Yiyang

Is this what death feels like?Drowsy, light-headed...

Before this hospitalization, Yiyang had a premonition that maybe he was about to leave this world.

When packing up the hospital luggage at home, Yiyang sorted out all the traces that he could destroy, calmly said goodbye to the people he could talk to for the last time, and canceled social accounts, just like restoring the factory settings. Let yourself be clean.

And last night, the doctor took advantage of the rare time when he was sober after the onset of the disease to take out the informed consent form for the operation. After Yiyang signed it, he sat quietly on the hospital bed in the middle of the night, feeling the pain in his body, just like the last sober before leaving. , feel the night breeze and the tenderness of the dark night under the faint street lights.

Think about something, think about the past 20 years, only leave this year's birthday and can't secretly pass this thought by yourself.

What is there to remember?Parents had no relationship at the beginning of their business marriage. Yiyang is the first child of the two, and they just need to have an explanation for the succession of the family, but the child was born weak and lived in the hospital until he was one year old. At the beginning, the father blamed the mother for not taking good care of the fetus during pregnancy, which caused such a situation. The mother also blamed herself but retorted in her heart that there was nothing wrong with her during pregnancy;

Later, the doctor found out that Yiyang had a genetic disease. This disease had occurred in his father's family every few generations, and his father was a carrier of the recessive gene.

Under such circumstances, the mother turned the anger she had suffered before and vented it on her father and Yiyang. She was too involved with her father's family and could not divorce or do anything.

So I blamed most of my anger on Yiyang: not only did I not bring myself a stable marriage, but I also caused myself to be blamed so much.

But the father didn't want to face this son who made him lose face in front of his wife and family. After apologizing to his wife and reconciling, the two quickly arranged for a second child. In order to avoid the situation like Yiyang's next child, the couple During the pregnancy of the second brother, Yiwang, I took various measures and put in a lot of effort to give birth to a healthy heir baby.

Yiyang was already five years old when his mother was pregnant with Yiwang. Before Yiwang, maybe it was good to stay in the hospital until he was one year old, even though he didn't understand anything at that time.

After being discharged from the hospital, the father did not want to face his sick son or go home to quarrel with his depressed mother, so he focused on work;

The mother accuses her son little by little of her self-blame, her father's blame and the hidden eyes of relatives and friends around her. It doesn't matter, after all, Yiyang is loved by no one and has never seen her parents love her.

In this way, until the year when Yiyang's genetic disease was diagnosed, the atmosphere in the family changed obviously, and the mother seemed to be elated.

But the father was ashamed, and his parents' attitude towards Yiyang was also heading in a bad direction. Later, the parents decided to conceive a second child, fearing that Yiyang's existence would affect the mood of the couple, and Yiyang was sent to the hospital for the reason of illness. Back to the hospital, although at this time Yiyang has gradually adapted to go to kindergarten.

No one knows that Yiyang secretly met the parents who came for the birth checkup, and Yiyang stopped in her tracks with her overflowing smile. In fact, there are not only kind, gentle and loving parents in fairy tale books. Gradually, I realized that something was different.

The arrival of Yiwang made the relationship between the husband and wife heat up quickly, like a loving couple looking forward to the union of their lives. Yiwang came under the expectation of the love of their parents, and the relationship between the two after Yiwang was born reached the apex.

Because Yiwang is a very healthy and lively baby boy, the mother even reached a level of doting on Yiwang.

After all, the existence of Yiwang means that his marriage has entered into harmony and happiness, and his father also has deep expectations for Yiwang.

After all, the couple decided not to have any more children, because no one knows whether Yiyang No. [-] will appear.

In this way, Yiwang is the ardent expectation of the husband and wife, a child who has given all the love of father and mother. For Yiyang, it is just an unfortunate control group.

Yiyang also cried willfully.Of course, this trick didn't work for the father, but it worked for the mother before the age of five.

And after the age of five, there is only one result for solving all Yiyang's problems: he will be sent back to the hospital for living, and only when the husband and wife are in a good mood to remember the eldest son or fear that the neighbors will suspect him will they pick him up and leave the hospital.

In this way, when Yiyang was 20 years old, Yiyang finished the high school entrance examination and the family of three went abroad for fun, and Yiyang returned to the hospital again.

But this time the hospitalization condition worsened, although the parents did not arrive in time when it worsened in the past, of course they couldn't get attention this time when they were accompanied abroad and wanted to relax.

Thinking of this, Yiyang asked herself: Do you have any regrets?Yes; are you unwilling?Yes; is there resentment?There are, but they are unnecessary, just dissipate with the breeze, as if what you get is love and hugs.

The operating table is a little bit cold, after the anesthesia, the body gradually feels numb and heavy, Yiyang slowly closes his eyes, probably won't wake up again...

