gender doesn't matter

I tried my best to raise my shoulders, and turned sideways to reach for the water glass on the bedside table.

With the outstretched hand, the fingertips fluttered across the wall of the cup, almost reaching it.

But it's just this little bit, but I can't achieve it now.As soon as I exerted my strength, I fell back on the bed due to the tearing pain in my body due to the sex reassignment operation. I was panting heavily, and a thin layer of sweat was covered on my forehead.

But even so, the pain in the body is far less than the pain in the heart.

I will never forget the day after the operation, the man held my hand and said: "Ean, you fool, is it worth it to wrong yourself for a man?... I really don't know what kind of man makes me You are willing to torture yourself like this!" His voice was very low and gentle, a little bit nervous and a little bit helpless, vaguely my favorite look.

But his gentle words were like the sharpest knife, piercing my heart fiercely. For a moment, I even felt that I was about to suffocate...

He clearly knows who I am for.

I like him. I have never concealed my love and desire for him. It has always been very obvious. Even a fool can see that the person I like is him. How can Lin Yue, who is as smart as Lin Yue, not see it? out.

But he said that, so natural, so gentle, so addictive, just like that winter many years ago.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

That summer, my father's company went bankrupt, and under pressure, my parents committed suicide by jumping off the building, leaving ten-year-old me and my grandma with handicapped legs.

Because I couldn't afford the expensive tuition fees, I dropped out of school and moved to the slums with my grandmother to make a living by picking up garbage. After a summer like this, it soon came to winter.

Damn winter is the burial ground for the poor, and the seriously ill grandma was not spared, she died in that extremely cold winter.

I remember that a few days before her death, she took me to a very famous local ladyboy art troupe. I went to that art troupe with my parents before. It was very good and famous, and received many people from all over the world every day. guest.

But this time I was very scared - because we had no money.

I held on to my grandma's clothes tightly, and my grandma followed a very beautiful beautiful sister (I thought it was my sister at the time, but later I didn't know whether to call it my sister or my brother. After all, there is no gender for transsexuals like us.) Walking into a room with exquisite and elegant decoration, it is more beautiful than the house we lived in when we were the richest.

As soon as I entered the room, the warm heating came rushing towards my face, it was very warm, and I was sweating in a short while, but I dared not take off my coat, because I was afraid of revealing the torn autumn clothes under the coat that I couldn't bear to look at directly.

Under the dim yellow soft light, a fat man with a big belly was sitting steadily on the high-end swivel chair behind the mahogany table. Seeing me and grandma coming in, he slightly raised his head and glanced at me, then turned his gaze to grandma.

I saw that when the fat man looked at grandma, grandma hurriedly walked to the opposite side of the table in front of the man and stopped, lowered her head and talked to the man in a low voice. I didn't hear what grandma was saying, only saw that after grandma finished speaking, The man set his eyes on my face, looked me up and down for a long time, and finally said reluctantly: "I'm a bit old, but fortunately I'm not bad."

Then I was taken out by a 'beautiful sister'.And so I was sold, and the funny thing is I don't know what happened yet.

I didn't realize that she didn't want me until I didn't see my grandma at night or the next day.

She really didn't want me anymore, because on the fifth night, a "beautiful sister" told me: grandma passed away.

It is said that she died in the hut we rented out. There was no one around her when she died, and there was no funeral after her death. There was only a fire, and the raging fire burned her clean, leaving nothing behind. No ashes either...

Although I was forced to take estrogen every day in the art troupe, even though I was played by many men.

But I am still grateful to my grandma. When she was dying, she still wanted to find a home for me, unlike my parents, who died on their own, leaving me and grandma alone.

Speaking of which, if my grandma hadn't sent me to the Human Demon Art Troupe, I wouldn't have met Lin Yue either.

The year I met Lin Yue, he was 24 and I was eighteen, the best age for each other.

At that time, I was nothing but an ordinary member of the New Star Art Troupe, and my life was the same as most of the ladyboys living in social discrimination, singing and dancing every day and even sleeping with customers... …But even so, my income can only barely support my daily life.

The night I met him.

I am embarrassed.

The group arranged for me to dance that night, but the guest I accompanied the night before had a special hobby, and there were many obvious scars on his body. It was impossible to dance with a naked body like that. After all, it was not good for the guests to see it. .

But the work in the art troupe is arranged very early, everyone has their own business, and the dance I dance is hotter and more masculine, there is no one in the art troupe who can replace me.

Finally, as a last resort, after discussing with the fat manager, I put on the tights that looked conservative but were full of flair and went on stage.

It may be that we lived so smoothly in those days, we all forgot: those who rushed to see me dance, and some really wanted to see me dance, what they wanted to see was when I took off my clothes look.

It's ridiculous, I thought that if I sing well and dance well, then I'm invincible.

I put on the tight-fitting clothes, took the microphone and sang a song that I thought was very lyrical and pleasant, but after I sang a few words, someone yelled.

It was a group of young people, about 23 or [-] years old, and they were dressed in very fashionable clothes.

I know what they want, but I am destined to let them down today.

So—the fresh-blooded grades, they did what they should do at that age: swearing at the streets.

"Damn it, a transvestite doesn't even have her breasts tight enough to cover up. I didn't spend money to watch you sing."

"That's right, what the hell are you pretending to be yourself..."

"Take it off..."

"Take off..."

The spectacle of the scene is something I have never seen in the New Star Art Troupe for eight years. There is a faint tendency to be uncontrollable, with the sound of cursing, shouting, and whistling...

The hall of the Art Troupe, which was originally silent, became more lively than ever because of me.Faced with this situation, I don't know whether to be happy or sad.

Standing on a high stage, I am a little overwhelmed...

I saw that the fat manager who was usually proud and arrogant also let go of his dignity, and stood on the stage smiling and apologizing to those guests with his old face and his pregnant belly.

But the matter didn't end with the fat manager's apology.

Because those young men wanted me to spend the night with them...

The fat manager agreed.

I remember when the fat manager told me about this, he put his fat hand like a trotter on my shoulder, and said earnestly: "Xiaozhi! They are not people we can provoke, for the sake of Everyone has wronged you."

"No grievance." I smiled.

Grievance is the right of only those who are hurt, and I don't have it.

He patted me on the shoulder very relieved: "Good boy, the night will pass quickly." In the end, he was afraid that I would feel worried and said: "They are young, so they should not be able to do too outrageous things. Save yourself some flesh and blood injuries."

I nodded and smiled: "Well, I know." What if I don't follow along?It's just an increase in flesh and blood injuries.

The door was opened, and the smell of smoke mixed with the smell of alcohol hit my face, which was very pungent. Even though I often accompany guests to smoke and drink, I still can't get used to the smell.

Oh, it's really hypocritical!

I suppressed the overwhelming disgust in my heart, and walked into that luxurious prison with my head down. #####