[Wen Ye] Hell changes

The pigeon sent by Gogol died.

Akutagawa Ryunosuke couldn't believe it. He fed and took care of what should be fed every day, but one morning he found the bird motionless, curled up quietly into a fragile circle.When he tried to reach out to touch it, he found that the white pigeon's heart had stopped working and resting.This white pigeon survived all the way in Gogol's suffocating package, and came to his side, but passed away in a comfortable life like a pet willow.Akutagawa Ryunosuke felt inexplicably regretful that he didn't leave a photo of the white pigeon. Even if he wanted to make up for it now, he could only get a lonely and deformed photo of this little living body.

He still remembers some details about this bird. When he met it on the first day, he was startled by it suddenly jumping out of the box. Although he scolded Gogol for it, he didn't hate the bird. On the contrary, the pigeons were fed with great care.The white pigeon suddenly broke free from the closed black box, spread its wings and flew downwards, which made Akutagawa feel the vitality of life.But now all that is gone.The longing scattered by death kisses the unruly time with tears.

Akutagawa Ryunosuke has been abandoned by the port mafia, and if he is not careful, he will be killed by the people in the organization. His current physical condition is not a counterattack at all, so since the last meeting with Dostoevsky, He never went out again.Dostoevsky seemed to have absolute confidence in the mystery of this secret base, and Akutagawa didn't bother to think about why. He had no other way of life except choosing to spend time here with lung disease.He coughed up blood more and more frequently, and his lung disease had already affected other internal organs.

Being in a state of tension and depression all the time keeps him from falling asleep, and he can't remember how long it was since the last time he slept well.Every time he falls asleep, he will be quickly pulled into sleep by bombardment-like fatigue and pain, and then start to cycle the endless vortex of nightmares. Just falling asleep once, he can have seven or eight nightmares, each of which is his own. The way of death is not the same.Falling into the deep sea hundreds of thousands of miles away, he was devoured by sea beasts. The infinite fear caused by deep sea phobia made him cry loudly, and he called Osamu Dazai's name endlessly and without response under the deep sea.In the center of the dark and boundless universe, it is cut to pieces by the chaotic space-time particles, and it transcends withering and aging, from beauty to wither, from death to eternity, from survival to disappearing.Every time he died, he would feel the pain in his brain, and he would hold his head in pain and sob in the cold bed, his shoulders kept shrugging, his body curled up into a ball, and he continued to die again after the sob.So he began to hate sleeping and dreaming.

He set an alarm clock for himself with a cycle of 10 minutes, and only allowed himself to sleep for [-] seconds, and then woke up again. He couldn't hold on to sleep for another [-] seconds, and woke up again.Only by doing so can we avoid the cycle of death, avoid thousands of arrows gathering in the heart, avoid the giant beasts of the deep sea, avoid female ghost zombies, and escape the dark universe.The serious lack of sleep made his body worse, and he often couldn't distinguish the correct color and taste. All flesh-colored faces looked green or blue, all pink flowers looked black, and sweet food felt too salty. Tears, spicy food feels terribly bitter.

He felt that he could feel the flow of life force in every drop of dew and every inch of ground.

Chest tightness is a common occurrence, so frequent that his mind can't remember the pain every time, but his muscles and bones have long remembered the details of every dizziness.Every time this happened, he would have difficulty breathing, weakness in limbs, and could not control the wheelchair well. He often fell into dizziness when his neck was tilted up, or fell to the ground when the wheelchair slipped.Akutagawa hated the latter.Because no one will help him up.He doesn't want someone to help him, but it's really troublesome to sit back again, but fortunately, it may be uncomfortable if he falls down once or twice, but after falling down ten times or hundreds of times, he is used to being hurt and lonely.

He was still thinking about Iceland, and about the aurora.As long as Iceland is still there, the Aurora is still there... He often repeats this sentence in his heart like this to motivate himself to get back up from where he fell.

