sunset melting gold

The sound of short breaths hit the heart one after another.

The closed consulting room fell into silence. The doctor took off his glasses, propped his forehead and let out a long breath, with an indelible solemnity between his brows.

Fang Shiqiu wanted to apologize, but was preempted by the doctor.

"Sorry." The doctor said, "Your condition does not qualify for euthanasia."

"I also have no right to provide euthanasia."

He read out Fang Shiqiu's innocence verdict, and there was an insoluble worry and sigh between the pauses in the syllables.

"...It's okay." Fang Shiqiu murmured in a low voice, "I'm causing you trouble."

Unexpected result, he didn't feel any surprise, just felt very sad.

Fang Shiqiu did not break his spine, die of shock in the icy canyon, nor was he torn into pieces by wolves, leaving the ground covered in red snow. Fang Shiqiu returned home almost intact, only suffered some flesh and blood pain.

Likewise, he wanted to die as well as possible.

Fang Shiqiu didn't want those who took care of him to see him dying bloody, and didn't want to leave them with painful memories, but he didn't know any other way to end his life in a less ugly way.

Fang Shiqiu lowered his shoulders and neck, his soft long hair fell loosely, covering all the emotions in his eyes.

The doctor stroked his head, combed the hair scattered on the nape of his neck neatly, took his hand on his knee, and squeezed his palm gently.

"Xiaoqiu sit in the lounge for a while, I will contact Mr. Fang to pick you up."

Fang Shiqiu responded obediently, walked into the independent lounge next to the consulting room with the doctor's support, and sat on the empty bench.

Outside the window of the lounge is an artificial lake. The turquoise lake is inlaid between the dark green hillsides, sparkling under the soft sunlight in winter, and causing ripples in the white room.

The ripples of the lake are reflected on the glass and metal window frames, and the irregular light golden shattered light flows on the floor and wall of the lounge, jumping into the dark pupils.

A mild wind blows from the lake, carrying a faint smell of water.

like the sea.Fang Shiqiu thought.

Half an hour later, my father rushed to the hospital.

He left unfinished meetings and all planned work because the doctor told him his child was seeking death.

On the way here, the father carefully considered his words, trying to talk to his son who had hardly talked with him.

However, when he rushed to the hospital and saw Fang Shiqiu sitting on a bench looking out the window, he couldn't utter a single word from the manuscript he had typed early.

Fang Shiqiu sat alone on the bench, staring at the hazy lake outside the window, his thin side face could vaguely glimpse the proud and indifferent appearance of a young boy, but those clear eyes were now covered with gray haze.

"...Xiaoqiu."

The father stood in front of the bench and called in a low voice, but Fang Shiqiu didn't answer, so he reached out and stroked the top of the child's hair like he did every morning before going out.

"Go home with Dad."

The gentle reassurance stayed on the tip of his hair, Fang Shiqiu raised his head stiffly and wanted to rub his father's palm, but accidentally knocked his father's hand away.

He hadn't had a good look at his father for a long time, and without the cover, his father's current appearance clearly fell into his eyes.

Father's hair turned completely gray at some point, his haggard face was covered with fine wrinkles, and his eyes were filled with unbearable fatigue, and he was no longer in the prime of life as Fang Shiqiu remembered.

It turned out that his father was aging so quickly that he had no time to react.

Fang Shiqiu's body trembled uncontrollably, his father's face was blurred by the surging dampness, hot tears slid down his cheeks and hit the back of his hand.

"Sorry……"

Fang Shiqiu choked his throat and let out a sob of inflection.

"I didn't... didn't mean to..."

His family, his doctor, the rescuers who took him away from the snow-capped mountains, and even the mute woman who took care of him, all tried their best to keep him alive, hoping that he could live safely.

"I didn't want to die."

No pain is intolerable.

It was because he was too selfish and only wanted to free himself.

Choked cries lingered in the living room.

The father held Fang Shiqiu in his arms and patted his trembling back lightly, trying to comfort his out-of-control son.

"Father didn't blame Xiaoqiu, stop crying."

"Stop crying, okay?"

Fang Shiqiu breathed hard with his mouth open, coughed heavily while covering his heart, and let out a heartbreaking cry.

He was crying so hard that his whole body was trembling, which made his father and the doctor who came after hearing the sound bewildered.

In the end, the doctor injected Fang Shiqiu with a small amount of powerful sedative, and used the medicine to force him to calm down.

The effect of the sedative was very good, Fang Shiqiu soon stopped sobbing and crying, did not make a sound, and leaned drowsily on his father's shoulder as if he was asleep.

"Observe for half an hour first, and take him back later."

The doctor left the lounge with a short order, leaving only Fang Shiqiu and his father in the quiet room.

Holding Fang Shiqiu's hand, his father wanted to speak several times, but he finally chose to give up when he heard the faint, almost inaudible breathing beside him.

Before today, my father had never seen Fang Shiqiu shed tears.

Obviously experienced a lot of humiliation and torture, but when we met again, his Xiaoqiu didn't cry or complain about anything, he was always afraid of making them worry, afraid of seeing bad things on their faces, so every time he would show a well-behaved and obedient look look.

In the past, Fang Shiqiu never showed his vulnerable side in front of anyone.

Because he has never had the right to complain and act like a baby with them, he will not show embarrassment in the past, and of course he will not cry to them about everything he has encountered now.

Fang Shiqiu's childhood life was not as rich as the material conditions given by the Fang family.

In the past, he and his wife were busy with their careers and were tired of ending their loveless marriage. As a bonus of this unhappy marriage, Fang Shiqiu naturally didn't get much attention.

Their eyes almost never stayed on their son, and they only briefly and superficially expressed insignificant concern on important days.

During the long period of ignorance and waiting, Fang Shiqiu, who was ignored by them, learned to love herself, learned not to expect other people's feelings, and learned to satisfy her ideals and wishes by herself.

This child who had been cautiously acting like a baby to him turned into a top student praised by everyone in the blink of an eye. His father was proud of such a son.

However, now Fang Shiqiu will lean towards him docilely when she stretches out her hand, rubbing his palm flatteringly, sitting alone in front of the floor-to-ceiling window in a daze when no one is with her, never leaving the room for half a step, like a cat A pet trained by its owner to be obedient.

Every day watching his son imprisoned in a closed room by the stereotyped behaviors domesticated maliciously, the father can't help but miss the peaceful life of the past.

He thought, if Fang Shiqiu hadn't been taken away by Liang Min, would he still love him stubbornly under their belated attention as before?

Perhaps at that time Fang Shiqiu had already created exquisite works and became a famous artist, or maybe he met someone who loved him without reservation and decided to spend the rest of his life with him.

No matter which one, Fang Shiqiu should not be what he is now, enduring endless pain and hallucinations, desperately seeking death and relief from doctors.

He should have had a better life and a bright future, but was destroyed by Liang Ming.

Liang Ming broke Fang Shiqiu's hands, and he can no longer hold a pen to paint, and can no longer describe what he hears, sees and thinks, all the good, bad, and illusory pictures of reality.

Now that his children are no longer proud and complacent, and have returned to the timid and timid appearance when they were young, they finally got the opportunity to make up for him, and made more efforts to make up for the care and love that had been missing for nearly 27 years.

But what has changed is what has changed, and no matter how much it is repaired, it is impossible to return to the original appearance.

Fang Shiqiu has no chance to start over.