The difference between cloud and mud

Change happens unconsciously.

Although the words were reconciled, Jiang Tong still refused Xiao Fengtai's material assistance.Not only that, he did what he said, and returned the surplus tuition fees to Xiao Fengtai before the end of the semester.

With a sharp increase in expenditure and a sharp decrease in income, Jiang Tong can only redouble his efforts to seize all possible part-time job opportunities.It's just that the time spent with the child is just as the other party expected, and it becomes pitifully short.When the final exam was over, Jiang Tong returned to Beijing, so he had no choice but to contact Xiao Fengtai through video in the busy schedule.

Jiang Tong and Xiao Fengtai don't communicate frequently, and it's better if they don't.The lessons learned from the past are vivid, and he no longer pours out his emotions and thoughts to Jiang Tong as he did before.The youth's self-esteem is an invisible bomb to Xiao Fengtai.When he realized the danger, he was already in the middle of the minefield, and he had to be careful when going forward and back.

Last weekend, he received an admission letter from an Ivy League school in the eastern United States.Although the school is not the first choice, it is also within the acceptable range.When he saw "congratulations" on the email, he immediately wanted to call Jiang Tong. The communication directory was opened, but he hesitated the moment he pressed the call.

He faintly felt that something was wrong, but he couldn't tell why.I can only comfort myself that Jiang Tong has a busy schedule, and he may not be able to find someone if he interrupts rashly.I made an appointment with Jiang Tong, and besides announcing the good news, I mainly wanted to discuss the next step with the other party.

Jiang Tong spends most of his time in bed with the hospital, the phone is connected, and the background is always the mottled gray and white walls of the corridor in the inpatient department.The grunting of trolleys, the chaotic footsteps of family members and medical staff, and the rattling of plastic bags can be heard vaguely, an annoying white noise.

There are no windows in the corridor, and the wattage of the ceiling lamp is insufficient. It was originally five haggard, but it was amplified to ten in the dim light.Facing Jiang Tong's tired and numb face, Xiao Fengtai spent the whole week's spare time carefully typed up the manuscript, which rotted in his stomach, unable to speak a single word.

"What's wrong?" It was Jiang Tong who broke the silence first: "Specially ask me out, do you have something to discuss?"

Xiao Fengtai cleared his throat and found his own voice.

"Well, I have good news for you." The corners of his mouth were raised, his eyes were bright, and his smiling muscles were almost exaggerated.He tried his best to make a sweet smile: "I have received an offer from an American school."

"It's not my first choice, it's a guaranteed school," he added, "but at least I can definitely go to the United States."

Jiang Tong will be happy.The moment he blurted out, he heard his own violent heartbeat.They seldom talk about the future now, perhaps because they both noticed the gradually thickening clouds over the future of the two of them.However, now this dark cloud seems to reveal a gap for a short time, from which a ray of blue sky can be vaguely seen.

However, his happiness did not seem to be contagious to Jiang Tong.The young man's pupils dilated in an instant, and his eyes wandered away, as if Xiao Fengtai's offer was completely unexpected.

"Kenneth is really amazing." Jiang Tong quickly adjusted his facial expression, as if he was sincerely happy for him.

"Although I have no experience, I can successfully apply to an American school. It's really amazing." Jiang Tong said with a smile: "Much better than me."

Xiao Fengtai was stunned: "What?"

"Ah, so I haven't told you yet." The young man still smiled, and said in a casual tone of discussing what to have for dinner: "I haven't received an offer yet, and I may have to stay and work in Singapore."

"Impossible" Xiao Fengtai said categorically, he didn't know whether what he firmly denied was the fact in front of him, or the future that Jiang Tong was pointing at.

"If you don't receive it, wait and check the spam box, maybe you will get something."

"Five schools, three rejection letters, one waiting list, and one with no results." Jiang Tong said slowly, every word and sentence was clear and complete, as if there was an entity and weight, and it was launched from the other end of the screen, bang bang bang bang , A series of hits on Xiao Fengtai.

"The laboratory I most want to go to has not yet sent a letter. The world recruits three people every year. Both of my guaranteed schools have sent rejection letters. The senior said it was because my cv was written in too much detail to let them see My motives are not pure, and I use them as a backup tire."

"What should I do?" Jiang Tong's smile seemed to widen a bit, as if lamenting the absurd reality of the two people's wrong status: "Maybe next summer, I will send you to the United States at the airport instead. Remember to send a postcard when you arrive at school."

Xiao Fengtai couldn't remember what the two said afterwards.He felt relieved when he put down the phone, only to realize that he had been holding his breath inadvertently.

