Autobiography of a paranoid patient

(82)

I didn't understand what Feng Yue meant.

I am at a loss.

I told Miao Shu that I was going to close the shop for a day, and he was terrified.

"Is it related to yours?" Miao Shu asked me seriously.

I shook my head.

"If anything happens, you can tell me," Miao Shu emphasized again, "I'm really not a child anymore."

"I didn't think so," I explained to him, "I was just going to see my mom."

Miao Shu was stunned for a moment, and said yes.

Fortunately, he didn't ask my aunt why she didn't come to the store to see it, otherwise I really don't know how to answer.

My mom lives in a nursing home and is voted the most difficult patient by the medical staff every year.

(83)

The sanatorium is in the suburbs, and it is almost the place with the best conditions in the city.

As usual, I wrapped a bouquet of roses for my mother and took a taxi there.

My mother likes roses. In the past, she always said that my father didn't like to send her flowers, and she liked to talk about it when she was confused.

But I stopped talking about it later, I don’t know if I gave her too many gifts, or she has actually forgotten the flowers she loves.

The dean approached me.

The old lady sitting by the door basking in the sun has changed. She looked at me curiously, and I looked back at her, smiling and nodding to her.

"Where was Grandma Xu before?" I asked the dean.

"Passed away, I left in April this year."

I was startled.

"Oh."

It occurred to me that I hadn’t seen my mother for a long time.

"I've been too busy lately," I said.

"Your mother's condition is not very good either, and she won't be able to remember things when the weather gets warmer," the dean said regretfully, "Don't be too disappointed."

I say thank you.

My mother sat alone by the window.

The sun is very good today, she may feel a little sunburned, she turned her head behind the shade of the curtain.

"Mom." I walked up.

The dean closed the door for me.

My mother looked up at me slowly, but didn't speak.

Mostly because I didn't recognize her, I went up, sat on the chair beside her, and handed her the flowers.

"Today's flowers."

My mother doesn't know me anymore, but she still likes roses.

She took it, sniffed it on the tip of her nose, and nodded.

I don't bother her, just sit and bask in the sun quietly with her.

I'm a little hot, but I dare not take my sleeves.

Every time I visit my mother, I wear long sleeves, long enough to cover the back of my hands.

When my mother was sober, she would always subconsciously look at my hand, but neither of us mentioned it.

Later, my mother refused to admit it, and if she saw the wound on my hand, she would growl like crazy.

In my impression, this happened only once, because I will be very careful afterwards.

I don't want to burden anyone anymore.

I told her some stories about the flower shop, and I didn't care whether she understood it or not, and didn't mind no response.

I said that to some extent I have seen all kinds of love, and then thought of Feng Yue.

We are probably somewhat similar to love.

So I paused.

I looked at the beautiful sunshine outside the window and didn't know what to say.

"He's mad at me Mom, like I'm not doing anything right."

I spread my palms and watched the sun gather in my palms, as if being held up.

I'm distracted.

Feng Yue is also a person who doesn't like sunlight. He likes to work late at night, drawing pictures that I can't understand but think are beautiful.

Only if he doesn't love sunshine can he have sex with me.

I see floating dust particles in the light.

"Why is he angry?"

Mom suddenly spoke, her eyes still staring out of the window.

"I do not know."

I thought of what Feng Yue said to me.

My mother smiled and said: "You are not very good at talking."

My mother is a little weird today.

(84)

She told me some recent events in the nursing home, including the death of Grandma Xu.

I said sorry I didn't know the news and she didn't speak.

After a while it was still very quiet, and I found her looking at my hand.

I hid my hands in my clothes.

I think it's time to go, I've been here for almost an afternoon.

She didn't respond when I got up, and I said good-bye, Mom.

She was still staring blankly at the patch of floor beneath my feet.

I waved my hand towards the door.

Because my mom is unstable, every time I come to see her there are people from the nursing home standing outside the door.

There is a small transparent window on the door, and you can see inside.

Soon someone pushed the door in and said, "It's almost time."

I nodded, and when I was about to leave, my mother stood up, pulled the corners of her mouth, and beckoned to me.

"Song Yin, come here again."

I walk over.

My mother lowered her eyes and wrapped some of my long sleeves with trembling fingers.

"Look at your dad, how bad it is."

The medical staff sensed that her tone was not right, and they were all ready to fight, and they gave me a look.

I just let her talk indifferently.

A few seconds later, the medical staff swarmed up and grabbed my mother. I heard her yelling, her hands were scratching in the air, her expression was grim, like when she asked my dad with a knife if he wanted me to die. be normal.

Now I want to ask my mother this question.

I looked down and watched the blood seep from the side of my wrist.

"Do you want me to die before you can be normal?"