Dostoevsky achieved the purpose of inciting disputes by arranging his men to attack Fukuzawa Yukichi and Mori Ogai. I heard that the port mafia and the armed detective agency have fallen into disputes, and the war is about to break out, but what is it? He doesn't know the result.Dostoevsky would send him newspapers some time ago, but now there is no news at all, and he broke his mobile phone, and before he had time to buy a new mobile phone, he was killed because of avoiding hunting. A delusion, so it can be said that he does not have any news channels now.He had no idea what Dostoevsky was going to do next, nor did he know whether Dostoevsky was safe or not.

In this case, he can only live with this pigeon.But now, even the pigeons don't want him anymore...

Akutagawa remembered that Gogol had said before, this bird is me, I am this bird, may I be with you.He felt nauseous and disgusting, and scolded Gogol again.Gogol lived a heartless life and didn't care at all. Instead, he smiled and continued, looking at this little white pigeon, it seems to be unaffected by gravity, how free it is, spinning around carefree... I hope that the one who will accompany you in the future is not the white dove that represents me, but the real me who is as free as a white dove, so that we can rely on each other to live on in the future.

Akutagawa was taken aback then.Gogol's performance is not within his acceptable range. He knows that Gogol actually has feelings for him, but he doesn't have the courage to accept and move forward frankly. In this state, Gogol may betray Dostoevsky at any time, so Akutagawa always feels that his friendship with this clown will be severed one day.Either he died early and said goodbye to him, or he betrayed and fled before he died, and never saw each other again. In short, the final ending must be parting, so Akutagawa never put Gogol's words into it. In his heart, rather than saying that he was communicating with Gogol, it was better to say that he was enduring Gogol's nonsense, thinking, it's about to end, it's about to end, let's endure it, so as to gain patience with Gogol.

And I rely on each other to live?with me?Why do you say that?If you want to pursue absolute freedom, isn't this desire to live with me just a kind of emotional bondage?Akutagawa Ryunosuke recalled in disbelief.He looked at the little bird's corpse, held it carefully in the palm of his hand, and then slowly moved closer to his chest. He didn't stop until the poor little bird that had turned into a ball of dead flesh gently pressed against his heart. down.

When the sunlight fell on the withered wings of the white dove through the glass window, a surge of sadness that was already deep in the blood and entangled in the soul rolled up and swamped Ryunosuke Akutagawa.He was overwhelmed with heartache and sorrow.But he had no intention of running away.Because he knows that as long as there is one second in his life, he is a human being, a living body with emotional fluctuations, and a son of nature, as long as his flesh and veins still flow blood that remembers all the sufferings he has suffered in this life, Then he can't get out of this sense of sorrow for creatures and the laws of nature.This feeling grows from the root of fate, and rushes from the flesh and blood.

This bird is me, may I be with you.Gogol's words floated in Akutagawa's mind.

"But you left..." He held the bird's body and murmured to himself.

The free bird, the bird that symbolizes peace and beauty, the bird that has entrusted the heroic souls of countless great men from ancient times to the present, the little bird that represents Gogol's wish to persevere even if he is not freed... Goodbye , goodbye, farewell!

The light rain outside dripped onto the glass window frames of the building, setting off a layer of foggy cool air.Akutagawa Gin took a cup of hot water, and carefully put his hand on the wall of the cup, but felt a little hot, and hurriedly took it back.She looked around to make sure there was no one there, then gently twisted the edge of the mask with two fingers, her lips were half-covered from the shadow covered by the mask, blowing on the overheated water.

"What are you doing here?" A voice called suddenly.

Akutagawa Gin shrugged his shoulders in fright, and the cup turbulently caused some of the boiling water inside to pour out, dripping on her wrist.Seeing her appearance, Li Yuan Michizao came forward a little irritablely, and grabbed her burned hand: "Look at your appearance just now, don't say that you didn't even notice me just now."

