Queen's younger brother of online games

Loss is a very wonderful word, it contains grief and regret, Lu Yuan has already understood it, so he has never allowed himself to have things that he can't afford, but he made an exception unconsciously.

He once got everything he wanted, pride, self-confidence, love and home, but now he finally experienced the pain of loss, he mixed with regret and memory invaded his mind, his thoughts, and his dreams again and again.

The best memory at this moment is a sharp dagger, cutting off human flesh piece by piece, making Lu Yuan wake up from his dreams again and again.

The room was dark, but the moonlight through the window paper fell on the corner of the room, the snow outside the door had not faded, even though the street lights had been turned off, it was still snowy outside.

Lu Yuan put on a coat and stood in front of the window. He remembered that day when Mo Jianzhi slowly tore it off from a corner and put it on, and then smiled in relief.

What did he say back then, "How do you know if you don't try?"

But the route of life is tortuous and unpredictable, and if you are not careful, you may lose your bones. Not everyone has the opportunity to try it, Lu Yuan thought, he can't afford that price.

When he was thinking, he seemed to see a person standing under the door, with a slender figure and narrow eyes, looking up at the window, indifferently.

Lu Yuan's heart tightened, and he couldn't think of anything in his mind. When he woke up, he was already standing under the window, surrounded by silence.

He looked back, and there were only his footprints, one deep and one shallow, on the crystal white snow. The winter wind was so cold that his heart fell coldly even after being blown like this. The ice and snow on the soles of his feet were like The beast was biting his toes, bloody and painful.

Lu Yuan smiled bleakly, blindness is a disease!

This kind of feeling is too easy to make people despair, but Lu Yuan firmly told himself that it doesn't matter, nothing lasts forever, and all this will eventually dissipate with the passage of time.

He comforted himself, I am not a lover, how can I love someone for the rest of my life!

It's okay, bear with it, bear with it.

It was already late when Mama Lu and her neighbors returned home after playing mahjong. I don’t know how many times the Spring Festival Gala was replayed on the TV. There were festive singing and warm lights. The charcoal fire was burning very vigorously. bar sound.

She put the messy shoes aside, looked at the melon seed husks on the ground, and picked up the broom from the door to sweep.

Lu Yuan came out of the bedroom to drink water, and saw his mother bent over there sweeping the floor, chanting about Lu's father and Lu Yuan, not knowing how to clean up after ruining, not angry, but a habit, no matter what What to do, even if she is willing to do so in her heart, there are always a few words on her mouth.

Different ages and worldviews have different definitions of family, but the desire for family harmony is always the same.

Lu's mother is not big-hearted. What she wants is to have a good life and a full house of children and grandchildren. If there is more, it means that her husband can smoke less and drink less.

The impoverished years they went through didn't have so many infinite fantasies and beauty about freedom, dreams, and love. She was a poor person, from material to spiritual.

Lu Yuan felt a little uncomfortable. He watched Lu's mother sweep the floor, took the mop and continued mopping. Lu's mother couldn't help but read a few words when she saw him working, but Lu Yuan didn't care.

Later in the evening, Father Lu came back. He drank a lot, staggered when he walked, and spoke indistinctly. Mother Lu asked Lu Yuan to help him to the bed. Lu Yuan asked him to lie down and stood up. But he grabbed him and said a few words. Before Lu Yuan could hear clearly, he saw his voice choked up and burst into tears.

Lu Yuan was a little frightened. In his memory, his father was always strict, tall, unambiguous, even negative and unreasonable. He always held his neck high and said big words, and he always treated outsiders better than his own family. Well, giving way is sometimes even offensive.

But he didn't expect that such a conceited father would cry too. He said a lot, but Lu Yuan hardly understood a single word, and the occasional few words, there was himself, there was Lu Yuan, there was his second sister, there was guilt and Complaining, he couldn't concatenate any specific plots, but the sadness and grievance in the crying actually penetrated into his chest.

He heard Lu's mother sighing in his ears, and turned around to see Lu's mother standing there holding hot water for an unknown how long, her eyes were a little red.

Lu's mother came over with a hot water basin, twisted a towel, sat down in front of the window, wiped Lu's father's face, looked at it carefully and said:

"Your father is under a lot of pressure. Last time we demolished a house in our hometown, we bought it here. The foundation is more expensive. Your father wanted to help your uncle in the name of our family's foundation, so we measured the land together. When the time comes, your uncle can For a little more money, I asked your father to discuss it with your uncle, but he didn't want to. He kept his brotherhood in mind, and he didn't allow me not to say anything bad about people. I didn't expect your uncle to say Your father plotted against him, and made a few quarrels just for such a small amount of money. Now decades of brotherhood have been quarreled, and yours..." Lu's mother kept her mouth shut, and said for a while: "He always thinks it's me He didn't have the ability, he didn't teach you well, that's why he made you go the wrong way, he didn't say anything, he felt a lot of pressure in his heart, and he was too emotional, hey..."

