suddenly tired

Zhong Lei looked at the rearview mirror and asked Zhao Xinyu, "Are you asleep?"

"Well, I'm tired. I haven't slept since I came back from the hospital last night, and I don't move. I just sit."

Seeing that Zhong Lei didn't answer, Zhao Xinyu went on to say: "Brother Lei, please, don't ignore him during this time? Even if you pretend for a while, it will be fine to keep him from breaking down so much, okay?"

"Ah."

The sun peeked out from the clouds, and then all jumped out. Zhong Lei raised his hand and put down the sun visor. There were few cars on this newly opened road, the road was wide, and there were no trees or shelters. It was desolate like the west In the desert, there was even a glare that only appeared in midsummer on the road, which hurt his eyes.He still remembered the vigorous and upright figure at the entrance of the hotel a few days ago, and now the man lay there as if he had melted, all because death happened overnight without warning.

"His mother, why did he die?" he asked.

"Heart failure, in fact, has occurred several times before, this time combined with multiple organ failure."

"Oh. Is it painful?... At that time."

"Of course, you don't know that he called yesterday, but his dad didn't answer, and then he went into the ICU by himself, said goodbye to his mother, and when he came out, his eyes were straight, and he didn't cry. Scary."

"Well... I'm asking about his mother."

"Oh, that's not painful. I'm in a deep coma, which is equivalent to passing away in my sleep."

"That's okay. Then these next things..."

"My dad went to do it and found a funeral service. Ji Sumian doesn't need to do anything, as long as he participates. Oh yes, he needs to go to choose a cemetery."

"Okay, thank you Brother Zhao, call me if you need something."

Zhong Lei drove the car into the courtyard of the tavern familiarly, put Ji Sumian on his back, and said, "I took him home."

"Hey, then tomorrow..."

"Call me if you have anything to do. I've been watching him for the past few days."

Ji Sumian woke up once when he got out of the car, but he resisted this awakening, it was too sad to wake up.It was the second time that Zhong Lei walked this distance with him behind his back. He had so much to say, but he didn't know where to start. He said softly: "Brother Lei, I listened to you and worked hard. Promoted."

"Ah."

"Brother Lei, are you tired, let me down."

"Need not."

"Brother Lei, my mother is gone, and my father doesn't want to see me..."

"Your dad...give him a process to deal with his emotions."

"Brother Lei, I don't have a mother anymore, I feel very sad, but my heart is actually... a little more at ease, I don't have to worry about my phone ringing every day, or the hospital calling me,... tell me, am I too heartless? , am I... a bad son?"

"You're not, you can't say that about yourself." Zhong Lei was extremely depressed. It wasn't just death, but Ji Sumian tore up his conscience and told him, which made you feel sad, "It makes you feel that the dust has settled. It's not that your mother is gone, it's the disease, it's over."

Ji Sumian didn't speak any more, just gritted his teeth and shed tears secretly, his shoulders twitched but he didn't dare to cry out, he was afraid that if he opened his mouth, the choking sound was too pitiful, as if it was deliberately performed.He really wanted to continue to fall asleep, but his heart didn't listen to the instructions, but beat faster and faster. He could feel the silence of the two of them superimposed on his body, expanding and expanding. His ears could hear the beating sound of his heart, but his brain There was silence.

He took a deep breath and said in a voice as stable as possible: "Can you...can you forgive me?"

Zhong Lei didn't say anything more, he walked to the door of the unit, put Ji Sumian down, pulled his arm to pull him in, kissed him gently inside the door, wiped away the tears on his face with his fingers, as if wiping a A lost and found, cherished old thing.

The iron door moved slowly behind them and closed with a "bang". They both trembled at the same time and even laughed.

They held hands all the way up the stairs, walking neither fast nor slow, so that Ji Sumian had time to review some beautiful clips about the stairs. When they walked to the door of the house, Zhong Lei said, "Go to bed early tonight."

"I don't want to sleep. Brother Lei."

They were still holding hands, even sweating a little, Zhong Lei couldn't bear to look at him, his eyes were hot, but also painful, you can't feel any lust for those eyes, but feel more distressed.

He let go of his arms and hugged Zhong Lei's waist. The latter's arms were hanging in the air, he didn't know where to put them, and he seemed at a loss.

"Brother Lei...don't let me go."

"Yeah. I won't go, I won't go again." His hand dropped, and he rubbed him into his arms, holding him tightly until he felt the arms around him gradually soften, as if his heart was at ease, "But You have to be obedient and go to sleep."

He bent down, picked him up in the way Ji Sumian never forgot, walked into his previous room, and put him on the bed, "Good night."

On the way up the stairs, he heard a rush of footsteps, and Ji Sumian chased them barefoot, without shoes on.Without saying anything, he threw Zhong Lei down on the stairs, like a wild animal hunting for prey.