Akutagawa Gin looked into his eyes, with a gloomy expression, his gaze seemed impatient, and he shook his head stiffly.

"Is it true that you didn't find me, or do you mean to deny it?"

She still shook her head.

"I really can't stand you. If you really didn't find me just now, then I will sue the leader to let you withdraw, or kill you directly. You are so weak and not vigilant. What are you going to do if you are really in danger? "

Tachihara Michizo glanced at Gin Akutagawa's wrist while speaking.This wrist is being held in his palm.He suddenly discovered that this wrist was surprisingly thin.Although Yin's physique has long been discovered to be very slender and thin, but when he really held his wrist, he couldn't help being surprised by such a slender life form, which can be described as fragile.Is this the kind of dexterity that a man who lives and dies every day in assassination should possess?Li Yuandao thought about it absentmindedly.The slender arm was stretched by Michizo Tatehara, and the outline of the arm bone was slightly arched at the elbow, and the blue veins lay obediently at the junction of the forearm and upper arm.The wrist was separated from the dark armguard fabric, and a red mark of burns could still be seen.

Tachihara Michizo stared at the blurred outline of Akutagawa Silver in the curling mist of hot water.But Akutagawa Yin seemed to be irritated by what he said just now, he stared at him, shook off his hand, directly took out the dagger hidden on his body, and touched the main artery of his neck without saying a word.

Tachihara Michizao still remembers that Akutagawa Yin was once on a mission, and was suddenly praised by someone saying that your eyebrows and eyes are very beautiful.Akutagawa Gin blushed immediately, Tachihara Michizo thought she was contrived at that time, but after this happened a few times, he found that Akutagawa Gin was really unflattering and easily blushed and shy.Even if it is him who fights with her every day, as long as he praises her, it will attract Xia Fei's shameful eyes, he thought so.But he always couldn't do this kind of thing, saying that it was due to his self-esteem, but how could the partner who boasted that he had worked with him for many years hurt his self-esteem so seriously, saying that he couldn't save face, but logically speaking, the one who blushed was the real one If he loses face, he will not suffer.But, but, but, even if he understood this, he still couldn't put it into action.

"You really don't know people." Li Yuan Daozao said unconvinced.

Akutagawa Gin seemed to be thinking about whether he should fight him, and stopped in place, without any next move.

"I'm looking for you because..." He hesitated for a while, but decided to speak, "Akutagawa Ryunosuke has abdicated, and the authority to use the fighting organization has been vacated. Originally, there was no new person to replace Akutagawa Ryunosuke Before the introduction, we should directly obey the leader, but now the leader has been poisoned by the demon Dostoevsky, and his life and death are uncertain, so now all the fighting organizations lack leaders, and a new person must be elected. I know that you have always supported Akutagawa Ryunosuke and opposed others to come..."

Before he finished speaking, Akutagawa Gin withdrew his dagger, withdrew his attacking posture, and turned around silently.Tachihara Michizo knew that he shouldn't continue talking at this time, so he just looked at her back and frowned.

"Let's talk." After a long silence, he said, "What are you going to do? If you continue to support Akutagawa Ryunosuke like this, you may be kicked out. Tell me."

Akutagawa Gin's body trembled.She turned half sideways, showing a mood of wanting to turn around but hesitated.

"At least let me know what you think." He paused, and added: "Just tell me, I won't tell others."

This promise made her decisively choose to turn back, and the hesitation just now was gone.She turned around, her eyebrows frowned into a look like a green mountain that is about to go away, and she continued to look at Tachihara Michizao through the curling water smoke.The light white smoke that continuously rises from the warm water cup, gathers or disperses, gradually dyes each other into blurred figures in the eyes of the two as they swim and flutter.Tachihara Michizao's eyes of earnest promise conveyed to her, making her quiet from the irritable and irritable just now.Her tensed hands stretched slightly, and her beautiful eyelashes trembled uneasily like ripples.If she could choose to tell all her grievances and difficulties, even if it was just once, she would still choose, but, however...

