I lost my memory after throwing the ball and running over the total crematorium

Half a month later, the attending doctor of the team of psychologists who had been treating He Jingnian told Yuan Cisheng good news.

After several professional psychological tests, He Jingnian's mental condition proved to be tending to be good, which means that he has successfully passed the important stage of mental recovery.

The original voice asked: "So, you mean, his mental trauma has been healed?"

"That's right." The attending doctor nodded with certainty, "Thanks to having you by his side to help him get out of the haze. Now, his mental state has been maintained at the same level as a normal person. As for the misplaced memory, although It hasn't recovered yet, but based on my experience, it will self-correct soon."

The doctor in charge became happier and happier as he talked.However, he found that the original voice of the patient was just listening silently, and there was no joyful expression on his face.Strange, obviously he cared so much about the patient's condition before.Could it be that he was too happy and didn't know how to react for a while?

"The content of your treatment is completely confidential, and I didn't want to ask too much before." The original speech said, "Can you tell me now, what is the real cause of his pain that you discovered during the treatment?" ?”

"Well... I'm sorry, but we can't judge it accurately. But judging from the current situation, it should be what you think. You hurt your lover a lot in the past, and the hurt and forgetfulness made him painful."

Yuanci lowered his head and fell into quiet thinking again.After a while, he stood up, "Thank you."

The doctor stopped him, "Are you going to tell your lover about that in a few days?"

The original voice asked, "Is there any question?"

The doctor advised: "Remember to be as tactful as possible, not too direct. You should also try to appease his emotions and keep the stimulation to a minimum."

Yuan Ci nodded, "I know."

He knows, has always known, and has been brewing in his heart countless times, how to tell He Jingnian the news.However, when this moment really came, he found that he still couldn't speak, his lips trembled, and he couldn't utter a word.

"Niannian." After returning home, as soon as Yuan Cisheng entered the door, he stretched out his arms and gently hugged He Jingnian into his arms.In a trance, he had a firm intuition that maybe this was the last time he hugged him.

He Jingnian didn't know why he was acting like this all of a sudden, he could only understand the sadness shining in his eyes.Yuan Cisheng couldn't stand being stared at by him with ignorant and innocent eyes, and reached out to cover his eyes.

"Niannian, I'm sorry. We may not be able to keep this baby in our womb."

The person in his arms froze for a moment.

Most of He Jingnian's face was covered by his hands, but he still seemed to be able to see the unbelievable expression on his face.He heard He Jingnian ask him: "What are you talking about?"

"When you were pregnant with this baby, your physical and mental state were very bad. The doctor said that giving birth to a baby is also a matter of the right time and place. So... every year, the baby may not be destined for us. The baby... can't Stay with us again."

His voice trembled violently, a hole was pierced in his heart, and every time he uttered a word, life gurgled out.He was desperate and had no choice but to hug the person in his arms tightly, coax him, and comfort him. It was all his fault. It was him who made him conceive another child. Loved him, but hurt him again.

However, no amount of consolation and apology is useless, words and tears are equally pale, and even the hugging movements of the bodies close to each other are ridiculously weak and ridiculous.Yuan Cisheng closed his eyes tightly, he never had the courage to look at his wife, and he didn't even dare to feel his existence.He was terrified, He Jingnian kept silent, even his body seemed to lose its temperature.

He Jingnian doesn't want him anymore.

It must be... I won't want him again.

The voice of Yuan Ci remained motionless, his whole body was numb and immersed in great fear.All the blood rushed to the top of the head, and suddenly froze into ice.

Until there was a warm and soft touch on his face, he hurriedly opened his eyelashes, only to see that He Jingnian was gently wiping away the tears on his cheeks.

"You don't need to apologize..." He Jingnian choked up, exhaling a hot and sour breath from his lips. "I know, no matter what you do, you just want to be good to me. Don't tell me... It's not because you want to hide it from me, but because you're afraid that I'll be sad."

The original speech was stunned.He imagined He Jingnian's reaction countless times, thinking how he would hate himself and blame himself, but never once did he think that He Jingnian would comfort himself in turn.

"Niannian, don't you...don't hate me?"

He Jingnian shook his head, put his arms around his neck, and cried softly against his shoulder: "How can I blame you? I am sad, and you will only be more sad than me. And... don't think that I don't know anything , I'm just confused, and I'm not stupid. After going to the hospital for an examination last time, I've already noticed it a little bit."

The voice of the original speech caressed his sweaty, hot and soft heart from crying, and his finger bones trembled uncontrollably.He couldn't speak, and there was only one thought buzzing in his head——

It wasn't over, his dream wasn't over.

