dare to love

The night was still long, and there was a dead silence inside the house and a strong wind outside.

Su Wenjun knelt on the spot, as if finally through the night, he saw the old lady sitting outside the courtyard, looking forward to his return day after day for 20 years.

Did he really hate it too much? Why should he continue to be angry if he is living so well now?

The wind blows out a candle, like a mother who does not want to sleep forever, waiting for his forgiveness.Su Wenjun felt that how could he be so capable and hate him for so long.

It's time to let go.

The candles in the mourning hall could not be extinguished, so he got up and lit the candles.

He walked up to Su Shikang and looked at his haggard face.

"I bought a good piece of land for your grandma, Shikang, I'm sorry..."

Su Shikang almost didn't have the energy to get angry, so he just raised his eyes and looked at him without saying a word.

In such a big place, the father and son were separated by a long distance, so they just knelt on the left and right, sending Grandma Su off for the last time.

On the day of the funeral, the funeral procession was very long. The old lady lived in a deserted life, but became lively after her death. It was not common to see it before. Relatives from all walks of life that Su Shikang didn't even know rushed over to send it. Su Wenjun was finally willing to give it away. Holding a bouquet of lilies, he gently placed the flowers on the old lady's chest when he opened the coffin to pay his respects.

"Mom, I don't hate you anymore, you take this bouquet of lilies and go west quietly!"

When everything was sorted out, it was already afternoon. Considering that Su Shikang didn't eat much, Su Wenjun drove to take him home.

Su Shikang thought he was going to take him back to his and his grandmother's small home, but found that the route he took was wrong, so he asked him in the back seat, "Where are you taking me?"

"go home."

"Is it your home?"

"..."

"parking."

"Shikang..."

"I told you to stop!"

Su Wenjun didn't stop, but shifted gears instead. He looked in the rearview mirror, and the eyes of the father and son met in the small mirror.

"Stop messing around, Shikang, you haven't eaten much these days, go home and have a good night's sleep, and we'll talk about other things later."

Su Shikang was exhausted from struggling, so he just leaned on the mat, and now he didn't have the strength to be stubborn with Su Wenjun.

"Your aunt Xiaofeng is confinement at home, I asked the chef at home to cook some delicious dishes, waiting for you to go back..."

"Drive with peace of mind."

"..." Su Wenjun shut his mouth again.

Su Shikang closed his eyes and rested, he felt that Su Wenjun's voice was so harsh.But even though he was very tired, so tired that his eyes were red and swollen, he just couldn't sleep deeply, and sometimes he could be awakened by a little movement, so he couldn't fall asleep at all.

If this continues, his body will be overdrawn.

Su Wenjun's family lives in the urban area of ​​Pengcheng River. It is a small two-story western-style building with a small garden at the entrance. The house is painted with brick red paint.

This was probably the first time Su Shikang came to his father's house in so many years.

He got out of the car, looked at the strange western-style building, and couldn't move.

Across the small garden is a swimming pool, and then step into the lobby, where the lotus chandelier hanging in the center shines brightly.The stairs are revolving, and the railings are carved with fine patterns, which is very European style.

This is different from their small bungalows, where everything is squeezed into a small room, and here there is a separate room for shoes.Su Wenjun likes his newborn son very much. All kinds of toys are placed in one room, and even the room when he grows up is arranged.

Su Wenjun led him to the dining table for dinner.

Su Shikang found a random place to sit down, and then saw Su Wenjun take off his suit jacket, and called upstairs, "Fei Li, it's time to eat."

Su Wenjun's name is Su Feili, the daughter of him and Xiaofeng.

Su Shikang looked up, and heard a pair of high-heeled shoes stepping down from upstairs. The girl was about eighteen or nineteen years old. She was wearing a white dress, with long curly hair hanging around her waist, big watery eyes, fair and smooth skin, Much like the rich lady described in the book.

Su Feili went downstairs, called Dad sweetly, and kissed his father's right cheek in an unusual way.

"Good evening, Dad!"

"Good evening!" Su Wenjun gestured for her to sit down, "Let's eat first."

