What kind of bad thoughts can the monitor have?

Outside the bright floor-to-ceiling windows, there are thousands of lights.

In the room reflected by the glass, a tall and straight figure was wearing a neat suit, leaning on a leather sofa.

There are two contracts spread out on the coffee table in front of them, and the fresh seals of both parties have just been stamped on them not long ago.

He raised his hand to unbutton his cuffs, loosened his tie, and rubbed his temples with his eyes closed.

Hearing the knock on the door, he raised his eyes slightly, and said in a low voice, "Please come in."

Lily: "Boss Lu, I brought him here."

She stretched out her hand and made an inviting gesture to indicate permission to go in.

"Thank you." Lu Xiulin nodded lightly. After seeing Jizhun, a smile appeared on his lips, "Naonao, come and sit down."

Ji Zhun frowned slightly, feeling a little uncomfortable that the other party called him by such an intimate name.But he didn't show it on his face, after all, he was the one who invited Lu Xiulin first.

"Uncle Lu." Ji Zhun also smiled at Lu Xiulin, and walked towards him.

The door was gently closed by Lily from behind, and Ji Zhun quickly looked at Lu Xiulin's private lounge.It has to be said that it is much better than Chen Jianye's "golden toad giving treasure" taste.

His eyes stopped on an old tape recorder, and he said with interest: "I haven't seen this thing for a long time."

"Sit down." Lu Xiulin smiled and stood up, "What tea do you want?"

Ji Zhun sat down on the sofa and said, "No need, I don't like tea."

Lu Xiulin stood there, then nodded and smiled: "That's right, what kind of tea do you guys drink?"

He turned around and walked to the small refrigerator, took out a glass bottle of Evian from it and handed it to Jizhun, "I don't have drinks here, so I'll just drink water."

"Thank you, uncle." Ji Zhun took the mineral water and held it in his hand, not in a hurry to drink it.He glanced down at the contract on the table and said, "You just finished negotiating a deal?"

"Yeah." Lu Xiulin took the contract away and put it in the drawer of the office desk, "The few people who can drink are almost overthrown by them."

"I can smell it." Ji Zhun pulled his lips, revealing his side canine teeth, "The red one turns white, be careful to get a headache tomorrow morning."

"I'm already having a headache." Lu Xiulin sat down on the other side of the sofa, "The nose is quite good."

"Oh, Chen Jianye always smells like this." Ji Zhun shrugged, "But you smell better than him."

Lu Xiulin smiled and brushed the broken hair from his forehead back, and sat in a different posture: "The few times we met in the past, I always let you see me in the ugliest way. I'm really sorry."

"It was alright that time at my house." Ji Zhun smiled, then paused, "Should we just talk about the topic?"

Lu Xiulin stretched out his hand to signal Ji Zhun to invite first.

Ji Zhun: "I heard Brother Hei tell something about you and Su Hao, but to be honest, I always feel that I only heard half of the story." He raised his eyes to meet Lu Xiulin's eyes, "I want to know the remaining half .”

"What's the reason?" Lu Xiulin's eyes revealed a hint of amusement.

Ji Zhun was silent for a while, the reason was of course his own.Not reconciled to the tragic ending of the story, but also afraid that if one day I do repeat the same mistakes.

So he felt unwilling, so he wanted to dig out even a little bit of comfort from it, and tell him that such feelings might not be so bad.

But of course he couldn't say that, so he could only say: "This matter is related to me doing ideological work for Brother Hei, didn't you ask me before?"

Ji Zhun raised his chin slightly, "Brother Hei's character, you know, if you really fight with others, you won't leave yourself a way out. If you are stubborn, you will be afraid of being violent, and if you are violent, you will die, even if you have the means , and it may not be possible to really get a bargain."

After Jizhun finished speaking, Lu Xiulin put his fist on his chin and let out a series of deep laughter.

He frowned at each other with some displeasure.

Lu Xiulin stopped smiling, shook his head and said to Ji Zhun: "Do you really think it's useful? In Heizi's eyes, I'm already a scum whose bones are broken. Even if you pass it on, will he believe it?" ?”

