waste heat

From morning to evening, Cheng Yan, who had been soaking outside all day, had a dense pile of news in his mind, each of which could not be cleared, because each of them was related to Song Yu.

This week, Cheng Yan also contacted Song Yu, but the result was the same as now, he didn't reply, as if the world had evaporated, a few days ago Cheng Yan thought that he had his own business, was busy, messed up, and had something to do with Tan Tingting To get involved, he might need a little space of his own. Only now did Cheng Yan know why he avoided him.

He was too obsessed with thinking about things, and the whistle sounded behind him several times before Cheng Yan hurriedly avoided. He had just stepped aside when the phone rang.

Cheng Yan picked it up uninterestedly.

"Hello." His voice sounded a little weak.

"Where are you?" Zhao Yibai called, "I didn't find you when I came to your house."

On weekends, Cheng Yan stayed at home. Yesterday, he contacted Zhao Yibai and wanted to talk to him. Because Song Yu could not be contacted, Cheng Yan didn't know what to do. He was a little worried, so he wanted to ask Zhao Yibai.

But now he knows everything.

Cheng Yan said: "I'm outside, I won't go back yet, sorry."

"Are you out of your mind? Sorry for what you said to me," Zhao Yibai scolded him: "I'm just asking you, if nothing happens, have you contacted Song Yu?"

Cheng Yan was secretly sad, there was no reply to the message he sent just now, his morale was low and he said: "No."

Zhao Yibai went downstairs with the key in his hand: "What are you missing, even if the girl's matter has something to do with him, it's useless to hide, it's not like Song Yu's style."

Even if he didn't know Song Yu well enough, Zhao Yibai felt that Song Yu was not a hit-and-run person, that Song Yu didn't need to know, and what he brought to others at that stop was a full sense of security.

"I'll take a look at his house later." Cheng Yan said, "Anyway, it's only when you see someone that you know."

"Well, I'm afraid you're thinking nonsense, I don't know you're sensitive," Zhao Yibai said, "Go, do you want me to see you off? Do you know where? I don't know, I'll contact someone."

"I know, no need." Cheng Yan said, "Thank you."

Soon Zhao Yibai was going to scold him again. Normally, Cheng Yan would tell him a few words, but today he was not interested enough, and he couldn't even cope with it. Cheng Yan remained silent.

Zhao Yibai breathed lightly through the phone, "You go."

Cheng Yan said "hmm" and hung up the phone.

Thunder was rolling in the sky, and the weather that had been brewing for a long time did not rain. Cheng Yan saw the familiar storefront, turned his head, looked around, and finally fixed his eyes on one place.

This is... the place where he and Song Yu were photographed.

How did you get here?

In front is Han Chengyu's shop, Cheng Yan walked a few steps forward, the door of the shop where he had escaped from the summer heat was closed, and the busy figure inside had disappeared. Has Han Chengyu found a new job?What about the big guy following?Where did he go?Has Han Chengyu arranged for him?What about Tong Jiale?

That's right, he hasn't seen Tang Jiale recently. He heard from the old class that Tang Jiale is going to transfer, why?Are you looking for Han Chengyu?I don't know, I don't know, it's all questions.

To others, to Song Yu, they are all doubts.

Cheng Yan was thinking wildly, he took a piece of chewing gum from his pocket, took it apart by himself, put it in his mouth, put his hands in his coat pocket, the wind lifted his hem, his back was a bit bleak.

It's a gloomy day again, and the atmosphere is really bad. Will this trip be good?Will tomorrow be fine?Will the future be fine?

I don't know all of them.

The gum in the mouth is not sweet at all.

Cheng Yan didn't chew it a few times, and found a trash can to spit it out.

Half an hour later, he arrived at Aunt Song Yu's house.

Cheng Yan looked up at the closed door and lingered at the door for a while. I haven't seen him for so long. I don't know what he is doing or what he is thinking. Cheng Yan is afraid of everything, but Jiang Heng said he is not afraid Bravery, what is he not afraid of?Facing Song Yu who doesn't know his emotions is more terrifying than anything else.

Cheng Yan slowed down, raised his hand, and knocked on the door.

There was movement from inside. Someone approached the door. The aunt who was supposed to be working outside was at home today. After opening the door, the aunt saw Cheng Yan and said, "Cheng Yan."

My aunt actually remembered her name, Cheng Yan didn't have much emotion, and expressed his intention: "Aunt, I'm looking for Song Yu."

The aunt stopped and said: "Oh, then it's a coincidence that you came, Song Yu is not here."

"Not here? Where did he go?"

"A few of his friends came over today." The aunt looked a little evasive, "You'd better not come to him recently."

