Autobiography of a paranoid patient

(one hundred and four)

It's been raining especially hard lately.

The river that flows through the city is also swollen.

Because now occasionally I will go out for a walk with Feng Yue at night, and we often go to the river.

The wind is very cool at night, and the coolness rises from the soles of the feet, dispelling all the heat in the afternoon.

Feng Yue would hold my hand, and my thin, scarred hand intertwined with his broad, powerful hand.

In summer, even at night, there is only one thin piece of clothing on his body. Feng Yue still likes shirts, but he also chooses silk textures, which are very smooth to the touch. Sometimes my fingers can’t even clasp them, although they can’t be wrinkled. But she would pull off her clothes, and Feng Yue would also reveal a piece of her shoulders.

He's all in, not my scrawny in, but tight bunches of muscle.

Feng Yue always said that he would take me to exercise, but he was really busy with work.

Since what he said to me, our relationship has quietly changed.

This kind of change is very natural, sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night, my eyes can't find anything in the dark, but I still look around, I wonder, have we changed, is there something different up.

There should be.

Feng Yue now always likes to let me work with him, I just need to sit beside him.When I have nothing to do, he will occasionally come to hold my hand. At this time, I will lean up to him and kiss him. If I have to work, I will share half of the desk.

Pack flowers, or research combinations of flowers, or pick some new varieties…

I wish time could slow down a bit every time.

Because there is a wall clock in Feng Yue's room, and a calendar is placed on the desk.

He circled the first day of July in red.

(One hundred and five)

Feng Yue found that I was looking at the calendar.

Maybe it's because I've been in a trance for too long.

He clearly saw it, but he still asked me, "What are you looking at?"

What does he want me to say?I don't know, so I just don't say anything.

I said nothing, just tired.

He put down his pen and opened his arms towards me.

I was barefoot, kicked on the ground, sent me and the chair with wheels, and climbed into his arms.

Feng Yue didn't have a job anymore, he just hugged me, and we looked at a very boring place together.

It was just a blank wall in the room.

"I seem to be the kind of person who harms the country and the people." I said suddenly.

"How?" Feng Yue's tone sounded interested.

"Do a good job." I pointed to the one he had only half painted... a roof or something?

I can't recognize it.

Feng Yue smiled.

I've never heard him laugh like that.

When he laughed, he buried his face in my neck, and his heavy breath made me even itchy.

I waited for him to calm down slowly. When he looked at me, the corners of his mouth were still raised high, his neck was flushed, and the blood vessels became obvious, adding a bit of sexiness.Furious, I leaned over and bit the corner of his lips.

"What are you laughing at?" I asked, seeing him like this, and laughing with him.

Finally, Feng Yue stroked my hair and said, "I'm laughing at you for saying seriously that you want me to work hard."

Oh.

I thought about it, and it was understandable.

It's kind of funny indeed.

(one hundred and six)

As if there was some fragrance on my body, he took off my collar and took another deep breath.

His fingers rubbed back and forth on my neck, getting heavier and heavier.

I obediently began to unbutton my coat.

At the fourth button, Feng Yue took my hand.

"What are you doing?" he yelled "Stop the thief."

I just froze for a moment, then said: "Let you fuck me."

Feng Yue didn't move, just looked at me.

Time seems to be pressed on the pause button.

He just looks at me.

"Song Yin," Feng Yue said so sincerely that I couldn't help but believe, "You are my muse."

(one hundred and seven)

He said that's why he ran back to his room to work after having sex with me.

Because there were many, many inspirations in his mind at that time.

I didn't listen very carefully when he said this, because it was too uncomfortable.

I begged him to let go and he asked me do you know what that feeling is?

I shook my head, my hair chaotically rubbing against the sheets.

He undid the tie.

A white light seemed to flash before my eyes.

He smiled again, not feeling sticky with sweat, and smiled on my body, "That's how it feels."

I was still in a trance, and my breathing became longer.

Feng Yue rolled over and lay beside me.

"My muse..."

he said again.

(One hundred and eight)

I am not as good at speaking as Feng Yue, I can only express the meaning of Feng Yue to me in very ordinary words.

In the past, my father was crazy, and my mother told me that we should all stop living. She said that this family was gone.

I didn't understand at that time, I just stayed where I was.

Seeing that I didn't respond, my mother couldn't get angry, so she hit me.

Then maybe home is a very important word, which is why she was so sad because I didn't respond.

So I turned sideways, held Feng Yue's face, and said to him: "You are my home."

I don't know why, Feng Yue cried.