Precipitous spring breeze blows drunk sober

Headed north back home.

Sitting in front of the piano, he saw that Dong Xun hadn't had time to collect the score. After stroking the notes with his hand, he reflexively played the score according to the score. It was only after a few bars that he discovered that the melody was written by Dong Xun. I played it myself.

He once asked Dongxun what song it was, and Dongxun told him it was written by a small number of composers, not well-known.

But now that he finished playing the first page and turned the page to the end, he clearly saw the words "gift to the north" in the lower right corner of the score.

——This is the score that Dong Xun wrote for him, so it turns out.

Xiang Bei played this song all afternoon, his arms were sore, tears fell on the back of his hands and he struck the last note with his fingers.

The time falls in the winter of 2011, and it was written before Dongxun left eight years ago.

Xiang Bei doesn't know much about piano music, but at this moment he can also hear the restrained love of Dong Xun in the music - at that time, Dong Xun should be happy, right?

Maybe no matter how much he ruined his feelings, he always accepted it happily, but he couldn't accept that he ruined himself.

It was a misunderstanding eight years ago, and it will still be a misunderstanding eight years later.

The ten years between them have never been a misunderstanding.

Dongxun misunderstood that it was his own joy.

Xiangbei didn't go to Dongxun immediately, he drank a lot of wine at home and got drunk.Get drunk one last time.

Sitting in the living room with no lights turned on under the night, he told himself over and over again that it was time to wake up.

His heart finally sank to the bottom, finally willing to fall on the cushion Dongxun woven with love, and finally felt an unprecedented relief.

It turns out that admitting to falling in love with Dongxun is such a simple, natural and happy thing.He is in pain and suffering now, but he feels the warm and long-lasting love of Dongxun like a trickle. He should have loved him generously long ago, long ago.

Xiang Bei took another big gulp of wine, and swallowed it so hard that his esophagus hurt.

He suddenly couldn't find a reason to forgive himself at this moment.There was a heavy I love you in my heart, but I didn't have time to say it to Dongxun, and I couldn't forgive himself like Dongxun forgiving himself for his selfishness and stupidity.

A prairie fire ignited in his heart again, and the momentum seemed to burn a blade of grass in his heart, wishing to burn himself to death in this long night.

Dongxun never asked him whether he loved or not.He said, Dongxun, let's be together, he will be with him.

He was used to owning Dongxun, so he never thought that Dongxun would leave.Even if the person is found again eight years later, it will only repeat the same mistakes.

It seems that this reunion is to re-enact a misunderstanding, and finally end their love and hate here.

He also never said love or not, because of selfishness and cowardice, he didn't even dare to admit the love that had overflowed in his heart, and he pretended to be the domineering and paranoid that has continued since childhood.

But Dongxun is no longer the Dongxun when he was a child.

Late autumn is always full of bright moon and few stars.

Sitting against the wall to the north, holding the wine bottle in one hand and the ring that he didn't have time to give away in the other.

If I hadn't answered Yu Lang's call the night before, and stood there stubbornly waiting for his answer, everything might have been different.

He will tell Dongxun that he loves him and wants to be with him.

Dongxun is no longer Xiangbei's elder brother, and Xiangbei is not Dongxun's younger brother, but Dongxun's lover who has been in love for ten years.

Maybe everything will be different.

Dongxun's love for the past ten years is like a pot of old wine buried deep in his heart. The fragrance of the wine overflows and Xiang Bei indulges in it.

Now that Dongxun got away and left, Xiangbei finally woke up.

He fell asleep against the wall and woke up the next day with a fever.

The open window was still blowing wind into the living room, and it hit him first.

He got up and closed the window with great difficulty, and just walked a few steps lightly before falling down on the sofa again.

And then there are endless dreams.

He seemed to be thrown into a pool of stagnant water, struggling not to swim ashore, but to sink to the bottom of the pool.As he went to the bottom of the pool, his breathing became more difficult, but he became happier.

The suffocation accompanied by pleasure dragged him into the mud at the bottom of the pool, he finally opened his eyes, and the cell phone was ringing non-stop by his ears.

"say."

His assistant Xu Le called. His hoarse voice not only shocked Xu Le, but also woke him up.

Xu Le said that Feng Luhua sent the contract, and Ji Gu felt that the project was too big and the company might not be able to complete it, so let him have a look.Without even thinking about it, Xiang Bei asked Xu Le to tell Ji Gu that the contract would not be signed.

Before hanging up the phone, Xiang Bei sat up and leaned on the backrest, and asked Xu Le: "Are there any acquaintances in the air-rail system?"

Xu Le was confused by the question, and after thinking about it, he said, "No, Mr. Xiang, what do you need to do?"

"Look for someone." Looking at the time in the north, he took his mobile phone and went to the refrigerator to find something to eat.