Cheng Yan frowned.

My aunt wanted to say something but didn't dare to say it, and said ambiguously: "Song Yu is in a bad mood, you should...stay away from him recently."

Cheng Yan knew in his heart why his aunt made such a speech. Sure enough, many people knew about it, but he didn't.

Back off?He's not in now.

Cheng Yan said: "I'll wait for him here."

It's just not here, he will always come back, if he doesn't see Song Yu today, how can he sleep at night.

Such a big thing happened.

My aunt wanted to invite Cheng Yan into the house, but Cheng Yan didn't want to go in, he wanted to guard the door, no one could do anything, my aunt sighed, both of them are stubborn people.

Cheng Yan didn't know how long he waited. He sat on the stairs, didn't play with his mobile phone, and twisted his wrist. Because his mind didn't stop, his wrist was red and painful, and he didn't feel it at all.

Song Yu didn't know where to go, Cheng Yan waited for nearly two hours, but his aunt advised him to let him go back first, and she would contact Cheng Yan when Song Yu came back, but Cheng Yan was unwilling, hard work paid off, Song Yu Yu's shadow finally appeared in the community.

Cheng Yan quickly stood up.

Because they hadn't seen each other for a week, the two of them were strange for no reason. Cheng Yan didn't speak after seeing him, Song Yu was also slightly taken aback, and then said indifferently: "Why are you here?"

Passing Cheng Yan, Song Yu walked to the door, took the key to open the door, Cheng Yan followed behind him, and said loudly, "Come to find you."

Song Yu paused for a moment, turned his head sideways, and glanced at Cheng Yan, which looked like giving alms. Song Yu pushed open the door and walked in: "What do you want from me?"

Aunt stood in the living room, saw two people, Song Yu nodded to aunt, and aunt returned to the room, leaving only two figures in the living room.

"Where have you been?" Cheng Yan didn't answer him, but instead asked about his whereabouts.

"Gather with friends," Song Yu said, "I'll come back and get something."

Song Yu loaded a pack of cigarettes from the table, took the car keys, and closed the bedroom door.

Cheng Yan asked: "Are you leaving again?"

Song Yu said: "They are still downstairs, let's talk about what's going on in a few days."

"How many days?" Cheng Yan stared at him, "Isn't one week enough?"

Song Yu looked back at him, Cheng Yan stepped forward, they hadn't seen each other for a week, they had no contact, are they still so unfamiliar now?Cheng Yan didn't like this feeling at all.

"I know about Tan Tingting," Cheng Yan said, "Song Yu, it has nothing to do with you, you don't have to hide..."

Hearing the sound, Song Yu laughed. He turned around and looked at Cheng Yan: "Which eye of yours saw me hiding? Whether she will die or not, how she dies is her own choice. Why should I avoid her?"

"That's hiding from me." Cheng Yan looked into Song Yu's eyes, and the flickering things in his eyes were not caught quickly.

Song Yu put it in his pocket, grabbed the key in his hand, and asked, "Why should I avoid you?"

"No?" Cheng Yan said: "You won't see me this week, and you won't reply to my messages. Do you dare to say no? Am I scarier than Tan Tingting?"

"Don't mention her anymore," Song Yu turned around, and walked out holding the doorknob, "You go back first, I really have something to do, and I don't want to deal with you."

Coping is a good word.

Cheng Yan followed behind him, he didn't leave, wherever Song Yu went, he followed, the two came to the underground garage unknowingly.

Song Yu didn't lie to him, there were indeed a few boys in the underground garage, Cheng Yan glanced at those people, none of them were familiar, he didn't know if it was Song Yu's friend, maybe he saw Cheng Yan, the group of people He didn't come over either, but looked at them in place, separated by a distance.

"How long do you want to follow me?" Song Yu's tone was a little displeased, and his eyes were full of dissatisfaction with Cheng Yan's disobedience. No matter when, they never choked each other like this. After the matter of Tan Tingting fermented, The two of them couldn't control themselves for some reason, and Song Yu was even more serious. Every time his tone became cold, and seeing Cheng Yan's aggrieved expression, he regretted it very much.

Song Yu's tone softened and said: "Cheng Yan, I really have something to do, can I go to you in two days?"

It's not that Cheng Yan wants to pester him, it's all to this point, Song Yu still keeps silent to him, he has already read Tan Tingting's message, Song Yu didn't choose to tell him, didn't tell him anything, he agreed before If you pass him, you won't hide anything from him, so why don't you say anything?

Are you really that untrustworthy?What did Song Yu want to show him?To hide the bad side forever?Can his mental illness be hidden for a lifetime?If he really wants to be with him in the future, and want to go to the end with him, can he still hide it from him?

