The ivory tower has no autumn

Hello, Ji Huaizhi, I am Lin Zhiyuan.

After deliberating for a long time, I didn't know whether I should write this letter to you. Finally, I thought, I should write down some things about myself that I want you to know.

If you want to say why, it's not fair to you because you showed me your truest self and I didn't respond to you with the same true self, but I am actually very timid, and you always say that I am like It is made up of different people. You have seen me in various ways, but I have not let you see the timid me.

And there are some things that I only dare to let you know after I am dead.

Starting from this suicide note, I want to tell you many, many things.

When I saw you for the first time, it was nothing special, but that light blue shirt was burned into my heart.

I have also thought about whether I like you because of that light blue shirt, but then I figured it out, I might not like you if someone else wears it.

I like you because you are you, and I love you even more in a light blue shirt.

I have written other people's love stories for so many years, but I never thought that I would like someone one day. At the moment when I have a clear understanding, those affectionate and romantic feelings in the readers' hearts suddenly become inferior, not as good as me and you.

But you know, the world is not so tolerant, and I have also struggled whether to expose this relationship to the surface, especially because I still have concerns, and I am destined not to be able to go on with you for a long time, so I am just trying .

Simply probing, kissing the corners of your mouth, if you reject me...

So I regret it, I regret that I kissed you, and I also regret that I walked into the police station and walked into your life.

Reason tells me that I should restrain myself, but I can control the characters in my pen, and I can compose their lives with just a tap of my fingertips, but I can't seem to control my desires, nor your feelings for me.

Huaizhi, do you know that the way you look at me always tells me that I am everything to you.

But I don't seem to be able to tell you that you are everything to me.

I like your eyelashes, thick as a fan, when you are asleep, I will touch her secretly, and I will kiss her gently, hoping that it will never be wet with tears.

I like your kiss, it is as soft and sweet as spring, as warm and flamboyant as summer, more like winter, both restrained and presumptuous, affection like heavy snow covering the sky.

I like that you are obviously a pragmatic person, but you also have unrealistic fantasies, such as you will make a wish on a shooting star, then I thought, the metaphysics of hope is real, and your wish will come true, provided that the wish It doesn't include me.

I like every sunset I watched with you. Although they stole my time, I am very glad that you were by my side and built the best memories with me while they were stealing.

I earnestly hope that the sunset will be gentler, and the end of this day will be slower, slower...

Slow enough that I can see you as you grow old, slow enough that when you lie in your little urn, I can give you a speech at the funeral and sing you the last farewell song.

I still want to slow down... Even if I read the story of the two of us for a century, I can't finish reading it.

Huaizhi, I didn't tell you what kind of nightmare I had because you were in the dream.

I am afraid to walk into the house every six o'clock, afraid that someday in the future, when I walk into the house as usual, you will be dead.

Huaizhi, I want to give you a perfect Lin Zhiyuan, but I can't help it. No matter how I put it together, I can't make a perfect self. No matter how I plan, I can't achieve a win-win result. Greedy, reluctant to give up and unwilling to give up, pulling and pulling, until the best result turns into the worst result, I am still reluctant.

Maybe this is the best result now, withdraw from your life, never see each other again, and hope that you will meet better people in the future.

I didn’t tell you, but I’m actually afraid of being forgotten, as if I never existed, so I use words to record my most authentic past and unattainable future, and the original manuscript belongs to you, if If you don't want it anymore, throw it away!

It's just that I might be a little sad.

But fall is a sentimental season, isn't it?If I die at this time, will you store me in memory for a longer period of time because of unnecessary sorrow?

Huaizhi, will you remember me in the future?Will you, Boss Shen, and Boss Yang still remember me after a few years?

I'm really, a little scared, afraid that you will forget me, afraid that when you mention Lin Zhiyuan, the me in your memory will be blurred.

Huaizhi, I didn’t say I love you in front of you, but I said it quietly behind your back. You didn’t hear it at the time. That was the first time I felt that the autumn wind was cruel and swept away my heart. At that moment, I felt like There are also unrealistic fantasies.

Imagine that one day in the future, it will bring this sentence to you and tell you that I used to love you very much.

Huaizhi, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I let you have a bad experience.

Huaizhi, thank you for willing to love me.

Ji Huaizhi, you will always be my ivory tower.

Treasure, farewell, the only regular visitor in my life.

Lin Zhiyuan, the last pen.

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The author has something to say:

Ji Huaizhi didn't know the existence of the suicide note.