No two ambiguous records

(11)

Some things don't need to be said to understand.

Some things can't be communicated even if they are spoken out.

Some things are simply not delved into.

Who knows if it is because he is afraid of seeing something, afraid of accepting something, afraid of tearing something up, so he rushes to refuse.

Who knows if it's because I don't like rejection that I'm avoiding something, ignoring something, and gradually alienating something.

I dare not say that I understand my heart 100%, but I always think that I understand my heart enough.He understands his own shortcomings, just like he can see other people's thoughts, but this does not mean that he can correct his shortcomings in time.It's like knowing your own habits, but it's hard to change them.

He knew that he liked Tezuka, and poured the water of emotion eagerly and unnoticed, even if it accidentally overflowed, he would not break it.He is used to it, and the habit of wearing a mask to alienate is terrible. He has his own pride and self-esteem to protect, and he never needs to rely on others to protect himself.

It's not that you can't see Tezuka's subtle reactions, how can you be ignorant of watching him all the time, it's just that the emotional outpouring is much weaker than your own protective layer, in other words, although the flow of feedback is faster than that of friendship A little bit, but it can't offset the flow speed of my own backwards at all. On the contrary, it is my own illusion that makes Fuji start to fear.To exaggerate, in the face of infinity, one can be approximately equal to two, without any difference.

So he is always testing, hoping to convince himself.The hand held by Qianye made him happy and worried, and he couldn't help but began to test again. Under the fireworks, he clearly understood - another shortcoming after removing the inability to cling to victory.This kind of emotional weakness can only harm others and himself. While hurting himself, he also scratches others. He can make up for the lack of security in others, but he can't make up for himself.

It was Atobe who made him realize his own shortcoming more deeply.Direct yet strong, confident and dependable, Atobe never needs any temptations, nor any hesitation.If it is said that Buer is afraid of being hurt and stops, then Atobe is confident that he will succeed in the end, and injury cannot stop his pace.Such a rival in love is really impeccable.

The sense of crisis after this comparison made Fuji faintly make up his mind.Tezuka was not informed in advance about Tezuka's trip to Germany. With this feeling of loss, he needed to build a trampoline for himself to jump out of the cage.He used that game that he must lose to spread out all the reality in front of him, let himself sink to the lowest end, accumulate enough potential energy, and then convert it into kinetic energy, accumulating a lot.He needed such a tool to make up for his shortcomings, and he succeeded, successfully filling the first hole, and began to play hard on tennis.But he closed another hole. The final solution that cannot be repaired is to wrap up a thicker city wall, not to test, and to stop friends is the best win-win.

He doesn't think too much about it, doesn't delve into it, even the most obvious expression of emotion is just an illusion, if it doesn't work, he moves away quietly, he doesn't want to hurt others or himself by clinging to his insecurity.He can trust others in friendship, but he can't take a step forward in love, because the flow of love is too fast, and if he doesn't pay attention, it will be difficult to recover. Poured out, just because he was afraid of feeling dry.

He can convince himself to treat the kiss as an accident, and he can also pretend to be asleep to avoid the confession.Bu Er felt that he needed to draw a clearer line to save unnecessary damage.I don't know that in the process, I unconsciously began to alienate myself completely, and even my friends could touch the invisible barrier.

But this barely maintained balance was broken by Baishi. He didn't believe that Baishi would not be aware of it, but that person resolutely repeated the confession to his face, directly blocking all his escape routes.Rejection is a double-edged sword. When Fuji uttered the words he was most afraid of hearing, he felt a heart-piercing pain.It was because he was afraid of this kind of harm that he stopped moving forward, but now he became the one who hurt others, which was far more painful than being hurt.

Fortunately, friends are still there, warm and dependent.The fetters are the most indelible, and the slow and long water flow gives warmth.Fuji has always felt that Kikumaru and Echizen are such existences, they seem to be free and innocent children who can completely get rid of troubles, but when they are most confused, they will become reliable and warm.

Help is mutual, trust is mutual, giving on the one hand does not deepen the fetters, friendship is always a two-way street.The invisible wall is gradually disappearing, and friends have to bear each other's troubles. Fuji has never doubted Yukimura. They are very similar, and they can understand each other better, but at the same time, some gaps are more likely to appear.But he is willing to take the first step, just because Yukimura has always been by his side, even if he doesn't say it, he understands.In a trance, he had the illusion of seeing himself, and he also wanted to warm Yukimura, just like those partners warmed him.

When feelings are in full swing, it is impossible not to waver.After all, that is what you lack the most, and what you lack the most is also the most attractive.When I was a rival in love, I was deeply touched. Atobe was as confident and dazzling as the sun. He approached step by step without wavering. He did not hide his feelings. His sharp straight ball was full of security and tenderness.It is because it is clearly visible, so there is no need for extra guesswork.But Fuji is used to the tepid friendship, and he prefers to maintain the friendship. He doesn't have the courage to open that hole, because he doesn't know if he can fill it.Even if it is shaken, it can be stabilized abruptly, and Bu Er never lacks in concealment.

