bedroom literature

After completing the homework of the psychology elective course, this class will be considered as a full stop.Liu Sheng finally plucked up the courage to ask for the teacher's WeChat account.

This is a small story in his life, but it is a big step in Yagyu's social phobia.

Jiang Qiwen watched from the side, his eyes were gratified, and he actually gave birth to a little kindness of teaching students according to their aptitude.

"Okay, okay. I just read your thesis," the teacher praised Yagyu, "I think your views on Freud are simple and sincere, and your literary talent is good, as if you have been there-I didn't Don't expect anything from a class given to a freshman."

Liu Sheng smiled embarrassedly for a long time.

The teacher picked up the small bag and said a word before leaving: "That's why you put a slash between the word 'sexual desire' in the last paragraph?"

Liu Sheng was stunned for a second.

Oops, at the end of that night, I was not sober, and I committed an occupational disease without paying attention!

"There may be a problem with the typing system..." Liu Sheng was speechless.

The teacher nodded, took the thermos cup and left.

Jiang Qiwen laughed like crazy from behind.

Jiang Qiwen and the others debated that there would be a large gathering, and Liu Sheng went back to 501 in advance.He thinks what Chi Liangzhou said is right, Jiang Qiwen always has various activities, and suddenly he is left to act on his own, he will worry about gains and losses.It's time to enrich your life.

He took a shower before going to bed, and when Liu Sheng came out wearing a white towel, he saw Jiang Qiwen lying on the bed, not even sober.

Before he could think, he sneezed.

"Ah-choo—hmm."

As soon as he looked up, he saw Jiang Qiwen sitting up, his eyes shining.

Liu Sheng felt a big coquettish lion suddenly pounced in front of him. It was intimate but easy to die. He tried to escape in panic, but he was thrown onto the bed anyway.

"Ma'am," Jiang Qiwen sniffed the fragrance of the bath liquid on his neck, as if sucking a cat, "You are so cute."

Just as Liu Sheng was about to reach out, he heard Jiang Qiwen muffled in his ear, "I like you so much."

So I didn't push him away.

"I really like you," Jiang Qiwen repeated, "I really like you."

"Have you been drinking?" Liu Sheng smelled the alcohol on his body and pushed him away in disgust.

"Well, a little." Jiang Qiwen hugged him and did not let go, "Don't go, don't go, okay?"

"I won't go," Liu Sheng felt amused, "Where can I go if you hug me so tightly?"

"You lie, you just want to leave." Jiang Qiwen's voice was aggrieved and paranoid, "You want to leave every day."

"When are you going to leave?" Liu Sheng patted his head, "You wronged me."

"I didn't wrong you." Jiang Qiwen said with a heavy nasal voice, "I saw it."

"Are you crying?" Liu Sheng was startled.

Jiang Qiwen fell silent, just murmured over and over again: "Don't go..."

This is how much to drink...

Liu Sheng was restrained and couldn't do anything, so he grabbed his phone out of boredom.I saw a message from Senior Yu Ye an hour ago:

"Jiang Qiwen's prescription is a bit high, and I kept yelling your name after drinking too much, so I sent it back to you in advance."

"Are you going to be an exchange student or something? He keeps saying you're leaving."

Liu Sheng was dumbfounded.

Wait, he said he saw... saw what?

"What did you say you saw?" Liu Sheng coaxed him nicely, and it took him a long time to hear Jiang Qi's answer:

"You posted it yourself..."

Liu Sheng suddenly thought of the Weibo that only he had posted yesterday.

Posted before...

Yagyu had the habit of writing a suicide note every year on his birthday.

He turned on his phone and saw the last message "want to die" that only he could see was two weeks ago.

After I went to college, I didn't update my negative energy book anymore, purely because I was afraid that my roommates would accidentally see them and scare them.

After that, I didn't bother to cut the trumpet, so I just posted a "want to die" blog, electronic emo, which was also considered easy.

He remembered that when he was just a college student, he managed to escape from that suffocating environment, but every night was a nightmare.I dreamed that my mouth was stuffed with the pills my father forced me to take. I dreamed that my mouth was stuffed with the rabbit meat I raised. Raw, the blood of the rabbit flowed to the tip of my chin.

Choked to death again and again.

When he was still at his mother's house, he had hoped for his father; when he was at his father's house, he had hoped for college-when he found that he had reached the apex and could no longer escape these nightmares, all his hopes were bankrupt up.