The person Lu's mother said in her mouth didn't seem to be the father he knew, but he was, and Lu Yuan suddenly noticed something that he had never cared about before.

In fact, he and Papa Lu had a very good relationship a long time ago. At that time, Papa Lu would bring him toys and buy clothes every time he went out. At that time, he always wore the best clothes in their village and played with the most novel ones.

He would also go to the place where Lu's father worked every afternoon, acting like a baby, and wanted to buy ice cream. At that time, the most expensive ice cream seemed to be fifty cents and one yuan each, and the most common ones were ten and twenty cents. Lu's father loved him very much. Every time I go back, I buy him several [-] cents big-face ice cream until he eats it badly.

Later, he grew up and started to go to elementary school. After the novelty faded, he began to hate studying. He liked the straw harvested in autumn in the distance. It must be very comfortable to step on and jump on it. The sun is warm. a game).

His rebellious period came so early, and Lu's mother was still anxious about his tuition fees at that time. She was busy every day except persuading him to study hard, and she couldn't teach him anything.

Father Lu is not good at words, he only uses violence blindly, and hits when he doesn't understand. He gradually begins to fear him.

In addition, when he got older, he always saw the tired figure of Lu's mother and the disappearance of Lu's father. He also understood the reason why his parents quarreled. Secondly, gradually estranged from Dad Lu.

But now he suddenly finds that many things are different from what he experienced, just like he always thought that the secularity and responsibility kept this family together, but at this moment, he saw Lu's father holding Lu's mother's hand and muttering, while Lu's mother Look gentle, who can say this is not a kind of love?

He remembered that Shan Ying once posted a comment on Weibo that marriage needs to crush the souls of two people in order to be together forever.

Some people in the comment area argued and satirized her. Shanying is not in a hurry or annoyed. He just said that everyone in this world is unique. If you don’t give up your soul, how can you be right with another person? Love must be accompanied by pain Yes, because it needs to be broken before it can be refused.

It was only then that Lu Yuan discovered that his family was not as unhappy as he thought. They had their own way of life, and no matter right or wrong, they were willing to do so.

Mother Lu wrung and wet the towel, and after wiping it several times, she calmly said:

"Xiao Yuan, let's live a good life in the future, are you obedient?"

Lu Yuan looked at the two elderly people who were over half a century old under the light, and he felt that he should not destroy their broken souls and the sense of happiness that they had only obtained after half a lifetime of groping.

But why is he still not reconciled, why are all the images of Mo Jianzhi in his mind, from the tall and restrained when he first met, to the aggressive eyes in the sun coming towards him.

Then there was a can of beer on the beach, and an empty firework. The man looked gentle and entered his own life.

Then there are occasional snacks, honey fruit in the refrigerator, blankets next to the computer, tatami mats in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows, and a circle, they are filled with every affection and tenderness.

Until the back of the snow-covered figure who resolutely leaves, will he just walk out of his life?

Lu Yuan suddenly remembered that when he woke up from the hospital that day, the horror and despair of knowing that he had lost Mo Jianzhi came to his heart again. Lu Yuan saw Lu's mother looking at him in shock, and he suddenly realized that he didn't know when. Already in tears.

He was suppressing and restraining, but his desire was like countless little beasts screaming crazily. He tried hard, but he still couldn't bear the loss after all, so he choked up and shouted:

"But I want to live with him!"

Regardless of the future, regardless of the secular world, he doesn't know what will happen in the future, but his desire to live with Mo Jianzhi has never stopped. Such a life is too tempting for him, so he can't stop longing for it no matter what.

Lu's mother paused, and after the hysterical period, she could only grit her teeth and choke:

"Can you give your parents a way out?"

Her words were too heavy, and she gave way too much. May all the courage almost disappear, he staggered back two steps, but the desire in his heart clamored that he could only go forward, and he knelt down heavily:

"Mom, I'm sorry."

He looked guilty, his skin was pale, and he knelt down because these were his parents, and he knelt down because of family affection and upbringing, but he was still unwilling, and this unwillingness lay in his straight spine, he was unwilling to let his life be controlled by others, Love is denied, even in the name of love.