Night Labyrinth

Saturday, January 2014, 2

Chinese New Year, go home.

Repeated year after year, getting less and less old-fashioned.

I'm missing Luffy.

I know we're done for good.

But I miss her so much.

Saturday, January 2014, 2

Lin Yue came out to his family.

He was beaten up by his father and almost never came back.

Yesterday his boyfriend came to see him, hugged him and cried, and then I consciously went out for a walk.

I thought that if I had confessed my love to Lu Fei back then, would we have to do the same today.

Friday, November 2014, 2

No matter what, Lin Yue and the others insisted.

The two of them went out to play today, talking and laughing.

That's great, hope they keep it up.

Monday, March 2014, 5

Today Lin Yue told me that his family's attitude has finally eased a bit, and they still disagree, but the opposition is not so strong, and it seems that there are signs of loosening.

I wish them success!

If it was me and Lu Fei, would we be able to get to this point?

Forget it, time has passed for so long, why do you still think about her, or she has already forgotten me.

Speaking of which, she is about to graduate, so I don't know what her plans are for the future.

Sunday, July 2014, 6

I met Li Le from high school today. I haven’t contacted him since I graduated. I didn’t expect him to be in Beijing.

We chatted for a while, and then we talked about that funny boy in high school. Li Le told me that he was gone.

I was taken aback and said how could it be, wasn't he chasing after a girl in the next class at that time, saying that he would wait until she was 25 years old.

Li Le sighed and said that if there is something to do, he should do it sooner, and if he dies, he will lose everything.

Then we left our contact information and said goodbye.

I thought about whether I should have told Lu Fei earlier that I liked her, no matter what, at least let her know.

Thursday, May 2014, 7

On the night of June 6th, Lu Fei called me at 30 o'clock at night.

The phone was turned off that day and I didn't receive it, but the SMS reminder business told me the next day.

When I woke up in the morning and saw it, I was a little dazed holding my phone.

Does this mean that Lu Fei is still waiting for me?

I know that this year the school will handle the formalities for leaving school for graduates on July 7st, so does that mean that Lu Fei called me on the carnival night?

Did she still want to make it clear to me on the last night out of school?

There was a burst of ecstasy in my heart, and I wanted to call her back.

At this time, the mobile phone rang, and I saw that it was my mother.

When I picked it up, I heard her cry, and said that I should go back and say that grandma is dying.

After hanging up the phone, I hurriedly booked a train ticket, and then asked for leave from the company.

But it was too late when I got home, and I didn't even see my grandma for the last time.

My mother was really sad, and I wanted to spend more time with her, so I asked the company for a one-month long vacation.

As a result, she accidentally fell a few days ago. The doctor said it was quite serious, and the muscles and bones were broken, and it would take at least a hundred days.

I asked the company for another two months' leave, and the company agreed.

My mother was not in a good mood when she came in. That day she took my hand and said, "He Lin, I will rely on you from now on."

The voice is desolate.

I held her hand back and said, "Mom, don't worry, I'm here."

From now on, I will take responsibility for this family, and I will be the pillar of this family.

Tuesday, January 2014, 8

When I was watching TV with my mother just now, a funny scene of a man and a man kissing suddenly appeared in a TV series.

My mother smiled when she saw it, and then said, "Young people nowadays are really..."

At that time, I asked out of my head, "If I find a woman, would you accept it?"

My mother stared at me for a moment, and I realized how serious I was when I asked.

I quickly laughed twice and said I was joking.

My mother also smiled and said that the child should not talk nonsense.

I think her voice is a little flustered.

We continued to watch TV after that, but nothing to talk about.

Am I doing something wrong.

Saturday, January 2014, 8

My mother's injury was much better, and she told me today, "He Lin, you are not young anymore, you might as well go on a blind date while you are back for a long time."

The moment I heard this, I felt like the word "blind date" exploded in my head like a landmine.

Never considered this question before.

I didn't expect that one day I might have something to do with this kind of thing.

No, it wasn't, but after realizing his feelings for Lu Fei, he never thought about such things again.

In fact, if I followed my previous life plan and worked hard to be free for a few more years, I guess it would be this kind of blind date and marriage routine in the end.

But Lu Fei made me start to rethink. If it is said that getting married because of the love that I have always despised before may not necessarily lead to happiness, then can a marriage that has no relationship at the beginning really be safe until a hundred years?

In fact, I was just too uncertain about the future, so I chose the seemingly safest way, at least in this way I will not get hurt when the time comes.

