14 years time difference

"Do you remember, when you were in school, there were always rumors that there would be fireworks at the river beach at midnight every New Year's Eve, so every year on New Year's Eve, a lot of fools would come to crowd the place."

Xu Xinan supported the brick and wood wall of the open-air balcony with his hands, and leaned forward. This terrace is hidden among a quiet old French-style building. What is strange is that there is no block in front of it, and the bright lights can be seen from a distance. the river beach.

"How did you find such a good place?" she asked.

Lin Zhique sat on the rattan chair by the table, propping his face lazily. "Forgot. It seems to be my ex-ex-ex? Tell me."

Xu Xinan turned around with contempt on his face, "Tsk, love is your plaything."

The bartender opened the glass door and placed a tray containing two bottles of cold beer and a small plate of nuts on the round table beside Lin Zhique.

Lin Zhique raised his eyebrows and looked at Xu Xinan, "Are the ultraviolet rays in Shenzhen that strong? Or did you go to tan?"

Since she entered high school at the age of 16, Xu Xinan has quickly become jointed, and she has not been able to suppress her stature in track and field training. She has broad shoulders, slender limbs, and wears several strings of sandalwood beads of different colors on her right wrist. Her physique is so good at this moment. She wore a loose half-sleeved sweater in the cold spring. Compared with the last time they met, she had her hair cut short, the ends of her hair were fragmented at the back of her neck, and one side of her forehead was braided into a dirty braid close to her scalp. It was also here Two earrings are worn on one ear.

Her wheaten complexion is now blending into this secluded night, she looks like a punk girl in a nightclub, but she smiles, revealing a row of white teeth, and has a sunny face of a big fool.

"Is it that exaggerated? I just accompanied my client to Dapeng Beach for a few days of meetings last week."

"Why are you going to drive at the beach? Could it be the kind where you accompany a rich woman client to apply lubricating oil on the beach..."

"Lin Zhique, stop watching some messy European and American movies!"

"Oh, you even know it's from Europe and the United States. It seems that you haven't missed it." Lin Zhique took the beer glass.

Xu Xinan laughed out loud.

"Inconceivable."

"What is unimaginable?"

Xu Xinan replied: "It's hard to imagine that more than ten years ago we would get together to study what constitutes homosexuality. In a blink of an eye, we can even say such things without blushing and heartbeat."

"So? Has it been researched?"

Xu Xinan sat down on another wicker chair, "What's there to study? It's enough to know whether to love or not. Are homosexuals and opposite sexes nothing?" She picked up the wine glass.

The cups collided and clanged.They clink glasses.

Then sit on both sides of the table, each looking at the river in the distance.

Lin Zhique closed his eyes.Her eyelids are heavy.

Xu Xinan asked her: "What's wrong with you? You look haggard, with heavy dark circles under your eyes. You don't even wear makeup when you come to this kind of place."

"Too lazy."

She suffers from insomnia every night, and sometimes cannot sleep well for dozens of hours, and suffers from migraines almost every day.After the confrontation last Friday, Chen Jia kept her promise and contacted her soon. The address of Chen Jia's music studio is still in the memo on her mobile phone.

"What's the matter? Didn't work well recently?"

"good."

"So your dad is bothering you again?"

"No."

"Will you die if you say more than two words? It can't be for women, can you?"

Before she could answer, Xu Xinan asked himself and answered, "Impossible. You are a cold-blooded woman who treats love as a pastime."

"...What about your answer? To love or not to love?" She repeated the old saying.

"what?"

"Didn't you just say that it's enough to find out whether you love it or not? Now, do you love it or not?" Lin Zhique squinted at Xu Xinan who was on the other side of the table.

"Who?" Xu Xinan took a sip of beer, then lowered his head and started playing with his phone.The expression of pretending to be calm is exactly the same as when Lin Zhique first asked her if she liked Du Zhian in the manga room.

"Stop pretending." Lin Zhique snorted coldly.

