the hospital.

That day, cloudy.

Autumn rain is falling.

In the clean and white ward, someone placed a pot of unknown flowers on the small table next to it.It doesn't look very pretty, but it smells good.

When the window was opened, a burst of moisture mixed with the fragrance of flowers came out, which really had the meaning of autumn's bleakness.

Ba Jin's "Autumn" said: Life is impermanent, and the future is bleak.

Falling leaves in the autumn wind, continuous autumn rain, worrying about autumn...

Really, bitter and sad.If the body is haggard, the heart is like dead ashes.

I made a phone call, my throat was choked and hurt, I tried my best to say two words: break up.

I hung up the phone and asked God to press the fast forward button for me.

Legend has it that everyone has a soul fire, but my bleak soul fire seems to have been pushed to the extreme, and the moment it is extinguished, I can let out a mournful roar——

I'm really scared, I'm afraid I won't be able to bear it.

The "culprit" Jane Xiangbei finally called.Turns out he was locked up.

He begged hard on the phone to come see me.

At that time, I had insisted on leaving the hospital and went home to recuperate.My mom gave me sick leave from school.

Of course I refuse.

He said: My sister is going back to Beijing today, and she will look for you.But don't worry, I didn't say anything.

This news seems to have thrown a bomb into my already slowed down consciousness! "Bang!" A sound shook me back to the real world!

In front of my eyes, everything is so familiar and yet so strange.These are my rooms, but how long has it been since I "saw" them?

I changed my clothes and walked out of the room.My dad was in the living room. When he saw me coming out, he was taken aback for a moment, and then he was ecstatic!

I just realized how worried they were about my condition.

I went to find Miss Li.

To be honest, I never knew what she was thinking. Based on her conditions, what kind of girl did she want?In those fashion circles, all kinds of beauties compete for beauty, who doesn't want to sharpen their heads to climb the dragon and the phoenix, and climb with her?

Why does she have to be patient with me again and again?

When she saw me, she exclaimed that she felt distressed, and cooked a lot of dishes by herself.I ate without appetite, killing time with her.Until Jane got the exact information from North.

I just said: Sister Li, take me home.

Jane Xiangbei felt that she owed me, and didn't know my plans, so she obeyed my advice.He meets the goddess, keeps track of her whereabouts, and reports to me anytime and anywhere.

let me……

Hehe, you can act in a play.

I'm dripping blood, playing this last scene.

when she came out...

Standing in the sun, she actually lost a lot of weight.

My tears welled up all at once, one drop, one drop...

I got out of the car, stood beside the car, and said to Sister Li, won't you come down and see me off?

Sister Li laughed, and said coquettishly: You are so clingy, little thing.After finishing speaking, regardless of the wrong place to stop, he came down and put his arms around my waist.

I leaned over, kissed her, and said: How about going to my house?

She agreed with a smile.

A video store opened at the gate of the community at some time, and they often play songs from popular movies and TV dramas.

During that time, the hottest drama was "Legend of Sword and Fairy III"

Vaguely, the melody floats out, blending into the scene at this moment, cold and empty, making my vision more and more blurred, more and more hazy...

clearly love is very clear

but accept separation

I only have the right to miss

sad too late

love has already melted into the breath

non-existent existence

Although very hard

practice forgetting

My heart has not promised to give up on you

Really sorry

Promise you no longer love you

I haven't promised myself yet

clearly love is very clear

have to accept separation

I only have the right to miss

sad too late

just let love into the air

non-existent existence

say yes to forget

偏偏 又 想起

It turns out that my heart has not promised to give up on you

Really sorry

Although I promised you

I haven't promised myself yet

But how can I really not love you

The author has something to say: It’s amazing that a reader guessed that this chapter fits the mood

This chapter, this song, is the inspiration for me to write this article, presented in this form, I think it is better than direct narrative

Highly recommend reading with the song!