Autobiography of a paranoid patient

(74)

As soon as we got home we started messing around.

Well, I admit, to be precise, we started messing around before we even got home.

The neighbors around are all grandparents, but if one of them opens the door on a whim in the middle of the night, I guess we will have to move together.

But Feng Yue was obsessed, and I didn't try to spoil the atmosphere.

The old stairs creaked under our staggered footsteps, and there was the sound of water between intimate kisses.

I was forced by him to step back step by step, grabbed his neck with both arms, and let him bury his head on my neck occasionally with my face up.

Backing to the door, I finally managed to stand still, kissed him at different angles for a while, finally found the key, and opened the door with difficulty while pushing his chest.

We fell in, kissed from the couch to the bathroom, our clothes on the floor.

I couldn't help laughing when he came in. He asked me what I was laughing at, and I said nothing, but I forgot to give you the gift.

He said it's okay, just watch it slowly on the bed later.

After he said this, my laughter gradually changed.

(75)

I gave the perfume to Feng Yue.

After he opened it, he pressed it, and we did it again in his taste.

I lay in his arms, patted his arm weakly, and asked him if you were not actually drunk.

He rolled to the side and lay on his back, looking at the ceiling, and said yes, actually I wanted to leave.

I thought of the phone call Yunan made to me.

I raised my palm and looked at the scars on my arm in a daze.

After an unknown amount of time, Feng Yue grabbed my hand.

"What did Yunan say when he called you?" He asked me.

"No," I said, dropping my arms, "just let me pick you up."

After a while, Feng Yue hummed.

I said you have a good rest and got out of bed alone.

Just as I touched the doorknob, I heard Feng Yue say, "You don't want to know."

Use an affirmative tone.

(76)

I hunched over and looked at myself in the mirror.

I think my aesthetic should be normal because I know what is good.

Those like Feng Yue and Yunan are good.

I looked at myself in front of the dim incandescent light.

I have to say, those scars on Yunan made him more beautiful, but on me they were like bells at the gate of hell.

Feng Yue said that I don't want to know those things, I paused.

In fact, I don't know if I want to know, because if Feng Yue is willing to speak, of course I am willing to listen, and if Feng Yue does not speak, I will not ask.

I just froze in place, like so many times before, I didn't know what to do next, how to deal with it.

Until Feng Yue spoke up, he said, "Forget it."

His voice sounded tired, hoarse like the chirping of cicadas in the summer night.

So I left.

We start to have some sweet moments.

I was scared.