"Huh?" Su Feili's eyes fell on Su Shikang, her eyes sparkled, "This is..."

"This is your brother."

"Oh……"

Su Feili thought who it was, at first she thought the boy sitting in front of her was very handsome, but she didn't expect that it was her half-brother whom her father would always mention since she was a child.

Three people eat.

Su Wenjun gave Su Shikang a grilled chicken leg, and asked Su Feili very normally, "How is your mother? Have you had dinner yet?"

"have eaten."

Su Feili glanced at Su Shikang again: "Brother, why don't you eat? Is the food not to your liking?"

Su Wenjun looked over and saw that the chicken legs he had put on Su Shikang were placed on the outside of the bowl.

"No."

After Su Shikang said this, he casually picked up a few mouthfuls of rice.

"If you do this, won't you throw up after eating?" Su Feili began to pick up vegetables for him, and put a little of everything into his bowl, "It's not enough for me to eat. If I'm dry, I'll throw up."

"..."

Su Shikang put the bowl on the table, staring blankly at her pinching him. The more he pinched, the less appetite he lost, and the more he pinched, the more he wanted to collapse.

Rice is food, and it can feed and fill people's stomachs. How could he, who is used to eating simple and light meals, be the same as their daily Western-style steak afternoon tea? How could he vomit after eating?

"Enough Feili." In the end, Su Wenjun couldn't stand it anymore, "Stop pinching him, he is your brother, you should at least pay attention..."

"It's because he is my brother that I have to take more care of him."

Su Shikang rubbed his head, feeling that his head was about to explode. Now his ears are buzzing, and he can't hear anything clearly.

He vaguely remembered that Chen Wei told him before leaving two days ago that he would come over tonight, so he put down the bowl and chopsticks, "I'm full, so I'll go home first."

"Go home?" Su Wenjun also put down his chopsticks, "What house are you going back to? It will be demolished in two days, so what are you going to do? I already asked my aunt at home to clean your house today, so you can live here from now on." , this is your home."

"..."

Su Shikang felt that he was outrageous.

"You can tell Dad what you want in the future, and Dad will try his best to satisfy you..."

"I don't need anything." Su Shikang interrupted him.

Although he was very tired and had little energy to speak, his attitude was as ruthless as ever, "When grandma was here, my home was in Nanhe County, by the Shenzhou Lake. Now grandma is gone, and Shenzhou Lake is gone. There is nowhere. my home."

Nowhere is considered home, but the whole world can be called home.

"Shi Kang, you still..."

"I said it." Su Shikang looked into Su Wenjun's eyes, his eyes were colder than before, "I don't really want to forgive you."

"I just want to ask you, if you hated my mother so much, then what am I? Was it always a mistake when I was born? Did you hate me to death since I was born, so you tried every means to , wanting to abandon me and grandma..."

"It's over, why do you still think about it?"

"..."

"Shikang, Dad made a mistake before, we can start over."

"I can start over, what about grandma?"

Su Shikang stood up, "I'm leaving. In fact, you and Aunt Xiaofeng don't need to spend a lot of time to have a son, because I have no interest in the Su family's property. Now I am alone, and I will not die of hunger. This place... I will never come here again."

"You want to leave Pengcheng River?"

"This has nothing to do with you."

"..."

Su Wenjun looked at him. For 20 years, he had never understood this son.

Then at this moment, the way Su Shikang looked at him changed.

He used to only know that he was capricious, unreasonable, and ignorant. He felt that Su Shikang's going on like this would embarrass him. He didn't even want to admit to outsiders that he was Su Wenjun's son.But today, he saw that Su Shikang had finally relaxed his guard against him, and there was no longer the rejection and resentment in his eyes when he was young.

Su Shikang distanced himself from him, and his eyes became more polite, as if... looking at a strange elder.

He said: "I should go, the old house has a lot of things to clean up, take care of yourself in the future..."

Su Shikang left the Su family.

When he arrived at the old house, he saw Chen Wei sitting there waiting for him in the gazebo at the door.He looked anxious, looking out from time to time.

When he saw Su Shikang, he ran towards him anxiously and stood still in front of him.

"Shikang."

