Want and want

The sky in the small northern cities seems to be always gray, and occasionally the clouds will disperse, revealing a faint blue, but it is not obvious, making people feel a little cold.The high-speed rail has stretched all over like a spider web, and it only takes a few hours to travel from home to a strange place, but it was the first time that Teng Ning knew that this was Teng Mushan's hometown.

"Have I been here before?" He suspected that he didn't remember.

The man opposite did not hesitate: "No."

Sure enough, it wasn't that his memory was blurred, Teng Ning leaned against the window, took a long breath towards the deserted sky, and said, "Tell me now... Uncle has never come back." He turned his head and looked at Teng Mushan. Hovering in his mind, he was a little more confused now.

The high-speed rail arrived on time, just as the afterglow of the evening was still there, so I had time to have a meal at a restaurant near the station.Teng Ning had never been here before, and followed Teng Mushan step by step.The other party did not show any nostalgic look, similar to the feeling of a business trip, and listened silently when the waiter introduced the local characteristics.

It was hard for Teng Ning to believe that it was the land under his feet that gave birth to his mother and this man.In fact, he didn't know much about their youth. After all, he was born in the south, and was adopted in a surrounding city, especially when he was in college. He had never stepped on the long river that divided the north and the south.

After dinner, the two walked to the reserved hotel together.Teng Ning took a second look at the trees on the street. They seemed to be some kind of pine, very cold-resistant, and not very common in the south.It was only the first ten days of August, and the weather was getting colder. There were no flowers in sight, and the air was light and dry, unlike the feeling of being heavy with water vapor at home.Instead, fine smoke and dust rose slowly from many places. Teng Mushan coughed a few times, frowned, and slightly covered his mouth with his hand.

The hotel should have a history of many years. It looks like six or seven floors. The spotlights on the roof flicker on and off, and no one has repaired it.The young girl at the front desk tapped the keyboard for a while, then hurriedly flicked her ponytail to ask the leader for instructions, and then came back and apologized to them repeatedly: "I'm sorry, it's true that we made a mistake here, can I change it to a luxury suite?" ?Of course there are other compensations..."

Teng Ning subconsciously looked at the people beside him.

"Yes." Teng Mushan took the door card calmly.

Compared with ordinary business rooms, the hotel's luxury suites as compensation not only have more living rooms and small dining rooms, but also the cabinets are filled with various drinks and upside-down goblets.Looking out from the balcony, it was a city with neon lights, and Teng Ning couldn't help being speechless: "It's very lively."

Teng Mushan hadn't come back for a long time, he couldn't get used to the environment here, and he was exhausted, so he quickly went to the bathroom to wash up.Listening to the vague sound of water, Teng Ning sat unnaturally by the big bed big enough for two or three people to sleep together. Since he was in junior high school, he had never shared the bed with Teng Mushan again. If you think about it, it is even more impossible for the other party to allow it.

But this time, Teng Ning thought for a while in silence, but still couldn't guess what Teng Mushan was thinking.

When he also took a warm bath and came out, the sky was as dark as a huge black gemstone, and those tiny stars were the refracted light.He turned his head and saw that Teng Mushan took up half of the quilt, lying quietly, as if he had fallen asleep.

"Uncle?" Teng Ning asked tentatively.

"……Um."

He turned off the lights, and climbed into bed cautiously: "We haven't been like this for a long time—"

Teng Mushan didn't turn over, only the voice came over: "You were still young at that time."

"That's right." Teng Ning sighed, "I didn't go out of the province with you either, no, I didn't even know you grew up here."

"...Now I know." After a moment of silence, Teng Mushan whispered.

After a while, he felt someone approaching rustlingly. Not long after, Teng Ning pressed his forehead against his back and rubbed it lightly, and then made no other movements.Teng Mushan turned his neck slowly, and could only see the top of his hair, leaning against him undefended and full of peace of mind.

A night without dreams.

When he woke up the next day, Teng Ning was in a daze for a moment, and then slowly remembered that he was in the north, and the people next to him had already woken up and were packing up the things they needed to take when going out.He scratched his hair casually, and he slept so soundly last night, he felt strangely relieved: "Where are we going?"

Teng Mushan didn't answer directly: "The place is far away, you'd better move quickly."

Leaving the urban area, the scenery in the suburbs is getting more and more desolate, or there are too few people. Occasionally, there is a canteen with a crooked signboard on the side of the road, and a fat dog is squatting at the door.Teng Ning originally thought that a city so close to the capital should be more prosperous, but Teng Mushan explained lightly: "The older it is, the harder it is to get rid of the boundaries." Although it seems to be developed here, it still retains a part of the past. concepts, rules.

The taxi was parked in front of a building covered with plants, which looked a bit dilapidated. Teng Ning poked his head out and was the first to notice its house number, which said "Tengchuan Orphanage".Then, he followed Teng Mushan forward curiously, and gradually heard the sound of many children playing and playing inside.

At this time, a short and fat young woman came out while yelling something, suddenly noticed the two of them, and stopped: "Hey, who is it? What are you here for?"

