Portrait in two mirrors

"Welcome to our confuseconfuse chapter." (Although it may be the confuse Confucius chapter)

In the main hall of the French Pavilion.In the foyer, there are suitcases that came all the way from China, as well as portraits of Confucius, statues of Confucius, works of Confucius, souvenir shirts, medals, postcards of Confucius, and stone extensions of Confucius.

"Is our program still being replayed on TV~" Voltaire looked back at the TV very proudly, he was still wearing that terrible red peony outfit (unfortunately, the sweet and sour sauce was washed off), "I also I want to see the effect of the shooting~”

"No, no, no," Pascal said seriously, "you are back from your journey, you are too tired, you should take a good rest—now you should clean up (Lavoisier quickly stuffed Voltaire with a towel and pajamas), go take a bath and change clothes! "

"Oh, well," Voltaire said a little annoyed, "don't you want to hear about our travels in Shandong, China..." But before he finished speaking, they were pushed into the bathroom together.

After ascertaining that their best roommate had started taking a shower and could not hear the conversation outside, Pascal and Lavoisier became more worried than ever.

"The first thing was to confiscate his big red peony suit and everything that reminded him of a pilgrimage to the Confucius Temple," Pascal said.

"It's finished." Lavoisier took out the stinky red peony outfit that he snuck into Voltaire's bathing scene (?!), "But this thing is a bit too smelly..."

"The second thing is to never let him see any reruns of that confuseconfuse episode," Pascal said.

"I'll immediately add a child lock to the Chinese channel of Enlightenment Radio and Television Station." Lavoisier said, "marked as inappropriate content for children...|||"

"The third thing is never let someone tell him about what they saw on TV," Pascal said.

"This... is obviously impossible..." Lavoisier said sadly.

The next morning, Voltaire came to the Enlightenment Thinkers Group of the Philosophy Group refreshed.

Voltaire just sat down to drink coffee and read the latest work briefing, suddenly Locke slipped over and took the coffee from Voltaire's hand. "François," Locke whispered, with his characteristic English country gentleman's melancholy, "for your mental health, stop drinking coffee and drink English black tea..."

Voltaire is mesmerized by a bag of tea from Locke.At this time, Kant 2 patted the shoulder of Rousseau who was typing, and said quietly, "Jean, I know that you have had trouble with your Francois recently, but this is the most difficult time for Francois, You have to take good care of him... It's really hard for you, Jean, if you feel sad, remember to tell me...!"

Rousseau was puzzled and shy by Kant's kindness.At this time, however, in other corners of the group office, Diderot received stomachic pills (“Dennis save your appetite! Hume 3”) and d’Alembert received invitations (“Teacher, don’t go too far academically. Tired! Come to my house and spend the weekend with my child Lavoisier! Lagrange en route"), Montesquieu received a calming tablet ("Charles get out of the fright quickly! Take care! Po El Mador 4 on")...

Lao Meng, you are still happy alone......==|||

So after a few days, the unfortunate thing happened.

"Ah... Blaise, Antoine..." That night, when Pascal and Lavoisier were watching the Discovery program in the living room, Voltaire suddenly touched him silently in an 84-year-old and 5-year-old tone. Come here, "I'm in China...I mean especially on the day at the Confucius Temple...isn't it a bit embarrassing..."

"Uh..." Pascal turned to Lavoisier very calmly, "What do you think is the oral structure of that African crocodile that allows it to have such a strong bite?"

"It should be a delicate bone lever..." Lavoisier replied calmly.

"Listen to me... Blaise, Antoine..." Voltaire suddenly hugged Pascal and Lavoisier's legs (the two were terrified), "Many people see me these days. I am very concerned about my mental state... There are many people who let Jean Duoduo care about me... What's going on... I know that day at the Confucius Temple seems to be a bit embarrassing... But those sensitive shots Diderot and I said he had D'Alembert cut it when it aired..."

"Oh." Pascal said in great pain, "You have to know that a mathematician is obsessed with mathematics and doesn't know anything..."