Even so, Fuji has never lost his trust in Atobe. A little misunderstanding, a careless slip, and a retracted hand are not Fuji's refusal, but just a habit. From the beginning to the end, even if it is a quarrel, he Not really angry either.Because there is no reason, knowing that sincerity, there is no reason to be angry.

In this regard, Shiraishi is the same.Buer knew about Shiraishi's persistent efforts, but the facts clearly exceeded his expectations.The pain of being rejected is unimaginable. If it were me, I might just cover it up with a smile, bury the pain and leave far away, and sincerely wish.I believe that most people will be like this, but only Shiraishi will greet you again and again, and seriously say that he likes you.Before he knew it, he was always by his side, taking care of him tenderly and meticulously, and would return to his original position with a smile after being pushed away again and again.His patience and persistence are far beyond imagination, and the pain he endured has never been seen by Fuji.So I will be afraid, afraid of hurting him like this, but I don't know what to do.

I wish my refusal this time would come to an end.Shiraishi's water was poured too quickly, and he was afraid that he would dry up faster than his previous self.Bu Er was thinking about the hole that was not filled, and the hurdle that was not crossed. He didn't want any victim other than himself.So even if the cold is penetrating to the bone, he has to push away the warmth.

But Yukimura said that love is the most unpredictable thing in the world, it doesn't start when you want to start, and end when you want to end.Sometimes there is no harm or no harm at all, nothing is more pure and selfless than this.It's not how the other person will know what to do is the best choice for that person.

How do you know whether the blade is on one side or both sides without the scabbard? Maybe there is no so-called edge at all.How can you not understand these principles, just don’t think about it, because you can’t do it.The ability to see through and confuse is never lacking, but sometimes seeing through does not necessarily mean having a solution.

Yukimura just smiled, what he wanted to say was actually only one sentence, look at it with your heart, as long as you want to see it, you will see it eventually.

Looking at it will not lose a piece of meat, and he has been watching it all the time. It is a kind of fun, but he really didn't look at the things he wanted to avoid.Perhaps Keiyukimura was a little curious when he said this, and thought of lifting the lid of the hole to try it out.Anyway, the big deal is to run aground again, just to hone my heart. Seeing Baishi hone my heart like this has not died. For the first time, I feel that the pain is so insignificant, and the more important thing is to look forward.Since he has the courage to use the fiasco to gain new life, why can't he do the same to fill another hole?

Fuji really looked at it carefully and pondered it very carefully. Combining everything that has happened in the past, in fact, everything is really not difficult to see through. There is no knot in the world that can never be untied, but Fuji believes that the knot in the heart If it can't be untied, it really cannot be untied.That hurdle is not insurmountable, that hole is not insurmountable, and that layer of fog is just my own fantasy.I was subconsciously afraid, so the wider the hurdle, the deeper the hole, and the fog shrouded it.When the illusion faded, if he was willing to hit the only ball in his hand, it meant that he was willing to take a step closer.

Having made up his mind, he did so.To unravel the solution covered by oneself with one's own hands.He can quietly drink black tea beside Atobe, enjoy the afterglow of the sunset, and frankly accept the hand that came to support him.Thinking that this hand is really warm enough and strong enough, the fragrance of black tea, and the platform outlined by the sunset, it is really comfortable and peaceful, there is no need to refuse or pretend, the most real and the most reassuring.But he didn't think about whether there would be any difference if they were immersed in this brilliance from the beginning, or whether changing a little detail would produce an ending.Because they can only look forward.

Although the current Fuji still has the standard smiling face, the transparent wall is gone. He believes that Atobe has seen what he means, and there are some things that don’t need to be said, so he chooses this way of getting along, or is it a new way of getting along? start.This is Atobe's tenderness.As for Shiraishi, he doesn't think he overestimated that person's delicacy, and he won't doubt what he sees, at least he won't compare it with infinity and treat it as an illusion.

Sensitivity is not a bad thing. Although I have suffered a lot because of my sensitivity, I never hate my sensitivity.

Youfeng slipped in through the window, and with the movement of opening the door, they rushed towards the slit opened by Bu Er.There seemed to be no one in the bedroom, so I went to the window and closed it slightly.With the very weak peripheral vision outside, Buer noticed the shiny silver bracelet on the table, the grayness could not take away its luster at all.Fuji lifted up the sleeve of his left hand, and the bracelet of the same color fell down and got stuck.He took off the bracelet and put it on the table.

There still seems to be some marks left on the wrist?Fu Er put down his sleeves to avoid entanglement, he put away two wristbands, and tidied up the messy table by the way.Then sit down on the chair at the table.I happened to see a paper and a pen next to it, so I picked it up, and I could see a faint imprint on the paper. Although he was a little curious, he didn't have time to fill it up with a pencil. He still has some patience, and he will always know. I don't want to bother to know in advance.

He lifts his pen.