Ji Zhun was at a loss for words.It is undeniable that Lu Xiulin's words are very reasonable.

Just like what Tan Jingyang said before, if he wanted to tell Heizi, he would have already told him, and the reason why he didn't tell him was because he knew it would be useless.

The two fell into a brief silence.

Ji Zhun was planning to find a new reason when he saw Lu Xiulin pour some tea into the cup and took a sip.

"I know you came to me today to ask this." He paused while holding the teacup, "Forget it, I won't ask the reason, I just pretend that you are curious... Since I chose to meet you, I will I didn't intend to hide it."

After finishing speaking, Lu Xiulin raised his eyes to look deeply at Ji Zhun's eyes, and said softly: "Do you know that your eyes actually look a little like his?"

Ji Zhun was slightly taken aback.

Lu Xiulin smiled helplessly: "Because of this, I can't refuse any request from you, even if you are just a child."

He slowly got up and walked to the floor-to-ceiling windows, through which he looked at the colorful lights in the night.

"Actually, before I met him, I had dated many girlfriends. I never thought that one day, I would actually fall in love with a man..."

Lu Xiulin's eyes became distant, and there seemed to be an inextricable net in his bottomless pupils.

"The first time I noticed him was during their military training for freshmen. I was in the student union at the time, and I had to record attendance every day. At that time, they were resting in place. The instructor said they needed someone to perform. He was pushed out naturally... I still remember that he was wearing a camouflage uniform, sitting in the middle of the crowd with a guitar in his hand, singing Chen Shuhua's "Rolling Red Dust"...Under the sun, everyone was in the same suit Smelly sweat, only his whole body is dry. Su Hao's eyes have a kind of magic power, no matter how anxious you are at that time, as long as you see him, you will be soothed."

Having said this, Lu Xiulin's gaze softened involuntarily.

"Then, when I saw him again, it was on the roof of the laboratory building. He was wearing a white shirt and standing in the sunset, smoking a cigarette in his hand. Contrary to the previous sunlight, his eyes were somewhat Decadent, as if standing on a high place and being withdrawn from this world at once... He saw me, smiled, and asked me with a cigarette in his mouth, if I want to have one together, I told him I was his senior, big He's a class, and he can come to me anytime in the future if he needs anything."

Hearing this, Ji Zhun's mood was unavoidably disturbed.

His memory of Su Hao was already a little blurred, so in the picture constructed by Lu Xiulin, the man standing smoking in the sunset turned into Tan Jingyang's face.

"Heizi should have told you that even though Su Hao looks like a literary youth, he is actually very good at playing games. At that time, the TVs in our dormitory were still picture tubes, and we all raised funds to buy a game console. Su Hao and I have already We are familiar with each other, and we will always come to our room to play "The King of Fighters" when we have nothing to do. We usually talk about games the most. Su Hao asked me, "Do you think Terry fell in love with Mary in the end?", I said yes No, they just happened to hate Gies and appreciate each other. Su Hao stubbornly shook his head and said no, Terry must have fallen in love with Mary in the end."

Lu Xiulin smiled wryly: "I can't compete with him, so I just say you say yes. He smiled, and his expression was like a child... In my senior year, I quarreled with my family and moved out in a fit of anger. Su Hao because of I didn't sleep well, and I lived off-campus since my sophomore year. My bank cards were all frozen at that time, so I simply moved in with him and relied on him for support. At that time, I discovered that Su Hao had been taking antidepressant drugs , and lied to me that it was vitamins."

"Su Hao suffers from depression?"

"Yes." Lu Xiulin's eyes darkened, "I can't sleep all the time, I usually look cheerful and gregarious, but after I really got to know him, I found that he is actually quite pessimistic and world-weary..."

Lu Xiulin paused, "It was also at that time that I found that my feelings for him seemed to be different from those for other people. But I just didn't admit that it was liking. Now that I think about it, I must have been afraid at the time. Fear of subversion Years of knowing, fear of all the changes that might come."

