atypical rebirth

Behind Meng Zheng's back, the elders of Meng's parents started a small discussion about their child's puppy love.

Meng's mother smiled and said: "I don't believe that Xiaozheng will fall in love early. You haven't seen the appearance of him when he was educating Duoduo... Oh, what girl will fall in love with him if she can't think of it, isn't she just to blame herself? !"

"Xiaozheng's temperament is serious, not like a child, but like a little old man." Meng's father nodded in agreement, "If a girl hands him a love letter, believe it or not, he can express the love letter to him sincerely." Girls are educated and told that puppy love is not advisable. Hey, I never did this when I was his age!"

Father Meng, who had never been like this, couldn't help but put his hands on his hips, but he was so proud!

Grandma Meng glared at Father Meng: "Did you say that about your son? Hurry up and look in the mirror. I look at you like a bad old man! I told you to use some conditioner after washing your hair. How many times? You must say that you have no such habit. Look at how you have ruined your hair. Even if you have inherited my good hair quality, it is messy and straw like if you don’t know how to maintain it. It’s not rare to talk about you!”

"Does anyone say that about their son?" Father Meng repeated Grandma Meng's words in a low voice.

Meng's mother hurriedly smoothed things over and said, "Mom, I learned how to untangle your hair recently. Do you think my hair is better?"

The topic is so off.

Grandma Meng and Mother Meng drove Father Meng to feed the pigs, and then chatted enthusiastically about hair care.

The elders didn't think that Meng Zheng would fall in love early.

But just in case, after Meng Zheng left early to set up a stall in the town, Grandma Meng who stayed at home still called Shen Duqing.All the elders of Meng's family knew Shen Duqing's PHS number.

Grandma Meng asked furtively: "Xiao Shen, you are a good boy. Grandma asked you something quietly. Tell me honestly, is there anything wrong with Xiaozheng at school? Are there any girls who play better around him?"

Shen Duqing immediately understood what Grandma Meng meant, and hurriedly said: "No, no...Grandma, why do you ask such a question?" Could it be that after Meng Zheng returned home, he revealed to his family that he had a girl he liked? ?He actually had a crush on the girl right under his nose?Who is it?Could it be Wang Jiayun?

At that moment, many thoughts popped up in Shen Duqing's mind uncontrollably.He was extremely shocked, and there was a trace of anger mixed with the shock, but there was also a little sadness in the anger, and there was still a lot of grievance hidden in the sadness.

"Oh, no, I'm thinking about it..." Grandma Meng said briskly, "Last night, Xiaozheng was on the phone with you, right? I got up to drink water, and I heard him coaxing your brother, saying that he would bring you Your younger brother rides a bicycle, and you want to take him to the mountain to find a secret base... At first, I thought Xiaozheng was coaxing a girl."

Shen Duqing: "!!!"

A thunderbolt exploded in Shen Duqing's mind.

It's no wonder that Grandma Meng misunderstood, she didn't feel that a precocious child like Shen Duqing needed to be coaxed by others.Therefore, she thought that the person being coaxed must be Shen Duqing's younger brother.Unexpectedly, her eldest grandson is quite good at coaxing children.

Grandma Meng made fun of herself as she talked.

Laughter poured into Shen Duqing's ears through the telephone line.

Shen Duqing's face was a bit ugly.He couldn't smile at all.It was as if he was being targeted by a beast named guilty conscience. The beast's fangs had already touched his neck. As long as he moved slightly, the sharp and cold teeth could tear him apart in an instant.His heart sank little by little, into the abyss.

Shen Duqing held the PHS firmly, his fingertips turned slightly white.He heard himself say: "That's right, Feizhuo lost his temper yesterday. As a child, he was only separated from Meng Zheng for a few days, and he missed him. Meng Zheng coaxed him for a long time before he laughed again." The elder brother threw a scapegoat at his own younger brother without hesitation.

Shen Duqing's brain seemed to be cut in half with a knife.While thinking clearly, chatting with Grandma Meng very rationally; while thinking chaotically, thinking about Meng Zheng and countless details of getting along with each other in the past.

After hanging up the phone, Shen Duqing sat alone for a long time.My heart is sweet for a while, and sour for a while.In the end, there is no sweetness left, only sourness.

He often feels guilty recently, but he doesn't understand the reason for his guilty conscience.

Is it true that I don’t understand, or is it false that I don’t understand?

Shen Duqing fell into the sofa and covered his eyes with the back of his hand.He was clearly a young man, but he smiled wryly like an old man in his twilight years.

There is an idiom that goes well, a guilty conscience.He is a "thief", so he has a guilty conscience.

A deep sense of self-loathing suddenly rose in Shen Duqing's heart.

He knew that if he was honest in his heart, when Grandma Meng mistakenly thought that Meng was coaxing Shen Feizhuo, he could fully explain the truth.Not only girlfriends and children need to be coaxed, but good friends can also be coaxed.

However, there are ghosts in his heart.

So, he subconsciously acquiesced to Grandma Meng's words for a moment, pretending that the person being coaxed was actually his younger brother.

He dared not let Grandma Meng find out the truth.

