Just a Bit Wicked

Sebastian closed the door, shuffled to the bed, and sat down exhaustedly.He stares at his expensive Yves Saint Laurent boots, and feels like he's the dumb, self-conscious 16-year-old boy again.

At the age of 16, he was madly infatuated with the captain of the school football team, Mike Fletcher.God, this story is so cheesy: Every school has this little glass (Sebastian argued about his bisexuality, but was never bothered), eccentric and withdrawn, in love with everyone The school grass with straight eyes like arrows.But Mike Fletcher wasn't as straight as an arrow—though he'd yell "glass" at Sebastian in the corridors of the school building, at least he'd let Sebastian give him oral sex.Mike never thought of reciprocating, and never once touched Sebastian, because in his opinion, he and Sebastian were not the same kind.Mike was stingy with even a kiss, but 16-year-old Sebastian was stupid and naive enough to think that Mike was just avoiding his feelings-if he wasn't sincere to Sebastian, how could he allow him to suck his old man? two?It took Sebastian much later to realize that they weren't even buddies with benefits; it was just his servile, wishful offering.When Sebastian goes to profess his love, hoping that their "relationship" will go further, Mike laughs at him:

"What do we have to do?"

Many years have passed, and Sebastian still can't forget the tone of Mike's words and the sarcastic smile on his face.He didn't finish trampling on his heart, and later that day, Mike and a gang of entourage directly smashed his affection - yes, beat - his friend Sebastian An Dang fisted and kicked each other like a sandbag, and Mike laughed when he saw it.

After that, Sebastian always avoided Mike like a mouse hiding from a cat, but Mike refused to let him go.About another year later, Mike caught Sebastian giving oral sex to his first boyfriend, Bill.He took their picture and everyone knows what happened next.Unprepared, Bill was forced to come out and was evicted by his family.A month later, Sebastian stood in front of Bill's tomb, feeling the eyes of judgment from people.He swore to himself: Never do it again.He will never have anything to do with guys who hide their sexuality by bullying others.People like Mike will always be the same: get married early, have two and a half children on average, hook up with a young glass behind the scenes, put on their pants and return to the perfect wife.He will never do it again.

Now, nearly ten years later, Sebastian feels sick to his stomach and suffers from shame.The Mike Fletcher incident repeated itself, didn't it?Evidently he was as stupid and feeble as he was then, and had no progress.

God, how could he do this?How could he disregard his own principles and let yet another homophobic closet bastard take his lust out on him?He's not ashamed of what happened in Moscow because he feels like he taught that homophobic jerk a lesson.But what he'd been doing the last few days—playing tricks on Vlad, provoking him—was flirting.What happens in a nightclub is not who is teaching who.He was just overwhelmed with desire, all he wanted was to relieve the itch, to get someone to fuck him deep and hard.

Vlad called him a bitch.Vlad is right.

Even now, just remembering that incident, remembering the pleasure, Sebastian felt his lower abdomen tighten, and the excitement accompanied by shame swept through his body again.

idiot.He is an idiot.He was no longer that weird-looking, pale-skinned boy who was disliked everywhere.Countless men and women were jealous of him.Yet he lets himself be fucked by an unrepentant homophobic man.

Something soft was rubbing against his ankle.He looks down.

"I'm hopeless, right?" He scooped Hermione into his arms.He collapsed on the mattress and began petting the cat, trying to clear the mess in his mind.

In vain.

The worst part is...he likes it.He loved driving Vlad crazy, making him lose his mind, feeling Vlad growling in his ear, feeling Vlad's fingers squeeze his ass so hard he couldn't stop fucking him.It made him feel like he was in control.It wasn't just the big cock in his ass that made him fly, it was the feeling.

He leaves without waiting for Vlad to spew any homophobic nonsense - another reason is that he's ashamed.He was ashamed of himself for indulging in pleasure, ashamed of falling into the same predicament of his youth again, ashamed of breaking his vow at Bill's grave.

"Why am I so stupid?" Sebastian muttered to himself without smiling.

Hermione meowed in answer.

"Yes." Sebastian said, closing his eyes.The sound of footsteps in the corridor made him tense up suddenly.

Vlad is back too.

Footsteps stopped at his door.

Sebastian froze, his heart beating against his eardrums.

will he come inWhat are you doing here?Tell Sebastian he's not gay?Beat him up?Or is it... another round of pressure on him?

The thought made Sebastian tremble slightly.He hated his reaction.

Footsteps sounded again, and then the door to the opposite room was closed.

Sebastian breathed a sigh of relief.There was no need to confront Vlad, who wasn't sure if he was lost or relieved.

The alarm went off and Sebastian walked out of the room.He was dying of thirst.

He made his way to the kitchen, but stopped when he saw Luke.Luke was sitting at the kitchen table on the phone.Sebastian realizes he is talking to his lover.He didn't want to invade Luke's privacy, and was about to leave when he heard his own name.He stopped.

"It's not up to you, Roman," Luke said.