He understood her intention immediately.There was no need to continue asking, he got her answer.Everything can be conveyed with just one look, and everything can be given with just one promise.Words are no longer needed, and the body has become a hindrance.He didn't know why she was so persistent, and he didn't know what she was enduring, what she was worried about, but he chose to accept these unknown doubts together.

He lowered his head and whispered: "Well, I can't stand you... I will tell others that you no longer support Ryunosuke Akutagawa. Only in this way, you can keep your current position. Otherwise, you will also be crowned Take the name of a traitor, and bear the fate of being hunted down." Thinking of Akutagawa Gin will be hunted down, once he imagines that scene, Tachihara Michizo's mind will suddenly appear in Akutagawa Gin's fragile and thin wrist just now, and the above. A scalded red mark...

"But who is the person you really support, I will keep it as a secret between the two of us and keep it forever."

He wanted to keep it in his heart all the time, but when the words slipped to his lips, he suddenly realized that this was not a love story, so he immediately replaced it with an impersonal noun of "keeping".This discovery made him feel a little shy deep in his heart, for fear of being spotted by Akutagawa Yin.His flustered expression was already exposed, but he still pretended to be irrelevant in his tone, buried his head deeply, and couldn't help but want to observe Akutagawa Yin's reaction. This series of guilty actions made him look a little clumsy, as if he wanted to An elephant jumping on a rose.

When he was finally able to raise his head to look directly at Akutagawa Yin, he was surprised to find that this idiot Yin who always had a gloomy face and never said a word even blushed a little.This made his heart beat faster, and a warmth climbed from the soles of his feet to his scalp, and settled in the bottom of his heart after dripping several times.At the bottom of my heart, at the bottom of my heart, at the bottom of my heart, at the bottom of my heart... These are living words of love.Although he wasn't praised, Akutagawa Gin was embarrassed enough by just showing his emotion.Her cheeks were faintly stained with rosy glow, and the steam of hot water splashed on her face, deepening this deep red layer, presenting a moving appearance with flawless emotional color.When she turned sideways due to shyness and was ashamed to face him directly, the red cheeks on her face shone brightly.

She was also like an elephant trying to jump on a rose, in order not to let the other party see her panic, she immediately leaned her upper body slightly, turned her neck slightly sideways, covered her hot face with her palm, and bent her elbow gently out of it. made a circle.The neckline thus exposed is soft and graceful, and a dark gray shadow full of vitality dances at the junction of the chin and the neck.Even the neck on the back has a layer of bright and lovely tender red.When it was covered with shadows, the tender red on it darkened neatly, as if it was fluttering with her shy eyes.

Why did this person suddenly become like a flower?All of a sudden it went from a blade to a flower.

In Tachihara Michizao's eyes, this frightened and blushing idiot Yin is so cute that he can't take his eyes away.But he was also afraid of the state of not being able to move his eyes away. For a while, he wanted to never look away, and for a while he wanted to avoid it quickly. His mood went up and down, and he almost didn't know what he wanted.I can't believe it, he has never had an artistic talent, and he has never taken the beauty in life seriously. How could he suddenly compare a killer to a flower?But the fact is that when she lowered her face and covered her red cheeks, the first thought he caught in his mind, the first tender moment he felt, was called flowers, preserved, and moved.

Both fell silent.They were clearly standing facing each other, but none of them dared to look at each other. They all turned their heads to one side and kept dodging their eyes.I want to meet the other party's eyes by luck, but I also want to never meet the other party's eyes.So they stood face to face in silence without another word.

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The author has something to say:

I feel like I’m back in my days when I loved writing first love literature orz

Note: "Sayonara" is a transliteration of the Japanese "Goodbye (Sayou Lala)", from Xu Zhimo's "Sayonara (Gift to a Japanese Girl)".