"I'm here to donate." Teng Mushan said.

The woman looked him up and down, and immediately beamed with joy: "So it's a kind person...Come on, come in and have a seat, those children happen to be in class, they're noisy..."

Unexpectedly, the interior decoration of the building was very modern. They passed several rooms that looked like small classrooms. A curious child looked at the corridor through the window and smiled at Teng Ning.Then, the teacher pulled his ears from behind and taught him: "Concentrate on listening to the class, don't look around all day long!" Teng Ning noticed that most of the children here are Betas. Although they are smiling, there is always lingering sadness in their eyes.

He suddenly understood something.

"The dean is old and his ears are not good, you just need to speak louder." The woman opened the door and brought them in.

After thinking for a while, the old dean recognized Teng Mushan. Maybe he knew the name that appeared frequently on donation slips better than the real person.His kind smile was a bit hypocritical: "It's been so many years... Is there a child? It's called Teng, Teng..."

Teng Mushan continued the conversation calmly: "Teng Qiutan, my sister. But she passed away a long time ago."

"Yes, yes." The old dean's eyes were confused, as if he was recalling, "She studied music and is very lively. Are you a doctor now? Well, at that time you were not talkative or approachable, but you were kind-hearted .” He cast his eyes on Teng Ning, who was speechless, “This is it?”

"Her son." Teng Mushan replied, "I'll take him to see this time."

The old dean shouted: "Oh...it's a pity that there are not many things left from the past, you can just go shopping."

Until he left the dean's office, Teng Ning's mind was still blank. What he just said shocked him too much - so his mother and Teng Mushan are just orphans?If so, he and Teng Mushan have no blood relationship at all, just uncle and nephew in name.But why, why not confess?

At this time, his mood was too complicated to express, loss, joy, and anger mixed together, like a messy thread entangled endlessly.

Teng Mushan took a look at him and sensed his emotional fluctuations as it should be, but he didn't feel ashamed to conceal the truth: "Looking from this direction, that's the origin of our name." The open space, the original building disappeared a long time ago, and now it lives in the poetry, becoming a hazy shadow of smoke.

"Who gave it to you?" Teng Ning asked sullenly.

Teng Mushan slowed down: "Your mother. She is a very assertive person, and she doesn't like the stereotyped happiness and gratitude, so after the age of 16, she took me to the household registration office to change. She heard that there are other places A pavilion has a different scenery, so I went there to study in university and gave birth to you."

The time in the orphanage was not pleasant, and they were not close, but they had no one else, so they became siblings in name.People here habitually underestimate Beta, and most of the abandoned children also have this attribute. Even the aunt who took care of them at that time didn't really treat them well.The newly appointed dean is more willing to spend time communicating with "philanthropists" from all walks of life. He can remember Teng Mushan in his old age because he has persisted in donating money for many years.

Due to the environment, and Teng Mushan is a cold-hearted person who has limitations in what he can do, so he gradually formed a character that he must repay if he is kind, and he has no heart if he is not kind.Teng Qiutan also knows that he can't force too much, and they are too busy with each other after they grow up, so they gradually lose contact with each other.Until one day, a phone call from the police rang——

Little Teng Ning, who was sobbing while rubbing his eyes, was sent to him.

There is a forest behind the orphanage, and the wind blows, and the leaves rustle.Teng Ning's thoughts were interrupted, and he suddenly felt powerless, as if he was also drifting along with it, unable to find a foothold.He muttered: "Uncle... No, do you think it's good to keep it from me?"

"I only thought of you as a nephew. It doesn't make any difference whether you say it or not." Teng Mushan turned around with a low voice.

After a long time, the children who had been given recess flew out like chicks, laughing and laughing all the way. One of the little boys was pulling the bracelet, and he didn't pay attention for a while, and bumped into Teng Ning's body.He rubbed his nose, as if wondering why there was a big brother standing blankly in the corridor, then looked at Teng Mushan with a serious expression, and walked away as if frightened.

Teng Ning finally woke up, and suddenly stepped forward to grab Teng Mushan's arm: "What about now?"

The other party didn't break free, and lowered his head slightly, his tone was softer than before: "...I've already told you."

When they went outside, the late rising sun cast weak light around them, and the sky was still gray and white, but it was much clearer than before.The driver who had been told to sit on the stone pier at the door smoked, then threw the cigarette butt on the ground, stepped on the sparks and said, "I'm going back."

Teng Ning twirled his fingertips, and the softness of the fabric seemed to remain on them, and he looked very relaxed: "Go find something delicious, master, can you recommend it?"

"Ha, okay, I have been driving for more than [-] years, and I know this area the most."

"Great, it's my first time here!"

Teng Mushan let them chat enthusiastically, smoothed the wrinkles left on his sleeves after being tightly grasped, and unconsciously hooked the corners of his mouth.

The author has something to say:

Uncle Teng has countless ways to confess, but he chose the most troublesome one hahahahaha

The so-called superficial calm, inner panic