Cheng Yan lowered his head, the parking garage was quiet and cold, it had only been a long time since he came in, Cheng Yan felt a little cold, he said, "How long do you want to hide it from me?"

Song Yu asked without knowing why: "What am I hiding from you?"

Still persisting, still lying, how many times has he given Song Yu a chance?He never opens his mouth.

Cheng Yan didn't want to ask any more. Really, it was very tiring to keep asking, especially after knowing the answer. I wanted to give him a chance, wanted him to say it himself, pretended not to know the question over and over again, but he just didn't mention it.

Cheng Yan looked at the tip of his shoe, feeling extremely tired.

Song Yu didn't feel well either. He looked at Cheng Yan's lost look, and his tone softened a lot, "Can you do it tomorrow? Tomorrow... I'll go find you."

I don't know what's the matter with him, but today Cheng Yan's patience is exhausted, in the past, Song Yu said nothing, but today is really not good, it's really boring, Cheng Yan watched him go out, watched him tall Looking back, he said wearily: "It's just a violent fantasy, is it that scary?"

Song Yu's footsteps in front of him stopped suddenly.

He kept the standing posture, his hands were slightly clenched, Song Yu turned his head, the emotion in his eyes was colder than that of the underground garage.

Cheng Yan stepped forward step by step. He didn't want to be too far away from Song Yu, because he was a little tired now, and his voice couldn't be louder. In order to let him hear clearly, Cheng Yan chose to get closer to him. Also, it was too far away. Feeling that Song Yu is illusory, "You don't have to wait until tomorrow, you can have the answer today."

Song Yu looked at him vigilantly: "How do you know?"

Cheng Yan answered irrelevantly: "The day Tan Tingting had an accident, did you stand upstairs and look at her?"

Song Yu didn't respond.

Cheng Yan didn't expect to get a response, he continued to ask: "Did you know that she would commit suicide?"

Song Yu's fingers tightened.

Cheng Yan looked at his wrist, "Are you excited to see her blood? Do you expect her to die? Did her text message scare you? Have you ever thought about dying with her? You will be afraid... Did she turn into a ghost to haunt you?"

The emotions in Song Yu's eyes were very turbulent. This matter was pressing in his heart. Once it was brought up, he would definitely not be able to stabilize his emotions. But if it was not Cheng Yan in front of him, but another person was in front of him, he would not guarantee that he would not do something. What.

Song Yu said coldly, "I'm not afraid of anything."

Cheng Yan smiled, "Really?"

Are you not afraid?He hoped so, he was not afraid of anything, but Song Yu's tone was not convincing at all, did it affect him?Tan Tingting's death still affected him.

"Song Yu, do you have suicidal thoughts?" Song Yu couldn't see Cheng Yan's purpose clearly. He only knew that the person in front of him was so fierce. His gaze and tone were not the Cheng Yan in his memory. like a judge.

As for himself, he committed a heinous crime and was waiting for his execution.

Cheng Yan continued to ask: "When the violent fantasies reach the extreme, will you want to end it? Besides wanting to abuse others, will you want to abuse yourself, will you have thoughts of suicide?"

Song Yu answered cautiously: "What do you want to do?" He couldn't understand Cheng Yan at this moment.

"Don't do anything," Cheng Yan smiled easily, but unfortunately it wasn't sincere enough, and the accumulated smile quickly collapsed. He felt that the atmosphere was too stiff and wanted to relax with a smile, but Song Yu didn't cooperate with him. Cheng Yan said: "I I just want to know if Tan Tingting's words will bring you mental pressure."

Song Yudao: "Her death is her business. If she expects me to accompany her to the underworld with a few words, then she thinks too highly of herself, and also underestimates me, Song Yu."

Song Yu said mercilessly: "I'm cold, it's not a matter of a day or two, is it?"

Cheng Yan was very satisfied, and nodded, "Well, very good, I like your indifference."

The people behind were watching them, Cheng Yan looked at Song Yu, a group of friends he had never met before, and said, "Then let's talk about our own affairs."

Song Yu was completely confused by him, he didn't know how to respond, how to react, he waited for Cheng Yan to speak.

Cheng Yan didn't know where to start, there were too many, and he couldn't finish asking, so he made a compromise and chose a relatively simple one, "Is it related to your psychological problems when you rejected me?"

Song Yu's fingertips loosened, and his thoughts these days began to emerge.

"Do you think it will hurt me, or do you think I will be afraid of you? What kind of reason makes you dare not accept my intention?" Cheng Yan had an answer in his heart, but he just wanted to ask, and he just wanted to hear what Song Yu said. He talked a little more, he hadn't contacted for a while, and he didn't look like a lover anymore.