Ji Zhun's eyebrows twitched, the fingertips of the hand holding the mineral water bottle turned white due to the sudden force.

Lu Xiulin continued: "On the day of graduation, I had a party with my classmates and drank a lot. When I got back drunk, I saw Su Hao sitting in the living room drinking. It seemed that he drank a lot. I was very angry at the time, afraid that he would eat too much. My sleeping pills reacted with alcohol, so I kept scolding him. Su Hao quietly watched me go crazy, and suddenly asked me softly, are I going to move out? I fell silent immediately, because I had agreed to my mother moving back. The Lu family, stay with my father."

"Su Hao drank all the wine at home, looked at me drunkenly, and asked me again 'Did Terry fall in love with Mary.', his eyes were as bright as stars in the dark, and there were still traces of moisture at the corners of his eyes .I just felt my heart sinking hard, completely out of control... I just hugged him like this and said 'I fell in love'. Afterwards, from kissing to going to bed, my brain was completely blinded. Until the next day It was only when the sun shone on him that I completely came back to my senses. Seeing Su Hao open his eyes and look at me with a smile in the sun, I suddenly wanted to give him the whole world..."

At this moment, Ji Zhun really wanted to call a stop, so that the whole story would end here.

But he pursed his lips, and finally did not speak, but he clenched his fist and asked softly, "What happened next?"

"Later, we got together. I followed the old man's words and started to learn to manage the company. And Su Hao, who was appreciated by a music producer, was preparing for his album...Although we often see each other for a long time One side, but I cherish it every time." Lu Xiulin put his hands on the floor-to-ceiling windows, and he didn't know whether he was overlooking the scenery or examining himself:

"That was the happiest time of my life."

When he said this, his pupils froze suddenly, as if recalling something that caused him pain, his whole body froze.

"But my younger brother found out that we were together. He secretly took photos of me and Su Hao and sent them to the old man. The old man was very angry and grounded me at home. He threatened me that if I dared to see him again, I would kill all of them." The photos were exposed. Su Hao was on the rise in his career at the time, and I knew what it would mean to him if these photos were leaked... and the old man would definitely do such a thing."

"So, you broke up with him?" Ji Zhun frowned.

Lu Xiulin shook his head: "No, even at that time I was thinking of other ways. The big deal is that I will give up the family business, he will give up music, and I will take him to find a place where no one is around to live in seclusion. Su Hao will definitely agree."

He took a deep breath, with a cold chill in his eyes: "But I was still too young at the time, and I never expected that the old man would send someone to find Su Hao's family in order to avoid future troubles. gave them a large sum of money, and let them take good care of their son with hard and soft tactics."

Lu Xiulin's eyes trembled, he gritted his teeth with red eyes, and said, "Su Hao was tricked back by them and beat him so badly. He jumped out of the window overnight and ran to my house to meet me, but was kicked out by my younger brother... …I was locked in the room at the time, and watched them throw Su Hao to the ground. I went crazy and smashed the door and windows with everything, but the old man only sent a few people to press me to the ground, Tell me to give me 1 minute to calm down, or you will suffer the consequences."

"Oh, 1 minute."

Lu Xiulin closed his eyes, his clenched hands exposed blue blood vessels.

"I didn't do it, and I said all the complaints against him for a long time. He didn't say anything, turned around and left with a blank face... The next day, those photos were edited and circulated on the media. One of them was also sent to the school. The school was overwhelmed by the pressure and expelled Su Hao, who was about to graduate, and everyone pointed at him openly and secretly. During that time, Su Hao's mental state fell into a state of depression. Collapsed, stuffed a lot of sleeping pills into his mouth, and tried to commit suicide several times..."

"At this time, the old man came to me again and told me nonchalantly that he would give me another minute to decide whether to break up or not. If the choice is correct, then he will take care of all the mess now and support Su Hao. , give him a bright future."

"You...compromised?"