Xu Le said: "This, you can look it up for some money, who are you looking for?"

"Winter search."

Xiang Bei cooked a bowl of noodles and ate some medicine before going to the company.

On the way, Yu Lang called him back, but he didn't answer. After hanging up, he sent a message saying that he was in a meeting, so Yu Lang sent him a message, probably to apologize.

That night he was more sober than Xiang Bei, and he always remembered the two wine bottles that he had suffered. After apologizing, he also asked how Xiang Bei and Dong Xun were doing.

Xiang Bei parked the car in the open-air parking lot downstairs of the company, and still called him back.

Yu Lang answered the call almost instantly, and he said, "Xiangbei, I'm really sorry, I didn't expect Dongxun to—"

"Is there anything else?" Xiang Bei thought he had enough patience, but he didn't expect Yu Lang to say a word. When Dong Xun's name was mentioned, he wanted to hang up the phone immediately, "If it's okay, I'll hang up." .”

"Hey! Others, Xiangbei, Mr. Feng called me just now and said... that your company won't sign a contract with him? Xiangbei, why don't you do this good business?"

Xiang Bei frowned: "Yu Lang, how much money are you still thinking about taking drugs? You are looking for someone else to do this business, I won't do it."

After speaking, he hung up the phone, and then blocked Yu Lang's wechat call.

As soon as he arrived at the office, Xu Le told him that he had found Dongxun's flight information.He took off his coat and hung it on the hanger, and Xu Le showed him the flight information page.

"Mr. Xiang, Mr. Dongxun flew to City Z this morning, and now... he should have just arrived."

City Z, so far away?You really don't want me to find you again?

Xiang Bei looked at the flight information in a daze, stood there for a while, and then asked Xu Le to book a ticket for him.

Xu Le reminded him that there was a meeting tomorrow, and he waved his hand and said, "Book a ticket for tonight—can the hotel check?"

"It should be possible, but Mr. Xiang, you haven't read the financial report for a long time. Mr. Ji is reviewing it. Why don't you take a look?"

Xiang Bei thought for a while in silence, and then said: "Send the email, I'll take a look at it sometime."

Xu Le hesitated to speak, but could only agree and went to Ji Gu's office.

Later, Xiang Bei sat in the airport lounge, with a few casually packed clothes at his feet, glanced at the financial statement broadcast in the mailbox and informed him to board the plane.

Before taking off, Xu Le sent a message to tell him that there was no hotel information for Dongxun.

He turned off the phone, took the medicine, and fell asleep all the way.

City Z is far away, and the flight time is more than three hours.When the plane landed smoothly, Xiangbei woke up to the noise, rubbed his neck, and saw rainwater falling from the window.

He called a car, waited for a while on the departure floor, smoked a cigarette, the driver stopped in front of him, he stubbed out the cigarette and got into the car.

The time is too short and the body is not feeling well. Even after sleeping for several hours on the plane, Xiangbei not only did not relax, but became more and more sleepy.

After confirming the hotel address with the driver, he fell asleep again.

Then in the car he had a dream.Dreamed that he had been looking for Dong Xun for a long time, so long that he almost couldn't remember Dong Xun's appearance, but he still couldn't find him.

Xiangbei was afraid that this dream would become a reality, so he went out to look for Dongxun every day after living in Z City.But he has this dream every day, waking up in the middle of the night repeatedly every day, and then insomnia until dawn.

He lived here for half a month, until the autumn faded and the early winter became colder. His cold did not get better, intermittently, coughing became a habit, and his lungs hurt from coughing.

That day, he really didn't have the energy to get up, lay on the bed and ordered a takeaway, and sent a message to ask Xu Le if there was any movement of Dong Xun.

Soon, Xu Le wrote back to him, saying that since that flight arrived in Z city, Dongxun had no new action track.

He locked the screen of his mobile phone and retreated into bed again.

Holding a ball of quilt against his chest, he began to cough violently, endlessly as if he wanted to cough up his internal organs. He felt his heart being pressed, pulled, torn apart, and smashed to pieces.

Because he still needs to take medicine, eating every day is like completing a task. People who have never been picky eaters even picked out pieces of beef and threw them into the trash can.After taking a few bites of food, I lost my appetite, so I packed up and threw the garbage into the trash can in the corridor.

He didn't bring his room card, and when he turned around, he found that the door had been blown shut by the wind.The passing cleaning staff asked him if he needed help opening the door, and he whispered thank you.

After taking the medicine, he dressed and went out again.

The temperature dropped sharply last night, so he didn't bring a lot of clothes with him when he came, and he bought the thicker ones now.It was a little colder today, and when passing by the mall, he went to swipe his card to buy a piece of clothing.