"So all those scenes were broadcast without cutting..." Lavoisier added the tragic truth.

"So..." Voltaire collapsed on the sofa, "Did you see me lying on the ground ==|||"

"Still muttering words and shaking like a group of demons dancing wildly ==|||" Lavoisier said sadly.

"Oh, I've lost face to the French Pavilion!!!" Voltaire rolled uncomfortably on the sofa, "What should I do!!!"

"It's okay! Francois!" Pascal comforted very eagerly, "Actually, you are all ashamed! You are not the only one!!!"

"Oh no, Bryce, how can you tell Francois the truth!!!" Lavoisier quickly covered Pascal's mouth.

I saw Voltaire paused for a moment, then hugged Pascal's waist miserably (Hey, Descartes is not happy), "Bryce!!! Let me die, let me die, let me die! !!!!"

"But..." Pascal said sympathetically, "We are already dead ==|||."

Such a rant and joyful article was brought by enlightened thinkers who were originally very serious.Needless to say, after watching the program video, Voltaire could not kneel down, Rousseau was in tears, Diderot was in a bad image, Montesquieu turned pale again, and D'Alembert was so frightened that he wrote again. Started math.

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1 Locke (1632~1704) British empiricist philosopher.Many of Voltaire's ideas were inspired by Locke.

2 Kant (1724~1804) German philosopher and astronomer.I admire Rousseau's thought very much.

3 Hume (1711~1776) British philosopher, historian, economist.Proposed the first agnostic philosophical system. (Hence the reason why he appears inexplicably here is also unknowable==|||)

4 "Pol Mador" is the pseudonym Montesquieu used when publishing his book "Letters from the Persians".So this is equivalent to Lao Meng giving himself medicine, so it is said that Lao Meng is still happy alone ==||||

5 Voltaire died at the age of 84.So under his 17 (apparent age) appearance is actually...

☆、[Special episode] Enlightenment TV program selection

Part [-] [Enlightenment Radio Channel's evening program selection]

Narrator: Bryce Pascal

In fact, I am a person who likes to stay up late, which has been criticized by my uncle Descartes, because he caught a cold during a night walk and unfortunately died. . .Whenever I am bored at night, I will turn on the radio [now I turn on the radio function of my mobile phone ==] and listen to the unique radio station of our RHUMA office. . .

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1 Descartes was the mathematics teacher of the Queen of Sweden.The queen asked him to come to her palace at 5 o'clock for math lessons.Poor Descartes was too old and weak to bear such a toss, and died unfortunately after catching cold.

Case [-]:

François-Marie-Arouet/Voltaire

"Welcome to our Midnight Talk on Enlightenment Radio. Today we're going to be talking about Drama 1 on our evening show, the other day me and my family... ahem... went to watch The Phantom of the Opera and he(?) was out of breath 2, but I deeply feel that the cooperation of the choir needs to be strengthened in some parts of this opera. 3. When will I be able to return to the role of directing the play? Why is it like the great Mr. Is there no such epic-minded drama like "Dipus" 4?... Excellent drama writers should be allowed to return to the stage. I hope to revitalize the traditional drama industry...

[At 1:00, Pascal began to feel even more bored]

Whenever I look up at the starry sky, whenever I imagine the land of Europa, I feel that we need to be watered with new ideas.This kind of thinking is undoubtedly the way of benevolence of Confucius.We must use the thought of Confucius to blast away the cultural narrowness of modern Europe5!What a disaster it would be if we didn't live like the Chinese6! . . .

[At 2:00, Pascal started to feel a little hungry]

Now I come to talk about the new food culture, vegetarianism.Many people say that vegetarianism is from my family. . .cough. . .Well, it originated from that person, but in fact, he (?) and I are the common originator 7.Vegetarianism is important. . .