"Don't you love me? Come on, I haven't broken up with my ex-girlfriend for less than half a year."

"So what? Isn't that what annoying adults are like? They say they can't forget that, but then they fall in love with this again. Now Du Zhian appears in front of you, weeping, and says to you pitifully She doesn't want to marry, what do you say? Invincible Whirlwind, gay Xu Xi."

"Wow, no one has called me that in years."

"Change the subject, right? Have you ever confessed to Du Zhian?"

"No."

"You haven't confessed for more than ten years, how did you do it?"

"... When I was in school, didn't I participate in the recruiting of the city's track and field team three times? The last time was in the second year of high school. I said to myself, if I can succeed this time, I will confess to her."

Xu Xinan crossed his hands behind his head and leaned his whole body back.

"and after?"

"Didn't you know later? I failed. I had to obediently come back to take the college entrance examination with you, a second-rate university, majoring in physical education, and it turns out that the class I am attending now has nothing to do with sports."

After a while, Lin Zhique said, "Didn't you not be in a good state during that time? I remember that Du Zhian was in love with that man from the orchestra."

"Yes. In order to cheer me up, you accidentally—" Xu Xinan reread the word "accidentally", "tell your dad about her puppy love. Lin Zhique, you are really a bastard. But, I didn't pass the exam, so it has nothing to do with her."

"You mean what I do is meaningless at all? You eccentric thing."

Xu Xinan chuckled, "The personal grievances between the two of you must be blamed on me. I don't know about others, but you and I know best. Blaming others for your failures is not the thing you despise the most. What? When you become so soft-hearted, why did you find an excuse for me ten years ago?" She straightened her two long legs, "I thought I was that material, but I don't know I'm not good enough, so I can't blame others."

She smiled at her very frankly.

"It's not completely useless. It's more than enough to play tennis, swim, and run half-marathons with my wealthy clients when I have nothing to do."

Lin Zhique commented unceremoniously: "There is no such dark little boy in this world as you."

Xu Xinan rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment.This action is exactly the same as when I was a child.

"However, it is also an excuse to say that it was because I failed the city team exam." She started peeling nuts to eat, "When I was in college, on the last weekend of every month, I would take the subway for more than an hour to find her. She eats together, chats with her, and sometimes goes shopping and watching movies. One year in December, the last weekend happened to be New Year’s Eve. She said that she had never spent New Year’s Eve with her friends outside, and we still came together Jiangtan counts down. There was no fireworks in Jiangtan that year. I prayed desperately in my heart, if I could make an exception to set off fireworks for her, it would be great, but unfortunately, there are still no fireworks.”

"Hypocritical."

"Hey!"

"You mean, during the four years of college, no matter whether she has a boyfriend or not, no matter whether it is windy or rainy, or thunderstorms, she happens to be free on the last weekend of every month, not going to club activities, not going to classmates Party, don't go home, even New Year's Eve has no other arrangements, just waiting to receive you?"

"...Even if that's the case, it doesn't mean anything. You know she will talk to me sometimes about getting married, where she's going for her honeymoon, and what kind of wedding photos she will take. Hey, do you have any photos of her wedding dress? Lend me have a look."

Lin Zhique couldn't believe it: "If I save that kind of thing in my mobile phone, I'll throw it into the river immediately. Let me ask you," she propped her head on her hands, leaned her body towards Xu Xinan, her eyes grew a little tired from fatigue. Very confused, the corner of the mouth curled into a shallow, malicious smile, "Why is it Du Zhian, not me? How can I not compare to her?"

Xu Xinan gave her a sideways look, "Come on! You haven't dated me before. You haven't gotten any of the things you've wanted to date for so many years?"

Lin Zhique patted the table with his finger: "Answer the question seriously!"

"How do I know? Maybe it's because people always fall in love with people who are completely opposite to themselves?"

"is it?"

Xi Nan replied: "Yeah. That's why your love affairs were so short-lived. Because you are too narcissistic and always look at people who are too similar to you. What happened? If you don't agree with anyone, you will break up immediately."

