Even so, I still like you

At seven o'clock, the alarm bell rang on time, but was cut off just in time.

Zhang Yuhang got up to get dressed, and the sound of washing was very soft. When he came back to pick up his mobile phone, Shen Tongguang opened his eyes sleepily and asked him, "Is it the last day?"

"Yes." Zhang Yuhang pinched his face itchyly, "Get up, don't you have to go out today?"

It's already May, and his two-month internship can finally come to a perfect end today, and his graduation thesis has been handed in, only the defense and graduation ceremony are left.

Shen Tongguang's procrastination was at an advanced stage, and he only got up to brush his teeth when Zhang Yuhang was about to go out.Zhang Yuhang put on his tie in front of the mirror, and after finishing it, he stretched out his hand to rub his hair: "I'll make a big dinner tonight to celebrate, and I'll be back before seven o'clock, do you understand?"

Shen Tongguang patted him listlessly: "Let's go, be careful that all attendance is gone." Turning around, he added: "I want to eat seafood pimple soup."

Zhang Yuhang said "Got it", and casually picked up two handfuls of A, B, C and D, and brought them to the door.

After washing his face, Shen Tongguang took a closer look at himself, and felt that his spirit was much better.For him these two months, it can be said that the iron tree blossoms have been reborn, just like eating too much x platinum and sea dog pills, waking up in the morning to embrace the sun, going to bed in the evening to hug his boyfriend, eating delicious food, drinking spicy food, and having sex!

What fragrant cars and BMWs, drinking friends and poets, millionaires - Shen Tongguang thought about this and thought about it, thinking that the rich should still be envious.

Some things are much easier to say, like pulling out the weeds in the heart and letting the dead soil see the sky again.

He couldn't help but reached out and touched the small blue planet hanging between the collarbone, feeling an invisible force gushing forth vigorously.

Maybe he can face that person a little more frankly today, he thought.

In midsummer, the singing of cicadas ebbed and flowed, so Shen Tongguang took a taxi and went to the urban-rural fringe to pick up his aunt.

He is a person who is very afraid of heat and sweat. He wore a thin white short sleeve and khaki shorts when he went out today. When the woman got on the car, she saw the necklace on his neck at a glance, and she couldn't help but asked with a smile: " It’s so pretty, it’s not cheap.”

"It was given by someone else." Shen Tongguang replied dully.

Zhang Yuhang refused to return the necklace before, and even threatened to throw it into the river if he didn’t accept it. His mouth was dry and his mouth was worn out, so he gave up on himself and kept thinking about preparing a graduation certificate for Zhang Yuhang. Gift.

He is a person who will keep in his heart when he is liked by others, and he has not changed no matter how many losses he has suffered for so many years.

The woman reached out and patted his leg lightly, without saying anything.

At ten o'clock in the morning, the sun was shining brightly, and the car was driving along the highway all the way to the suburbs, and the surrounding became more and more quiet. It's all cool.

The cemetery is halfway up the mountain, and there is still a long way to climb after getting off the car. Shen Tongguang was worried that his aunt would not be able to bear it, but he was so tired that he was out of breath.

As soon as she found the row of tombs, the woman said in surprise, "There are flowers again."

Shen Tongguang heard the prestige and looked over, and sure enough, he saw a bouquet of flowers placed in front of the man's tomb. The elegant white chrysanthemums trembled slightly in the wind, and it was sent by someone.

They walked slowly through the two rows of stone monuments. Even though they had made psychological preparations for a long time, seeing the smiling face of the man in the square frame, Shen Tongguang still felt as if a piece of flesh had been taken out of his chest by a bowl, and his heart ached.

The man's face was forever fixed at the moment of his 32-year-old smile, with long eyebrows stretched out, a pair of soft eyes under rimless glasses, a high nose bridge, and a kind and gentle smile on the corners of his lips.

Shen Tongguang squatted down and directly wiped the dust on it with his hands. He wiped it hard many times, and the glass was shiny, so he called out in a daze, "Teacher."

It's been five years, it's completely unimaginable, it feels like nothing has changed, he still lives in that house, it seems that when he turns around, he can see Xu Zhixing sitting at the desk preparing lessons, as if he has never left.

The woman bent down with some difficulty, spread out the wine, cigarettes and tribute food one by one, and then pulled the weeds beside the tombstone.

Shen Tongguang also silently helped her pull it out, only listening to the mountain wind blowing back and forth in the silence, and the leaves rustling.

"Lang Heyan will be gone next year." The woman suddenly said, "Mom bought a lot of boxes two days ago, and the cabinet is full, don't worry."

The kind of cigarette that the teacher loves to smoke is about to be discontinued.Shen Tongguang still remembers the faint smell of smoke, which was often stained on the teacher's fingertips, shirts and lips, and accompanied him for four full years.