Jiang Tong didn't complain a word from the beginning to the end.Xiao Fengtai would rather he collapsed, depressed, and even blamed himself, than congratulate him for getting the offer with a smile on his face.It was too depressing, and the invisible burden on Jiang Tong seemed to spread from the other side of the screen.In the dark corridors of the hospital, the passers-by in the background are always in a hurry and sad appearance. The mobile phone lens occasionally flashes outside the window, and the pale and hazy sunshine in the northern winter.Xiao Fengtai imagined putting himself into such a scene, but a thought flashed, and the icy cold stretched up from his spine, making him shiver under the bright sunshine of Singapore.

It shouldn't be like this.Not long ago, every minute and every second with Jiang Tong was so happy and light.The moment they looked at each other, their hands and feet would feel hot even in the air-conditioned room, their heart would be pounding, and the blush would spread from their cheeks to their ears.When we parted, I wanted to take pictures for him to see anything that happened. I wanted to send a message to share with him the first time I was happy or sad. I looked forward to his reply. Will it be the same as I imagined?

Xiao Fengtai thinks he is willing to do anything, as long as he and Jiang Tong can return to the past.But he can't do anything, and he doesn't even know why they got where they are today.

Jiang Tong put down the phone and went back to the ward.Mother was still in a coma, moaning slightly even in her sleep because of the torment of her illness.In fact, she has rarely been sober during this time.After leaving the ICU for the first time, because of repeated illness, they have received two critical illness notices.No one discussed the worst-case scenario. The patient's thin body and the doctor's frown in front of the laboratory test sheet were silent hints, reminding them that they were losing ground in the battle against cancer.

Fang Dayong was sitting by the hospital bed in a daze.The man himself was not small, and he was wrapped in a bloated winter coat and sat on a small folding stool, looking even more aggrieved and cramped.After a winter, the white hair on his sideburns suddenly increased.Hearing the sound of the door, he stood up: "Xiaotong is here."

Jiang Tong thought he was here to take over: "Why did uncle arrive so early today, so you don't have to pick up Beibei's make-up class?"

Fang Dayong chuckled, but unconsciously clenched the scarf tightly in his hand: "Yes, yes, let her go home and heat up a meal today."

"Uncle has a discussion with you, it won't take up too much time, just 10 minutes."

Jiang Tong's heart tightened: "What's the matter?"

Fang Dayong looked at his watch: "Let's go out and talk, don't disturb your mother's rest."

He looked sincere, but Jiang Tong was suspicious but couldn't refuse, so he could only agree.Fang Dayong said that it could be solved in 10 minutes, but he took Jiang Tong out of the hospital all the way, walked into the nearby coffee shop, and ordered a drink for each of them.

Jiang Tong's doubts escalated into panic.After Song Yiyi fell ill, Fang Dayong, in order to save money, only ate white steamed buns dipped in fermented bean curd for lunch, and a cup of coffee cost 30 yuan, which was more than enough for him to eat for two weeks.

He called the waiter: "I don't drink coffee, just plain water."

In the end, he had a cup of coffee and a cup of water. Fang Dayong still pushed the coffee to him, picked up the boiled water himself, and drank it clean with a slurp.When he put down the glass, his hands trembled slightly, as if what he just drank was not water, but a full glass of Erguotou.

"Xiao Tong..." He didn't dare to look at him: "What are your plans?"

Jiang Tong didn't touch the coffee: "I don't understand what you mean."

"I mean your mother." Fang Dayong seemed to be suffering from aphasia, and suddenly stuttered: "Your mother's matter, you...do you think..."

"I discussed it with the doctor." The premonition came true every minute, but as long as the truth is not exposed in front of his eyes, Jiang Tong can pretend that he can't see anything.

"The effect of chemotherapy is mediocre. If it continues, it will cause too much harm to the body. You have to stop and take care of it first. There are a few targeted drugs that have not been officially launched in China that are very effective for advanced patients. Wait for the results of genetic testing next week. If If it works, I will ask someone to bring it from Singapore."

"There were patients in a similar situation to my mother before. After taking the medicine, the tumor cells decreased rapidly, and they were even discharged from the hospital..."

"The medicine that hasn't been available in China should not be cheap." Fang Dayong murmured.

Jiang Tong choked for a moment: "Yes, the monthly drug fee must be over ten thousand. But I still have some savings here, and I am also interviewing for jobs in Beijing. Now there are two good companies that have entered the second side, and the salary is probably not low."

"Don't study anymore?"

Jiang Tong smiled: "If you don't get an offer with a scholarship, you won't study."

As soon as the words were spoken, he began to regret them.It seems that the two armies are facing each other, waiting in full battle, and even if there is only a second of negligence, the opponent will take advantage of the loophole.