Sebastian had only met Luke's lover once and wasn't quite sure what to say about him.Roman Demidov was tall, imposing, and imposing; but his blue eyes were chilling, making Sebastian shudder.He felt that he couldn't hide any thoughts in front of this man, and those eyes could see everything.Roman gives the impression that he doesn't hesitate to attack people for their weaknesses.Sebastian didn't think he was a good match for someone as gentle and romantic as Luke, but they seemed to love each other.

"Come on, Roman," Luke sounded amused, less rattled than before. "Honestly, I think I'm going to be Rapunzel." He smiled slightly. "It just so happens that I'm still blonde."

I don't know what Roman said, Luke's smile became lighter. "Enough," he said. "I'm neither careless nor stupid, Roman. Sebastian is my friend, and he needs help. I know you're worried, but I won't budge."

pause.

"About that," Luke said. "I don't want Vlad living in my house."

Roman's reply made Luke roll his eyes.

"He's a homophobic jerk," Luke said.

Pause again.

"No, he didn't, but I should feel safe in my own home, and I don't want someone like him creeping around me and my guests. I know he's harassing Sebastian." Luke sighed tone. "Okay. But when are you going home?"

Another silence.

Luke pouted. "It's still early." He bit his lip. "I miss you. The bed is cold and empty without you."

Roman's answer made Luke smile softly.

"Good," he said. "Just take care. Love you."

Sebastian felt his chest tighten.Once, he also dreamed of having a love, holding his son's hand, and growing old together with him.Back then he had never feared getting hurt—he couldn't even imagine love hurting.It seems like a lifetime away.

Luke hangs up, sighing, cupping his head in his hands.

Sebastian cleared his throat and walked into the kitchen. "Sorry—I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but...if your boyfriend objects, I'll move—"

"Don't worry about him, he's just worried about me." Luke raised his head and looked at Sebastian, his eyes resting on his neck for a while.With a curious look on his face, he asked with a smile, "Good luck tonight?"

Actually, not so much.

Sebastian shrugged and went over to get himself a glass of water.

"Vlad didn't make trouble, did he? I saw him when he came back, and he looked like a thunderbolt." Luke laughed. "When he hums at me, it's like thunder."

Sebastian drank the water and put the glass on the counter next to the sink. "Yeah." He was glad he had his back turned to Luke and didn't have to look him in the eye.Another wave of shame and humiliation hit him.If Luke knew that Sebastian had sex with Vlad willingly, he would definitely look down on him.Hell, if he was in Luke's shoes, he would definitely look down on himself too.But he remembered again that Luke's lover was also Russian.

"Can I ask you a question?" Sebastian asked after hesitating for a moment.He'd always liked Luke--Luke was likable--but he didn't know Luke well.Sebastian didn't remember them talking about anything serious.

"Of course." Luke looked at him curiously.

"How could Roman not mind Vlad's homophobia?"

Luke frowned. "It's not that Roman doesn't mind—he just understands the origin of Vlad's virtue." He sighed. "You have to understand that it's different in Russia, especially in the countryside. People there accept homophobia as an established social norm, instead of thinking it's narrow and bad. It sucks, I know , but that's how it is."

"Then, why isn't Roman afraid of homophobia?"

Luke grimaced. "Romain had times like that. And his situation was unique: his family lived in Switzerland most of the time, and he spent a lot of time in the US and Europe. He wasn't surrounded by homophobia like normal Russians. ’ He shrugged. "Roman's sexually open too, so it's not too hard for him to change his homophobia." He frowned. "Sometimes I still want to slap him. Roman doesn't think he's gay—he says he's with me because he wants me, not my dick." He gives a soft, or goofy, smile. "It makes me unhappy, but also a little sweet? I love him, and he loves me. There is no perfect person in the world. But some things are worth your tolerance. For example, love."

Sebastian smiled dazedly.He didn't know if he was jealous of Luke after hearing this or if he was intimidated by him.How could Luke let himself get so involved with a man?The man doesn't even consider himself gay.It seemed destined to break his heart -- or, happiness, if Roman meant it for him.

"Before anything else, why are you asking?" Luke stared at him.

"Just curious," Sebastian yawned reassuringly. "I'm getting tired. Good night."

"Good night." Luke said with a playful light in his eyes.

Sebastian fled, hoping he hadn't put it all on his face.

He stopped abruptly in the corridor.Vlad's door was ajar.

He licked his lips, tiptoed over, and looked in through the crack of the door.

Vlad is topless, doing one-armed push-ups.The muscles in his back flexed and beads of sweat rolled down his spine.

Sebastian swallowed, looking away with difficulty.

All the way back to his room, he weighed in his head whether to risk being kidnapped by a homophobic extremist and move out instead of staying in the same house with Vlad.

"I promise to ignore him starting tomorrow," he said to Hermione.

She glanced at him lightly.Sebastian fell back onto the bed with a sigh, grabbing a pillow over his head.

Even his cat hates him.