So at that time, Liu Sheng would often post some specific suicide methods, detailing the details, and marking the pros and cons.If you can't cut your wrists, the fatality rate is not high, and you will die from pain when you wake up from a coma; you can't jump off a building, and you will waste firefighting resources if you fail;

I don't know what Jiang Qiwen felt when he saw these.

He suddenly realized that on this year's birthday, he forgot to write a suicide note.

His mobile phone is always in his hand, so how on earth did he see this?Could it be that Weibo has a bug?

Jiang Qiwen was completely silent.

Yagyu picked up his mobile phone, wanting to find out the details of this bug.

One point, he lived so openly that he didn't even have a mobile phone password.

Clicking on Weibo, I found that the person who logged in was the Little Rabbit account.The numbers of the two of them are quite complicated——

It all started when Jiang Qiwen privately messaged him—he was blocked.

After Jiang Qiwen's trumpet, that is, the little rabbit, was completely lost - he was blocked again.

Jiang Qiwen seemed to have secretly released his tuba before?Turned into a bunny selling sunsets (1).

Now why are you boarding the blacked-out Little Rabbit first-generation machine?Liu Sheng clicked on his homepage, but he still couldn't view it.

But he clicked into the "Message" column and found his own dialog box.

Found a lot of news.

It was all sent to him by Jiang Qiwen using the account that was blocked after losing his horse.

Every time you send a sentence, there will be a system prompt of "You cannot send messages due to the other party's settings", followed by a red update button.

Liu Sheng turned for a long time before reaching the very beginning.

101722:30

I talked so much before, and if I said I was blocked, I was blocked.

Are you asleep?

I took a look at Weibo and it was still online, so I should still be playing on my phone.

Thanks for giving me the quilt, good night.

10224:00

I have insomnia.

I don't seem to have suffered from insomnia. Even after the quarrel after falling off the horse that day, I always thought there was still room for recovery.

But five days go by, and your mental state is getting worse.

I secretly released my first account from your blacklist before, and accidentally read your Weibo, and saw many "want to die" that only I can see.

I just discovered that the number of your Weibo increase does not match the actual increase.

For example, now, the number of Weibo has increased by one, but no new content has been released.

You are only one meter away from me, but I can't see you.

Well, even if you stand in front of me, it's the same.

10224:33

What the hell did you post?Will it be painful now?

10225:08

It's crazy.

10225:33

came back.

Open the bed curtain, you are still breathing, I listened for a while.You're going to get up in another hour to avoid me, so I won't bother you.

Good morning in advance.

10236:33

At 10:23 on October 06rd, you were talking in your sleep, just in time for my insomnia, so I went to have a look, but I was punched.

Disfigured.

10246:08

Why did the people disappear after just squinting for a while.

You actually left at six o'clock.

What time did it start.

102613:05

"If he can't find himself, or if what he says doesn't move you, he will leave on his own initiative."

Let me repeat here again what I said.

Also said I like you.It was really hasty and painful to say these four words.

Not expecting any effect.

I remembered that I almost broke my bones playing basketball before, but I didn't shed a single tear.I suspect that I haven't cried for more than ten years, but when I see you, I feel sore.

This tear made me realize the weight of you in my heart, but a certain natural psychological repulsion made me feel fooled by the ancient collective memory.No wonder it has been prevalent since ancient times to sacrifice one's life for righteousness. This feeling of emptiness is really driving people crazy.Sooner or later I have to figure it out and fill this hole in the most consistent way possible.

Swear by literature.

will you Love Me?

OK.

103120:26

Organize notes today.

After talking with several teachers, my eyes were opened by the objective and even cruel analysis of the science of sex in the West.

Foucault distinguishes the "science of sex" from the "art of eroticism" in the East.Perhaps Eastern erotic art.

"Rouge under the sun and fresh in the rain" in "The Peony Pavilion", or "Fish Playing Between Lotus Leaves" in Han Yuefu are not art, but just a confession of life.

"We praise the little insects,

They went through a cross*

Or fend off a danger,

end their wonderful lives. "

It is beauty.Everything grows, the beauty of life is endless.

Pornography is the overflowing part of life.

11219:38

What really made me realize was actually the astronomy class that had nothing to do with literature, history and philosophy.That night, the teacher led the students to go to the college's telescope in batches to show everyone the moon.

"The earth in the Hadean era was like a huge magma ball, with frequent volcanic eruptions, and the surface was covered with a molten magma ocean. The water vapor inside was heated and rose into clouds to cause rain. This heavy rain continued to fall for millions of people. Years, mixed with lightning again and again..."

Time stretches infinitely, I close one eye and look at the moon in the camera, feeling that all troubles are just a glimpse.

