silent me, silent us

"Hey! Have you seen Ye Guang?"

"See! I didn't expect to be in the same high school as him, it's super-cool-"

"...You speak so rough."

"I'm genuine!"

During the lunch time of high school students, apart from exchanging bento dishes, they also exchange gossip, especially freshmen in high school, friendship is often built on the exchange of gossip, like-minded groups will formally form small groups, and even become mainstream figures in the class , and those who are not strong enough, often can only sit aside in twos and threes eating bento in silence, or play with the dirt in their fingernails alone.

After finally finishing the two math and two English lessons in the morning, when the bell rang, Xu Qizhang closed his eyes and lay down on the bed. His textbooks were not closed and he didn't plan to eat lunch, so he just fell asleep.

In the vast sea of ​​dreams, I could only hear the female students at the next table repeating a person's name.Xu Qizhang moved, turned around and continued to sleep.

He has always turned a blind eye to such small group phenomena.

He is a person who doesn't like to deal with others very much, and doesn't like to talk very much.

I don't know when I became bad at talking. It should be said that he doesn't want to say some things that are unnecessary, and he doesn't want to say some things that are difficult to say.

The words of this world are always presented in front of others in a roundabout way, but he can only speak straightforward words and direct reactions.It is very tiring to insist on laughing without talking speculatively, and he no longer needs to be more tired.

Because he speaks little and behaves in a low-key manner, he gradually became a weak character in the class not long after the start of school. Even his friends in the orchestra once used the word "empty and ethereal" to describe him in normal times, and he just smiled and said Pass.

I remember that on the report card given to him by his junior high school teacher, there was always such a vague comment as "gentle and polite, with excellent character and learning". Maybe he was also vague in the eyes of his junior high school teacher.But he doesn't care, in front of some people, he really just wants to spend it in a low-key way.

Unless necessary, he doesn't want to blend into the rhythm of any ethnic group, and he doesn't bother to pay attention to other irrelevant people and things, he has his own rhythm.

But that person's high profile made him have to notice him.

"Do you know? Ye Guang..."

"Oh, oh, oh, I saw Ye Guang himself!"

"That junior named Ye is quite powerful!"

There are very few people who can become so popular as soon as the school starts, and become famous on campus. No one needs to talk to him specifically, just from the gossip of others, you can piece together the appearance of that person-handsome appearance, modest personality, He is polite, nice to friends, excellent in grades, versatile in sports, rich in family, etc., like a perfect prince that cannot appear in reality. Not only the girls discuss it enthusiastically, but even the vast majority of boys admire him very much. Full of praise.

Xu Qizhang thought it was a bit exaggerated at the beginning, until he happened to see Ye Guang, who was full of those adjectives, beautifully dribbling the ball for a layup in the Freshman Cup basketball game. Actions can convince him of those compliments.

He only knew that at the moment when the sun was about to set, the key score of the comeback made the boy of his age look so handsome, and the action of high-fiving his teammates was also unbelievable.

For such a person, I don't know what the comments on the junior high school report card are.

Xu Qizhang was riding a bicycle with the faucet crooked on the way to the noodle stall. He didn't know whether it was a rare competitive mentality or pure curiosity, even he himself couldn't figure it out.

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Put the boiled noodles into the soup, sprinkle a little MSG, green onion, and exclusive seasoning, and serve a cheap and large bowl of Yangchun noodles on the table, then turn around and order for the next table.Because it was the time when the nearby cram school just ended, it was very busy.

More than a year ago, they bought a noodle stall, which was suggested by him, and it took a long time for my mother to reluctantly agree.

My father passed away many years ago. At that time, my mother seemed to be trying to divert attention, or something he gradually forgot. In short, I thought she was playing mahjong for household hygiene, until the uncle who was collecting debts slapped on the iron gate and made a bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang Sound, he only knew things were not that simple at a young age.

I started working part-time in middle school, and in the past few years, I have paid off a lot of debts by relying on the ancestral property of my grandpa and grandma. I didn't expect it to be just a disguised form. I owed money to outsiders and owed money to my uncles.

The pressure is much less, but it is still very heavy.

Their family has passed the low-income household, relying on government subsidies and his part-time salary to support the family, tuition fees are free, and the place of residence is the house left by the grandparents to the uncle, and the uncle left them to live.

Food and lodging is not a problem, and I am fairly smart.It's not that miserable, he told himself.

It's just that sometimes I still feel suddenly out of breath.The feeling of only relying on "self" is bad, not because he wants to say how great he is, to put it bluntly, he just wants to act like a baby but has no room.

No matter how many things he has experienced, he is still a shabby boy after all, he will still be envious in his heart, and he will still have the idea of ​​"what if".

My mother has been out of society for too long, and her health is poor, so it is impossible to find a job.

But you still have to find something to do, right?Don't just stay at home all day and talk about where it hurts, how you can't finish washing your clothes, or go to a community college class, or expand your life circle... These words, Xu Qizhang He didn't say it, how to say it, he didn't know, he only knew that every time he came home from school and saw his mother in a daze at home alone or watching TV, he felt bored in his heart.

They all felt bored and had nowhere to go.

And that suffocation will always be released when he roars on stage, and then everything will be forgotten.

So he fell in love with singing, falling in love with brushing the strings, and falling in love with the stage.When he stood on the stage, he was taken away from everything except the performance. That was the most relaxed time for him.

Fortunately, the noodle stall that was built last year seemed to be an outlet for my mother to release her anger.

Live a busy life.

It's not a good day, but it's not bad either.

Xu Qizhang put the chopped green vegetables into the water to scald, looked at Xu's mother who was serving takeaways and greeted the guests, smiled softly, and then picked up the green vegetables from the boiling water.Under the soft streetlight, the luster of the hot vegetables made him yawn inexplicably.

Going to school during the day, taking care of the booth at night, and going to the PUB to sing and perform later... Singing is what I want to do, and it is the time I look forward to the most during the day.

Studying, working part-time, performing, and living a compact life, time is spent silently like this.

Occasionally, I examine my life like an old man.

The conclusion is that his life is like a moth-eaten wardrobe, full of holes, beautiful but mottled, this kind of thinking makes him feel very old...

For some reason, I suddenly remembered that person.

That person's life should be perfect, just like what I saw on the playground today, the sunset light shining behind him was dazzling and dazzling.

I don't know if it's out of a comparative mentality or what, this is the third time Xu Qizhang thought of Ye Guang's existence today.