Sure enough, Fang Dayong followed closely and said, "Actually, a few days ago, when your mother was okay, she talked to me. She... From now on, you will be most worried about you."

Fang Dayong didn't dare to look at him: "She can't say it herself, let me tell you."

"When this course of treatment is over, she will not be cured."

Jiang Tong's expression remained unchanged: "It's common to be ill and emotionally unstable. I apologize to you on her behalf. In fact, she didn't say anything, but she was always grateful to you. I will talk to her when I go back."

"I also agree." Fang Dayong said quickly: "Take your mother home after this treatment, and we won't suffer from this."

Jiang Tong's smile finally couldn't be maintained gradually: "Uncle, this is not a question of suffering or not..."

"Xiaotong, the family has no money."

People who are usually timid and taciturn, once they speak, they are more eloquent than ordinary people.

"Not only medical expenses, but also bed expenses, nursing expenses, miscellaneous things in the hospital alone cost tens of thousands a month. Your mother didn't work before, so she couldn't get the employee medical insurance, and the resident medical insurance can only claim [-]-[-]%. The rest is at your own expense.”

"You know the passbooks at home. I'm out of money, really out of money. Not to mention the few coins in my pocket, my relatives and friends around me have already borrowed them all. If it continues, the house must be sold."

He raised his head and looked at Jiang Tong pleadingly: "Xiao Tong, you know in your heart that uncle cannot sell this house."

"Beibei followed me and didn't have a good day. I'm a useless person. This apartment is the only one I can leave for her."

Jiang Tong remained silent amidst Fang Dayong's flustered defense, but his silence formed an invisible pressure, making the other party chatter even more.

"Xiao Tong, you have seen how uncle has treated your mother in recent years. But if there is a way, I will not say such things."

"You blame me, scold me, I admit it, but uncle is really useless, I really don't know what to do."

"In the final analysis, your mother brought it up first, saying that she didn't want to drag you down. I scolded her at the beginning, saying that she was not clear-headed, and that parents and children can't be dragged down. She told me over and over again, and said If I don't agree, she will jump from the window while I'm not paying attention..."

"I see." Jiang Tong finally couldn't bear to interrupt him.

Only then did Fang Dayong come back to his senses, and apologized to him timidly: "Xiaotong, uncle is too anxious and doesn't pay attention to what he says, don't blame me."

Jiang Tong heard himself laughing: "How can I blame you for working so hard?"

He got up and walked out of the cafe.

When it was the coldest time in the north, Jiang Tong didn't wear a coat and walked aimlessly on the street against the cold wind.His heart was like a fire, his blood was boiling, and his internal organs were suffering. Once he stopped, he didn't know what he would do.

Why can't I receive an offer?Once, twice or thrice, even Pei Jing felt sorry for him and asked him if he made any mistakes when handing in the materials.Mrs. Xiao's face appeared in front of his eyes. A dignified and generous old-fashioned socialite, she would not be angry if he contradicted her face to face. She had the same eyes as Xiao Fengtai.

Unexpectedly, Xiao Fengtai would get the offer before him.He should be happy with the offer he worked hard to get from the beginning to the end without relying on his family, but he smiled cautiously on the phone.He is watching his reaction.The kid who was unscrupulous and dared to throw a check in his face when he first met him, since when he started, he always looked like a student who did something wrong in front of him.

It's that he's so useless.Not only useless, but naive.I lived a precarious life on the ice floe, but mistakenly thought that there was solid ground under my feet, and pulled another person into the water, tricking him into saying that this was the shore.

His body was hit by someone, and Jiang Tong lowered his head.The little boy was wrapped in a thick cotton-padded jacket like a ball, and he squatted down without crying. He raised his head and blinked a pair of big eyes to look at him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." The young mother rushed to pick up the little boy out of breath, and apologized to him: "I'm so sorry for being naughty."

Jiang Tong waved his hand, indicating that it was all right.The mother smiled gratefully at him, hugged her son tightly and left.As she walked, she still scolded the little boy in a low voice, but her tone was not harsh.The boy was not afraid either. He lay on his mother's shoulder with a finger in his mouth. Even though he was walking away, he still stared at Jiang Tong curiously.

A string in my heart collapsed to the extreme, and finally broke with a snap.

After stopping, he realized that not only his cheeks, but also his fingers stuck in his pockets were frozen. Jiang Tong fumbled for a while on the phone before dialing out the phone number.

At five o'clock in the morning London time, the phone rang twice and was quickly connected.

"Hello, I'm Jiang Tong who I contacted you before." He still stood there, looking at the backs of the mother and son: "I want to talk to Mrs. Xiao."