With Grandma Meng almost suspecting Meng Zheng's puppy love, if Grandma Meng finds out that the person being coaxed is actually him, will Grandma Meng realize... realize that he has feelings for Meng Zheng that go beyond friendship?Even though it was hard for the elders to imagine a boy secretly in love with another boy, Shen Duqing still didn't dare to take the risk.

Yes, he has feelings for Meng Zheng that go beyond friendship.

This is why he is guilty.

He has been unwilling to admit it, dare not admit it, and refuses to admit it.But this feeling can no longer be concealed.

He could no longer lie to himself.

When did you realize that you liked Meng Zheng?

I can't remember the exact time, because whenever he has such a thought in his subconscious, he will try his best to suppress it.He is an extremely cowardly deserter, and he has lost the courage to fight before going to the battlefield.He just wanted to escape, and he just wanted to completely seal up this shady relationship.

Yes, this relationship is shady.

Even if he is a girl, as long as he doesn't want to completely lose Meng Zheng's friendship, then this relationship will be shady.Because Meng Zheng once said that he would not fall in love until he was in college.Meng Zheng also said that if someone likes him and he cannot accept him, he will take the initiative to stay away from that person in order to prevent that person from getting deeper and deeper.

What's more, he's not a girl yet.

Homosexuality is not a disease, Shen Duqing knows this.But he also knows that homosexuality is often shunned by the world.If his liking would mess up Meng Zheng's life, then this liking would be too selfish.

"I can't be so selfish." Shen Duqing muttered to himself.

The emotional world of young people is always very straightforward, with straightforward yearning and straightforward sacrifice.

Shen Duqing didn't want to hurt anyone, so he chose to sacrifice himself.

Suddenly feel so sad.

Shen Duqing shouldn't be such a timid person.In his imagination, if he fell in love with a girl, he would like it openly, he would let her know his mind, he would do everything possible to be with her, and he would do everything for her. Two people work hard for a common future.

At the same time, it is difficult for him to like someone.

The last sentence Shen's mother left before her death was to ask Shen Duqing to take good care of his younger brother.The care she said was temporary, and the deadline was before she came back.But she couldn't come back, so Shen Duqing regarded taking care of his younger brother as his responsibility for the rest of his life.If Meng Zheng hadn't moved to Shen Duqing's house, lived with the Shen brothers, and hadn't fully integrated into the lives of the Shen brothers, then no matter how good he was, it would be difficult for Shen Duqing to like him.

For Shen Duqing, Meng Zheng's appearance was just right.

First of all, Meng Zheng was good enough, so he attracted Shen Duqing's attention; second, he was valuable, so he won Shen Duqing's respect; became a caregiver, and then unknowingly became Shen Duqing and Shen Feizhuo's family members.

It was difficult for Shen Duqing to fall in love with anyone, but he naturally fell in love with Meng Zheng.

But luckily, one of them is a boy, and the other is also a boy.

So, Shen Duqing became timid.

The more you like it, the more you can't bear to embarrass him; the more you like it, the less you want to let him walk a road full of thorns.

Meng Zheng said that he didn't know how to fall in love before college, so Shen Duqing had to hide his feelings tightly.And Shen Duqing knew in his heart that even after Meng Zheng went to university, he still didn't dare to reveal his feelings.

The happy and harmonious family atmosphere of the Meng family has always been what Shen Duqing longed for.Therefore, unless Meng Zheng fell in love with Shen Duqing and took the initiative to take a crucial step, Shen Duqing would never pull Meng Zheng into same-sex love.He didn't want to make Meng Zheng's family sad, he didn't want to embarrass Meng Zheng's family, and he didn't want to ruin the happiness of a family.He swore that he would never allow himself to become a "cancer" that would destroy the harmony of Meng Zheng's family.

Therefore, he probably can only secretly fall in love with him forever and quietly in a gesture of not disturbing the other party.

There is a saying that Huiji will be hurt.A person is too smart, and when encountering things, he will inevitably think deeply and consider carefully, worrying about this and avoiding that, until he ends up in a troublesome end.

Shen Duqing is like this.

If only he was as innocent as other kids his age.Who hasn't had a crush on one or two people since entering adolescence?They all just need to indulge their feelings, and they don't need to have any worries.

But Shen Duqing couldn't do it.

So, his liking is like a green fruit wrapped in honey.One lick seems to be sweet, but it is all sour when savored carefully.

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"I understand what I want, but I have lost love."

"But what does it matter?"

"As long as he is happy, I can be happy."

Shen Duqing locked himself in his room and wrote a private diary titled "Looking Up at 45°" in QQ Zone.

Some people say that looking up at the sky is looking up at happiness.Maybe I should also learn to look up at the sky at a 45-degree angle, not because the sky is so beautiful, but because I don't want tears to fall. - This is the beginning of the log.

If one day, when you see a child looking up at the sky at a 45-degree angle, it must not be me, because my sadness will never be seen by others.There are birds in the sky, fish in the sea, and I have him, which is enough to comfort me for an incomparably long life henceforth. - This is the end of the log.

Bless the boy's diary, like his sorrow, never to be seen by others, amen.

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