Lu Xiulin nodded and sighed with a smile: "It's a compromise... I found Su Hao as required, broke up with him, and then went to England under the arrangement of Lu's family."

Ji Zhun stood up suddenly, and said excitedly: "Why the hell did you compromise?! Do you know that because of your decision, Su Hao completely lost hope of living! You are the last straw that crushed him !"

"Yes, you are right." Lu Xiulin lay back on the sofa and laughed hoarsely, "I thought this was the best choice for him, but I didn't expect that I pushed him off the cliff with my own hands... No one told me the news about Su Hao. I have been so self-righteous for many years. I finally found out when I finally had everything I have now and was about to find him. You only know the fuck!"

Lu Xiulin finally broke down in tears:

"It was me...I killed Su Hao with my own hands..."

……

In the big and bright room, the man who was undoubtedly a high-class and successful man in all aspects was crying like a child who couldn't find his way home.

Intermittent sobs passed to Ji Zhun's ears, making his throat tighten all the time.

Ji Zhun wanted to go forward to comfort him, but he knew he couldn't comfort him at all.After all, no matter who this incident happened to, it will be a scar that cannot be healed for a lifetime.

He stood on the spot and lowered his eyes, and said softly, "Thank you for your willingness to tell me this." After a pause, he pursed his lips and said, "If possible, I still hope you can tell Brother Hei. Even if he doesn't believe it, You should still try... After all, Brother Su Hao, he never wants to see his best friend and lover make trouble like this because of him."

Lu Xiulin didn't reply, and there was no expression on his face covered with his hands.

He just sat on the sofa slumped like a lifeless body.

Looking at his back, Ji Zhun finally gritted his teeth after hesitating for a long time, and said the sentence: "Do you regret it now?"

Lu Xiulin's figure froze slightly.

"At the beginning, I clearly expected that there would be changes in the future, but I still chose to be with him." Jizhun asked a little confused, "Do you... regret it?"

However, in the end, Lu Xiulin was unable to face his question directly, and only said in a hoarse voice with his back turned to him: "Go back early, be careful on the road."

Ji Zhun, who already knew the answer, twitched his eyelashes slightly, nodded and said, "Okay."

In the mirror, he nodded at Lu Xiulin: "I'm sorry, I reminded you of these sad things again."

After speaking, he took a deep look at Lu Xiulin one last time, turned around and left the lounge, and entered Haohui's elevator.

From the beginning to the end, Lu Xiulin kept the same posture and sat there motionless.

Until everything returned to silence, until the lights outside the window went out one by one, and the whole world went dark.He slowly got up and walked to the tape recorder, raised his hand and pressed the play button.

……

"Brother Lin, help me get the guitar!"

"Wait, I'll turn on the tape recorder first."

"Are you ready?"

"Ah."

After a lyrical prelude, Su Hao's clear voice came from the recorder:

"You who were inadvertent at first, and me who was inexperienced when I was young

The love in the world of mortals is only because of the hasty and silent stagnation of life

Thinking that it is the fault of the world, or the cause and effect passed down in the previous life

I will not hesitate to exchange for everything in my life, the exchange of yin and yang in an instant

Come and go, come and go, decades of travel

Easy to part and difficult to get together, the eternal sorrow of love and hate

The heart that should belong to you still holds my chest

为 只 为 那 尘世 转变 面孔 后 翻云 翻云

......"

"How about Brother Lin?"

"It sounds good."

"Hey Brother Lin~"

"Ok?"

"Cough, I..."

"click"

The tape stopped spinning at this point.

……

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The author has something to say:

qwq, I know this chapter is very heartbreaking|||Strive to speed up the return to Tiantiantian!

Quote: The lyrics are "Rolling Red Dust", sung by Chen Shuhua and composed by Luo Dayou.

我好喜欢这首歌，推荐大家去听！感谢在2021-10-0223:20:39~2021-10-0415:08:02期间为我投出霸王票或灌溉营养液的小天使哦~

Thanks to the little angel of irrigation nutrient solution: 5 bottle of Mengge;

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!