"Ah."

Su Shikang opened the door with the key: "How long have you been waiting?"

"Not long." Chen Wei, who had been waiting for nearly four hours, said, "I'm just here too."

Opening the door of the old house, a scent of incense wafts over, facing the black and white portrait of Grandma Su.

Su Shikang calmed down, his eyes were in a trance for a moment.

"Shikang..." Chen Wei walked in front of him, seeing his pale and haggard face, "I haven't seen you for two days, and you are so haggard again. You should go to the room and sleep, what do you want to pack?" Tell me, and I'll clean it up for you."

"I can not sleep."

"If you can't sleep, you have to sleep." Chen Wei looked distressed, and his words trembled a little, "How can anyone not sleep for so many days? Shi Kang, your body will not be able to bear it like this."

Su Shikang's tired, red and swollen eyes drifted around, and then fell into the portrait on the table.

He is like a corpse, alive like a walking dead.

Then Chen Wei saw him walking to the kitchen, opened the cabinet suddenly, and took out two cans of things from it.

The red and oily spicy cabbage was convulsed in the palm of his hand.

His thoughts went back to that night, the last phone call between Su Shikang and the old lady.

At that time, Su Shikang said that the cabbage could not be eaten up and wasted, and that it could be made into spicy cabbage. In fact, he said it casually.But Grandma Su remembered it in her heart. She coated the leftover spicy cabbage with spicy peppers, marinated them and put them in a pepper jar.

Su Shikang closed his eyes, he seemed to see his gray-haired grandma, hunched over and groping alone in the kitchen, pickling the cabbages tremblingly with those yellow hands with no blood vessels.

He also said that he would make iced watermelons for him and Chen Wei, and that he would learn to cook all kinds of things that young people like to eat, and she would also make Black Forest for them.

"Shikang..."

"Shikang..."

Su Shikang put down the chili jar and said softly, "I'm fine."

Chen Wei said: "How do you want to clean up, I will help you."

Su Shikang sighed, his voice was exhausted: "It's just such a big place, and there's nothing to clean up. It will be demolished in two days, so just move things away. You can stay here with me one more night tonight. "

"it is good."

Su Shikang walked into Grandma Su's room and took out a card from the pillow, which was the last thing Grandma Su left him.

The bed was made very clean, Su Shikang and Chen Wei sat on stools with their backs against the wall.

He handed the card to Chen Wei.

"In the past two days, you have spent a lot of money in the hospital and taking care of the funeral. You take the money in the card first, and I will pay you back if it is not enough."

"Why?" Chen Wei couldn't believe that he was actually settling accounts with him now, "I don't want it, it was left to you by grandma, and I should spend such a small amount of money."

"...why should it be?"

"..."

"Chen Wei, do you owe me anything?"

"I……"

He didn't know what to say, so he finally said dryly, "Grandma said, this is the money left for you to marry a wife."

"..." Now it was Su Shikang's turn to be speechless again.

He stared at Chen Wei with his blood-red eyes open for a long time.Then he finally understood something, and leaned his head against the wall, staring blankly at the incandescent lights on the roof covered in cobwebs.

"Did you feel guilty about doing it?"

Chen Wei's heart twitched subconsciously: "...what happened?"

"It's about us going to bed that day."

"..."

"You don't have to feel guilty, I did it voluntarily that night."

"..." Chen Wei was startled, "Shi Kang, you..."

"Take it!"

"..." Chen Wei had no choice but to tightly hold onto the slightly yellowed bank card that Grandma Su spent too much blood and sweat on.

He didn't want to accept it, but he couldn't stimulate Su Shikang anymore.

Su Shikang was like a wisp of soul, lost three souls and nine souls, no longer had the vitality of the past, he was haggard like a piece of white paper.

But that sentence of voluntary made Chen Wei tormented in his heart. He wanted to ask clearly and tell him what he wanted, but now was not the right time, so he could only bite his tongue and wait.

He wanted Su Shikang who would smile at him and paint him the sunset at Shenzhou Lake to come back.

He wanted to know what Su Shikang thought of him, did he like that willingness?Is it really willing?