I said to my mother, "I'm just working now, nothing has settled down, and it's still too early for a blind date."

My mother said, "It's getting late, you're 24, it's time to think about it."

I said, "I really don't have time right now. I'll go back to Beijing after the [-]th. I'll have a blind date here and I won't be able to see each other. Sooner or later I'll be yellow."

My mother just laughed and said, "Then when are you going to wait until you retire? Any problem can be solved, but it will be too late."

I had to say, "I'm just starting to work now, I really don't have the energy to think about that, let's talk about it next year."

But in fact, what I thought in my heart was, can any problem really be solved?So what if I say I like a girl?

Just when I couldn't tell when and why, I fell in love with Lu Fei.

I love it so much that my heart aches just thinking about her.

Now that she has graduated, she doesn't know what she's doing, what job she's looking for, and whether her life is peaceful or vigorous.

I wish her happiness.

Saturday, January 2014, 9

Mom, I'm sorry.Luffy, I'm sorry.

Today, under my mother's repeated requests, I finally went on a blind date.

He is the son of my mother's friend. He has just returned from studying abroad. He has a degree, is energetic, and knows everything.

But when I sat down across from him, the first thing I said was, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come on a blind date."

The boy froze for a moment, then asked me politely, "May I know why?"

I said "Because I already have someone I like." After I finished speaking, I turned around and left, leaving him there.

I don't know why I was so impulsive today.

But when I was on my way to a blind date, my head was full of Lu Fei.

The thought of giving her up for good and for all made me so sad that I couldn't calm down anymore.

I was wandering aimlessly in the street alone, looking at the dancing aunts and children playing in the square, looking at the blue sky, somehow I thought, what would happen now if I had promised Lu Fei earlier?

Are we already happily together, or are we finally separated because of the pressure of family and reality?

Thinking about it makes me want to call her.

But what am I going to say?

Lu Fei, I like you, elope with me.

Then I drop everything and run to her city and take her away?

Back home, my mother was sitting alone in the room, she saw me turn around, her face was very sad, she asked me, "Do you already have someone you like?"

I felt sad for a while, watching my mother not talking.

She asked again why he didn't tell her.

I said, "I'm sorry, Mom, I just don't know what to tell you."

My mother had a hard time opening her mouth this time, and it took her a long time to ask. She asked, "Is that person a girl?"

I burst into tears and I said, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

That's all I can say.

My mother cried too, she said she didn't blame me, it was all because of her and my dad, it was all because of this family, she said she was sorry for me.

I said no, it has nothing to do with anyone, it is my own business.

We just apologized to each other, hugged each other and cried.

For the first time, I felt so powerless.

I never felt so incompetent even on my worst days.

I don't know what to do with myself.

I am sorry.

I am sorry.

I am sorry.

Saturday, January 2014, 10

My mother's injury is no longer a problem, and it's time for me to go back to Beijing.

Three months, so fast.

A lot happened.

Since confessing to my mother that day, we have been keeping quiet about it for half a month, and we have carefully maintained this peace.

The luggage has been packed and the ticket has been bought. Now I am lying in bed and cannot sleep.

I'm leaving the city again, again and again, I don't know how many times I have to repeat it.

I can't see where my future is, what it looks like.

So be it, muddle along.

Monday, March 2014, 10

Lin Yue also came back from home today.

He told me he brought his boyfriend home, and although there was some silence, at least it was all calm.

It seems that I haven't seen him in the past three months, and his progress is quite fast. I congratulate him.

He saw that I was not in a good mood, so he asked what was wrong, and I told him that I also came out.

He was taken aback and said it was true or not, so I told him everything after I got home.

He asked me what to do next, and I said I didn't know.

He asked why he didn't contact Lu Fei.

I said so what if I contacted, I don't want to hurt anyone anymore.

Lin Yue looked at me for a long time, and finally said, "He Lin, if you are afraid, then find a sun and be her sunflower, so you only need to turn towards her."

After speaking, he went out.

I thought can I?

Lu Fei used to surround me like a little sunflower all day long. I rejected her so many times and hurt her so many times, but she refused to stop.

In fact, she is the sun that radiates heat all the time. I want to be her sunflower, but do I have this chance?

Sunday, July 2014, 10

Just now I called my mother to chat about some homework.

Just before hanging up the phone, my mother suddenly said to me, "He Lin, if you have someone you like, just go with her."