[At 3:00, Pascal is about to fall asleep]

Dear listeners, please hold on, I'm still alive and have to go on.The secret to my energy, my psychopathic frenzy [hey], is that I drink 70 cups of coffee a day8.Don't be surprised!I've been doing this for over 200 years since I've been alive!But dear listeners, you must keep my secret silently in your heart, because if my housekeeper finds out, he will definitely confiscate my beloved blue and white porcelain cup 9! ! !Oh, and speaking of my Jean, he's so cute! 【Start to complain】. . .

【At 4:00, Pascal has fallen asleep】

Now let me tell some old man [wow——] jokes. . .Like I wrote in my philosophical lexicon, sluts seek men who squirt like horses10, and my family Jean imagines the scene of primitive people [wow——] in his On the Origin of Human Inequality 11. How many people in Europa have been ravaged by syphilis.So the best solution is polygamy.Although I hope to have a harem of three thousand like the Chinese emperor, but considering the limitations of my actual ability [hello], the best way is that I have 12 wives, so if I and each of them. . . . . . [Not suitable for children, omitted below]"

When Pascal woke up the next morning, he found that the ending music of the program had just been played on the radio. . .

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1. In history, Mr. Voltaire was a huge drama fan. He not only wrote and acted in dramas, but also built a drama theater in his own home! ! !

2 In history, Rousseau wrote that Voltaire's play was so moved that he couldn't breathe, and it has been annotated in the previous chapters.

3 Historically, Voltaire published an anthology, praising his dramatic works, and saying everywhere that the chorus did not show his dramatic effect. (The implication is that I could have been more successful) [I personally read the "Selected Works of Voltaire"]

4 Voltaire historically published an anthology in which he praised his dramatic works, such as Oedipus the Rex.The degree of narcissism is astonishing.

5 The original words of Voltaire's history.

6 The original words of Voltaire's history.

7 Both Voltaire and Rousseau were vegetarians, as noted in the previous chapter.

8 Historically Voltaire drank 70 cups of coffee a day, as noted in the previous chapter.

9 In history, Voltaire could not drink coffee without a blue and white porcelain cup, as explained in the previous chapter.

See Voltaire's "Dictionary of Philosophy" for 10 sentences.Think Voltaire was almost seventy when he wrote this book==|||

11 Rousseau did fantasize about such scenarios in "On the Origin of Human Inequality".Voltaire's comment here in this book is "Have you ever seen a barbarian do X?!" (historical truth)

12 Voltaire advocated polygamy, thinking that it could solve the chaos of the proliferation of mistresses/mistresses/husbands in Europe.He said in the "Dictionary of Philosophy" that it is best for a man to have 12 wives. This number is neither more nor less, just right. ["Dictionary of Philosophy" is a book with heavy taste - the author himself reads it]

Scenario two:

Jean-Jacques-Rousseau

"Welcome to our Midnight Talk on Enlightenment Radio. It is a great honor to broadcast to you today... I would venture to say that today I am going to talk about music 1... In primitive society, people listen to the eternal sound of nature, silently Waiting for the arrival of the impulse of every natural rhythm...Sometimes I am often confused, whether man-made literature and art have separated human beings from nature? So what is the development of literature and art leading us to? Where to go?... What we need is truly touching and moral music, and I think I am such a musician, yes, I am still such a writer, botanist 2, oh, I should really be the world On the best person 3! I have been trying to be the best person for almost 4 years, and I deeply feel that maybe I am still the best person in the universe...

[After talking about 5 for about an hour]

Let me share with you my vegetarian cooking 6 and gardening. . .I watched an excellent movie yesterday, and I was out of breath again. I fell down while walking on the road, and I made my beloved Mr. Voltaire worry too much. I am really sorry for him.But in fact, I thought of an inspiration for vegetarian cooking. Yes, it was like thousands of rays of light poured into my mind, which made me fall 7. . .I served my prepared dish to my beloved Mr. Voltaire. He didn’t seem to think much of it after eating it, but I deeply believe that all his words these days are in the dark about my dish. Answer 8. . .Thank you, touching Mr. Voltaire, you will always be treasured in my heart 9, I may not have done well enough, I want to repent, I want to move towards the best man in the universe, my sensitive heart, How much I love you, and how worthy of your love!My utopia is a small country like Geneva, where people live and work in peace and contentment, don't you understand me? . . .

