Want and want

The rainy night was very cool, and the room was damp and stuffy, but it disappeared after opening the window, and no water splashed in.Occasionally there was thunder, and it felt like being covered under something, and it seemed to be in a very distant place, vaguely.Teng Ning stuffed his head to pack his lunch box. Unlike before, he refused to even give Teng Mushan a look.

It's not his fault, Teng Ning thought to himself.

What a poor self-consolation.

Teng Mushan's voice happened to be swallowed by Jinglei: "...it's raining."

"I'm going back." He didn't care, taking advantage of the light rain, he left under the gaze of the other party.The hospital and its surroundings are brightly lit, and the farther you go, the darker it becomes. Teng Ning must be very careful not to step into the pit.The water dripping from the umbrella gradually became more urgent, and finally after he walked into the subway station, it rained heavily.

At this time, there were still many people returning home late, and the woman waiting in line beside him fumbled for lipstick from her bag, even if no one was paying attention, she still carefully sketched it.There were two men sitting on the bench at the base of the wall, they seemed to be talking about the difficulty of life, and there was an overly obvious bitterness in their smiles.The child who was too diligent had his book wrapped around his chest, his back was soaked, and he struggled to get into the line from behind. The parents who followed him quickly apologized to others.

Tenning saw a couple with guitars on their backs. They might be street performers or students who had just finished practice. They were sticking together with their fingers clasped together.

The distance from the subway station to the house was not long, but the wind was so strong that the umbrella didn't work at all, and the water was blowing desperately towards the person, and Teng Ning's clothes were wet after a while.As soon as he opened the door, the warmth made him shiver, and the lights followed his footsteps one by one, as if this would not reveal the fact that he was alone.

While soaking in the hot water, Teng Ning let out a deep sigh, and suddenly remembered that books and music scores were scattered in the music room, the forgotten musical instruments were leaning against the small sofa, and the lunch box he just brought back was thrown in the pool, oily. floating on the water.But he didn't want to tidy up anymore, suddenly he didn't have the inexhaustible energy to go out, he just wanted to vent, and even his thinking stopped.

"...The person in charge seems to be pretty. We really have no chance to compare with her." Teng Ning was sure that the two nurses were talking about Yan Qianfang.But Teng Mushan really wants to step back, right?He is not young and has too many worries. Occasionally, his aunt mentioned that the clinical practice is too tiring and hurts his health, and persuaded him to change jobs.On weekdays, Teng Mushan seems to be paying attention to news related to pharmaceuticals, and most of the materials in the study also belong to this category. Maybe he will really go to the pharmaceutical company.

A few words suddenly appeared in Teng Ning's mind, one called day and night, one called day and night, and one called heaven and earth, all of which had nothing to do with him, and he was not qualified to ask.

After washing for a long time, the skin of Teng Ning's fingers wrinkled, but he didn't notice it. He hung his head and didn't know what he was thinking or what to do.It was still raining heavily outside, but the room was very warm, especially the bathroom was not very ventilated, and the hot water made him a little confused.A long time ago, before Teng Mushan knew about it, he planned to pursue the other party, but he was too naive at the beginning, thinking that every question could be answered, which led to tit-for-tat confrontation.Fortunately, Teng Mushan thought that he was rebellious for a while, but after he learned to conceal himself better, his guard gradually eased.

But the more he pretended, the stronger the urgent feeling became. When the delusion did not disappear with the passage of time, Teng Ning felt that he would definitely go crazy at some point.People all have desires, desires are born to seek, and not getting what they want is suffering. He has already tasted it a little bit, but he is still stubborn.After playing the piano all afternoon, his mind was full of Teng Mushan's face and figure—a bewildering inspiration—so he boldly went to deliver food at night.

The rain was so heavy that Teng Ning heard the tick-tock outside the small bathroom window in a trance, and there seemed to be a fire in his heart. Something tried to extinguish it, but it intensified instead.

When he came back, the couple he ran into kissed each other recklessly on the subway, and he was careful even when he reached out to touch Teng Mushan, let alone seduce him to the bed.He may never see the other party's emotional appearance in his whole life, Plato, in fact, it doesn't matter, as long as there is a little hope.

The body of a young man is always sensitive, even if he is a Beta, the desire he should have suddenly awakened. Teng Ning bent down, the tip of his nose almost touched the water, and he could clearly see his eyes.He seemed suddenly excited, if Teng Mushan wanted to, he could show this side without hesitation, gloomy and revealing, that strange feeling flowed from the fingertips to the scorching organs, and then gradually swelled, and the heartbeat was extraordinarily rapid.

"Uncle... Mushan... ah..." Teng Ning noticed that his voice was trembling, but later realized that his whole body was trembling, and he was about to lose his grip.

He thought, this time the water will be dirty, and finally the cloudy liquid and unbearable thoughts burst out together.

After washing it for the second time, the flush on Teng Ning's face hadn't faded away, and the smell of heather flowers that all men knew seemed to linger around, making him both regretful and excited.The door of the study was closed somehow, he was taken aback, and began to recall whether he realized something was wrong when he made the sound presumptuously just now, but found nothing.