Now that you have made up your mind, you must show something.

This time he chose to take the initiative to take a step closer.

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Some words don't have to be said.

Some meanings can be understood without words.

But the fact of witnessing will still bring unexpected shake.

Baishi thinks that he should not belong to the category of stalking, but definitely belongs to the category of not being able to die without the Yellow River.For what he is obsessed with, he will always strive for it through unremitting efforts. Since it is determined by his heart, he will have absolute patience.

He hopes to see the happiness of the person he loves, but he also hopes that the person who brings happiness is himself.He knows how to let go, but the reason why he has been rejected four times so far but still hasn't let go is very simple, because what he sees is not a rejection in the true sense, what he sees is just a teenager shrinking in his shell, The attitude of avoiding everything outside.

He didn't see the hate in Fuji's eyes, nor did he see any progress in love.If what Buer lacks is a sense of security, he will stand in front of Buer countless times and say he likes you, and rush over when Buer is lonely.Fill that void with your words and actions.

Shiraishi admits that he is cruel, forcing Fuji to face himself and those things he wants to avoid again and again, but if he doesn't do this, how can he make a leap?In tennis, Buer enjoys sparring and likes to stimulate the potential of his opponents, but why not himself?Everyone hopes for the same thing, and they all hope that Buer can take one step forward and then another step forward.

Compared with being rejected, what made Shiraishi feel more heartbroken was that his thoughts and emotions might not have been passed on at all. Fuji curled up in pain, and the door was closed tightly. All he did was to make him suffer even more inside the door. Instead of opening the door and stepping out.He was shaken, the so-called giving up was just to close the relationship and wait for time to wash it away.He suppressed his feelings, but he didn't close them, so he desperately approached.He confessed his love four times, but he still stood at the bottom line and never crossed it. After this level, he didn't want to force it. Even if he wanted to touch it again, he could restrain it. I know, I have been standing within the reachable range.

-------

In fact, everyone has their own way, and there is no right or wrong, because these are caused by different personalities.Yukimura's feelings are almost closed, he controls his feelings very well, he never pushes Fuji, nor puts any pressure on Fuji, he finds the most appropriate distance, stands there silently guarding, While maintaining your own protection circle, you also maintain the same protection circle, leaving enough free space.

He will always be an irreplaceable existence in Buer's heart, and only in his position can Buer see the essence of things most objectively, just because they can understand each other better.

Atobe, on the other hand, did not suppress his feelings at all. Feelings are meant to be expressed. Atobe's self-confidence and directness can avoid many emotional detours and give people an overflowing sense of security.The shock he gave to Budu should be huge, and no one would be disgusted by bold and sincere revealing.He approached step by step without any pause, and went straight to Fuji's side, even if Fuji retreated step by step.Every step he takes will make Bu Er see his shortcomings clearly, forcing him to look forward.

Atobe can fully afford the sense of security needed by Budu.

So under the reflection of the setting sun, seeing the two hug each other, Baishi will be shaken.Whether it was the previous time or this time, there will be bursts of bitterness in his heart, because he will think that the eternal happiness is there, and the trembling can't be suppressed at all, almost all the things he grasped before Forget about the difference between the two smiles.

But this time was different from that time, almost everything changed, whether it was the atmosphere or the people.He can calm down very quickly, holding on to the self who wants to overthrow everything in his heart, he is shaken, and even doubts his recent feelings, and the sense of despair in the cave even hits again, clamoring that everything in the near future is an illusion, But he still doesn't want to deny everything completely, as long as there is a glimmer of hope, he has no reason to let the wavering hypnotize himself.

Atobe was a formidable foe, and Shiraishi didn't deny it even at this moment.Different from the self-centeredness shown on the surface, he also has a delicate and gentle side.His heart is so strong that he can even let him go freely at the closest distance, which is not something ordinary people can do.

When he came back from the stands, seeing Atobe waiting at the gate, Shiraishi was half surprised and half understanding. On the one hand, he agreed with Atobe's meticulousness, and on the other hand, he didn't believe that Atobe was willing to meddle in his own business at this time.

Atobe just stood up and leaned against the wall, and simply said: "I don't think I need to enlighten you."

He replied with a smile, thank you for being sensitive.He saw Atobe also smiled, the corners of his mouth still full of confidence.

Shiraishi finally took off the bracelet on his right hand, and put it on the table in the dormitory, always feeling more relaxed than lost after taking it off.Throw away all the uncertain things, he doesn't need restraint and doubt, this kind of sense of security is not what he wants, nor what he wants to give.

After rummaging through the boxes and cabinets for a while, he dug out the pen and paper. Baishi looked at his precious things, thought for a while, and picked up the pen.

On the day I came back from the cave, I found a revival of life.As long as a small flame is ignited, the speed of the flame will increase exponentially, and this is true for both emotions and creatures.

Thinking of waiting until it is completely stable before handing over to Fuji, my own secret.

Curiosity always needs to be satisfied, and the waiting time is not long anyway.