【Worried for another half an hour】

I'm really sorry, dear listeners, I don't seem to have touched on the issue of horticultural planting 10 yet.Yes, I originally wanted to write a great book on "Horticultural Planting", but I was so resentful that it blocked my pen, so I can only silently present this thin paper to you "Flower Cultivation" 11. . . . . . [I don’t know why I burst into tears] Whenever I look at my flowers, I think of my beloved Mr. Voltaire, you accidentally trampled to death my little flower seedlings that have been cultivated for a month last week, I hate you , but you have to know that my heart that hates you should be more worthy of loving you 12, yes, I forgive you now, come back! !come back! !I will not force you to drink celery juice again! ! . . . . . .

【At last】

Goodbye, my friends, I am so lonely and resentful, I hope this midnight talk can bring you back to the original and natural. . . "

[Pascal rushes to the room of his roommate Voltaire]

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1 Rousseau was still a musician!It is true that at the ceremony of Rousseau's move into the Pantheon in 1794, the music played was Rousseau's "Country Fortune Teller".

2 This sentence comes from Rousseau's "On the Origin of Human Inequality".But in fact, the "impulse" in the original text refers to the impulse of [Wow——]==|||

3 Rousseau's botanical studies, which deeply influenced Lamarck, are noted in an earlier chapter.

4 Similar language comes from the Confessions, commented on in a previous chapter.

5 Is Rousseau wordy?From the author's own reading experience, it does feel a bit long-winded.Voltaire said Rousseau was a "talkative woman" many times in history.

6 According to the Rousseau entry on the English version of Wikipedia, Rousseau liked to cook.

7 In history, Rousseau, on his way to visit Diderot in prison, was suddenly enlightened and found the cause of human misfortune (literature and art), so that he described, "It's like thousands of rays of light poured into my mind. average", "fell in a bush with Courier de France". (The original text should be in "Confessions")

8 Historically, Rousseau had a very unrequited love for Voltaire, thinking that Voltaire's "Candide" was his answer to "The Priest of Savoy".

9 "Moving Monsieur Voltaire, you will always be treasured in my heart" comes from Rousseau's poem in Madame de Warren's orchard.

10 Rousseau, who loved botanical research in history, loved gardening and planting, and also established his own research room (Lamarck was invited to visit).

11 "I am full of grievances, and it stalls my pen" in The Social Contract, noted in a previous chapter.

12 In history, Rousseau originally wanted to write a great work "Theory of Political Institutions", but he did not write it. Instead, he first completed a "thin treatise" "The Social Contract".The sentence pattern of this historical fact is applied here.

In 13 words comes out of the famous Rousseau's letter of breaking up with Voltaire, "I hate you, but my heart that hates you should be more worthy of loving you."

Scenario three:

Daniel Diderot

"Welcome to our midnight talk on Enlightenment radio station. Our program time has been seriously overrun for the past few days, and today we will quickly solve it! Yes, I am a materialistic steel warrior~ Today we will talk about painting. Painting , everyone must start to draw still life when they are beginners. Here I would like to solemnly declare that when painting still life, never draw cherries! Cherries! This is a terrible thing! This is the enemy of materialism and rationality! I didn’t eat the last bite of my cherry and died with regret! And I don’t want to paint a new bed when I paint still life! I think I just changed a new bed and died soon! It’s terrible! Everyone must remember!