All traces of the teacher are disappearing from this world bit by bit.

Shen Tongguang felt a strong sense of powerlessness, like standing in the water waiting to drown.

When the wine was poured, the woman walked away as in previous years and let Shen Tongguang talk for a while alone.

Shen Tongguang hugged his knees and whispered incoherently like a child: "Teacher, Auntie is in good health. Don't worry. She still dances during Chinese New Year. She doesn't get tired when climbing mountains. She's much better than me."

"Teacher, the price of the mung bean cake you like is rising so fast now. The dim sum shop has expanded two floors, and the boss's broken bicycles have been replaced by Teslas."

"Teacher, I met a very good person... To be honest, I'm scared."

"After being with him, I'm really happy. Sometimes I'm so happy that I forget you. I'm so bad." Shen Tongguang sniffed, and this time he was silent for a long time before continuing, "Teacher, Can I really get happiness? I think it's so difficult, I can't catch him, and I know it myself."

The man on the tombstone stared at him with a faint smile all the time, silently, as if to accommodate all his emotions.

After the worship, Shen Tongguang and the woman walked down the mountain side by side, and the woman suddenly said, "Tongguang, you don't have to come again next year."

These words were like thunder in Shen Tongguang's ears, and he turned his head in disbelief: "Why?"

"It's been long enough." The woman's gray hair fluttered slightly in the breeze, she put her wrinkled hands behind her ears, and said calmly, "You don't owe him anything, after all these years, it's time to let go and look forward gone."

"Auntie..." Shen Tongguang felt as if he was breaking away from the world. He tried hard to maintain the curvature of his lips, his voice trembling, "Didn't you say that? I will never forget him, I swore to you."

Back then, he was beaten by this white-haired woman in the cold mortuary, his nose and cheeks were completely broken, and hot blood kept gushing out.

He can still clearly recall the smell of blood and tears mixed with disinfectant.

Xu Zhixing was a bruise in his body that would never heal, any time he touched it lightly, it would be heart-piercingly painful.

"You silly boy!" The woman looked at him with red eyes, "I've let go of it long ago! You are so young, it's enough to waste these years on Zhixing, you also have a father and a mother, always like this, How can I explain to them again?"

"...I can't help it," Shen Tongguang shook his head sadly, "Auntie, I really want to forget him, unless I die."

The old woman looked at him for a long time, wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, and sighed meaningfully: "Why bother, it's a crime to make people wait for you in vain."

Shen Tongguang bit his lip hard, and suddenly felt the necklace on his neck was as hot as turning into a fiery snake.

He subconsciously opened his mouth: "No..."

What to say, not serious?Even so, you won't forget the teacher?Or, didn't Zhang Yuhang wait in vain?

My heart was in a mess, no matter how I stroke it, I couldn't do it right.

After walking for a while, the woman said again: "Tong Guang, there is something I never told you."

Shen Tongguang carefully avoided a bouquet of small wild flowers swaying in the wind: "What?" "

"Back then, you couldn't go in and look at the body," the woman said hesitantly, switching the bag to the other hand, "You sure don't know why I'm so angry."

According to the regulations in the hospital, only immediate family members can identify the remains.

Shen Tongguang suddenly felt a strong sense of ominousness, his whole back felt chilly, he couldn't help staring at the side of the woman's face, waiting for her to continue.

"When Zhixing died, there was a long healed scar on his back." The woman cast her eyes on his face and said calmly, "The doctor said that it was left by a kidney harvest. My son sold himself to pay off his debts." Lost a kidney."

With a bang in his ear, Shen Tongguang felt as if someone had punched him in the stomach suddenly, and the world in front of him was hanging upside down.

"Impossible, how?" he heard himself say in that inhuman tone, "I have no idea..."

He felt pale and powerless when he said it, of course he didn't know, the teacher pretended so well that he didn't know anything until the time of his death.

I didn't know that the teacher owed such a huge amount of usury, and I never saw through the false appearance he took painstakingly to maintain. I didn't know that the teacher used more than a dozen credit cards every month to pay back and forth.

He should be grateful to his teacher, who took pains to maintain the illusion of a happy life until the last moment. He even helped him sharpen the paintbrush for the final exam on the morning of his suicide, drove him to the university, and kissed him before he got off the car. his forehead.

Five years ago today, Shen Tongguang's life was completely split into two parts by Xu Zhixing.

"Son, I understand now, I can't blame you for anything." The woman lightly put her hand on his shoulder, "It's Zhixing who went the wrong way."

The evening wind blew gently across the cemetery, and Shen Tongguang felt itchy on his face. He raised his hand to wipe it in embarrassment, it was wet and cold, and tears finally burst out like a bank.