I froze for a moment and said, "What?"

Then my mother said, "You have worked hard all these years. My mother thinks that the most important thing now is that you are happy."

At that moment, I couldn't help but burst into tears, and I said, "Mom, thank you."

My mother also cried at the other end, she said, "You have to know, no matter when, mother loves you."

After hanging up the phone, I thought I was so happy, I was simply the happiest person in the world.

Lin Yue saw me crying and quickly asked me what was wrong.

I said it's okay, I'm just so happy, I'm so happy.

He also looked surprised and asked me, "Your family agrees?"

I said yes and we hugged excitedly.

Lin Yue said that in the future, he and her boyfriend, my girlfriend and I, the four of us can hang out together.

I just think about it and think that the picture is so beautiful.

Lin Yue asked me if I told Lu Fei, I said no, and then I asked him what should I say.

Lin Yue laughed and said you are stupid.

I said probably so, now that my head doesn't seem to be my own, I said that I haven't contacted Lu Fei for almost a year, and I didn't answer Lu Fei's call at the beginning of July.

Lin Yue said there was nothing difficult about it, just call and say "I like you", if you think it's not formal enough, just buy a train ticket and run over, anyway, it's so close.

I think so too, after such a long time, I can finally like Lu Fei well.

I want to go straight to her and say that I want to stand in front of her right now.

I should think about it, I'm so happy.

Monday, March 2014, 10

Lu Fei, this is the first time I write to you.

It is now 2014 am on February 10, 27.

The first time I lost sleep over you was the night of my senior year when I told you "I don't believe in love".

The second time is when you come to Beijing and meet my "boyfriend".

Tonight is the third time I've finally been able to work up the courage to confess to you.

I know I've put it off for so long that we both suffer from it.

At first I was unsure of my feelings and unwilling to look them in the eye.

I'm just enjoying the secret love you gave me, but I don't want to give at all.

Because I'm scared, I don't dare to jump into a relationship lightly, I'm a coward, I refuse to start because I'm afraid it will end.

At that time, I often thought that many people came and went from my life, they accompanied me this season, but in the end it was only me left.So I don't need to invest too much emotion, as long as enough is enough, so that I won't feel too uncomfortable when I leave.

At that time, I thought that life was a miss, and I only hope that you and I are safe.

But later I realized that it was not that others refused to stay, but that I locked my heart, rejected everyone, and prevented anyone from entering my life.

I don't understand why you have persisted for so long for a person like me, and have been hurt by me so many times, yet you have never left.

I don't understand why a timid and selfish person like me deserves your love. You said that you think I have an indifferent temperament, but I secretly tell you that I often pretend.You said that I seem to be the only one in my world, it doesn't matter, it will be just the two of us in the future.You said my voice is very nice, then I will tell you what you want to hear in the future.

That night I told you that being in love was too naive, but in fact I was too naive. I went on my own way for so long, so long that I almost missed you.

You're right, I'm not having a good time.In fact, my life was empty like a nightmare, so empty that a gust of cold wind could blow right through my body.

I have retreated again and again because of my timidity, the oppression of reality, and family disputes, but now I am ready for everything.

Lu Fei, I want to be with you for a long time, ten times longer than my previous life.

In the future, we may experience a lot of ups and downs and hardships, and we may have conflicts and even quarrels, but I want to bear all this with you, and I want to find a solution together.

I don't believe in this world, I don't believe in love, but I believe in you.I believe that as long as we have you by our side, we can get through everything.

I used to think that you were like a tireless little sunflower. Whenever I saw me, I raised your golden petals and smiled at me.But then I discovered that you are a dazzling sun that illuminated my originally dim life and warmed my overwhelmed heart.

I want to be your sunflower, can you give me this chance?

I think you will understand when you see these diaries and flowers, I have done so many wrong things before, and hurt you so many times intentionally or unintentionally, now I will tell you all my secrets, I promise what I said here Every word is serious, and I will never hide from you again.

Let me get to know you, take care of you, and stay with you all the time, okay?Let me hold your hand, no matter what happens to me from now on, I will never let go.

It should be your birthday when you receive these diaries, so happy 23rd birthday!

There is another sentence, in fact, I have wanted to say this sentence for a long time, I hope it is not too late.

Lu Fei, I like you.

The author has something to say:

There is a problem with the timing of this chapter. In fact, such a big bug was created to match a detail later.

Then the diary massacre ends here, and tomorrow we will return to Lu Fei's perspective.