【The speed of speech was too fast, Pascal felt very hurt】

So what to paint?Draw characters!My favorite character is the lovely D'Alembert~ Yes, my representative work is D'Alembert's dream~ He is really cute when he dreams~ Really cute~ It is more beautiful than the Chinese culture I deeply love Cute~~~Oh, as long as he doesn't talk to me about math as soon as he wakes up, he's cute~ Really cute~~~~【Muffling】"

【Pascal was knocked down by the artist's invincible temperament】

Case four:

Jean-Leran-D'Alembert

"Welcome to our Midnight Talk on Enlightenment Radio Station. Let's talk about mathematics today! Mathematics~that is the queen of science~Even in the fields of literature and art, mathematics has endless charm~so let's start! Let's talk Let’s talk about infinite series~ Then the series has convergence and divergence. How to judge whether the series is convergent or divergent? For the series of positive terms, we have a simple discriminant method called D’Alembert’s discriminant method, also known as Proportional discriminant method. Below I will introduce in detail the principle of D'Alembert's discriminant method, the method of use, and the difference and connection between it and Cauchy's discriminant method...

[Pascal, who loves mathematics, finds it very interesting, so he is very happy to be one of the few listeners]

【The end of the show】

Yesterday I went to Laplace’s house and saw Lagrange and their lovely child Lavoisier~ To be honest, I am the teacher of their family~~ Every time I see their family, I feel that I am How much has the family contributed to the development of the family~~ They are also very kind to me, giving me a lot of cherries and asking me to give them to my family's Diderot, but the cherries are really. . .Forehead. . .Something even more mysterious than mathematics. . . "

【Pascal was deeply hurt when he heard the name of his roommate】

Scenario five:

Charles de Secunda/Montesquieu

"Welcome to our midnight talk on Enlightenment radio station. Today we are going to discuss a very serious topic, that is, the construction of a legal society. This issue is very complicated, and it requires listeners to have a correct attitude, and to think carefully with the rigor of judging prisoners. Now we First of all, let’s define the concept of the rule of law. Today, there is another popular saying that is the rule of virtue, so what is the difference between the rule of virtue and the rule of law, what are the consequences, and is there a middle line? Desirable? . . . . . .

[About two or three hours later, Pascal had already fallen asleep]

Well, it's 3:00 in the morning, listeners, I'm sure you're all asleep, so let me talk about some personal issues. [Still in a very serious tone] I, deeply feel that I am, in our group of Enlightenment thinkers, or in our Enlightenment radio and television station, a, unquestionable, light bulb.Light bulb, listeners, do you understand what a light bulb is?When you look around and there are obviously two pairs dangling around you, don't you feel that you are glowing and glowing?Yes, once, Rousseau loved me, and he talked about me so sincerely in the social contract theory, which made me feel very affectionate.It's a pity that he is not mine after all. The French people chose to let him be with Voltaire. This is the choice of history, and I can do nothing about it.And you, Diderot and d'Alembert, you two are so low-key, I shouldn't say anything.But Diderot, you shouldn’t see my lonely situation, and casually associate me with Hume, who also missed Rousseau.I feel your enthusiasm, but it's not legal, and I'd rather be my, great, light bulb.That's it. [Silence for a while] Audience friends, maybe I'm too serious, but don't you feel that I'm actually very hurt?I am really hurt.It really hurts.Thank you everyone, I am really sad that the broadcast is over. "

【I heard it hurts me too】

Column advertisement:

Enlightenment Radio is for you, Monday through Friday!Meet at midnight to talk about the column!During the day on Saturday and Sunday, randomly play Voltaire and Rousseau to teach you how to sing, Diderot to teach you to draw cherries (?!), D'Alembert to teach you to write mathematics, Montesquieu to teach you to make small light bulbs (?! ) The above four programs!Audiences are welcome to listen!

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Part [-] [Enlightenment Radio and Television Morning Show Selection]

"Good morning, viewers. Today is January 1th. Welcome to the morning news program of our Enlightenment Radio and Television Station. I am the host of the program, Voltaire." Voltaire on TV picked up the press release, very green Smiled shyly.

"Oh, watching our roommate's live TV show while having breakfast, I feel so proud~" Lavoisier sat down on the sofa facing the TV with a big pancake (?!) that was similar to his face.