He would rather die in the dream than wake up from this dream

The next day, He Jingnian was taken to the hospital.The doctor finished the examination for him, and after three days of observation in the hospital, he was notified that he could prepare for the induced labor operation.

He Jingnian has a special physique, and his genital cavity is relatively narrow and too delicate. Not only is the probability of successfully conceiving a child lower, but the risk of abortion surgery is also higher.When the problem was first detected, the doctor did not recommend immediate surgery, saying that during this period, the child is growing slowly and the bones are hardening, which is easy to cause damage. In addition, the gestational sac is too small, and excessive or residual bleeding may occur.

"Don't worry, your wife will be fine. According to the test results, now is the best time for abortion surgery, and we are very confident that the potential risks will be minimized."

Although the doctor said so, Yuan Ci still couldn't control his emotions when he saw He Jingnian being pushed into the operating room.He waited outside, his whole body was hot and cold, and his nervous heartbeat made his chest ache.He recalled the night when He Jingnian had a car accident, and he was like now, unable to do anything for him, trembling in vain.

He raised his head, which was buried deep in his arms, and rubbed his eyes.In a trance, he deeply tasted a little bit of fate.In this dream that may end at any time, he seems to have made all the right choices and embarked on the right path, but the result is still like this, and He Jingnian will still be injured because of him.

Why, he just can't change anything?Over and over again, it will always fall into an unsolvable deadlock again.

The operation didn't take long, and He Jingnian was pushed out after more than an hour.When the doctor saw Yuan Cisheng waiting outside, he couldn't help being startled. Although he was used to seeing the sad faces of countless patients' family members, he had never had a heartbroken Yuan Cisheng like Yuan Cisheng.

He quickly took off his mask and said, "Don't worry, the operation was very successful. Stay in bed for two to three days, and then pay more attention to rest, take anti-inflammatory drugs on time, and don't have sex for two months. It should be soon." It can be recovered without any sequelae."

Yuan Ci said thanks in a low voice, and went into the ward to see He Jingnian.He Jingnian was given general anesthesia, and at the moment he was still in a deep sleep, his face and lips pale with blood.

After standing by the hospital bed for a while, Yuan Cisheng sat down with cold hands and feet, his strength was drained all of a sudden, as if all the blood on his body had been completely drained.

In the evening, the effect of the anesthetic wore off, and He Jingnian finally woke up.He blinked his eyes very slowly, his vision was blurred, as if separated by a layer of fog.

"Niannian, how do you feel now?" He saw the figure of Yuan Cisheng approaching, "Does it hurt? Does it hurt? Tell me if you feel uncomfortable, and I will call the doctor right away."

He Jingnian shook his head, raised his little finger to hook his sleeve, and signaled him not to leave.

"Don't worry, I won't leave." Yuan Cisheng wanted to shake his hand, but realized that he was still on a drip, the needle was inserted into a light blue blood vessel, and a small group of bruises bloomed on the skin on the back of his hand, which was so thin that it was almost transparent.

Yuan Ci lowered his head, his breathing was rapid and trembling, and his emotions once again fell into the verge of losing control.He Jingnian looked at him as if he had made a big mistake, and told him in a weak voice: "I'm fine."

Yuan Ci bit his lower lip tightly, his chest and lungs hurt like a knife, he couldn't speak, but shook his head.He Jingnian couldn't see his expression, and after a long time, he heard him say in a hoarse voice with great difficulty: "I'm wondering... am I really wrong."

He Jingnian nodded lightly, "You shouldn't have kept it from me for so long."

The head of the original speech lowered even lower, "Niannian, I am the one who is sorry for you. I... harmed you."

"If you'd told me from the very beginning, you wouldn't have to hold it in your heart all the time, it's so uncomfortable." He Jingnian moved his fingers slightly, and gently covered his hand. "I am with you because I hope to face everything with you."

"When you were pregnant, I didn't treat you well. I thought I would finally have a chance to start over this time, but the result didn't change at all." Yuan Cisheng closed his eyes in pain, and put his hands on his knees Clenched into fists, "It seems... It seems that as long as you are with me, you will always be hurt."

He Jingnian reached out his hand slowly, stroked his hair, and said, "You raise your head up, I don't like to see you like this."

The voice of the original speech did not move at all, and there was no response.

"The child is the child of both of us. If we insist on saying who is at fault, it is also the fault of both of us."

In the blink of an eye, He Jingnian's hand dropped limply. Just such a movement exhausted all his strength.He was very tired, closed his eyes uncontrollably, and fell into a deep sleep again.

A dream so deep that it seems impossible to see to the end.