"You know now, I say yes," Song Yu said, "What do you think?"

"I don't have any ideas. My boyfriend has a problem. That's right. Then what?" Cheng Yan spread his hands: "Is it unacceptable? Does it scare me? No, I don't have that kind of fear at all."

His fear of Song Yu will not be based on his violent behavior, but only his wavering thoughts and dodging eyes at the moment.

Song Yu sneered: "It's easy to say, I have restrained you, if I don't hold back at all, and let you see my bloodthirsty appearance, I'm afraid you will hide from me even further."

No one can accept the torment of a pervert. His appearance of being neither human nor ghost makes him feel disgusting when he sees it, let alone those who have a normal mind?

Whether it's his parents, friends, aunt or whoever, no one is afraid that when he falls ill, he is a potential murderer, and no one dares to approach him. How dare Cheng Yan talk nonsense?

"You can try." Cheng Yan raised his hand, and put his snow-white wrist in front of Song Yu's eyes, "I will feel pain at most."

Song Yu's eyes wandered over his fair forearm, and he didn't play around with Cheng Yan. They are not suitable for communication now. Song Yu withdrew his gaze and said, "We don't want to see each other anytime soon."

Cheng Yan lowered his arms.

Song Yu's expression was complicated, he turned around, stopped and walked, the person standing behind him made him extremely uneasy, Song Yu walked a few steps and then turned back, he came to Cheng Yan, and was silent towards this face For a long time, he didn't know what Cheng Yan was doing these days, but he looked a little tired. Song Yu really wanted to raise his hand to touch the corner of his eyes, or hug this person who had been following him in his arms, but he couldn't control it. up.

Song Yu tightened his fingers and used all his strength in his pockets. He said with difficulty: "Cheng Yan, these days... I have thought about a lot of things. Regarding our relationship, I want to stop for a while."

Cheng Yan's vivid eyes overflowed with rich emotions, and he didn't respond quickly.

Song Yu took a deep breath. He opened his mouth, closed it again, and opened his mouth slightly again. Repeatedly, it can be seen how difficult his words are. Confident, "I... like you very much, that's right, but by now, you know everything, we are still together, it may not be a good thing, my rejection of you back then was indeed related to my illness, blame me, all blame me, I shouldn't have responded abruptly to you."

Shouldn't she respond abruptly to him?What's the meaning?Is he regretting it now?The reply about agreeing to be with him.

"Cheng Yan, I'm sorry," Song Yu said with confusion and embarrassment: "Can we...separate first?"

He has been thinking about a question these days. He couldn't restrain himself a few times. Cheng Yan will definitely be hurt when he is with him. This is just the beginning. His emotions are so turbulent. What if it is a lifetime?Is he going to hurt Cheng Yan for the rest of his life?Does he want Cheng Yan to live in his uncertain mood forever?What if...he also had a sudden nervous attack and died?There are so many unknowns.

In this world, the most difficult thing for Song Yu is to separate from Cheng Yan.

He didn't think about this result on the day we were together. He was so immersed and happy to be with him that he would be lucky enough to think that he could control his emotions. What will happen, who knows if he will be okay?

All are unknown.

Cheng Yan understood Song Yu's meaning, he didn't need to say it too clearly, he understood everything, understood his scruples, understood his difficult expression, but this did not mean that he was willing to pamper him.

"Break up?" Cheng Yan pierced the window paper, "You mean, you want to break up with me?"

Separation is tantamount to breaking up. If you don't meet, chat, or stay together, in Cheng Yan's view, there is no need for this relationship.

Song Yu didn't contact him these days, just thinking about this?Is that the result?

"I..." Song Yu gently closed his eyes, his chin was hidden in the collar that stood up high, and Cheng Yan focused all his eyes on his hesitant eyes.

Song Yu's eyes are beautiful, and there is nothing unsightly about his face, but Mingming's eyes are full of affection, but he wants to pretend to be indifferent.

"Do you want to break up? Okay," Cheng Yan nodded clearly, unable to hear his emotions, and said, "I won't go for a ride with you this weekend. I won't be at your last ball game. I won't tell you when I see you on campus. In a word, in the future when you graduate and stay away from us, even if you go our separate ways, can you, Song Yu, accept it?"

Song Yu raised his eyes, his palms were full of fingernail marks.

It's useless for anyone else to say, their thousands of words are not as good as Song Yu's few words, their feelings, only they can say.

Cheng Yan was not gentle at all, he stepped forward, the toe of his shoe touched the toe of his shoe, and said sharply, "Say, if you can say it, I can do it."