"Yeah, it really looks like his portrait when he was 24 years old." Pascal raised his eyebrows, and sat down with the milk, "The makeup seems a bit thick... That flaming red lips are hard to distinguish between men and women... ==| ||"

in tv. "Then first let us understand this day in history." Voltaire smiled and read, "Thank you, Mr. Diderot, for providing us with the contribution of this day in history. January 1th is the eighth day of the Gregorian calendar year. There are 8 days before the end of the year (leap year is 8 days). (Background wall picture switch) On January 357, 358, in order to clarify the rumor that the bones had been thrown into the sewer for destruction, the French authorities opened the building located in the Pantheon. The cemeteries of Voltaire and Rousseau in the movie, their remains are exposed to the public 1898...uh... (the camera suddenly shakes violently, which means that the camera has fainted)"

Pascal and Lavoisier suddenly felt a strong ominous feeling.

in tv. "Diderot!!!" Voltaire's smile froze, and he stood up regardless of the live TV, "What are you writing!!!... (Suddenly he turned his head and found the picture on the background wall behind him. It suddenly turned into a realistic painting of the scene when the New York Times reported that year, with an open coffin painted on it, inside...) Uh, is this Jean... It's terrible...——No way! Diderot I I want to settle accounts with you!!! (I heard Montesquieu's very weak voice, "D'Alembert, cut off the live broadcast! You can't still do math!!!", then a spotlight suddenly came from the right side of the TV screen Fell down)" It was too late to say it, and then quickly, Voltaire jumped out of the table nimbly with the press release in hand, but suddenly fell as if he tripped over something.His figure disappeared from the screen at once.So there is only the horrible painting on the background wall on the screen (to make matters worse, it seems to be replaced by a staff cheering with Voltaire's skull in their hands).

Both Pascal and Lavoisier were distorted.Pancakes rolled on the sofa, and milk flowed quietly on the floor.

in tv.Suddenly Voltaire reappeared on the screen. "I'm sorry! Jean!" He looked at the bottom of the screen in pain, where the audience couldn't see, "I stepped on you... Are you okay! Hey! Jean!" Voltaire disappeared from the screen again Yes, from the sound of the scene, it seems that he is pulling poor Rousseau who fainted to the ground.

Pascal and Lavoisier were so surprised that they forgot to change the channel.

in tv.Suddenly a figure flashed to the seat where Voltaire was originally broadcasting, and sat down gracefully.I saw Diderot smiling very calmly and sincerely, "I'm sorry, the audience, there have been some minor technical failures on my station just now. Now the program is going on as usual. Let's continue to introduce today in 1898, Voltaire and Rousseau in the Pantheon The cemetery was opened and their remains were exposed."

"Why is he still broadcasting this incident..." Lavoisier watched with tears in his eyes.

"Early morning newspaper...does it make us lose weight..." Pascal choked up.

in tv.Still smiling, Diderot said, "Voltaire's outer coffin was indeed made of beech wood as it was officially recorded in 1821. When the almost rotten coffin lid was opened, the staff couldn't help shouting,' Look! This is Voltaire! Look! This is Voltaire!' This sentence spread like a pass to the curious crowd outside, and everyone cheered in relief...——uh!" Suddenly the screen accompanied Dede With a scream from Luo, it turned into total darkness, and the lights were suddenly pulled off.In the darkness came Diderot's screams, D'Alembert's pleading and Montesquieu's ferocious voice, "This is the end of today's morning news! I wish the audience a happy mood!" The scene changed, and it immediately became a program The ending song of...

Listening to such a beautiful ending song, both Pascal and Lavoisier were petrified.They just muttered silently:

"I wish the audience friends a happy mood... a happy mood..."

The above are the most influential news programs of the year selected by RHUMATutorshipOffice.thanks for your support! ==|||

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1 historical truth.All the following narrations (by Diderot in the text) are translated from the New York Times report of January 1898, 1.The original English text can be found in the relevant link under the Voltaire entry on Wikipedia's English version.