I squatted on the high platform, and through the railing, I saw one student after another passing under the platform on the campus.

It's beautiful to be alive.

Perhaps sex is the desire to prolong life, to perpetuate beauty.

I really want you to feel how I feel right now.

The feeling of being suddenly enlightened, the feeling of being shocked by the truth, and the feeling of tears in the eyes.

A feeling of completeness.

I'm going to find you.

11220:00

You have seen my poems.

Immediately I can't hold back my reserve, I want to tell you everything I have realized——

You told me not to tell me in advance, wait for a week's appointment.

no problem.

wait for me.

11221:25

Today is the first time you take the initiative to kiss me.

Some kind of determination was seen.

Pretending to be calm.

I remembered the "want to die" over and over again.

I want to hold you, but I'm afraid that you will jump down first because of my reaching out.

I wanted to hug you, but I was afraid that I would scare you away if I hugged you too tightly, so I didn't dare to touch you at first.

I can only pretend that nothing happened, and get closer to you step by step.

I started to be scared, anxious, and when I started kissing, I wondered if you were going to leave me in the next second.

Absolutely can not be found by you.

111515:31

In today's class you mentioned "Muser Resurrection".There is a tacit understanding, and I happen to have "The Peony Pavilion" in my notes.

Although it is used to scold me.

It's as if I have Feng Zhi's poem praising insects in my notes, and you wrote "a beetle stuck in its own intestines".So I understood right away.

Although after understanding it, I knew it was also used to scold me.

112117:25

Today you told me about your childhood.

Why didn't I meet you earlier.

I said, "If you give me 100 years, I will use 50 years to pull you up from the quagmire. If not, I will go down to accompany you."

This is my sincerity.But I saw your distrustful gaze, like an old man who has experienced vicissitudes of life looking at a childish ghost who is still young.

Promise, promise.

I screwed up again.

112800:00

happy Birthday.

Tomorrow, no, I have to confess my love today, so I can't sleep.

I have recited every sentence of your hesitant answer many times.

Afraid of your sensitivity, I have practiced the tone of each node for a long time.

Otherwise, make another draft.

I'm afraid you won't read it, so memorize that long poem.

If one day I can justifiably hold you tightly... that would be great.

When did I become so pessimistic?

You are responsible to me.

There is no more after that.Maybe like Yagyu, all the desire to express comes from imperfection.

Liu Sheng was dumbfounded.

All of Liu Sheng's perceptions of the world are bankrupt pessimism, but only Jiang Qiwen has all his hopes.But he didn't expect that Jiang Qiwen, who made him so confident and so dazzling that he could dispel all the haze, would be so vulnerable when facing him.

Liu Sheng suddenly hugged Jiang Qiwen tightly in his arms.

He remembered how Jiang Qiwen taught himself to be optimistic.

One day Liu Sheng was suddenly sad and said, "Only you love me."

"You can't say it like that." Jiang Qiwen gave an example, "If you say it from a different angle, for example, 'Only China has pandas', another way of saying it is - 'China has all pandas'. How about it, doesn't it sound much better?"

Liu Sheng thought for a while and said, "You have all my love."

Jiang Qiwen retorted: "You said it wrong."

Liu Sheng also retorted: "I didn't say anything against it."

Jiang Qiwen got excited: "Okay, then I must have more than you."

Liu Sheng dismissed it with disdain: "It must be a lot for me to share a little with everyone."

The two got into a fight.

At that time, Liu Sheng simply felt that the one who seemed more boring and unseemly in the relationship might be the one he loved the most.Jiang Qiwen has always been optimistic and calm, and those love words come out easily and easily, presumably he can't understand the silent affection of awkward people like them.

But tonight, he didn't know he was wrong.He thought that his gentleness and sobriety came from his strength, but in fact, those calmness and optimism were all faked in order to preserve his disguise.He is also just a young man who has just grown up. Facing those questions that he has never been exposed to and that may not even have answers, he fights alone, charges alone, breaks through, and falls into the battle.

Liu Sheng slowly moved Jiang Qiwen away who was already asleep, and quietly got up from the bed. Among Jiang Qiwen's notes, he found the "long poem" mentioned in the private letter.

With the dim light of the mobile phone screen, Liu Sheng read it word by word.

The hot tears in the eyes finally fell down.

Wiping away his tears, he watched it many, many times.

"I never lied to you." Liu Sheng returned to the bed and said next to his pillow, "You have all my love."

There may be many more ordinary nights like this, but tonight, in the ear of his sleeping lover, he made perhaps the most profound promise in his life:

"I love you forever."