Isolated island

After a moment of silence, Guan Yuangui spoke first.

"I'm retiring from artillery," he said, "for everyone's benefit."

"Sir?"

Guan Yuangui smiled helplessly. "Have you ever felt, that kind of..." He looked at the smoke, thought for a while, and then said, "How can a place not tolerate my loneliness?"

Of course, Haiping felt this way all the time in this isolated island for ten years.But he doesn't want to talk about himself, he wants to hear Guan Yuangui talk about himself, he thinks this is the only thing he can repay him after Guan Yuangui has paid so much for him.

He simply said, "Sir, I understand." Then he chose to listen carefully.

"When I first entered the artillery force, I still felt that I had a goal, which was to obey the command, fire the cannon, sink the ship, save my comrades, and return home triumphantly. But these goals can only maintain enthusiasm for three years at most. After three years , all these enthusiasms were burnt to ashes. Since I have never reached the step of returning home triumphantly, why bother to take the first few steps? When I realized this, I realized that I could actually treat my colleagues who were beaten by kites. The screams of eating are indifferent, quietly, watching a good person being eaten with a vertebra." He exhaled smoke. "I feel guilty for being like this."

The cruelty in Guan Yuangui's words did not match his calm tone, which made Haiping frowned slightly uncomfortably.

"When I was tortured by guilt, I saw that I wasn't the only one." Guan Yuangui put down a cigarette, poured all the leftover porridge in the aluminum pot into Haiping's bowl, and said flatly: "It turns out , Many people have degenerated into this kind of virtue. At that time, I gave people like me an nickname, do you know what it is?"

Haiping shook his head.

he laughs. "Rusty shells."

This self-mockery made Haiping's heart a little bitter.

"I can't tell people about this guilt, because no one understands it. Many people think that this guilt is unnecessary for their own survival." He picked up the cigarette again and looked at the smoke. "I understand their selfishness, and just because I understand, it makes me feel more uncomfortable and lonely. I think that one day I will be swallowed alive by the kite, and no one will shed a tear for me. All I have left is just a It’s just a cold military card.”

"Sir..." Haiping wanted to refute his sad and ominous statement.

Guan Yuangui raised his hand to prevent him from answering. "But I never thought that people's selfishness can be so evil." He asked Haiping: "Every fort will store a batch of spare shells in case the shells are exhausted and cannot be replenished. Do you know that? ?”

"knowledge."

"These shells are the foundation of everyone's life. No matter how much you try to think about it, you must not use it." After pouring out so much plainly, this is the first time that Guan Yuangui showed an angry expression. expression. "But those people moved."

Haiping stared.

"The cannonballs are rusty and should be replaced with new ones, but they have an affair with the crew of the supply ship and resell these rusty cannonballs privately for a commission, but they don't replace them with new ones."

Guan Yuangui took a deep breath on the cigarette, the cigarette butt burnt a long section of ash, the choking of the tobacco made his eye sockets reddish.He said quietly again: "Sooner or later, something will happen. I tried to warn me, but those people threatened me. Once they said it, this isolated island would have no place for me. So, I compromised, and then..."

The soot was scattered all over the place.

Guan Yuangui smiled wryly. "Something went wrong."

Haiping felt a chill.

"Half of the artillery squad I was leading died." Guan Yuangui's toes unintentionally stepped on the soot. "They couldn't wait for the supply shells, and there were no emergency shells available. The kite man got into the cave and pulled out the artillerymen next to me one by one, but I, the artillery commander, was hiding in the corner and watched helplessly. I watched all this happen. I still remember the expressions of each of them, because even in the dream, they would come back to me to "talk about the old days."

Therefore, Guan Yuangui is always on the night shift that outsiders think is the hardest—he dare not sleep, and when he sleeps, he doesn't even forgive his dreams and wants to torture him.

Only then did he understand why Guan Yuangui would say these words to him earnestly at the beach that day──

I would rather not seek development than become such a person.

I envy you, Haiping.

Do you know how rare and precious it is to have been a soldier on this isolated island for ten years, but still retain the sincerity of wanting to protect others?

So, take good care of yourself.

Don't let anyone spoil your precious innocence.

There was an emotion in Haiping's heart, and after he realized it carefully, he realized that it was neither sympathy nor contempt, but... distressed.

"They say I'm a coward, and I agree." Guan Yuangui looked blankly at the ground and said, "If I didn't care so much about my official career, why didn't I say so?"

"Sir..." Haiping wanted to say something more, so as not to let him immerse himself in this pain again.

"Ah," Guan Yuangui whispered. "Seems like it's taking up too much of your time. Sorry." He stood up. "It's time for you to stand guard."

Haiping was interrupted, so he had no choice but to follow his words and get up.

"Hai Ping," at this moment, Guan Yuangui added in a low voice, "I want you to know that I am such a person."

Haiping was taken aback, and looked back at him.

"I hope," Guan Yuangui smiled wistfully, "You won't be disappointed in me."

wrong!Not so-

Haiping didn't even think about it, so he replied bluntly: "You know what? Sir, the person who feels that he is not good enough is actually because he hopes that he can be better. You are completely different from those who are arrogant and complacent."

Guan Yuangui looked at him deeply.

"Just this self-examination is different." Haiping said again: "You couldn't save them before, but you saved me—you helped me in my serious illness without hesitation. In the future, You will surely be able to save more people and let them go home safely. Right? You hope so too, right?"

"So," finally, Haiping said even more forcefully, "Sir, please stop blaming yourself. Okay?"

After speaking, there was silence between the two of them.

After a long time, the warm candlelight at the side cast a layer of light on Guan Yuangui's eyes.

The broken light entered Haiping's eyes, making him feel uncomfortable, and his throat constricted for a while.

Guan Yuangui wanted to speak, but his voice was also hoarse.

Haiping vaguely guessed what he was going to say next, so he hurriedly thanked: "Thank you, sir, for your hospitality," and saluted: "I will take my leave first."

He didn't want to hear Guan Yuangui refute his opinion and overturn the fact that he is a good person.Because nice people never feel like they're the best.

Haiping just left his dormitory without looking back.

"Haiping..." Guan Yuangui only had time to call his name.

What's not enough to say is--the endless relief and gratitude for the liberation.

Also, there is an almost addictive, inextricable... sense of dependence.