In the dream, I was enduring the same unbearable sharp pain in my lower abdomen. It seemed to be raining heavily in the sky. Someone hugged me tightly, whimpering and crying, and kept apologizing to myself.

He knew that that person was Yuan Cisheng, and Yuan Cisheng was also apologizing for hurting him.However, I don't hate him, or in other words, none of those things are enough to be the reason why I really hate him.He really wanted to know why he was in pain, but he could only dive to the surface of his dreams, he couldn't really open his heart.

It was two o'clock in the morning when I woke up. I woke up in pain, and my whole body was covered in cold sweat.He Jingnian wanted to turn sideways and hug his painful abdomen for a while, but his hand was restrained by the infusion needle, and he dared not move.

The light from the street lamp penetrated through the leaves of the trees and diffused in from under the curtains.With such a dim light, He Jingnian looked at Yuan Cisheng who was lying asleep beside the bed.

His curly hair is scattered on his shoulders, very messy, but because of Yung Hua's beauty, he can be as beautiful as he wants.The exposed side is as white as snow, but not as pale as snow, revealing the freshness of white rose petals.The dim and pale street lights fell on him, making him feel unbelievably dreamy.

He Jingnian looked at him for a while, then turned his head away, not because he didn't want to look, but because he was afraid that he would be confused again.

He remembered another fairy tale that Liao Xia told him back then. Every night, when the moon was high, the goddess of the moon would cover her face with colorful clouds and come to the world to kiss those shepherd boys she loved.People who have been kissed by her will have colorful and romantic fantasies in their minds.Some of them will become poets, and some will become lunatics who don't want dreams and reality.

And Liao Xia, Liao Xia didn't need to kiss him, he didn't even need to see that beautiful face with his own eyes, just hearing that wonderfully pronounced name in his ears was enough to make him willing to be drunk forever.

He Jingnian lowered his head, and the hand that didn't lift the needle deeply inserted into his hair.With the scalp and skull between the palms, he wanted to stick it closer to the Liao Xia in his memory.Although the original voice was right beside him and within reach, he still stubbornly chose such a method.

He closed his eyes tightly and tried to meet his beloved Liao Xia briefly, but no matter how hard he tried, he still failed.Probably because he still can't ignore the presence of the original voice, the presence of the original voice means that Liao Xia is not there, and this paradox makes him sad.But obviously Yuan Cisheng and Liao Xia are the same person, as much as I love Liao Xia, I should love Yuan Cisheng as much.

The voices from the dream just now echoed in my ears, the voices of rain, snow, men, and children.The surroundings were quiet and silent, but a drama of ups and downs was rumbling in his mind.Those messy images were synchronized with the bursts of pain in his stomach, rolling over his body and spirit like a wheel studded with blades.

He Jingnian curled up under the blanket and sealed himself up.He wants to sleep, fall asleep quickly, and when he falls asleep, there will be no pain, and he will no longer be cranky.But the feeling of being isolated in the darkness like a vacuum was too uncomfortable. He lifted the quilt and reached out to Yuan Cisheng, wanting to touch his hair and hold his fingertips.Suddenly, there was a blur in front of my eyes, as if there were layers of ripples rippling on the retina.

Then, he saw Yuan Cisheng's figure gradually blurred, transforming into an image of a shimmering young man.

The pure white boy, the beautiful boy, the little prince who came out of a picture book of fairy tales, lived on his body for a whole winter.Snow began to fall in the air, but it didn't feel cold. Every grain of the snow that fell because of him shone like stardust.

He Jingnian was caught between dream and reality, staring fixedly at him with tears in his eyes.This was his original love, the love that hadn't grown up, the love that hadn't abandoned that wonderfully pronounced name, his love, his favorite.

He loves him with a love that is indescribable, immeasurable, and never ending.

but--

The moment he was about to touch the original speech, He Jingnian withdrew his hand like an electric shock.

The bright moon in the water cannot be grasped, and as soon as the hand is stretched in, it will be smashed into turbid foam.

The pain in his abdomen after the operation pulled him back to reality.

Now, it is not winter but summer, the sky does not snow, and the original speech is still the original speech.

He exhaled tremblingly, and realized helplessly and regretfully that in his never-ending love for Liao Xia, he had experienced pain and also gained happiness. He had a sweet and lovely daughter and just lost a child. .All of this is the most real and vivid experience, using time as a carving knife, stroke by stroke, deeply engraved into his life ring.

At the same time, with another stroke, all traces of Liao Xia's existence were wiped away.

He Jingnian bent down, buried his face in his palms, and shrugged his shoulders slightly.After what seemed like a long time, he raised his head and wiped his red and hot cheeks vigorously a few times.

It's time to wake up, he thought.

Waking up at last, he thought.