Xiang Bei stood at the same spot with the sweater he had changed, looked at the endless stream of vehicles and pedestrians in front of him, and said to himself: "Why doesn't the cold get better... If you were here, you would definitely have to say something again. I can't take care of myself anymore, can I?"

He smiled wryly, shook his head and continued looking for someone.

In fact, Xiangbei doesn't know how to find Dongxun in such a big city.

The previous number is no longer in the service area. I spent money to check Dongxun's name but found no new number, not even a hotel information.In addition, there is no new bank account, no provident fund and social security.

Fuyuhiro seemed to have disappeared from this world.

I walked all the way to the north and asked, holding a photo with Dongxun, and looking for it from store to store.Always live, live to work, Dong Xun has been living so seriously, it must be a more decent job.he thinks.

He opened WeChat and saw that Su Xia praised his step count. After clicking in, he saw that he had walked so far, more than 7000 steps.And it's only three o'clock in the afternoon.

The sky suddenly rained, covering Xiangbei's body like a net.He raised his head and squinted his eyes and stood there for a while. The rain was getting heavier and heavier. He gathered his clothes and walked towards the next street.

Xiangbei lived in City Z for half a month.From this urban area to that urban area, construction sites, bars, and piano shops are all the places he is looking for.

In fact, he didn't think about how long he would continue to search aimlessly like this. What if he couldn't find Dong Xun, and couldn't find it all the time, what would he do.

He belatedly realized that the past eight years of missing and guilty days were much better than now. Even when Dongxun left home eight years ago, he was slightly relieved because he no longer had to face Dongxun every day, nor A heart hangs every day and I don't know how to face his feelings.

At that time, whether he was relying on or loving him, he was not as difficult as he is now.

On the first day of the second month in City Z, Xiang Bei suddenly wanted to drink again.

After eight o'clock in the evening, he "came off work" and went to the bar to drink. He drank in small sips, and drank from nine o'clock in the evening until the bar closed.When the cleaning staff began to clean, he wobbled down from the chair, walked forward with the help of the table and chairs, walked to the bar door and found that he had forgotten his coat, and stumbled back to the edge of the bar.

It looks funny and embarrassing again and again.

Both he and Dong Xun are good-looking people, their eyes are very similar, and their facial features are also somewhat similar.The difference is that Dong Xun looks gentle, while Xiang Bei is domineering from the outside.

He leaned against a tree by the side of the road, staring at the time on his phone as it changed minute by minute.

When getting in the car, the driver apologized to him, saying that he was late because he was picking up his wife from the night shift.

Xiang Bei shook his head and said it was okay.

The driver's wife got down and sat in the back row, gave him the front row, handed him a plastic bag, and said, "Young man, why do you drink so much by yourself? You young people just don't know Take good care of your body, the parents at home know how worried they are!"

He opened the window to the north and leaned against the door, muttering, "I...my mother passed away...my brother doesn't want me anymore..."

"Hey, look at you! What are you asking!" The driver turned his head and scolded his wife.

"It's okay. Master, please drive slowly, I'll open the window for a while." Xiang Bei squinted his eyes to look at the street scene outside the window, took a breath of cold air, and coughed unexpectedly.

He had been coughing for more than a month. When he went to the hospital, the doctor told him to hospitalize him. He asked the doctor to prescribe some medicine and declined the suggestion of hospitalization.After taking the medicine, I got better a few days ago, except for occasional coughing.

The car was quiet again, Xiang Bei fumbled his hands into his collar, and took out the ring hanging around his neck to look at it.

When I looked at it, my eyes became blurred.

He closed his eyes and swallowed, his throat throbbing, but he couldn't help crying.

The winter in City Z is obviously much colder than that in City M, and the place where the tears fell was painfully blown by the wind.

There was still one kilometer away from the hotel, so he asked the driver to pull over and stop the car.

Walking northward along the street lights, he suddenly felt that he really couldn't find Dongxun.

There has been no news for more than a month, and no traces of life have been left. He thinks that Dong Xun has made up his mind to disappear.

"How could you... just don't want me like this..." Xiang Bei's hand shaking while lighting a cigarette, made him unable to hold the lighter steadily.In the end, he took the cigarette out of his mouth, tightened his frozen red fingers little by little, and threw the crumbled cigarette into the trash can along with the lighter—he wanted to quit smoking from this moment on.

After Dong Xun saw him smoking for the first time in the third year of junior high school, although Dong Xun didn't force him to quit smoking, he could tell that Dong Xun didn't like the smell of cigarettes very much.

At that time, he still liked to take a puff of cigarette and hug Dongxun to kiss him, or hold him from behind and slowly exhale a puff of cigarette from behind his ear.

He stopped and walked, and the longing for Dongxun in his heart was blown by the winter night wind and wrapped him up tightly, wrapping his whole body, as if it had grown into thorns, piercing into the flesh and hurting him so much that he couldn't breathe .