Zhong Lei only felt that his back was sore, but he didn't dare to push him, the stairs were still a bit steep, afraid that he would roll down, he could only grab his waist, and let him play wild on him.He felt himself bound by a giant octopus, sucking and biting, burning his skin like a branding iron.It was too uncomfortable, what was supposed to be a romantic affair turned into survival in the deep sea, he couldn't move, until Ji Sumian put his hand into his belt, a slight tremor took over his body.

He turned away slightly, and said in a low voice, "Su Mian, don't, you...be obedient and go to sleep."

Ji Sumian closed her mouth tightly, stared at his eyes and shook her head.

"Your current state...is not suitable."

Still shaking his head, and while shaking his head, he shed tears.

This... forcing yourself to take advantage of others?Zhong Lei was also a little confused, and the remaining rationality made him say: "Don't stay here, let's go upstairs, shall we?"

Ji Sumian kept shaking her head, as if Zhong Lei would disappear in smoke if she let go of her body.

—Forget it, whatever you want.

Zhong Lei felt that this was the most painful time he had ever experienced in his life, it was so fucking painful, he was not in the mood to experience happiness at all, in order not to let Ji Sumian fall, his back was firmly pressed on the stairs, And the hammering followed the rhythm, it was really torture, and the person in front of him was still crying, this kind of physical and psychological torture lasted until the end.

Ji Sumian lay on his chest for a while, and finally she was willing to leave the stairs. Zhong Lei carried him up the stairs, hugged him and lay down, stroking his back: "Don't cry, the house will be flooded by you soon." gone."

Laughing with sobs, it sounded particularly aggrieved.

"elder brother……"

"Huh? What's wrong?"

"There's nothing uncomfortable, I just think you're amazing."

"Amazing fart! It's like performing acrobatics. I'm exhausted."

Ji Sumian laughed again: "It's quite awkward, but it's still very powerful."

"Really? But I feel that this is the result of teamwork, and you are also very good."

Ji Sumian let out a snort, but tears welled up again in the next second: "Thank you for making me forget for a while..."

This ability to cry and laugh at the same time is something Zhong Lei does not possess and cannot understand, so he can only rub his hair and kiss his forehead to comfort him.

Originally, he wanted him to go to bed early, but now neither of them could fall asleep. Zhong Lei opened the curtains of the attic, and they lay down and looked at the night sky.Tonight is cloudy and there are no stars. Ji Sumian's imaginary embrace and the temperature of nostalgia are all around him, making him gradually calm down from the great sorrow and joy.

"Brother Lei, you really don't want me to go?"

"I don't want to, I smashed it in my hand."

"Then, is there anything else you want to ask me?"

"Is there anything you don't like?"

"what?"

"You used to say that everything I did was delicious, but people have different tastes. They can't like everything like a pig."

"Don't look down on pigs, pigs are adaptable. ——I, I don't eat lettuce and onions. I feel sick after eating these two things, but I don't reject them appearing on the plate, as long as I don't eat them. .”

"How did you live in America for so many years without eating onions?"

"That's why I always send private messages to you to ask for recipes! That gourmet show you ran alone back then, I really followed every episode, and now it's still in my hard drive!"

"People's hard drive is full of games, small movies and so on. You can save a cooking show, it's really good."

"Your cooking show is my little movie."

"Fuck you, stop talking, I'm afraid of your divergent thinking. Hey, did your parents really meet in Myanmar?"

"Yeah, my dad didn't work for a long time. He went on a business trip with the leader and met my mom. My mom was in her junior year and went on a trip with her classmates..."

Zhong Lei fell asleep listening to his storytelling, and when his thoughts were about to drift away, he was pulled back again.

"Hey, guess what?"

"Huh?... What's the matter?"

"My mother actually dropped out of school and came to find my father."

"Huh? Why did you drop out of school?"

"Didn't I just say that my grandfather firmly disagrees and sent someone to watch over my mother, so she can't go anywhere except university."

"Oh."

"You said... there is a family tradition about dropping out of school."

"Cut, what are you talking about! Your mother is active, you are passive, it's different."

"So later, they let me take pre-law courses, which can be regarded as making up for my mother's regrets back then."

"Your mother studied law?"

"Yes, as I said just now, she is studying law at the University of Hong Kong, and it is said that her grades are very good."

"Hong Kong University... Does your family have any prestigious school complex..."

They were chatting like this, Ji Sumian gradually lost his voice, but his mouth was still opening and closing, like a fish in water, Zhong Lei looked amused, bowed his head and kissed, the little fish closed his mouth, Totally asleep.But he couldn't sleep anymore, he still remembered the touch of Ji Sumian's body just now, the skin was soft and delicate, sweaty and slippery, it also felt like a fish to the touch, and the sound he made was so nice, - hiss, then The pain from his back stopped his imagination, as if he had been cut several times by a blunt knife. "Next time, don't be in that uncomfortable place. The difficulty factor is too high and it will affect your performance." He smiled and pulled the fish steak into his arms. His heart was still throbbing with the pain and happiness of his body. But it has gradually calmed down.