surrounding

I landed heavily on the seat.

Without even thinking about it, I must be back in the theater.

I don't want to get up again.

I rubbed my face tiredly, and tears dripped down unexpectedly.

Why are you crying?

I do not know.

I have always been a very easy-going person, whatever fate arranges for me, I just follow its arrangement.It's not that I'm obedient, it's that I'm powerless to refute fate.

When I was three years old, I was injured and got sick. I was so wronged at that time.Why is it that everyone is a child, and I am the only one who has to be hurt like this.

I didn't do anything wrong, why.

This disease became more and more serious as I grew older. In the most serious year, I had three surgeries a year.

That is, the next operation is about to take place before the body is well maintained and the body is not overwhelmed.

There is no way not to do it, if I do not do it, I will die.

Later, when I was sick, I figured it out by myself.

Fate is like this, I can't go against fate like the protagonist in the TV series.

Just be sick, anyway, the pain won't last long, and I'm leaving.

Maybe I am crying now not because of my illness, but because of Jin Jiamin?

I think probably so.

Counting, I have liked her for five years.

Why doesn't she know that I like her?

Now I have been reduced to being killed by my own affection, which is really ridiculous.

There are no four girls in the theater anymore, it's just me.

I'm not used to it, but after going through so many cycles, I can't get scared anymore.

Would I still be dead without them?

I snorted coldly, stood up, and walked towards the door.

Opening the door to a new cycle, I suddenly remembered a quote from Borges that I liked very much before.

"What can I do to keep you?"

"I give you skinny streets, hopeless sunsets, and wild moons."

"I will give you sorrow for a person who has been looking at the lonely moon for a long time."

And where is the person I want to keep?

go away.

She is no longer someone I want to keep.

I stared at this street that I don't know how many times it has cycled, and I don't know why I feel nostalgic.

The wind is still so strong, searching for what little consciousness I have left, trying to make me compromise.

The street is very quiet, without the noise of men.

Looking up again, there was no Jin Jiamin who was looking for me in a hurry.

I don't know why, but at this moment, I especially want to run wildly in the dark.

I thought, just wash my soul in the dark.

I thought, just spend my life in the dark.

Just get lost in the dark and run out into the world, I thought.

Run as soon as you say, I have always been a person who walks as soon as I say.

I jumped up and down twice, and ran towards the darkest intersection.

Perhaps, this cycle has always been imagined by myself.

That made it all clear.

There are no four girls in the theater, no Jin Jiamin across the road, and no drunk men behind them.

All the fears I made up, none of them actually existed.

My cycle was never just me.

They live because of me, but I will die because of them.

It was doomed from the beginning, I had to run out of the loop by myself, no one could help me, and no one could catch me.

They all want to kill me, so I can't stop.

the last time……

I gritted my teeth and rushed out of the junction of the road.

It's the last time, just be a kite that breaks free.

"Operating" is off.

"Sorry, family members, please mourn." The doctor walked out slowly and bowed.

My mother's legs gave way and she almost fell to the ground. Seeing this, Jin Jiamin quickly supported her.

"The patient's situation has been informed to the family members before the operation," the doctor raised his glasses, "you should be mentally prepared to face the worst."

"Trouble doctor." Jin Jiamin said with tears in his eyes.

The doctor nodded, glanced at the report, and asked, "Did the family members discover that the patient had self-harmed before his death?"

"I can assure you that this is definitely not the case!" Mom stood up tremblingly, "Shu Xin has always cherished her life since she was a child, how could she harm herself..."

"We took out sixteen metal disks from the patient's body. According to normal people, this can be discharged," he closed the medical book, "but she is still in the body, so it may be the recent mental state. It's not good to swallow..."

Jin Jiamin clenched his palms tightly.

After getting off the taxi, Jin Jiamin didn't go home immediately.

She made a detour to a small park not far from her home and stood by the referendum trash can.

She looked around to make sure no one was there, took out a bottle of medicine from her handbag, and threw it into the trash can.

"You are finally dead."

【End of full text】