"Di-di

"Pregnant women are greatly stimulated and excited, resulting in premature delivery, hypoxia, and poor breathing, which may cause insufficient oxygen supply to the fetus. Emergency treatment should be done immediately..."

"Be prepared to prevent fetal hypoxia, and immediately remove the fetus after the pregnant woman's condition is stable."

Yiyang heard a vague voice, it seemed that the operation was successful, as if something had disappeared.

But he couldn't bear the tiredness and fell asleep deeply. No one knew that the fetal heartbeat stopped just now, until Yiyang's arrival.

There is an anxious and worried atmosphere outside the delivery room. A tall man is sitting on a chair, staring at the door of the delivery room, as if he wants to find the breath of his beloved through it. The sound of panting breathing was like a bomb exploding in the atrium. In the whole world, only the wife was left to save herself due to lack of oxygen.

The man tightened his clenched fists and told himself to stay awake, not to collapse, and to stay calm so that the three children around him could feel at ease that their mother would be fine.

There are three children sitting on the left and right of the man. The little boy on the left bites his lip tightly, afraid that he will cry out. Tears flow straight from his eyes, whimpering uncontrollably. Seeking comfort in my arms, I want my father to tell me that I'm fine.

But when he saw his father's cold face, he was surrounded by deep self-blame, and his mother was injured because he wanted to avoid the car rushing out of the corner.

If I hadn't been distracted, I would have crossed the road closely with my mother, what should I do, what should I do...

When the little boy couldn't restrain his panic, a small hand stretched out from the side to hold his hand tightly. The twins felt strangely. The younger sister comforted the elder brother gently like an older sister. The strong anxiety of the elder brother was about to explode. up.

The little boy on the right of the man glanced at his father, at the delivery room, and then at his brothers and sisters in a daze. Sisters, maybe two or several, this is a happy thing, the teacher said that happiness is happiness, happiness is a smiling face, why no one smiles?

Mingming's mother is very happy when she touches her belly.When the accident happened, the father took the little boy to buy water. The little boy heard the exclamation of his mother, the cry of his sister, and then the figure of his father holding him and running away. No one told him what happened, but we Can't be naughty.

It is said that waiting for the position is the most torture, but the man thinks that as long as the result of the waiting is the doctor's tired but smiling gesture, he can bear the torture for as long as he breathes out gently, and his heart is hurting , It doesn't matter, as long as the wife and children are fine.

The man went up to the doctor and listened to the doctor's explanation of the situation of the mother and child, as well as the next arrangements and precautions. The three children stood behind the man, each holding his father's clothes with one hand.

After the wife and the newborn son were all arranged, the man turned around and comforted the three children behind him carefully, and took a look at the sleeping mother and little brother, "Mom and little brother are fine, it's just mom There was a little accident when I gave birth to a little brother. My mother was very strong and protected herself and my little brother. Of course, I also protected my big brother. My mother is a little sleepy now. You can go in and kiss your mother when she wakes up tomorrow. , let's go see the little brother now, the little brother will stay in the small glass room for a while."

After the three little ones were settled, the man first went to the premature baby incubator to see the younger son, and remembered the details of the younger son. When he was with his wife later, he could tell his wife if she woke up.

Yiyang was drowsy and fell asleep for a while, I don't know how many times he repeated it, thinking that the reaction of this operation was quite severe, and the anesthetic was a bit strong, but he survived...

With these scattered thoughts, Yiyang spent two days in the incubator.In the morning of the third day, Yiyang finally opened his eyes, feeling that his body was not so heavy.

But why is the blurry black and gray in front of my eyes? I haven’t heard that there is a risk of visual decline after surgery. I was so hungry that I couldn't turn over and couldn't see the environment clearly. I opened my mouth but couldn't speak.

Finally, with a dazed head, I concatenated the things I found: when I held my hands, the touch was obviously not my own thin hands;

The eyes are gray and see nothing; the tongue cannot find the teeth;

Unable to turn over, unable to move, not anesthetized or paralyzed, simply not having enough strength to support;

I can't even make a babbling sound from my mouth, I don't want to verify whether I can only cry, but I have to know that crying loudly is a long time ago in my memory;

In addition, I feel that I am very small and soft... Does this mean that I have gone to the underworld, crossed the bridge of Naihe and succeeded in reincarnation?

Did you not drink the Mengpo soup or did the Mengpo soup fail?After exploring himself for so long, Yiyang's hunger value reached 100, there was no movement around him, and he couldn't think too much, so he began to cry. Yiyang felt unwell psychologically, and he had the impression that crying would not bring good results .

But this time is different, someone gently picked up Yiyang, put it in a warm and soft embrace, adjusted the position and stuffed a little soft meat into Yiyang's mouth, Yiyang sucked according to instinct, Yiyang I don't know how to describe this feeling, the stomach is full of food to relieve the burning sensation of hunger, the body is surrounded by warm breath, and I fell asleep in a daze, and fell asleep with peace of mind.

so happy...