When did Teng Mushan come back?Is the soundproofing of the bathroom okay?Shouldn't you have heard?These questions crowded his mind, arguing non-stop.Teng Ning took a deep breath, and hurriedly hid in the room, pressing his palm on his chest, the violent beating almost hurt his palm.

The rain had stopped, and the crescent crescent hung in the sky, which was not clearly visible because of the thick clouds.He turned on his phone and randomly searched for a playlist. He happened to come across the song he had heard in Qing Bar that day. The name was "I Only Belong to You". The male singer's voice was deep and hoarse.As Teng Ning listened, he always had the illusion of hearing Teng Mushan's voice, got up irritably, and changed to the female voice version.But this seemed too sad, the woman sang "I don't want to be ruthless" at the top of her throat, as if begging the other party not to be ruthless.

The next one is also a love song with a different style. It is said that the flowers are like a brocade mountain and the moon is long. Love wears a similar mask, and it ends as soon as it is uncovered. It is not so beautiful at all.Teng Ning fell asleep on his side, closed his eyes, one ear was filled with the gentle duet of men and women, and the other ear was filled with wind and rain and indifferent moonlight.

On the other side, Teng Mushan was sitting at the desk as usual, with a large number of unfinished books piled up in his hand, and there was a new subject for him to study.However, his mind was blank, the screen turned on and off, turned on and off again, and there was never a single word displayed in the document.He stepped into the bright corridor just now, and there was indeed the sound of water coming from the direction of the bathroom, as well as sporadic muffled hums and low moans.Although he has a cold temperament, he is a grown man after all, so he can understand it naturally.

It was Tenning who was—

As soon as this idea came out, it was immediately ingrained in his mind. When Teng Ning left today, he seemed very unhappy, even a little inexplicably angry. Teng Mushan had seen this expression many times before.It was as if he had just learned about Teng Ning's thoughts and alienated him mercilessly. At that time, Teng Ning seemed even more sad, with tears in his eyes but resolutely refusing to shed them, his lips were bitten, exuding a fresh orange smell.But he still wanted to laugh, and shouted hoarsely as if giving up on himself: "That's right, I like my uncle, I'm a fucking pervert!"

As the person involved, Teng Mushan vaguely remembered that he was too surprised and shocked at that time, and refused very rudely, let alone apologized.Afterwards, Teng Ning seemed to have completely forgotten about this, and played the role of a well-behaved nephew, approaching him affectionately as usual.He would not bring up the old things again, so that unpleasant time seemed to be cut off from their lives and no longer existed.

But this is not possible.

The current Teng Ning is no longer the little boy who ran over hard when he was a child and insisted on hugging him coquettishly, nor the kid who was afraid of being alone at night and wanted to hug the doll.Sometimes when Teng Mushan was in a good mood, he would take down a can of candy and throw it in front of him. He would happily take out one and put it in his mouth, and smacked it cherishingly until it completely melted. As a result, he suffered from tooth decay for several days.Teng Mushan sighed subconsciously. To be honest, he remembered so little about Teng Ning that he didn't even know when the other party grew up or when he had strange thoughts.

After being in a daze for a long time, Teng Mushan turned off the computer, and when he walked out of the study, he heard the faint sound of music, which was the type he didn't like, it was too noisy, and it made the water in his heart rippling continuously.This was found by Teng Ning himself. He was in a trance for a moment, thinking that he had hardly taught him anything in the past ten years, but this child has still grown up vigorously, and has become a cheerful and outgoing boy according to the way he likes in his heart.

That night, Teng Mushan suddenly realized that as an elder, he undoubtedly failed, even if most of it was due to his inaction.He always looks indifferent, like the "robot" described by others privately, who doesn't understand emotions, and doesn't intend to understand.

In front of Teng Ning, he was neither angry nor gentle, and most of the time, the other party even approached him to attract his attention.In this way, one day Teng Ning will feel bored, right?Teng Mushan thought about it logically, and he seemed to have lost something, but he was really not sure what kind of emotion it was.

"Maintain the status quo..." Teng Mushan looked at Teng Ning's bedroom as he said that. The door was locked and the singing stopped, but there was a strong sense of presence.

He decided that he shouldn't be asking for trouble.

……

Knowing nothing about Teng Mushan's mood swings, Teng Ning unexpectedly had a dream.

He knew that he was holding Teng Mushan's hand, surrounded by snow that shouldn't appear in this city, the road was very long, and the two of them turned gray hair while walking.Then the picture suddenly changed, he stared at the empty palm in a daze, looked up and saw the newlyweds surrounded by everyone, the woman's face could not be seen clearly, and Teng Mushan looked at him coldly, as if waiting for his reaction.Teng Ning heard the answer squeezed out of his throat: "No, I don't bless you unless you belong to me."

He woke up suddenly, the bright moonlight came in, and the wind was very cold, drying the bitter liquid on his cheeks.