Lin Zhique grabbed the nutshells on the table and threw them at Xu Xinan.Xu Xinan avoided it with a smile, and continued: "Really, Ms. Lin. Sometimes I think, you are so difficult to serve, what kind of talent is really suitable for you. First of all, you must be good enough, otherwise you will not even see it." You will take a look at others. You must not be too sharp, you must have a good temper, be patient, and be able to stand your violent temper. Those who are irresponsible, uninitiated, timid and recalcitrant will be despised by you. Love You don’t want the kind of people who are crazy, but you can’t live without you, and you cry and make troubles. Oh, and you have to be good-looking. How often do you hear this kind of person in the world? Have you ever met it? ?”

After hearing this, Lin Zhique leaned back in the chair and closed her eyes. After a few seconds, she suddenly smiled smugly, and replied, "There really are."

"Tell me about it?"

She closed her eyes, felt dizzy, and her mind turned very slowly. She didn't speak for a long time. It was so long that Xu Xinan suspected that she had fallen asleep, so she finally said again: "She dances beautifully."

There was a very light, very light wind blowing on the terrace.She drank the wine, her body was slightly hot, wrapped in this slightly cool breeze, as if she was about to start a dream at any moment.

"What dance? Classical or modern?"

"Neither. It's hip-hop."

"It sounds different from the future elites in the financial, legal, and medical fields you've seen before."

Lin Zhique smiled again, "Yes. Once, she invited me to a nightclub to watch her dance. I can't even remember how she danced, I just remember it was beautiful. When she danced, she looked like everyone in the world. The light was on her alone. You know—" her smile became sly, "there's only two things going on in a person's head when they're drinking in that situation."

"what?"

"One is to sleep, and the other is to sleep with her."

Xi Nan clicked his tongue. "Then you just have a glance at Wannian and deeply rooted love?"

"How is it possible? I just look at her occasionally from now on."

"That's right. People like you. What's next?"

"Then... I won't talk about it anymore. I'm too lazy to tell you." She leaned back in the chair, feeling that in a second, she would sink into the dream with someone.In that dream, someone hugged her from behind, and they were standing on the river beach.She shrank back in the cold, and the man would wrap her in his coat.

The waiter opened the sliding door again and served them a second glass of beer.

"Why don't you tell me? Tell me how you harmed others?" Xu Xinan's voice sounded out of thin air.She wanted to tell her to shut up.

"...I don't. I can't afford to provoke her."

"Is there anyone in this world you can't afford?"

"Please, weigh the pros and cons before provoking me. I'm not a lower-body animal." She opened her eyes and woke up from the dream completely. "For some people, it's better not to love than to love."

"why?"

"We're so far apart."

"how far?"

"It's as far as a universe away."

"Is that love?"

They stare at each other across the table.

Lin Zhique replied, "Love."

They looked at each other and smiled.

There was a smear of white beer foam on Xu Xinan's lips. "Annoying adults are like this, talking about love, talking about pros and cons, and saying that they can't be provoked."

Lin Zhique looked up at the sky, "After much deliberation, a universe shouldn't be as far away as you love her but she's getting married, right?"

"Screw you."

"People seek advantages and avoid disadvantages. If you love so much, why don't you fly away to Shenzhen? Will you stay here for her, and stay with your father? People love themselves most."

Xu Xinan replied: "It's not wrong to love yourself the most. If you feel pain..."

Lin Zhique followed her words and said, "Then forget about it."

If it hurts, forget about it.

This is the law of survival of obnoxious adults.

Xu Xinan looked at Lin Zhique's side face. Under the night, only two yellow lights were lit on the terrace of the bar. In the dimness, she was extremely haggard, unlike any Lin Zhique in her memory. Illuminating her face, she looked like a light that was about to go out, or be broken at any moment.

The river beach in the distance is bright and people come and go, but they can't hear any noise, the sky and the earth are quiet, and the silent night sky has never seen any traces of fireworks blooming.